Through the looking glass darkly? When self-doubts turn into relationship insecurities (original) (raw)
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The Dynamics of Self-Esteem in Partner Relationships
European Journal of Personality, 2015
Previous research on the role of self-esteem in partner relationships indicates that it is both predictive of and predicted by variables such as relationship satisfaction. However, most of these studies were constrained to only relationship satisfaction, cross-sectional or individual data. In the present study, we examine the dynamic interplay between self-esteem and both broad (i.e. relationship satisfaction) and specific aspects of relationship quality (independence and connectedness) reflecting the fulfilment of agentic and communal needs in stable partner relationships from both an intrapersonal perspective and an interpersonal perspective. Study 1 assessed 186 individuals at three measurement occasions over 15 years and suggests a common developmental dynamic between self-esteem and relationship satisfaction, as indicated by initial correlations and correlated changes. In Study 2, actor and partner effects in stable couples (N = 2124 dyads) were examined over a period of three years. It was found that self-esteem and all three aspects of relationship quality are dynamically intertwined in such a way that both previous levels and changes in one domain predict later changes in the other domain. Together, the findings indicate that self-esteem is consequential for the development of a variety of relationship aspects but likewise influenced by these very aspects.
Walking on eggshells": How expressing relationship insecurities perpetuates them
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2008
The authors present a model positing that when people are insecure about a relationship partner's acceptance, they often express emotional vulnerabilities to the partner, which causes them to believe the partner views them as highly vulnerable and insecure. In turn, this belief causes them to doubt the authenticity of the partner's expressions of positive regard, which may perpetuate the experience and expression of insecurity that initiated the process. Prototypes of interactions with interpersonally vulnerable individuals included partners' inauthentic expressions of regard (Study 1). Suggesting that these prototypes are applied to personal relationships when vulnerabilities are expressed, those who claimed to have expressed vulnerabilities doubted the partner's authenticity because they believed that they were viewed as vulnerable (Studies 2A, 2B, and 4). Authenticity doubts in turn predicted perceptions of rejection (Studies 3 and 4), which in turn predicted partner derogation and subsequent expressions of vulnerability (Study 4). An experimental manipulation of reflected appraisals of vulnerability increased doubts about the authenticity of a new acquaintance's expressions of emotion (Study 5). Relational insecurity may be perpetuated via the intrapersonal cognitive consequences of expressing it.
Relationship-Contingent Self-Esteem and the Ups and Downs of Romantic Relationships
Relationship-contingent self-esteem (RCSE) emerges from perspectives on authenticity, need fulfillment, and relationship functioning and is an unhealthy form of self-esteem that depends on one's relationship. Four studies provided evidence of convergent, discriminant, incremental, and predictive validity for RCSE. Study 1 tested associations between RCSE and several conceptually related and unrelated constructs in multiple samples. In Study 2, the authors employed an event-contingent diary procedure to examine reports of self-esteem as a function of everyday relationship events. The association between event valence and changes in self-esteem became stronger with RCSE, and this interaction remained controlling for several parallel interactions by other constructs. Study 3 employed an interval-contingent diary procedure and found support for a mediation model in which the moderating role of RCSE largely occurred through momentary emotions, which in turn predicted momentary self-esteem. Study 4 sampled couples and found that partners who were both higher in RCSE felt more committed but not more satisfied or close.
The role of unstable self-esteem in the appraisal of romantic relationships
Personality and Individual …, 2011
The relationship appraisals of individuals with stable and unstable forms of self-esteem were examined in two studies using undergraduate participants. Study 1 (N = 166) used indicators of relationship closeness and satisfaction whereas Study 2 (N = 125) examined relationship commitment. Across both studies, men with unstable high self-esteem reported more positive views of their relationships than other individuals. We believe that the fragile nature of their feelings of self-worth may have motivated these men to appraise their relationships positively in an effort to maintain and enhance their own tenuous feelings of self-worth. These findings suggest that men with unstable high self-esteem may use their romantic relationships to regulate how they feel about themselves.
Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 2009
It is proposed that people are motivated to feel hard to replace in romantic relationships because feeling irreplaceable fosters trust in a partner's continued responsiveness. By contrast, feeling replaceable motivates compensatory behavior aimed at strengthening the partner's commitment to the relationship. A correlational study of dating couples and 2 experiments examined how satiating/ thwarting the goal of feeling irreplaceable differentially affects relationship perception and behavior for low and high self-esteem people. The results revealed that satiating the goal of feeling irreplaceable increases trust for people low in self-esteem. In contrast, thwarting the goal of feeling irreplaceable increases compensatory behaviors meant to prove one's indispensability for people high in self-esteem. . The order of the second and third authors was determined alphabetically. 4 The sample size varied across dependent measures because of missing data.
Putting the Partner Within Reach: A Dyadic Perspective on Felt Security in Close Relationships.
Journal of Personality …, 2005
The authors argue that felt insecurity in a partner's positive regard and caring stems from a specifically dyadic perception-the perception that a partner is out of one's league. A cross-sectional sample of dating couples revealed that people with low self-esteem feel inferior to their partner and that such feelings of relative inferiority undermine felt security in the partner's regard. Three experiments examined the consequences of reducing such perceived discrepancies by pointing to either strengths in the self or flaws in the partner. Low, but not high, self-esteem participants reacted to new strengths in the self or faults in the partner by reporting greater felt security in their specific partner's positive regard and commitment and more positive, general feelings about their own interpersonal worth. Thus, putting the partner more within the psychological grasp of low self-esteem people may effectively increase felt security in the partner's regard.
Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2009
or socially undesirable. That is, how do people respond when a friend tells a joke that falls flat, a child throws a tantrum at the supermarket, a roommate is romantically rejected, or a family member is arrested for public intoxication? We predicted that low-self-esteem individuals, but not high-self-esteem individuals, would distance from flawed partners in the form of reducing motivation to respond to needs, reducing feelings of care and closeness, and reducing provision of support. We further predicted that this distancing process would occur primarily when low-self-esteem individuals believe that the partner's flaws reflect negatively on them. Distancing From Partners to Cope With Reflection Threat Many studies suggest that people experience threat to their own private feelings of self-worth and their social images when groups in which they belong appear socially undesirable or low in status (e.g., Cialdini et al.,
2017
The current study analyzes self-esteem and the apparent mood of one’s partner as predictors of perceived responsibility, level of felt rejection, and relationship satisfaction in romantic relationships. The study hypothesizes that ambivalence will act as a moderating variable between self-esteem and romantic relationship outcomes. Previous research on the topic suggests that self-esteem is associated with how participants react to their romantic partner when they are in a specific mood. The current study will be one of the first to examine how ambivalence affects self-esteem’s effect on romantic relationships. The results replicate previous research, showing that self-esteem interacts with partner’s mood to predict perceived responsibility. Results also show that level of rejection and relationship satisfaction are associated with self-esteem. Ambivalence was not a significant moderator of these effects. Additionally, self-concept clarity was a significant predictor of how responsib...
Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 2008
A model of the role and costs of contingent self-worth in the partner-affirmation process was tested. Actors whose self-worth was contingent on appearance or intelligence claimed to have expressed their particular heightened sensitivity to their romantic partners. Suggesting a cost to these reactions, actors' beliefs about having expressed heightened sensitivity, in turn, predicted their doubts about the authenticity of partners' positive feedback in the domain of contingency, independently of whether partners claimed to deliver inauthentic feedback. Suggesting a cost for partners, partners of contingent actors appeared to detect actors' expressions of sensitivity in the domain of contingency and respond by delivering inauthentic feedback to actors in the domain, which in turn predicted partners' increased relationship anxiety and decreased satisfaction. Results suggest that contingent self-worth may undermine the functioning of the partner-affirmation process through actors discrediting partners' positive feedback and partners behaving in an inauthentic and controlled manner.