Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun (original) (raw)

AN OPEN LETTER OF APOLOGY TO BRUCE CAMPBELL	[14 Nov 2008\|10:55am]
If you click on the link, there are photos from the signing. Kind of old, but still well worth reading: http://www.lanceandeskimo.com/paul/bcapology.shtml Our visit to Bruce Campbell's recent book-signing may have been enjoyable, but it left (or should have left) some red faces around the L&E mansion. Frankly, we didn't behave that well. I'm sending this letter to Bruce in the hope that it will clear everything up. (You are to imagine the following letter read in a well-modulated male voice, which slowly raises in pitch and volume until it is a hideous, banshee-like wail.) Dear Mr. Campbell, At your recent book-signing in my area, certain events transpired which may have cast a cloud over our otherwise sunny relationship. I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize, both personally and for the entire L&E staff, if we made you feel uncomfortable in any way. First, I'd like to apologize for the low quality of the questions we asked during the "question and answer" period of the evening. We were responsible for 7 of the 10 instances of people raising their hand and saying "Shop smart, shop S-mart!" As you repeatedly pointed out, that is neither a question nor an answer, and should have been saved for the "act like a retard" portion of the presentation. When we met in person, I'm sorry I answered your polite chit-chat questions ("How are you?" "What do you do?") with a dismissive wave and the syllable "Pffht." While it seemed at the time to be a cool, casual way to demonstrate my disinclination to bore you, I now realize that it may actually have made me seem like a buttmunch. Ditto when you finished signing my book, and I bolted from my seat, muttering "Sayonara, sucker." I'm sorry that when you flipped through my copy of your book, you found red-pencil comments scrawled throughout, like "passage turgid", "sentence needs reworking," and "prose laughable at best." It was presumptuous of me to dare to criticize your style. (On my chain gang they used to call me "perfessor", but that had more to do with the empty wireframe glasses that I affected, and less to do with any higher book learnin'.) I am even more embarassed now that Nate mentions that you won a Pulitzer for "If Chins could Kill"! Boy, is my face red! I'm sorry that I didn't let you keep that Lance and Eskimo mug. We had all agreed that once you posed with it, we would present it to you as a token of our combined esteem. In the excitement of the moment, I snatched it away from you as soon as the "photo op" was done. As a small gesture of recompense, here is a tiny picture of the mug, which you are to stare at while drinking a beverage of your choice. (We suggest a tincture of laudanum spritzed over root beer--it'll knock your socks off!). I would like to apologize for the fact that Jacques, instead of bringing you a book to sign, brought a banana. I am sorry he asked you to sign the banana. I know that you are a legitimate movie star, and I know it was beneath your dignity to sign the banana. But you were a good sport, and signed the banana, and then listened to Jacques for 10 minutes as he pitched movie ideas in which you co-starred with the banana. Furthermore, I realize that the stigma of signing a banana can never be erased, and the shame and humiliation will chase you to your grave. Sorry about that too. For the public record i would like to state that, despite statements to the contrary, Lance and Eskimo does not believe you to be responsible for the high incidence of shark attacks off Florida beaches. We regret any such remarks made by any of our staff. We do not believe you to be a shark, nor do we believe you to have been responsible for or to have aided the shark attacks in any way, shape or form. While you were signing autographs, you may have noticed clicks and flashes that were light, but not lightning. We were using "cameras," magical devices which capture your image--and your very soul--thus rendering you vulnerable to jujus and other bad medicine. This was intentional. If your attorneys request it, we will be happy to release your essence from the hell-dimension in which it is imprisoned. Finally, I'm sorry I drove a harpoon into your arm. It was believed at the time that if you were allowed too close to swimmers, you would go into a "feeding frenzy" and attack anything that moved, leaving nothing more than an expanding red swirl on the surface of the water. That turned out to be a bad call, yo. My bad! Sincerely, Paul and the rest of the L&E team
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AN OPEN LETTER OF APOLOGY TO BRUCE CAMPBELL

[14 Nov 2008|10:55am]

If you click on the link, there are photos from the signing. Kind of old, but still well worth reading: http://www.lanceandeskimo.com/paul/bcapology.shtml Our visit to Bruce Campbell's recent book-signing may have been enjoyable, but it left (or should have left) some red faces around the L&E mansion. Frankly, we didn't behave that well. I'm sending this letter to Bruce in the hope that it will clear everything up. (You are to imagine the following letter read in a well-modulated male voice, which slowly raises in pitch and volume until it is a hideous, banshee-like wail.) Dear Mr. Campbell, At your recent book-signing in my area, certain events transpired which may have cast a cloud over our otherwise sunny relationship. I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize, both personally and for the entire L&E staff, if we made you feel uncomfortable in any way. First, I'd like to apologize for the low quality of the questions we asked during the "question and answer" period of the evening. We were responsible for 7 of the 10 instances of people raising their hand and saying "Shop smart, shop S-mart!" As you repeatedly pointed out, that is neither a question nor an answer, and should have been saved for the "act like a retard" portion of the presentation. When we met in person, I'm sorry I answered your polite chit-chat questions ("How are you?" "What do you do?") with a dismissive wave and the syllable "Pffht." While it seemed at the time to be a cool, casual way to demonstrate my disinclination to bore you, I now realize that it may actually have made me seem like a buttmunch. Ditto when you finished signing my book, and I bolted from my seat, muttering "Sayonara, sucker." I'm sorry that when you flipped through my copy of your book, you found red-pencil comments scrawled throughout, like "passage turgid", "sentence needs reworking," and "prose laughable at best." It was presumptuous of me to dare to criticize your style. (On my chain gang they used to call me "perfessor", but that had more to do with the empty wireframe glasses that I affected, and less to do with any higher book learnin'.) I am even more embarassed now that Nate mentions that you won a Pulitzer for "If Chins could Kill"! Boy, is my face red! I'm sorry that I didn't let you keep that Lance and Eskimo mug. We had all agreed that once you posed with it, we would present it to you as a token of our combined esteem. In the excitement of the moment, I snatched it away from you as soon as the "photo op" was done. As a small gesture of recompense, here is a tiny picture of the mug, which you are to stare at while drinking a beverage of your choice. (We suggest a tincture of laudanum spritzed over root beer--it'll knock your socks off!). I would like to apologize for the fact that Jacques, instead of bringing you a book to sign, brought a banana. I am sorry he asked you to sign the banana. I know that you are a legitimate movie star, and I know it was beneath your dignity to sign the banana. But you were a good sport, and signed the banana, and then listened to Jacques for 10 minutes as he pitched movie ideas in which you co-starred with the banana. Furthermore, I realize that the stigma of signing a banana can never be erased, and the shame and humiliation will chase you to your grave. Sorry about that too. For the public record i would like to state that, despite statements to the contrary, Lance and Eskimo does not believe you to be responsible for the high incidence of shark attacks off Florida beaches. We regret any such remarks made by any of our staff. We do not believe you to be a shark, nor do we believe you to have been responsible for or to have aided the shark attacks in any way, shape or form. While you were signing autographs, you may have noticed clicks and flashes that were light, but not lightning. We were using "cameras," magical devices which capture your image--and your very soul--thus rendering you vulnerable to jujus and other bad medicine. This was intentional. If your attorneys request it, we will be happy to release your essence from the hell-dimension in which it is imprisoned. Finally, I'm sorry I drove a harpoon into your arm. It was believed at the time that if you were allowed too close to swimmers, you would go into a "feeding frenzy" and attack anything that moved, leaving nothing more than an expanding red swirl on the surface of the water. That turned out to be a bad call, yo. My bad! Sincerely, Paul and the rest of the L&E team

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	[31 Jul 2007\|09:56pm]
Would you watch a Cool McCool live-action film starring Bruce Campbell as the titular character?Do you think Bruce Campbell would be a good choice to play Mysterio in a Spider-Man film?
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	[12 Jul 2007\|01:59pm]
Hey all,I'm new here and I'm so glad I found this community. Thanks to my dad, I have developed an undying love for a Mr.Bruce Campbell.I was wondering if anyone here has read Marvel Zombies vs. Army of Darkness? It is AMAZING. If you haven't I could try to load it up to the community ^_^I love spreading Bruce-Love.
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I had to send this e-mail	[03 Jul 2007\|01:45pm]
Dearest Bruce, my favorite of all the actors-I got a gander at the new show, Burn Notice.I have to say that I am impressed.I welcome you back to the small screen with open arms!You would have to be a crazy fool not to accept that role.You get to wear your favorite type of shirts AND get paid for it.But those sandals, Bruce! Those god awful sandals.You know what I'm talking about. The scene when Sam goes to meet up with the Feds and Michael tails him.As the camera pans to follow you into to diner, we get a full body shot of Sam.We see the trademark Hawaiian shirt, white linen pants, and...THOSE HIDEOUS SANDALS!Please tell me they were at least comfortable...You are FAR too sexy to be wearing those ugly things on your feet.However, I must confess, I don't normally focus my view on your feet.I am now, and always will be, a fan.Your Freaky Weirdo Wisconsin Fan, Meredith
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I *had* to send this e-mail

[03 Jul 2007|01:45pm]

Dearest Bruce, my favorite of all the actors-I got a gander at the new show, Burn Notice.I have to say that I am impressed.I welcome you back to the small screen with open arms!You would have to be a crazy fool not to accept that role.You get to wear your favorite type of shirts AND get paid for it.But those sandals, Bruce! Those god awful sandals.You know what I'm talking about. The scene when Sam goes to meet up with the Feds and Michael tails him.As the camera pans to follow you into to diner, we get a full body shot of Sam.We see the trademark Hawaiian shirt, white linen pants, and...THOSE HIDEOUS SANDALS!Please tell me they were at least comfortable...You are FAR too sexy to be wearing those ugly things on your feet.However, I must confess, I don't normally focus my view on your feet.I am now, and always will be, a fan.Your Freaky Weirdo Wisconsin Fan, Meredith

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Ash Will Be Evident In 'My Name Is Bruce'	[30 Jan 2007\|04:18pm]
[ mood \| cheerful ] Credit for the story goes to: Bruce Campbell News CentralWriter of the upcoming Bruce Campbell movie My Name Is Bruce, Mark Verheiden, did a interview with Comic Book Resources over the weekend and give us an update on the film. Verhedien said that the rural town-folk in the movie will recognize Bruce as playing "Ash" from the Evil Dead movies and not a fictional character from a made up "B" movie. Here is an excerpt of Verheiden's response to the last project he finished: "It's called 'My Name is Bruce', starring Bruce Campbell. It's a screwy comedy starring and directed by Bruce. He plays a stuck-up, forgotten B-horror movie actor who gets kidnapped and brought out to this small town of idiots who think he is the embodiment of "Ash" from the "Evil Dead" movies. They want him to kill a very real monster, and he thinks it's all an elaborate birthday gift arranged by his sleazy agent. It was produced by Dark Horse Indie, their lower-budget film division. We shot it in August and it should be coming out later this year."So Verheiden shuts down the rumors once again that My Name Is Bruce will be coming out in February. Looks like we have to wait a little bit longer for the film. Verheiden also goes onto talk about the Evil Dead comic that he is working on and his work on Battlestar Galactica. You can read the full article here.Yippee!
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Ash Will Be Evident In 'My Name Is Bruce'

[30 Jan 2007|04:18pm]

[ **mood** |

cheerful ] Credit for the story goes to: Bruce Campbell News CentralWriter of the upcoming Bruce Campbell movie My Name Is Bruce, Mark Verheiden, did a interview with Comic Book Resources over the weekend and give us an update on the film. Verhedien said that the rural town-folk in the movie will recognize Bruce as playing "Ash" from the Evil Dead movies and not a fictional character from a made up "B" movie. Here is an excerpt of Verheiden's response to the last project he finished: "It's called 'My Name is Bruce', starring Bruce Campbell. It's a screwy comedy starring and directed by Bruce. He plays a stuck-up, forgotten B-horror movie actor who gets kidnapped and brought out to this small town of idiots who think he is the embodiment of "Ash" from the "Evil Dead" movies. They want him to kill a very real monster, and he thinks it's all an elaborate birthday gift arranged by his sleazy agent. It was produced by Dark Horse Indie, their lower-budget film division. We shot it in August and it should be coming out later this year."So Verheiden shuts down the rumors once again that My Name Is Bruce will be coming out in February. Looks like we have to wait a little bit longer for the film. Verheiden also goes onto talk about the Evil Dead comic that he is working on and his work on Battlestar Galactica. You can read the full article here.Yippee!

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	[26 Nov 2006\|06:30am]
Bruce Campbell and Quentin Taratino as nurses.Ted Raimi's name is SCOOTER! How adorable?!Who's dream is this?Duane Whitaker's, that's who!I have Eddie Presley on DVD for sale. It's not from 2004, but from 1992 or thereabouts. I forgot to fix that. Silly re-release dates.Check it out, won't you?X-POSTEDCurrent mood: hopeful. Joel is so cute.
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	[15 Aug 2006\|03:43pm]
[ mood \| surprised ] My boss is wearing one of those horrible magnafying glass pendants like off of Evil Dead.
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Remember Ed Wood	[11 Aug 2006\|02:20pm]
Remember Ed Wood is a night of horror and b-movie rockn'roll with a free midnight screening of Plan 9 from Outer Space to kick off a campaign to get Ed Wood a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. After all, its the Hollywood Walk of Fame, not the Hollywood Walk of Talent, right? Bands include Creature Feature, the resurrected Penis Flytrap featuring The Aberration and Dr. Satan, Demonia and Glen or Glenda. Burlesque by Renee du Jour and Miss La Diva. Puppet show by Baboon Torture Division. Proceeds will go towards the Ed Wood Star Fund. For more information about the Ed Wood campaign, click here.Time: 9pm - 2amPrices:$10 before midnightFree movie screening at midnightVenue:Dapper Cadaver5519 Hollywood Blvd.Los Angeles, CA 90028Contact:BJ or Eileen Winslow323-962-1924info@dappercadaver.com
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Remember Ed Wood

[11 Aug 2006|02:20pm]

Remember Ed Wood is a night of horror and b-movie rockn'roll with a free midnight screening of Plan 9 from Outer Space to kick off a campaign to get Ed Wood a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. After all, its the Hollywood Walk of Fame, not the Hollywood Walk of Talent, right? Bands include Creature Feature, the resurrected Penis Flytrap featuring The Aberration and Dr. Satan, Demonia and Glen or Glenda. Burlesque by Renee du Jour and Miss La Diva. Puppet show by Baboon Torture Division. Proceeds will go towards the Ed Wood Star Fund. For more information about the Ed Wood campaign, click here.Time: 9pm - 2amPrices:$10 before midnightFree movie screening at midnightVenue:Dapper Cadaver5519 Hollywood Blvd.Los Angeles, CA 90028Contact:BJ or Eileen Winslow323-962-1924info@dappercadaver.com

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Ebay	[12 Jul 2006\|01:10pm]
I feel spammy.But I thought someone might be interested...I'm selling my VHS copy of "Evil Dead"!And I've got other stuff for sale too.Check it out, won't you?((Feel free to delete this, mods, if it's not allowed. I understand.))x-postedCurrent mood: hopeful
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share_a_hello	[28 Jun 2006\|03:48pm]
share_a_helloThis is a new spin on the whole penpal/postcard swap thing.I love getting mail (not bills or junk mail, but postcards and letters from friends) and I know that there has to be some people like me out there. I also think that it would be fun for people to send postcards relating to their area for others to experience.Details are outlined on the community info page.:-)
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