Wizarding Wireless Network (original) (raw)

6/29/07 04:08 am - WWN Society News Update ~ In Progress

WWN Broadcast Friday, June 29th ~ Evening

"- I had know that was all it would take to keep that hag Witherpool off my case and away from my stories, I would have volunteered to bring lunch for everyone before. It is not my fault she's got a thing for chicken salad. How was I supposed to know you aren't supposed to use the entire - What? - What do you mean I'm on the air? Already? Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"This is Rita Skeeter live in the gardens of the Black Orchid Hotel -

which is the closest I can get thanks to security and that restraining order. That sound you hear is an almost tribal rhythm emanating from the hotel ballroom."

The noise grew momentarily louder before being drowned out by the unmistakable sounds of snapping twigs and a whispered curse.

"They nearly saw me that time."

"Almost a primal beat, primal enough to remind this reporter of the events that occurred in that very ballroom just a few short months ago. Will tonight's festivities end in yet another veil of silence, much like the day after the Valentine's Ball and the rumored, yet sadly unsubstantiated, orgy that may or may not have taken place?"

"As always, ladies and gentlemen, WWN is always interested in the comments and concerns of our listeners. More importantly, if you personally witnessed a sensational bit of scandal, owl me, Rita Skeeter, care of the WWN. The Wizarding Wireless Network now returns you to our regularly scheduled programing."

4/6/07 02:24 pm - WWN Society News Update ~ In Progress

WWN Broadcast Friday, April 6th ~ Evening

"This is Rita Skeeter, standing just outside,

around the back, in an alley behind, the Three Broomsticks, where a reception for one of Hogsmeade's former most eligible bachelor's - and his blushing bride - is taking place, to bring you a WWN exclusive."

"Can it, Anastasia, I don't care who got the assignment from the boss, the story is Mine. Keep it up, and I just might forget to take that gag off before I leave. Understand?"

"Now, where was I? Oh, yes, the quicky wedding of hunky recluse and defense school owner, Harry Potter, to restaurateur

and frump, Daphne Greengrass occurred weeks ago with almost no fanfare and a tragically small guest list. Once word of the marriage hit the streets, some of the most delicious rumors began to circulate over the mysterious circumstances behind the event."

"Some sources say the couple had been estranged, and were shocked to hear of the wedding

when I told them, still others speculated on the need for such a rapid and quiet affair. So far there are no signs of impending motherhood - although the bride has been carrying a few extra pounds for quite some time - but one can't help but wonder if there might be a new member of the Potter family showing up soon."

"What? I said if, they can't sue us for merely voicing some of the public opinion, Anastasia. Stop being such a worrywart."

"As always, ladies and gentlemen, WWN is always interested in the comments and concerns of our listeners. More importantly, if you personally witnessed a sensational bit of scandal, owl me, Rita Skeeter, care of the WWN. The Wizarding Wireless Network now returns you to our regularly scheduled programing."

2/14/07 09:05 pm - WWN Society News Update ~ In Progress

WWN Broadcast Wednesday, February 14th ~ Evening

"We interrupt the 'Lover's Serenade' to bring you news from the Black Orchid Hotel. This is good, so straighten your clothes and listen to Rita for a moment, you lucky lovers out there.

"Witnesses say Healers from St. Mungo's had to be called to the scene because of a scandalous outbreak on the main dancefloor.

"Spokespeople for the Malfoy-owned establishment had no official comment to give, but according to guests it was socialite and friend of the family Pansy Parkinson who caused the disturbance.

Gentlemen, please, if you're going to start panting and rioting over a witch, do it over someone with her own nose. This is 100-percent Skeeter here — get it while it's hot!

"Apparently the scene has quieted down now, but with a near-orgy going on out in the open, who knows what might have happened in the more secluded rooms? Shocking behavior indeed to be linked with one of the wizarding world's stiffly upstanding

(Floo me, Lucius!)

families.

"As always, ladies and gentlemen, WWN is always interested in the comments and concerns of our listeners. More importantly, if you personally witnessed a sensational bit of scandal, owl me, Rita Skeeter, care of the WWN. The Wizarding Wireless Network now returns you to our regularly scheduled programing."

2/2/07 12:00 am - WWN Society News Update ~ In Progress

WWN Broadcast Thursday, February 1 ~ Evening

"... And lastly tonight, a juicy little tidbit from up north.

"It seems wedding bells soon will be ringing through the halls of learning.

"Izabel Sinistra, Head of Ravenclaw House, has of course been a well-respected fixture of Hogwarts for years, instructing classes of students in the ways and means of the stars above as the Astronomy professor.

"Equally obsessed with the heavens — especially tonight, as the full Hunger Moon fills the sky — is the werewolf who rejoined the castle faculty after the Ministry of Magic made the controversial wartime political maneuver of lightening the protective anti-werewolf legislation. Professor Remus Lupin has apparently made himself quite at home at Hogwarts.

"Now, sources say, the two Heads of House will be making their long-standing affair de coeur official.

"When will the ceremony be, where will it be held, and how did a werewolf on a teacher's salary afford what is said to be quite the impressive ring?

"Trust me, darling listeners, you will know moments after your friend Ana does.

"This has been the Witherpool Whirlpool, your source for all the society news worth knowing. Tune in tomorrow night when the extracurricular activities of the filthy Falmouth Falcons get a turn under the microscope."

1/8/07 11:22 pm - WWN News Update ~ In Progress

WWN News Update Saturday, January 6 ~ Evening

"... And as parents across the commonwealth well know, this weekend the Hogwarts Express will speed across the land to bring the students back to their books.

"Tonight, though, the members of the Board of Governors and select members of the Hogsmeade community were welcomed to the castle ahead of the start of second term by the staff.

"Percy Weasley, the director of the Hogsmeade Ministry office, spoke at length and quite knowlegeably about traditional and non-traditional spellcasting methods.

"So, students, take comfort in this as you head back to class: even over the holidays, your teachers went in for a little learning themselves."

"Never too old, eh?"

The sound of a door creaking open floated over the airwaves, and if one listened closely, a fiercely whispered exchange could be heard:

"Tell them about the after-party! The drunken debauchery! Tell them what really happened!"

"Rita, get the hell out of here! You don't have any sources, we'll get sued ..."

"Some greedy witch got engaged before I could have a fair crack at the groom-to-be! That's injustice! I should write an editorial ..."

A fierce rusling was heard, and the original voice returned.

"This has been Ezekiel Brunderbluss with your evening news and as always ladies and gentlemen WWN is interested in the comments and concerns of our listeners. If you have one, please contact us by owl or floo. We appreciate the interest shown and will respond as soon as possible. The Wizarding Wireless Network now returns you to our regularly scheduled programing."

11/22/06 11:21 am - WWN ~ Rita Skeeter Program, In Progress

When you are in trouble, people who call to sympathize are really looking for the particulars.

~Edgar Watson Howe, Country Town Sayings, 1911

Wednesday, November 22nd

One last delicious dish to share with you today, dear listeners.

After her sudden and mysterious disappearance a year ago, the delicate flower and socialite Pansy Parkinson has returned. One has to wonder what could have drawn her back.

Or who.

My sources tell me this perfect Pansy has been spreading her petals for not one but two of Hogsmeade's hunkiest catches. Men who were supposedly already off the market, at least as far as their girlfriend and fiance - yes, fiance - were probably concerned.

These two tasty testosterone packed men fought over her on Monday at the Phoenix according to eye witnesses. The photos are to die for. Not as gorgeous as the Streak, but still something to warm my -

RITA!

What? I was going to say heart. We can talk about warming something else later, Zeke, now run along. Rita's working.

Where was I?

Bill Weasley - who as we all remember is currently engaged to the sister of his former fiance, for the moment anyway - stormed into the Phoenix demanding to speak with the school founder and wizarding wunderkind, Harry Potter.

The topic?

( Why, dear Pansy, of course.Collapse )

10/31/06 08:58 pm - WWN Hallowe'en Broadcast

A spider crawled across my face, Spreading its web on the human race … Mama Loi, Papa Loi I see fire in the dead man's eye Saturday, Oct. 28 ~ Nightfall to dawn

"... Get your fun in while you can, because a cold front will be settling in tomorrow. Tonight will be a busy night across the land, with pubs packed and parties in full swing.

"And why do you think it is, my dear listeners? Just because the holiday proper falls on a weekday? Oh, no, I hardly think it's that simple.

"Hallowe'en is Tuesday. All Hallows' Eve, Samhain, the night when spirits may breech the barrier between their world and ours with ease.

"Let all the good little witches and wizards have their fun tonight. Make it your own. For Hallowe'en ... does not belong to us."

9/23/06 09:52 am - WWN News Update - In Progress - Complete

WWN News Update Saturday, September 23rd ~ Noon

"And in closing, some exciting news for the residents of Hogsmeade has come to my attention. The Ministry has finally seen fit to concern themselves with the mental health of our students at Hogwarts by assigning a trained psychologist to the school. Within the same month, they're assigning a Director to the Ministry Office located at the Northern edge of town. We don't as yet know exactly who will be the Ministry's newest representative in this office. As of this time, no Aurors are actually stationed in Hogsmeade. The substation is usually deserted and seems to be used as nothing more than a layover between longer journeys. Despite assurances from the Minister himself that this office would be a direct pipeline to London for those living in the area, we've seen little more than a few paper pushers trying to look busy whenever someone happens to stop by. Depending on who fills this prestigious post, it may change and then again - it may not."

"This has been Ezekiel Brunderbluss with your daily news update. As always, ladies and gentlemen, WWN is interested in the comments and concerns of our listeners. If you have one, please contact us by owl or floo. We appreciate the interest shown and will respond in a timely fashion. We now return you to our regularly scheduled programing."

Rita's voice can be heard in the background, "What poor schmuck are they going to stick out there? You know the residents aren't going to be very happy if the Ministry is actually going to start poking their nose in everyones business."

Zeke's sigh is heard before he replies, "I don't know, Rita. Don't you think if I knew who it was - I'd send condolences?"

A commercial for The Three Broomsticks starts and any further comments are left to the listener's imagination.