'Covid ended our marriage': The couples who split in the pandemic (original) (raw)

Around the world - from South America to West Africa - previously happy couples are splitting up and many are divorcing. The stress of the pandemic has been blamed by some, while others say it has highlighted old problems.

"I found out during lockdown that my husband has a girlfriend." Reni* whispers down the phone from her home in Nigeria. Her family are chatting loudly in the next room, plates clinking as they prepare dinner.

"I confronted him about her," she says, "and all he said was: 'How did you get into my phone?' It was a big blow out. I think he wants a divorce. He doesn't know I'm speaking to you now, that's why I can't show my real face."

Cooped up together in homes all over the world, many of us have felt the strain on our relationships. Juggling childcare, chores and work, worrying about health, finances and the state of the world, the global Covid-19 crisis has left many of us also navigating a domestic crisis of our own behind closed doors.

For some, like Reni, the close confinement of lockdown has also meant discovering secrets - and having to deal with the fallout.

This was true for Richard Cunha Schmidt, 41, and Rafaela Carolina Ferreira Schmidt, 31, who live in Florianopolis, in southern Brazil. They divorced last month, saying lockdown was the catalyst.

"For the most part, it was 12 beautiful years together," says social worker Rafaela. "But the pandemic spared nothing. It came to expose that in a 24-hour relationship with two children, and one home office…a lot of things were not matching anymore."

"There were those moments of anger and disagreement, of using the situation against each other. I felt that," she adds. "The issues of ​​wearing masks, coming back to the house, taking clothes off and taking a shower, I took it all very seriously. His view was different. I think it's funny now, but we were really furious at the time."

"We started to fight about things. Futile, unimportant things," adds project manager Richard. "Lockdown was very strict, we couldn't leave the house, not even to get some air. And I think at first I didn't accept all this rigour."

For those who have split, the pandemic presents a further challenge - how to survive heartbreak in a lockdown. In Melbourne, Australia, musician Kieron Byatt sits in the room he shared, until recently, with his girlfriend of nine years. Confined to the house as winter drew in, and without the distractions of normal life, he says they stumbled into a "routine funk".

"It just went down really fast. I think lockdown fast-tracked the expiry date. We went from talking about buying a house together at the start of the year to… she was gone, and I just felt so alone."

Kieron threw himself into a strict routine of work and exercise but the pain of the separation - on top of Melbourne's strict 112-day lockdown - took a mental toll.

"When the breakup happened, Melbourne was opening back up again, and then we got the word we were going back into lockdown. So it was just like all of these incremental steps of like 'how much worse could it get? I got to a point where I got really down, and I just cried my eyes out."

In Brazil, Richard and Rafaela have managed to navigate the end of their marriage amicably and remain friends. Rafaela has moved to a place nearby. They still see each other every day, sharing the care of their two girls.

"Lockdown made us face the problems with courage and resignation and not run away," says Richard. Rafaela nods. "Separating wasn't what I wanted," she adds. "But I didn't see any other alternative. I think we are two very nice people. I think we both deserve to be happy."

Kieron too says he is weathering the present with hope of a brighter future. "Each day is getting better. But then you still have those days that are awful. And you know what, it's very similar to this whole Covid-19 situation," he says.

"There are days where the case numbers are coming down, and then one day they're all back up again. And you've got to maintain the hope that things will be ok."

Additional reporting by Gabriela Silva Loureiro

*Some of the names in this piece have been changed.