Until Death Do Us Part's Journal (original) (raw)

[	mood	|	calm	]

Hey everyone :) I think I've only posted here once, and it was when I first joined this community quite some time ago. I'm Stephanie, I'm 21, and I'm from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan :)

I've felt such a calling on my heart lately to truly focus on saving myself completely for my future husband, and while scanning my journal, I remembered that I am a member of this community and just wanted to share. :)

I'm a virgin (hooray! :)). I have traded in my morals in the past and I have looked for love and acceptance in the wrong places, or at least the wrong ways. I have willingly shared some very sacred things and parts of me with one person, and one person only. At times I look back on those and beat myself up, but I know that God has made me stronger through those experiences. I dearly love and care about the person I've shared those parts of me with, so I do not regret what happened, but I've learned and have kept my head up as I've moved forward. It's been quite a process, but I'm working on it.

I've been sexually assaulted three times: once as a child, and two since I've been in college. It's played a part in taking a toll on my emotions, my self-worth, and most of all my self esteem. Sometimes it's really difficult for friends to understand why my esteem is so low in certain areas of my life, but it's okay. I just want you all to know...if you've EVER been through something like that and need to talk about it, I am more than willing to listen with a loving heart and open arms. All of my contact information is in my profile. You don't have to deal with those emotions alone!

I've struggled a lot with lust. Not only in a sexual way, but in a way that I've lusted after ideas and dreams. I'm the kind of girl that hands a piece of my heart to everyone I meet, even if I only meet them for a few moments, in hopes that they know how much I love and appreciate them, even just their existence.

Lately, God has been answering a LOT of my prayers...prayers that I've pushed aside out of my mind and forgot about completely, perhaps as a lost hope. I found that after giving up impure thoughts and actions that kept me selfishly longing for my own hopes and desires, without realizing it, God just worked His amazing plans in my life all at once. I still struggle with surrender at times, but I know that He will continually bless me.

As you've probably guessed, my choice to save myself until marriage is based a lot on my spiritual beliefs. I know God has one person for me (if His will is that I marry), and I view sex as the most beautiful way a man and woman can express their love for each other. I feel that if I were to throw my body around here and there, what would be left for my husband to love and cherish?

I encourage you all to keep strong. It's hard at times, whether you've had a relationship and are now single, or are like me and have forever been single and just crave someone to even cuddle up with during a movie or to kiss just that one time. Be careful :) Things lead to other things before you know it...my parents always told me that, and I never believed them until I experienced that. The times I've slipped and given into physical pleasure were very emotional for me, and I just want anyone who feels discouraged if they haven't been kissed or even held hands or done anything physical on any level...I want you to know that it's okay!!!! You will be SOOO blessed by waiting and saving yourself, I promise you. God promises you.

As for me?

I'm madly in love

. Of course with God, but with my future husband, as well, whomever he may be. I've been writing him letters pouring my heart out to him, and it's been such a blessing to me. I know that when I meet him face to face (or if I already know him, when the time is right), I will be so in love with him and even more motivated to save my all for him.