Coming Out by AdmiringBeautyArt on DeviantArt (original) (raw)

Who takes time to write and read when you can look at sexy photos instead, right? You asked me why I got into this kind of photography. There are three reasons. The first reason is exactly this. I was incredibly unsuccessful as writer and I needed to something different with my creativity. The second reason was obviously that I’ve always been a pervert who’s in love with erotic photography. The third reason takes longer to explain.

When I was around twenty in the late 1990ies, the internet finally arrived in my circles. Soon everybody around me was watching porn online. I was very worried. Did we not learn that "pornography is the theory; rape is the practice”? Do we not become accomplices to rape by watching porn? Do I have to face the fact that my friends and I are a bunch of rapists? How can I live with that?
So before killing all of my friends and then killing myself I decided to find out more about the "adult industry". It turned out to be a difficult field to investigate. Are the literature and the documentaries about it reliable or are they skewed? I've read everything that I could find about it, but the whole thing still remained very abstract for me.

So, becoming a “nude photographer” was my attempt to get firsthand insight into the adult industry. And it changed my worldview. I’ve listened to the stories of the women. They all said a lot of different things but they all seemed to agree on one thing: “Yes, we are suffering, but not because we are somehow forced to this work, but because society has such a huge need for it and then treats us like vermin for satisfying that need.”
This reminded me of how the gay community was able to reduce the discrimination against their members by “coming out” of the closet. If people see that someone they value is gay, they can’t treat gays like vermin anymore. So I thought maybe I could help by “coming out” as someone who watches online erotica. So I did.

It’s been a hell of a ride. Soon I got fired from my position as a teacher and I found myself with a big stamp on my forehead that said “pervert”. It’s funny how people react. Friends turned away from me, some girlfriends of my friends even said “I can’t look him in the eyes anymore.” This was particularly interesting because I knew what their boyfriends were hiding on their computers.

It’s easy to look at porn and point your finger at everything that’s wrong with it (there’s so much, right?) but it doesn’t seem to really solve the problem. It only adds to all the secrecy and shadiness about it.
So here I am. The position I find myself in is maybe not fully satisfying but it was the best thing I could do with what I had to work with. I was the only one who wanted to talk about the problems associated with porn, now I’m the only one with that stamp on my forehead. I guess I have to learn to live with it. Didn’t I always want something that would make me more attractive to potential dating partners?