Berserker by dusint on DeviantArt (original) (raw)

(in a supermarket)

(a family is walking down the canned foods aisle when they see a spartan hoplite putting cans on the shelf , and the kid goes up to him)

kid : are you a spartan

hoplite : indeed i am

kid : what are you ding at the store , are you in the middle of a fight

hoplite ; no , i was , uh , stocking shelves ....

mother : wait , you work here

hoplite : yeah , but i also run a lion sanctuary on the side , i got like , 10 , 20 lions

father : wow , that's , uh , pretty underwhelming ....

hoplite : oh that's nothing , all the guys have had to find new work since warrioring became obsolete ....

(the scene shifts to a viking sitting criss-crossed in a kindergarten classroom)

hoplite (narrating) : children's parties

(the viking hands a kindergartner a balloon shaped like a bearded man wearing a winged helmet)

kindergartner : bunny

viking : no it's odin

(the scene changes to a samurai slashing soemthing with his katana)

hopltie (narrating) : landscaping

(the scene shows that the samurai was slashing a large bush , and once he sheathes his katana , most of the branches fall off , revealing the shape of a samurai helmet , and a man walks up)

man : HEY , I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR A DOG

(the scene changes to a woman laying on her belly on a bed with a towel covering her lower half as a shaolin monk massages her back)

hoplite (narrating) : even working as a masseuse

woman : you've got such a light touch ....