The first chapter of my book. It's got a lot of syntax/grammar/etc. to be taken care of, but it's a startCh. 1 "No, Mrs. Petley, I'm afraid you're wrong on all counts. Yes, Wrong, as in, Incorrect. What do you mean, 'what do I mean?' I am simply stating your involuntary ineptitude upon every issue. Yes, every, as in, all of them." Matt Boylan sighed contentedly. This was the part of the day he hated least, that quaint slot between late lunch and afternoon nap, the period of time in which any actual contact with his clients occured. "Well, whatever issue you were about to raise, then. No, it doesn't matter which, any would have sufficed. How many times do I have to go over this, Mrs. P? I don't care if that isn't your name; you're wrong about that, as well." That is, if he had any clients. Matt was in a deep depression, and had been ever since the sudden disappearance of his last client. As a private investigator, any sudden, inexplicable, and untraceable disappearances of clients hit him quite hard. Matt's former client, Mrs. Ira Petley, was a kind old woman with a rather large sum of money, and a carelessness for monetary goods. She was the perfect employer, and had hired Matt (for all he knew) more as a cash surplus valve than anything else. In the two years he had worked for her, Ira hadn't given him a single definite, concrete task besides looking after Sprinkles, her cat. Sprinkles was a forty year old tabby, alive only through the innovation of a deranged taxidermist-slash-mechanical engineer. She was now more machine than actual living cat. Since this meant Matt didn't have to feed her, he gladly agreed. Now that Ira was gone, Matt had sunk to the level of answering every single phone call as if she was on the other line, which greatly disturbed quite a few potential clients, to the point of frightening away his entire clientelle. Matt reflected upon all of this as he answered the pleading young woman on the phone: "Fine then, Mrs. Petley. I am afraid you have been wasting too much of my time. We shall speak of this matter later. No, I'll only call you if you don't visit my office; say, tomorrow morning at nine." "Good day," he smiled into the telephone. "Au revoir." Matt lowered the phone to the reciever, brought it back up and punched redial. He waited until the voice of a harried young saleswoman answered. "And please, don't call this number again!" He began to lower the phone, then thought, to hell with tradition; in a rage of furied action, he ripped the phone, jack and all, from the wall, dragged the tangled mess out into the hallway, pulled out his revolver, and shot it in the chest. Twice. "damn telemarketers," he breathed. Matt swept the door closed. Odd, he thought; telephones don't usually have chests. Also, I didn't think they bled so much after being shot. |
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