Wings And A Pair (original) (raw)

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• Man With Undetected Pancreatic Tumor Finally Starts Flossing

• Theater Staff Lets Man Go Right On Masturbating In Otherwise Empty ‘Melania’ Screening

• Drunk Man Casts Eye Around Bar For Someone To Cherish, Hold, Spend Rest Of Life With

• Purple Applies For Primary Color Status

• Foolhardy Scratch-Off Ticket Offers Absurd 6 Ways To Win

• Couple Married For 50 Years Dies Only 10 Rotations Of Helicopter Blades Apart

• ‘Erm,’ Reports British Novel Protagonist

• ‘Law & Order: SVU’ Writer Struggles To Think Up New, Entertaining Rapes

• All Good Baby Names Already Taken By Ninja Turtles

• Airplane Seatmate Maybe Sinbad

• Mr. Important Loudly Stomps Down Office Hall Holding Laptop

• Man Who Spent Months On Scheme Heartbroken To Hear It Called ‘Harebrained’

• Baby’s First Steps No Match For Push Notification

• Friend Mysteriously Refuses To Download Venmo

• Busty Friend Pulls Flask, Cocktail Glass, Lawn Chair Out Of Cleavage

• Moat Already Paying For Itself

• Amber Alert Describing Wienermobile

• Area Man Man’s Man