*In the end it doesnt even matter* (original) (raw)

| | Saturday, October 15th, 2005 11:01 am thesilentgirl Hi everyone again!- It's been a long time since I've written and asked for advice. Last time I was livejournal and recieved a bunch of replies was back beginning of August. I just want to thank everyone for taking time and writing their comment and advices for me. they truly helped! xoxox!But there's another delimma. I'm not going to make one of the 'longest' post that someone has seen so im going to try and make it short as possible. I'm the girl that posted about being with her boyfriend for two years and got back together in the summer and he heard rumors that I slept around and cheated on him and he didnt believe me and said some hurtful things to me that I tried to commit suicide and ended up having to seek help. Well he just completely stopped talking to me and we havent spoken or seen each other in over 2 1/2 months. Well now he started to contact me, and tried to talk and now he wants to get back together and realized he made a mistake and NOW realizes that I was telling the truth and did not cheat on him. I mean he told me it was a mistake to love me and a mistake to get back together in the summer and now he tells me he realized what he had when he lost me and never wants to lose me. He tells me how much he loves me and needs me... but he hurt me so badly that I dont know what love is that i dont know about caring and I dont know what to do. I love him and still care for him just indifferent wants. He thinks we're back together but I want to be with him but there's something that's holding me back. I mean he LEFT me, he didnt TRUST me, he couldnt even TALK to me about it just falt out accused me of cheating and stopped talking and put me through shit. I dont know if I need time to myself or to try and slowly get back together... Im scared of getting hurt and for him to lie and I dont know what to do! I guess you can from coming back to school and starting a new life without him and meeting new people and trying to move on helped and I became adjusted to it and out of the blue right when im getting my life back on track he starts talking to me,and it's like I'm not used to this that I'm being all thrown off... and starting to get all depressed about it. I need as much help as possible please! I dont need this anymore in my life I just want to be HAPPY! I hope you guys can help!Thanks Guys! Love you LJ!Alex (1 comment | comment on this) Sunday, August 14th, 2005 11:16 pm thesilentgirl I no longer know what to do. I've been with this guy for two years, dating pretty seriously. We met our senior year of high school things were going really well...Then we went off to College, separate colleges 3 hours apart from one another. We've been this strong dependency on each other where we would visit one another on the weekends. We loved each other so much but arguments started... The long distances were really hard. I felt depressed and would cut myself it was hard and at times I'd fly back home to be with family because I was so homesick. Anyway... we fought and fought over the stupidest things. I then transfered to the school where my boyfriend was. I did not go there because he was there.... I actually was accepted there 1st semester but didnt want to go to the same school because I felt that there would be wayy too much dependency but I transfered to get into this program that I wanted to study. January when I first arrived things were a little cold towards one another had arguments here and there, but we had our good days. It just seems as though once we left home things started to fall apart. I mean dont get me wrong, the relationship we had was healthy. So febuary came around and things just got worse and worse and we became distant. He was upset that I was making more friends than him and I had only been there for one month. As a side note, 1st semester I did not go out at all to show that he can trust me you know... anyway so we started to do our own things. As Febuary came to an end we decided to take a break because the arguments just got worse and worse... So we hardly spoke it was really sad and upseting because he was my best friend.... I started to go and meet new people, try and make new friends it was hard because alot of the times I did not want to go out because he was always on my mind and I wanted to be with him. I guess by me not going out as much 1st smester I needed to get my energy out. He was ready to settle and I wasnt I mean dont get me wrong 18 years old I want to go out and have some fun first you know. He admitted later on he was controlling a bit but also on my part I wasnt thinking of his feelings in which I should have. Anyway... So I had a bad experience in the past 2 years ago where ever since I've had big issues being alone with a guy. So I've always had this (i know im a dork but w.e) buddy system thing with a close friend that we'd stick together no matter what... so when a guy wanted to hang out I'd always ask to hangout as a group and I'd bring a few friends along, so what if I didnt get to know the guy one on one but at the same time, I felt more comfortable around people I knew and trusted. I kissed a guy at the end of the school year but it meant nothing at all.. I wasnt looking for a relationsihp and he commented that the kiss we had felt like his 5 year old cousin would kiss him goodbye... I was like uhhhhhh ok?!?!?! lol messed up but whatever it meant nothing. Through all this time it was hard because I kept thinking about my ex. There's a reason as well why he broke up with me. When I was at a kegger I was with friends and we were all just joking around and a friend and I for a silly reason gave the "peck" face but later on in the pic looking at it looks like we were kissing and I guess it was bad... and my boyfriend didnt know what to think and it was understandble... and he wouldnt want to talk to me... I mean my friend that was in the picture with me is gay.... so I dunno... anyway.... So summer arrived and we havent really spoken or seen each other... we lost touch or I guess you can say cut communicating for about a good month... and started to talk it was hard at first being 'just' friends but it was nice to see him than not seeing him at all. Beginning of June, I had mentioned to him that I was sick from the pregnancy I had with him a year 1/2 ago... I dunno if it was out of pitty or because he really wanted to at first but started to hang out... later on I knew it's because he wanted to. Anyway, he held a get together where he drank ALOT with his friends and did his own thing, he thought that this get together would help me be a little happier and not to think much of the worst that could happen... so I got to see my friends and I was happy. Anyway so he got really really drunk pretty much close to alcohol poisining, everyone left to go to a party and I ended up staying at taking care of him. Yes, we were only friends and I didnt have to stay and I could have gone to the party with my friends but I loved him and still cared and I mean if I were in that position I knew he would do the same for me...so I made sure he was still breathing and he was alright. I would check up on him almost every 10 minutes... I didnt get much sleep but i was worried. The next morning he didnt remember anything so I had to tell him the entire story... since that night it was like we became closer as friends... still hard being 'just' friends but it was nice... Later on, two weeks, I wrote him this note, because earlier in the summer he wanted to know how I felt and I didnt have the right words really so I told him I would let him know when I knew what I wanted to say... and I wrote him this letter with a card and it's like he rejected me, I was so upset and devistated but we started talking and ended up hanging out the rest of the night and we ended up sleeping together... and since then we started to fool around we didnt know what was going on, sort of confusing, it felt right at times and it felt wrong at times but we still loved each other and missed each other. We'd hangout everyday without the affection towards one another it was nice. As July came along I went to Canada for vacation for 2 weeks.... we tried to keep in touch as much but the long distance was hard because I had family things to deal with and he was working everyday. When I came back a couple days after I came back, we went out for dinner and a movie. We talked alot about our past relationship with one another and questioned how things would be. We truly opened up at dinner and at times I wanted to cry but I managed to hold it all in. Later on that evening as we were getting ready to see a movie, he asked me "why dont we give it another shot" and I was happy but surprised at the same time to hear him as that. I was not sure if I wanted to because we did argue alot in the past and was really hurt and I didnt want to get hurt again and he said that if it didnt work out we'd promise each other to remain best friends and still be there for each other.... so I said alright... it was weird to go back again to dating the holding hands and affection it was weird but took time to adapt to. So things were going well... we agreed that the relationship would only work if there was trust and communication so we started to communicate more. If something was wrrong we'd talk about it and we did. It's like we became closer in a way and I was somewhat starting to get happy or feel what happy was like. It was like a natural high... anyway... Beginning of August his friend from school Mike, came down to visit him... and I dont really like the kid because I felt like he was a bad influence on my boyfriend but I didnt know him much so I gave it another chance to get to know him. So my bf had a last get together on a friday and alot of people showed up... we drank alot and caught up with friends it was nice... but my boyfriend didnt talk to me as much and I guess it was understandble bc there were guests but it bothered me because he'd have his hand around my friend and talked to her face pretty close... it was as though he were talking to her more than me... and I guess it was a form of jealousy but Im sure he wouldnt like it if I were like that to a guy that close to his face... anyway I got sick later on in the night and almost passed out outside.. he didnt care to see how I was and it hurt because earlier in the summer I was there for him.. and he got all upset.. an yway I tried to talk about it in the morning and he'd deny it but w.e he apologies so I was like hm ok he does care ok. Saturday night he went to his dad's house with his friend and mentioned to me that he wanted to hang out, so I invited him and his friend over and to ask other people to come but he told me they were too tired and wanted to stay at his dad's. Later on I find out they went out I just wish he was honest... We planned to go to the beach monday and tuesday so we tried to plan it out sunday night... on the phone he was cold and bitter... when I wasnt done talking he thought I was done and yelled out "BYE" and I asked if I could finish and he yelled "hurry the fuck up" and he's never like that he's always sweet and kind.. so I didnt knwo what was going on. He then avoided me for several days... I find out from a friend that my bf was avoiding me because "I slept around at school, and cheated on him" It hurt that people would say such a thing because I'm honestly not like that. I've NEVER EVER EVER cheated on him. I believe no person deserves that at all to be cheated on. and a cheater has no self dignity or respect for people. Yes I will agree that we've lied towards one another but I would never lie in a way that would hurt the relationship. I dont understand! Yes I did kiss a guy but that was when we broke up. I mean he kissed a girl in september when we were TOGETHER and told me in April... he asked me if I did anything with a guy and I should have flat out told him about kissing a guy but I didnt think it was that big... i still should have been open about it. I do remember when I came back from school I spoke to a few girls... and they thought I'd move on fast from him so I didnt want to seem like wuss or like a dependent freak on him so I made up crap that I moved on from him and got with all these guys... but I never thought that would get back to him... I mean one of my friends she even commented what a bad liar I was and knew by just looking at me that I loved my bf too much to do that... and it was silly and stupid for me to do but I just hate it when people make fun of me... and it didnt cross my mind and I should have told him but I didnt think it mattered. I mean he knows my past and he knows that I get uncomfortable around guys alone. I wouldnt be in a room alone with a guy I didnt know or a guys he didnt know like my guys friends from home I was fine because I really knew them... but he doesnt believe me.. and I dont blame him I mean people will believe the worst. If I cheated on him while we were together, why would I be around all the argument why would I stick around to try and fix it, why would i cry every night wanting to fix things with him? He yelled at me saying that he didnt hate me but I feel like he does. He told me I was a mistake everything was a mistake getting back together and loving me was a mistake. It hurts sooo much to wake up everyday and know that everything was a mistake to him.... I mean god I should have been honest with my girlfriends... I just dont know what to do... I wrote him a letter explaining everything but he prob thinks that Im just lying and I dont know what to do... and this is where I'm asking for your advice... I never cheated on him. I did so much and went out of my way for him why would I cheat on someone I love that's what I dont get?!?!?! WHAT DO I DO!?!?! i feel like he's not going to talk to me anymore... and he hasnt. We go to the same university just live like 2 minutes away... we weont have internet or a phone right when we get there bc we will be living in a new house separate houses... do I give him his space not communicating and then stop by his place and tyr to talk to him? or let him come to me?! it's not even that i just really want to make him see that I am telling the truth... I feel like im in a movie where a crime as been committed and i'm on death row for it and I didnt even commit the crime you know... I've been crying everyday straight had no motivation on going out and became suicidal... i feel like I have nothing to live for... and i havent done anything stupid because I keep hoping the next day that he will realize the truth and speak to me.. but I dont even know if he read my email that i wrote to him or not. I NEED YOUR HELP because im starting to become depressed and I've almost done stupid things that I'm getting sent away for help before school and I just need ur help on giving me advice on what to do. He's my life, my sanity! I used to cut and was depressed but he helped me stop and he taught me what love was and he was my best friend and it's like a huge part of me is missing... please help... - as many people as possible would be nice to hear just to see what you guys say I would truly appreciate it.... as you can see I am truly upset... and falling into a depression over something stupid I did... from now I im sticking to the truth and not making up stuff just to try and make myself feel better... and to be honest no matter how much people will make fun of me... it was a mistake and he's never going to believe me. I just hope that one day he realizes that I was telling the truth.... I pray. (comment on this) Monday, February 7th, 2005 11:31 pm - HELP mrhslildevil ok i posted a while back about a bracelet i had gotten for my ex bfs lil sister for xmas and i was going to get it engraved.but i have yet to get it engraved ive had the bracelet with the heart on it for a long time a few weeks before xmas but i just couldnt figure out what to put on it. i know i want shorty on it cause thats what ive always called her ever sicne 2001 and thats what i still call her now shes not annessa shes shorty to me and thats just my thing and she has a nickname for me. she just turned 14 and i love her like my own sister. anyways so i wanted it to say shorty on one side but on the other i wanted something that means something else but not anything gay so she wont be made fun of but then i was thinking today maybe shorty (one side)always (the other side)cause shorty has more of a meaning than just shorty it means my sister and i have told her she will always be like a sis to me. or maybeshortymy sister always or shortylylasi dunno realy need some advice have to get this out to her soon. any advice of anyone who would think of something good that means anything. if u want more info between the relationship between me and shorty ask. ive known her for 4 years and shes the only sister ill ever have so i truly love her like one. she was my family.im thinking about going with shortyalwaysthat way me and her know what it means and no one else really will ya know? please any help really appreciated.Krystal <3 (2 comments | comment on this) Sunday, January 23rd, 2005 5:12 am mrhslildevil Do read this and do this. What these 2 idiot boys did was wrong and DISTGUSTING. Do you remember February 1993 when a young 3 yr old was taken from shopping mall in Liverpool by two 10-year-old boys. Jamie Bulger walked away from his mother for only a second and Jon Venables took his hand and led him out of the mall with his friend Robert Thompson. They took Jamie on a walk for over 2 and a half miles, along the way stopping every now and again to torture the poor little boy who was crying constantly for his mummy. Finally they stopped at a railway track where they brutally kicked him, threw stones at him, rubbed paint in his eyes and pushed batteries up his anus. It was actually worse than this... What these two boys did was so horrendous that Jamie's mother was forbidden to identify his body. They then left his beaten small body on the tracks so a train could run him over to hide the mess they had created. These two boys, even being boys, understood what they did was wrong, hence trying to make it look like an accident. This week Lady Justice Butler-Sloss has awarded the two boys anonymity for the rest of their lives when they leave custody with new identities. We cannot let this happen. They will also leave early this year only serving just over half of their sentence. One paper even stated that Robert may go on to University. They are getting away with their crime. They disgustingly and violently took Jamie's life away in return they get a new life. Please read it carefully...then add your name at the end... and send it to everyone you can! Please add your name and location to the list and send it to friends and family. Please copy this e-mail (highlight text, right click, copy and paste into a new email) instead of forwarding so we do not get arrows at the beginning of the sentences. If you are the 221st person to sign, please forward this e-mail to cust.ser.cs@gtnet.gov.uk and attention it to Lady Justice Butler-Sloss. Then start the list over again and send to your friends and family. The Love-Bug virus took less that 72 hours to reach the world. I hope this one does as well. We need to protect our family and friends from creatures like Robert and Jon. One day they may be living next to you and your small children, without your knowledge. If Robert and Jon could be so evil at 10 years old, imagine what they could do as adults! click below to sign**( Read more...Collapse )** (comment on this) Saturday, January 8th, 2005 11:36 am Thursday, January 6th, 2005 8:48 pm - Shake That Banana! winterzlove Saturday is my boyfriends birthday and we're going to be throwing a huge party. Well I heard some people we haven't invited are coming over..well we're going to just kick them out if their just there to mooch off the alcohol and etc. Now if their bringing alcohol to share then their welcome...I think that's only fair, isn't it? I mean...we've put alot of money into this party...and for someone to come and mooch and not even invited...no way...Anyways, tomorrow is my last day of work for this week, I'm pretty tired....pretty tired of chinese food! January 14th is Beloveds last performance...Underoath is going to be there and so is Glass Casket and other bands. I'm really looking forward to this show..I think it will be pretty awesome.current mood: sleepy (comment on this) Tuesday, January 4th, 2005 10:19 pm winterzlove Well....I know this community is on life support. I'm going to start writing in it more often...so here it goes.Last year I graduated from High School...yes I miss it in some ways, but then again I don't in others. I miss my friends and I def. don't miss the bloody homework! What happened after I graduated from High School? Well as most of you know ((or at least I think you know)) I work at a Chinese Resturant and I'm a waiter there. Not being in college I work there full time now, I'm basically the Asst. Manager. ((oh I'm not Asian, alot of people think I am because I work at a "Chinese Resturant" *shrugs*))Lately I've been going to alot of shows ((concerts)). My life is based around music, mostly Emo, Screamo, and Indy. I'm still playing the bass guitar and the violin and mandolin. I still draw crazy artwork and I still write poetry.Yesterday I bought a Ferret, A Dark Sable. When I first bought it the people at the pet store told me it was a male...so I named it Nanook..well this morning I woke up with a message on my cell phone with them informing me that it was a female...well this gave me a challenge..I want a unique, but cool name...so after a few hours of debating I finally named her Autumn. She's only a baby ((aka "Kit")) and she's a funny little rascal. I really recommend them as a pet. Also I bought a 55 gallon fish tank about 2 months ago, I have 6 African Cichlids with 1 algae eatter. Anyways I'll write more later....oh...also a thought for this community...you should have a theme for it...but I guess you kind of already do...*shrugs* current mood: hopeful (2 comments | comment on this) Sunday, December 19th, 2004 6:15 pm mrhslildevil well hello everyone! if anyone still reads this anyways. well i need suggestions. i got my ex bfs lil sister one of those bracelets with the heart on it to engrave like i have been planning on doing for months, and i was just going to engrave it shorty like i have always called her. but i want something more on the other side. but i dont want anything to embaress her since shes 13 well 14 in jan and shes in 8th grade. something meaningful but not like embaressing cause u know how 8th graders are. anyone havea ny ideas? ive never had a sister before and shes like a sister to me and i love her like one. me and her brother dont talk anymore but i talk to her. anyone with any suggestions please respond im getting desperate. so how is everyone elses xmas shopping going? im almost done. im making a blanket with pictures ironed on for my grandma like pictures of me growing up it starts with a big picture in the middle of my grandma, my real grandpa and my mom in it and then it goes to me as a baby to me now. its like a throw blanket so she can sleep with when she naps and stuff. i also got her an am/fm clock radio cause she told me she needed one she can turn the radio on easily, and a pretty baby blue fleece sweater thing. i got my aunt a 14k gold necklace chain with a #1 aunt pendant to hang from it, also a pretty purple sweater and a lavender fleece like she likes. i got my uncle a tshirt that says corvette on it. my dad so far i have a tshirt that says all american couch potato its funny. and i got shorty that bracelet. and i think thats it. i still gotta get more for my dad and more for my grandma but i dunno. i also got something for kristen and christine but who knows if they will like it lol. i got it a while ago its the same thing for both. but anyways that is all for now. LOOOK ALIVE PEOPLE, LOOK ALIVE. SUGGESTIONS ON THE BRACELET!!!!!!PLEASE AND THANK U IN ADVANCE (2 comments | comment on this) Saturday, December 11th, 2004 7:09 pm - new. Thursday, November 25th, 2004 11:22 am - lmao!!!! mrhslildevil A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation: Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. Captain: Who's car is this? Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car. Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it? Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box. Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body. Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk. Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too! (1 comment | comment on this) Monday, November 22nd, 2004 5:05 pm - this is soooo west virginia! mrhslildevil West VirginiaA man met a beautiful lady and decided that he wanted to marry her rightaway. He told her so.She protested, "We don't know anything about each other!" He replied, "That's all right. We'll learn about each other as we goalong." She agreed, and they were married and went on a honeymoon to a very niceresort. One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel,climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck with againer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. This was followed by three rotations in jackknife position before he againstraightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel. She said, "That was incredible!"He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told youwe'd learn more about ourselves as we went along." So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps. She was moving so fast that the ripples from her pushing off at one end ofthe pool would hardly be gone before she was already touching the otherend of the pool. She did laps in freestyle, breast stroke, and even butterfly.After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back outand lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard. He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?""No," she said, "I was a hooker in Wheeling, West Virginia, and I workedboth sides of the river." (comment on this) 12:50 am - Hmmm....my taste. Saturday, November 13th, 2004 1:19 am mrhslildevil To: President Bush From: The Men and Women of AmericaI believe in fighting for democracy and freedom everywhere in the world. I am willing to sacrifice when the cause is just and the strategy is strong. But I don't want anyone to be forced to die for a terrible, unplanned war. President Bush, you say there will be no draft. Why should I trust you? Are you a friend of Krystal who hasn't signed the letter?If so, then you can enter your information here to sign: http://www.noiraqdraft.com/impact.php?uid=5a3caa58e96c56f4f9c4006db681565dFUCK BUSH 2004I'M MOVING TO CANADA4 MORE YEARS OF THIS ILLETERATE MORON OMG I DON;T KNOW (comment on this) Wednesday, November 10th, 2004 9:25 pm - act alive people act alive do this mrhslildevil 1. Tell me one thing you love about me.2. Tell me two things you love about yourself.3. Look through the comments... when you see someone you know, tell them three things you love about them.4. Do this in your journal so I can tell you what I love about YOU.current mood: drained (2 comments | comment on this) Monday, November 1st, 2004 4:03 pm - this one was funny mrhslildevil Mars and Venus thingI never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and womendiffer so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars and Venus thing. And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women withtheir heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets throwninto a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, thepassion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it,I just want you to hold me."I said, "WHAT??" So she says the words that I and every husband on theplanet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotionalneeds as a woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?"I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went tosleep. The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store. I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three ofthem.She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which Isay OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamondearrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but Idon't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet, becauseshe doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I toldher that it was OK.She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seenher face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feellike buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said,"Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,"You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the Springthaw. (1 comment | comment on this) Sunday, October 31st, 2004 10:11 pm - check this out its kinda cute and silly Saturday, October 30th, 2004 7:45 am - nuff said 7:27 am - SOMEONE START POSTING IN HERE DAMNIT!!!!!!!! mrhslildevil 1. Tell me one thing you love about me.2. Tell me two things you love about yourself.3. Look through the comments... when you see someone you know, tell them three things you love about them.4. Do this in your journal so I can tell you what I love about YOU. (comment on this) 5:58 am Friday, October 29th, 2004 7:19 pm | | 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