Can a college love last forever? Should it? (original) (raw)

Monday | December 30, 2024

Q.

My boyfriend and I are newly graduated college alumni who have been together about three years. We met in Boston and have decided to stay here and pursue the next steps of our lives together.

My question is: for college sweethearts, how do you know you have found your life partner when you have few other romantic experiences?

We were both of each other’s firsts for many things, including a long-term serious relationship. Our love feels right and we both speak about getting married, but I know in the back of our minds we both wonder if it is naive to marry the first person you date as an adult.

Is it a crazy idea to spend your entire life with just one person in the 21st century? Do you think we will regret what we may have missed out on if we do stay together forever? Would it be a huge mistake to leave a strong, stable, and fulfilling love because of fear you are missing out? And is it normal to have these thoughts?

– a young woman

A.

“Would it be a huge mistake to leave a strong, stable, and fulfilling love because of fear you are missing out?”

Probably, if that’s how you define what you have. The relationship sounds wonderful.

Instead of thinking about the future, focus on how you feel right now. If the idea of sleeping with other people is appealing at this moment – if you’re looking at guys and thinking, “I wish I could see that person naked once before I ride off into the sunset” – that’s something to consider. If you’re feeling FOMO as we speak, you’ll want to address it. But if this is about how you assume you might feel as you get older, it’s not worth ruminating about. You’re not getting married tomorrow, right? There’s time to let your relationship unfold, and to make thoughtful decisions about what feels right.

Something to consider: When I read this letter and had FOMO on your behalf, I wasn’t thinking about you missing out on other dating experiences. I was worried you haven’t had enough single time – that you’re not going to get the chance to get dumped, make a pack of new friends, and know that no matter who comes and goes, you are your own best company.

But I’m projecting, right? I had that specific formative experience, so I think it’s important. But while I was single, I missed out on other cool moments. The point: none of us get to do everything. You’re going to miss out, no matter what.

The key is figuring out what you want the most – and you’re allowed to change your mind over time.

– Meredith

Readers? Did you stay with someone you met in college? Did it give you FOMO over time? What about a high school love?

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