The Kupo Report (original) (raw)

Style

Lady Yuna: From Class to Trash

An article written by: Kuppop, a staff writer.

What the hell happened, Kupo? Here we have a prime example of what happens when people misplace their boyfriends in the Besaid ocean, snort too much cocaine, and decide that that curtain over the living room window of the hut would make a great complement to booty shorts. I am not judging, I am just stating the obvious, Kupo.

Two years ago, lady Yuna was revered for her modesty, and even more so for her style. Admittedly, she was a bit of a plain Jane, but it worked for her. The lavender skirt with the specs of dandruff on it (she always did have terrible dandruff problems), and the urine-stained bow at the back of her half-kimono half-kite ensemble always screamed of elegance. Or at least, white trash that appeared to be elegant. Not to mention, Yuna’s leg-warmers-turned-arm-warmers-with-bubble-gum-stained-drapes were the envy of every little girl and….well the occasional boy.

Not only that, but Yuna’s summoner’s outfit screamed of eco-friendliness. Did you know that her boots are actually recycled shoopuff poop? Yes, my faithful readers, Yuna was very eco-friendly. The ribbon used to tie together her arm-drapes are even recycled. She reportedly was given the ribbon as a gift from her departed friend Aerith. There are still red stains on the underside of the ribbon where Masamune gleefully had a finger-painting party all over Aerith Gainsborough (Sephiroth still claims that he was doing the world a great justice – a lot of us agree).

Now days, Yuna is sporting a different style. We like to call it slutty-meets-house hold appliances. For example, we already mentioned the curtain from Yuna’s besaid hut that she used as decoration for her barely-there shorts. According to an anonymous source, the shorts are actually just underwear and not actually jean shorts like most people suspect. The coffee jackets that Yuna now wears on her arms have been criticized by many. People feel that she has discredited Luca’s Lattes and given them a bad rep by using their coffee jackets as a fashion accessory.

Also, there is the issue of Yuna’s hair. Suddenly, over a span of two years, it has grown to be about 25 feet long. As if that wasn’t shocking enough, she turned the hair into a red rope so that she could, quote, “Use it to climb up tall buildings, tee hee!”. SPETA is apparently outraged at the rope, citing claims that it is made from the skin of a basilisk. Yuna has been on the run from them for a while now.

To further exemplify Yuna’s poor stylistic choices, we examine her barely-there tank-top made from different colored coffee filters. The fringe at the bottom is credited to, “The Lucanian crazy scissor designs for kids ages 3-5,” Yuna states proudly. Holding the top together are two large rubber bands, tied around Yuna’s waist. Rumors have been floating around that this is really a magical girdle that has been hiding the extra 200 pounds Yuna has been carrying. The only normal accessories seem to be the beading in Yuna’s hair and the gun holster on her waist.

Two other aspects we should mention are Yuna’s pink hero-cape and a tar made model of her sea-lodged boyfriend’s signature symbol on her chest. Overall, we call this a fashion…

FAIL