Wankers 4 Real! (original) (raw)

| | Monday, October 24th, 2005 7:21 pm - oh man Wednesday, October 19th, 2005 8:36 pm - http://www.flamjam.com/halloween/ 7:57 pm - the silly boys! jojoedwards This is a scene from a pornographic film by Patrick Jones. It is very shady. In this scene, they are giving each other a good seeing to and it is a bit scary. Sometimes I hear voices in my ear and it scares me. Isn't this a bit strange. Oh well. If anyone knows of any bands looking for a vocalist, tell them that there are lots of vocalists out there. I am tremendously scared right now.current mood: cold (1 comment | comment on this) Friday, October 14th, 2005 4:44 pm - Kirsty hates Tuesday, October 11th, 2005 2:58 pm - People Sunday, October 9th, 2005 7:53 pm - Please allow me to introduce myself. Diggory Compton is my name, bakin' shit is my game diggorycompton “You are now about to witness the strength of baking knowledge”Verse One Straight outta Compton crazy motherfucker named DiggoryFrom the gang called Bakers With AttitudesWhen I'm called off I got a sawed offFrench Loaf and pies are hauled offYou too boy if ya fuck with meThe police are gonna hafta come and get meOff your biscuits, that's how I'm goin outFor the baker motherfuckers that's showin outBakerz start to mumble, they wanna rumbleMix em and cook em in a pie like gumboGoin off on a motherfucker like thatwith a loaf that's pointed at yo assSo mix it up smooth,Ain't no tellin’ when I'm down for a jack moveHere's a bakin’ rap to keep ya’ll dancin’with a crime record like Charles MansonRolling pins are the toolDon't make me act the motherfuckin’ foolMe you can go toe to toe, no maybeI'm knockin’ bakerz out tha box, dailyyo weekly, monthly and yearlyuntil them dumb fuck bakers see clearlythat I'm down with the capital C-P-TBoy you can't fuck with meSo when I'm in your neighborhood, you better duckCoz Diggory is crazy as fuckAs I leave, believe I'm chompin’but when I come back, boy, I'm comin’ straight outta ComptonChorus:[Diggory Compton, Diggory Compton][Liz McDonald] Yo Diggory[Diggory] Whassup?[Liz McDonald] Tell em where you from! Verse Two Straight outta Compton, another crazy ass BakerMore cakez I bake, yo, my rep gets biggerI'm a bad motherfucker and you know thisBut the pussy ass bakerz don't show thisBut I don't give a fuck, I'm a’ bake my cakes If not from the records, from jackin the cropsJust like bakin’, the definition is 'jackin'And when illegally baked it's called 'packin'Shoot a motherfucker in a minuteI find a good piece o' queen cake, I go up in itSo if you don’t queue in an orderly rowI'm a call you a bitch or dirty-ass hoYou'll probably get mad like a bitch is supposed toBut that shows me, slut, you're composed toa crazy fucking baker from tha streetAttitude legit cause I'm bakin’ up shitDiggory controls the automaticFor any dumb muthafucker that starts staticNot the right hand cause I'm the hand itselfevery time I pull a French Stick off the shelfThe security is maximum and that's a lawD-I-G spells Dig and I'm rawSee, coz I'm the motherfuckin villainThe definition is clear, you're the witness of a killin’that's takin’ place without a clueAnd once you're in the shop, your ass is throughLook, you might take it as a tripbut a baker like Dig is on a gangsta tipStraight outta Compton...Chorus:[Diggory Compton, Diggory Compton][Liz McDonald] Diggory’s his name and the boy is comin...Verse Three...Sttraight outta Comptonis a brotha that'll smother yo' motherand make ya sister think I love herDangerous fucking baker raises hellAnd if I ever get caught I bake bailSee, I don't give a fuck, that's the problemI see a motherfuckin’ cop I don't dodge himBut I'm smart, lay low, bake a whileAnd when I see a cream cake, I smileTo me it's kinda funny, the attitude showin’ a baker drivin’but don't know where the fuck he's going, just rollin’Baking for the one they call DiggoryBut here's a flash, they never seize meRuthless! Never seen like a baker in the darkexcept when I bake, see I'll get over the hesitationand hear the scream of the one who got the last ten cakes inGive a little sprinkle o’ flour and I'm jettinBut leave a currant bun no one'll be forgettinSo what about the bitch who bought my cakes? Fuck her!You think I give a damn about a bitch? I ain't a sucker!This is the autobiography of the D, and if you ever fuck with meYou'll get taken by a crazy bakin’ brotha who will smotherword to the motherfucker, straight outta ComptonChorus:[Diggory Compton, Diggory Compton][Damn that cake was dope!]current mood: anxious (4 comments | comment on this) Saturday, October 8th, 2005 11:41 pm - I LOVE THE JAMES I WANT HIS PRICK jojoedwards HE IS LOVE. I WATCH CORRIE JUST FOR HIM.IT IS LOVE AND SEX. JUSTIFY MY LOVE.JOIN ME IN DIGGORYWE ARE ALL DIGGORY NOWTHE LOVE OF DIGGORY COMPTONYOU STOLE DIGGORY FROM MY HEARTMY LITTLE DIGGORYTHE INTENSE HUMMING OF DIGGORY ARCHIVES OF DIGGORYIFDIGGORYTOLDTHETRUTHFORONEDAYTHEBAKINGWORLDWOULDFALLAPARTDIGGORY BEGINS AT HOMESTRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTONDIGGORY IN A TUTUTHE DIGGORY RITUALHAND IN DIGGORYSMALL BLACK DIGGORYS THAT GROW IN THE SKYDIGGORY IS SUFFERINGTHE GIRL WHO WANTED TO BE DIGGORYFREEDOM OF SPEECH WON'T FEED DIGGORYDAMN DIGGORYMOTOWN DIGGORYIT'S SO DIGGORYDIGGORY BATEMANDIGGORY SERENADEDIGGORY IN VAINREADY FOR DIGGORYRIP OUT THE WINGS OF DIGGORYDIGGORY IN THE HOSPITALFUNERAL OF DIGGORYANOTHER INVENTED DIGGORYYOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO GUYS LIKE DIGGORY IN PRISONHEADFIRST FOR DIGGORYTHIS CHARMING DIGGORYDIGGORY RAINSWEET DIGGORY OF MINEAPPETITE FOR DIGGORYUSE YOUR DIGGORYMR. COMPTONWELCOME TO THE CAKE SHOPcurrent mood: DIGGORY (1 comment | comment on this) Thursday, October 6th, 2005 10:05 pm - NO RANTS = BAD jojoedwards The problem with the entire University system is that it is still very much a system of snobbery. Bursaries, Loans, Hardship Loans... Sounds like a lot - but it isn't. The bursary ranges from pitiful to not very good and the loan is roughly the same. Add both together and divide by 9. It's pathetic. It makes it difficult for students from single parent families. Very difficult indeed. And the general assumption is that all students come from middle-class bourgeois backgrounds. Another assumption is this: moneyed, middle class background = brains.WRONG! When will all those middle class, bourgeois wankers realise that you cannot buy intelligence? It isn't bought, or drummed into you, it's achieved!I hate the students who are at uni off the back of mummy and daddy's money. I despise those parasites. But they are not fooling anyone except themselves. I may very well find it difficult to get a job with my degree but that's because of the state of this country. People who have slogged their guts out for four years struggle to get jobs, when all they've ever done is study. It makes me feel very, very sick indeed.Poor unfortunate souls who go to uni and expect a good time. I can assure you all that it's not there. Unless you're a freeloading scumbag that is.current mood: creative (2 comments | comment on this) 4:19 pm - Dicks thedeadaresexy There's nothing worse than a big-headed whore master who thinks anything over a size 12 is fat. I hate these kind of disgusting men who sit and wank over FHM and Holyoalks 24 hours a day. Yes, go out and stick your penis up a size 6 with breasts the size of basket balls. How on earth men find this attractive is beyond me. Their orange faces and badly bleached hair make me want to vomit several thousand times. Yes, there are some fat fucks in this world, but please be intelligent enough to actually tell the difference between a fat girl and a girl who looks reasonable and healthy. I also suggest that you stop moaning about your shitty football teams losing. These selfish cunts earn more a year than my mother and father put together and yet they still moan their fucking minging faces off about such tedious matters. Excuse me Mrs Beckham, but I would rather look the way I do than have a face like a rat catcher's dog that has lost a fight with a dyson hoover. Of course, many people will read this and say to themselves: "Oh, another fatty sticking up for fat people". I can assure you that this is NOT the case. I'm not a skinny girl but I don't consider myself to be fat. Why don't you watch Jerry Springer or Trisha and then you will see some really fat tinks.So long and good night.current mood: okay (3 comments | comment on this) Friday, September 30th, 2005 7:44 am jojoedwards blimey!Just look at that icon of mine. It's so adorably adorable and infinitely gorgeously gorgeous.so gorgeous sunk to 17 stone. I wanna be so fat. That I block your view. I, I , I , I, I wanna walk in the snow, and not cause an earthquake.Oh the james. he is love and beauty and talent and charisma and sheer unadulterated raw sexcurrent mood: awake (3 comments | comment on this) Tuesday, September 27th, 2005 8:33 pm - JDB: and my ultimate day jojoedwards Know what? I have an ulitimate day in my head. Everyone has one. A day when all of your ultimate aspirations, dream etc are realised.12pm - wake up1pm - Breakfast of scrambled eggs with bacon2pm - Board airplane to Barcelona, record signing then jet to...5pm - Oslo for gig in largest stadium there. Whilst there look in record shops to see my motherfucking albums at numbers 3,2 and 1 in the charts - this is representative of all of Europe and most of Asia as well as Australia. Don't care for USA.10pm - Back on Terra Firma in Barcelona. Attend an evening book signing for my pulitzer prize winning book.11pm - Back to my flat in Barcelona. My faithful devoted, much-loved husband James Dean Bradfield is there waiting for me. The Manics have just finished a sell-out world tour and are number one in every single civilised country as well as most of the uncivilised world. James, naturally is elated, and proceeds to serenade me with 'Dying A Thousand Deaths', whilst staring into my eyes. Proceed to our gargantuan bed.Bon Soir.N.B. Although all of this is highly unlikely fodder, it is not out of the realms of possibility. There is nothing here that is technically impossible. Even the bit about the scrambled eggs and bacon.current mood: determined (2 comments | comment on this) Monday, September 26th, 2005 9:10 pm jojoedwards Review: 'More' MagazineBy Joanne Roberts'MORE' magazine has long since been popular with young ladies in their teens to early twenties. For some time, it has been one of THE most poupular magazines amongst young women.It contains some fantastic examples of fresh, contemporary, challenging, potent and insightful journalism and teaches young women a variety of worthwhile things that will undoubtedly encourage them to fulfil their ambitions and go far in life. Some of these fantastic, educational features include:1) Celebrity spyA brief run down of who is going out with who in the land of celebrities. A surefire must for budding intelects and the career women of the future! Knowing which celebrity is banging whom has for a long time been a prerequisite of being an intelligent, thoughtful and successful young women.2) How to give a good handjobNaturally, every young women should know how to wank a man properly. If it weren't for 'MORE' the women of the nation would never be able to do such a crucial, vital thing. How could women ever survive without knowing how to give a proper handjob? Forget education, talent, charisma or morality - 'MORE' magazine concentrates on the important things in life!3) Position of the FortnightFor years, 'MORE' has been forsaking unimportant things like reviews of great films, thought-provoking music and fine literature to tell us young women what really matters: how to spread your legs so far apart that both of your femur bones snap. Don't look to music, film or literature to educate yourselves, ladies, just buy 'MORE' and fuck yourselves blind seven nights a week until your brain has shrivelled to the size of a fucking peanut.And remember - 'smart' girls really do get more!current mood: irritated (1 comment | comment on this) Friday, September 23rd, 2005 4:12 pm - Don't you just hate....... Tuesday, September 13th, 2005 9:03 pm - OH 8:58 pm - SLUMMING jojoedwards I have definitely going to the markets. they have lots of things to buy! i have an entire shilling to spend all on myself! it is really nice. i have to go. congratulate me on having a shilling! have you ever heard of a band called jimmy james and the vagabonds? i have a theory that they are actually the best band ever, in disguise. they have platform heels and lovely huge afro wigs and they smell like chicken. i am going to decorate their garden sheds with love and sickness and fealty. GO!LOVE, GLOVE,THE HEAVENS ABOVETHEY ARE NOT HERE,THEY ARE NOT THERE,SO WHERE???? (comment on this) 8:41 pm - Clarks shoes are great. jojoedwards I went and bought myself some clarky shoes - they grrreat.I have no motivation today. Instead, I buy the dodgy low grade ganja shit from the crusties in cell 42a. Oh the hippies - they niiiice.I am going the Leeds market on wednesday to buy some things. Hopefully. Probably the trains will be on strike, or the train will be stranded in auctermuchty, or leeds market will be shut, or they'll refuse to sell me things, seeing as how the whole worl seems to want to fuck me up the ass. I should be used to it by now. BO to the BEE!Alles, Ich habe eine rauche auf dem tisch. Es ist sehr gut und ich liebe dem rauchen. Can Ich habe eine brockwurst?I hear that James Dean Bradfield likes brockwurst. It's probably the hefty ones, because they remind him lovingly of his huge, throbbing erect phallus. I must pack, I must hoover, I must bathe, I must behave. I must bathe in the mediocrity of life's evil patter. It doesn't matter. Shapeless matter. Stomach flatter. Well anyway, I want to go and be silly and have fun listening to the music, arranging iTunes and doing things. FUCK FUCK! BEEZELBUB THE GREAT AND THE LEGEND OF LORD SHITTY DICK. EPIC BY FAITH NO MORE BEING PLAYED AT THE FUNERAL OF EVERYONE WHO EVER LIVED. OR INDEED DIED. GO THE TOILET.HD: GARY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT BIG MULTIPACK OF QUAVERS WE BOUGHT?GB: DUNNO, MAYBE A MOUSE ATE IT.JT: I DON'T THINK A MOUSE IS GONNA EAT 15 PACKETS OF QUAVERS!I am going to bathe.current mood: sore (3 comments | comment on this) Monday, September 12th, 2005 9:21 pm - I hate him thedeadaresexy I hate his fucking guts and I wish death upon him. He's a sleazey, howfing and disgusting old pervert. I want to go through to Edinburgh this week just to punch his fucking lights out. How dare he treat someone like shit when he has no fucking right at all. He even lied about his fucking age just so he could get his grubby hands on her. There's something wrong with a 40 year old man that lusts after a girl who doesn't even look a day over 16. Men are seriously the scum of the fucking EARTH. They are never happy with what they've got so they go and stick their penis up some no-name. I hope he gets AIDS and fucking DIES a lonely, sad old man with no-one but a fat nurse to spoon feed him. I seriously mean this. I would love to knock his teeth out with a hammer and make him swallow them whole. I want to smash his face of my fucking knee and rip every single piercing out of his ugly fucking face.current mood: angry (comment on this) Friday, September 9th, 2005 11:37 am - tee hee! thedeadaresexy I just got off with a guy to impress another guy and I'm a fucking slapper. Does that shock you? Tee hee, I'm so naughty! I'm such a wanker fangirl and I love corsets and pink and AWWW! FLUFFY KITTENS! Does anyone want to see a picture of my hello kitty bag? It reeks of cum because one of my many, many boyfriends wanked in it. Oh, I had a threesome last night. I'm a fucking hoebag. Hee hee, all you guys love it though. I'm such an attention seeking but they all love me! That's important, right? As long as people love me and want to fuck me then who cares. Hehehe, I'm a wanker. I should be put down.current mood: naughty (2 comments | comment on this) Wednesday, September 7th, 2005 6:17 pm - Beiling thedeadaresexy Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears are everything that's fucking wrong with society. I would personally rather look like Lisa Riley's fat fucking arse than look like any of them. (comment on this) Monday, September 5th, 2005 3:22 pm - i have no friends | | 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