How to Propose to Your Partner in 13 Simple Steps (original) (raw)

Whether you met back in high school, through a mutual friend, at work, or on a dating app, you found love—and now you're ready to tell the world that your partner is "the one" for life. Acknowledging that you're committed to your significant other is only half of the battle, however: Planning a proposal is a major undertaking that involves everything from shopping for an engagement ring to memorizing that very important speech. Meaning, asking your partner to marry you involves more than just getting down on one knee—and preparation is key (this isn't a simple conversation, after all).

To help you make this long-awaited moment as perfect as possible (and to ensure it's the type of proposal your partner wants), we asked two experts to provide their top tips for popping the question. Ahead, here are 13 things you can’t forget to do before you get down on one knee.

Meet the Expert

What to Know Before Proposing to Your Partner

Proposing to your partner may be one of the most exciting—and nerve-wracking!—times of your life. Though you may have dreamt of this moment the minute you laid eyes on your significant other, actually uttering the words "Will you marry me" is something you need to be mentally prepared to do.

So, how do you get yourself ready for this all-important experience? "Think of all of the things that made you fall in love with them throughout your time together, and start visualizing and dreaming about the future you want for each other (family planning, holiday traditions, travel, work/life balance)," shares licensed mental health counselor Wale Okerayi. "Start thinking about the type of marriage you want to have and what tools you need to achieve it, and discuss your feelings about this significant life transition with a mental health professional."

Once you're mentally prepared to pop the question, follow the below steps to plan the perfect proposal your partner will remember forever.

PHOTO BY AMBER GRESS PHOTOGRAPHY

How to Plan a Proposal in 13 Easy Steps

Ahead, here's how to plan an unforgettable and personal proposal.

Have a Conversation With Your Partner About the Future

This might seem obvious, but before you start plotting, it’s important to make sure you both have marriage on the brain. Talk to your partner about the future. Let them know that one day you’d like to be married and ask if they see marriage in their future, too. Nervous about making this conversation feel too much like a proposal? Keep it broad by discussing your best friend’s recent engagement and leading into it that way. Is it a hard conversation? Yes. But hopefully, you’ll come away from it with an idea of what your partner will say when you open that ring box.

Chat With Their Parents

Old-school? Yes. Important? Maybe. It really depends on the family. If your partner has hinted in any way that you need to ask his or her parents for their hand in marriage, do it. That doesn’t mean your partner is anyone’s property, though. Try something like this: "I am deeply in love with your son/daughter, and we want to spend our lives together. I am planning to propose and want you to be involved in this exciting moment."

Buy the Bauble

The engagement ring is a piece of jewelry your partner will wear every day for the rest of their life, so get a sense of what they really love. Snap photos of the jewelry they wear every day, take a peek at their Pinterest boards, or ask a close friend or family member to help narrow it down. As for jewelers, get recommendations to make sure you’re purchasing from a trusted store with great reviews and service.

Last, but certainly not least, find out their ring size. If it’s not a secret, just ask. If you’re going the surprise route, check your partner’s jewelry. Find a ring that he or she wears regularly (and make a note of which finger it goes on). Then either bring it with you to a jeweler or mark how far it fits on your own finger. Many jewelers can also make a good guess at a ring size based on your partner’s height and weight.

Get Personal

Now that you have a ring, it’s time to plan the proposal. Think about the type of proposal your partner will love, whether it’s a grand gesture, an intimate moment, or a surprise surrounded by family and friends. "Choose a meaningful location or romantic getaway with personal significance, such as the site of your first date, a favorite restaurant, or a place they’ve always wanted to visit," shares event planner Yana Daryeva. "Incorporate small, meaningful details that show your knowledge of their likes and dislikes, such as their favorite flowers, colors, or music."

Consider Hiring a Professional

You know your love best, but sometimes it's worth asking for help when planning the right proposal. More specifically, an event planner can help you curate the ultimate surprise. Daryeva also recommends hiring a professional photographer or videographer to memorialize this special day. "[Your partner] will appreciate the attention to detail and the ability to look back on the moment," she explains.

Prepare Your Speech

You don’t need to have your speech totally written out, but spend a little time jotting down what you’d like to say. Getting your thoughts on paper will give you some direction when it’s time to pop the question, even if you end up winging half of it anyway.

As for what to say in your speech? Okerayi shares, "Remind your partner about all of the reasons you love them and why you want to spend the rest of your life with them, share key moments in your relationship that grew your love and trust towards them (also add some funny moments), share the things you love about them (personality, passions, beliefs, etc), establish your long term commitment to them, and don't forget to ask the big question at the end"

Plan a Celebration

You don’t need to plan a full-on engagement party, but make sure you’ve got an idea of how the two of you will celebrate the big moment. Book a table at your favorite restaurant, tuck some Champagne in the fridge, or have a few friends waiting in the wings.

Take your partner's personality into account to determine whether they'd prefer a one-on-one celebration or a family affair.

Set Up a Fake Backstory

To avoid blowing the surprise, come up with a foolproof ruse that leads your partner off track. They may know something's up, especially if you're taking a trip or have out-of-the-ordinary plans, but a fake game plan is needed to keep your love a little unsure as to what is happening.

Keep the Ring Safe

From the second you have the ring in your hands, keep it safe. Invest in insurance and then find a safe place to hide the ring until it’s time. When you’re ready to propose, safety is still key. Make sure the ring is secure in a zipped pocket or safely in the box—somewhere you’ll be able to reach it easily without dropping it.

Have a Photographer on Standby

Whether you hire a professional or trust your future sister-in-law and her iPhone, your soon-to-be fiancé(e) will love you all the more for finding someone to document the occasion. If they have no idea the proposal's coming, you can expect absolutely epic reaction snapshots.

If you'd rather no one be present for the moment, set up your phone in a hidden spot and press record.

Discreetly Store the Ring

Nothing ruins spontaneity faster than your partner seeing the bulge of a ring box in your pocket. To avoid this from happening, purchase a small ring box that'll look discrete when you hide the sparkler in your pocket or sock pre-proposal.

Be Flexible

Life happens, so be prepared to go with the flow. Don’t rush the proposal just because the sun is about to set or dinner is nearly over—wait until the moment really feels right. And if you’ve planned something a little more low-key, that very well might mean waiting a few days if your sweetheart is stressed from work or the weather isn’t cooperating.

Don't Rush It

Now you're ready to pop the question! When the moment comes, take a deep breath, get down on one knee, and pitch the sentimental speech you've probably rehearsed a million times. Be sure to also give your partner a moment—they'll need time to process, cry, and hug it out. Then, once they've collected themselves, figure out when to officially put on the ring. Or your partner may beat you to the punch and hold out their hand for you to do the honors.