Trans Abuse Victims (original) (raw)

[	mood	|	anxious	]

hi, i'm a genderqueer trannyboy living in oakland CA.... one of the many!

so my immediate problem that i want to ask people:
i'm on an online meeting of Survivors of Incest Anonymous. a listserv. and it's good and all, but i'm getting fed up because of the whole "only women are abused" vibe that sometimes happens in the survivor world... this idea that women are victims and men are abusers and it's always your dad and you're always a girl and blah blah blah-dee-blah-blah.

mainly, i'm annoyed because some of the women on the list have been, like, addressing everyone as "gals" or talking about "women's and children's concerns" or whatever, and i'm like... there are other guys on there, people have talked about being guys, could we just... not?

the main straw that broke the camel's back though was today when someone was answering a question about whether it was a list for women only because i guess they were a new member and they had only seen people they assumed were women speak so far... which included me come to think of it, but anyway. and someone replied and very nicely said that there are guys on there and that she loves hearing from the guys and it helps her to know how universal this is or SOMEthing, and how there's also this person named Dani (that would be me) who's "a transgender" and has great recovery or whatever.

i'm like... a transgender? i am not "a" fucking "transgender."

a friend of mine was comparing it to when people talk about "the blacks" or "the gays." "a gay." whatever. it's just annoying and awkward, and also, it's not how i would have described myself in that context.

i probably want to say something in response to it, but also i just want to start an online SIA meeting that's ... whatever. This is my problem: I can't decide whether I want to start a boys' meeting (which would include anyone who self-identified that way in any way) or a meeting for trans folks (of any kind, blah blah self-id ditto). I initially thought boys, but then I had this vision of how equally awkward it could be to talk about my female past in that context and how maybe it would just be letting myself in for the same basic assumptions. and i realized that my image of the people i want to talk to about this stuff, if male, is mostly trannyboys of whatever kind.

so i don't know. I guess partly I'm trying to see if anyone else in the world would be interested in such a list. the one that currently exists (the gender-irrelevant one) is mostly chit-chat and people sharing their experiences and cheering each other on, and also being like "how the fuck do i deal with it?" "well here's how i've dealt with it!" it's pretty good. it's a little high-traffic and gender-normative for me, is all.

also, i'm not a big fan of gender-specific spaces in general. i mean, for myself. so the whole idea confuses me in general. i'm like "that's it! I'm starting my own meeting! Wait... for who?"

there was something else i was going to say about it, and now i don't remember what. that it doesn't have trigger warnings, i think. that being generally a big factor in abuse-related communities online, although not this one, right? i hate trigger warnings :)

i guess i'm leaning toward a trans meeting. the main question: a listserv for trans and other gender-whatevery survivors of any sort of childhood sexual abuse, to talk about our experiences and to recover from them. would anyone want to join it?

but any responses anyone has to any of this are welcome....