Dating Naked UK review: This tedious, attention-seeking format isn't even sexy - and is such a car... (original) (raw)

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The most revealing aspect of the opening moments of new show Dating Naked — in which ten singles bare all in the pursuit of ratings, sorry, true love — is the extent to which the men match the women in terms of intimate grooming.

The human male genitalia in its pruned form brings to mind one of those slightly irksome tins of boiled German sausages you find in French supermarkets. It renders the whole arrangement strangely unappetising.

TMI (too much information) as the young people say? Ha. Better get used to it. This is the new frontier of reality TV. Short of sticking a camera up the wazoo (or would it be down? That would be one for the technicians to decide), it's hard to see where we go from here.

Quite hard also to see where Rylan Clark, the show's presenter, goes from here. Love Rylan, but I'm not sure this was the best career move for him. He's a talented bloke who has scraped himself off the bottom of the reality TV barrel and into the mainstream. His BBC2 travel show with Judge Rinder, Rob and Rylan's Grand Tour, was a huge hit, a genuinely affecting bit of telly. He presents a great show on BBC Radio 2, does a podcast for Radio 4; he even had a cameo recently in The Archers, that bastion of Middle England respectability.

I can't help feeling that, with this, he risks sliding straight back to the bottom of the TV snakes and ladders board. But maybe the perks were just too hard to resist. At least he gets to keep his clothes on.

The most revealing aspect of the opening moments of new show Dating Naked — in which ten singles bare all in the pursuit of ratings, sorry, true love — is the extent to which the men match the women in terms of intimate grooming

Quite hard also to see where Rylan Clark , the show's presenter, goes from here. Love Rylan, but I'm not sure this was the best career move for him

Anyway, back to the meat counter. The show takes its production cues from Love Island – same jerky, souped up visuals; same overblown commentary; same annoying music; same 'stunning' villa in an exotic setting (it was filmed in Colombia) — except as they enter the villa the contestants divest themselves, not only of all their morals and dignity, but also their clothes – in slow motion, naturally, for maximum effect.

The camera follows their naked buttocks as they wobble their way to their date with destiny.

There are some hilariously awkward hugs (after all, what is the etiquette for embracing a totally starkers stranger?) and an awful lot of sly glances, eyeing up the goods/competition.

They've all been well-coached in the art of self-justification. After all, it's important not to give the impression that this is just a pimped-up porn set.

'Adam and Eve found love naked; now it's my turn,' intones one contestant, an avowed Christian. Hmm. I'm not sure that would wash at Sunday school.

Another: 'Being naked will allow me to get to know someone on a deeper level.' Will it now?

Others are more prosaic. 'I'm a grower not a shower,' says one, nervously anticipating the competition.

As for the girls, what they lack in clothing they make up for in hair extensions and false eyelashes. No hair below, but plenty up top. There is a striking disconnect, interesting to see, between their bodies – which for the most part appear natural – and their faces, which do not. I suppose in the real world it doesn't really matter; in the raw, it shows.

Far from injecting a new lease of life into the weary reality TV format, the nudity renders the whole thing strangely banal and mundane. It's not really shocking, it's just a bit tedious and attention-seeking

The truth is, after the initial surprise of everyone being naked, once the various appendages have been compared and contrasted, the format is pretty much the same as any other dating reality TV show. Manufactured moments of awkwardness, situations designed to disrupt, various vacuous challenges.

The contestants' first 'task' is to say which of the others they fancy the most. Somewhat depressingly, most of the blokes plump for the obvious girl-next-door blonde, Lauren. Who cares about personality when there's a pair of pert breasts staring you straight in the face?

The two couples who've expressed a mutual interest (Lauren chooses the equally predictable surfer-type muscle dude, Rico) are packed off on a double date together, making perfunctory chit-chat.

Inevitably, someone gets a little overexcited (I suppose here is where the women have an inherent advantage over the men in terms of hiding their true feelings). And the show grinds on. The only genuine frisson seems to be the proximity of nether regions to soft furnishings.

Far from injecting a new lease of life into the weary reality TV format, the nudity renders the whole thing strangely banal and mundane. It's not really shocking, it's just a bit tedious and attention-seeking. It's not sexy, either – it's too anatomical for that. It's hard to have any sort of allure when it's all openly displayed on a platter. If less is more, this is definitely too much.

Dating Naked is available from Friday on Paramount Plus