The Wanderer Beyond by FelisGlacialis on DeviantArt (original) (raw)

Today, it is 10 years ago that my White Guardian: Stygian Stígandr Sætansen (mostly known as Stian) came to me. It was on Thursday the 20th of August 2009 that he suddenly appeared, out of the dark.
See here

Since then, he has changed my life for the better; he inspired me to search for what and who I am and he inspired me to always fight through difficult times in life. Without him, I wouldn’t have been who I am now. He has showed me that Life is always worth fighting for. He showed to pull through suffering and find the ultimate freedom at last. His name means wanderer and that is what he truly is. Stian’s soul represents Freedom, the bright will to Live, and the unstoppable curiosity to explore and wander in the world beyond.

This is the full body version of this drawing…

You can read his life-story here: www.deviantart.com/felisglacia…
See all other drawings of him: www.deviantart.com/felisglacia…

Also: he's a siderian, a Northern, horse-sized big CAT.

-------Full story of how he came to me and how he changed my life--------------

Thursday the 20th of August 2009 was on a hot summer day and I was sitting in the train, on a 3 hours travel. I was listening to the black metal bands Dissection and Satyricon. Suddenly, on the song Now Diabolical by Satyricon, I got overwhelmed by an unknown white siderian. He came out of the dark; teeth bared and with an evil expression that I had never seen on a siderian before. His fur was all white, sleek and beautiful, covering his strong and robust, yet lean and scarred body. His voice sounded dark, deep, low and more evil than I had ever heard before. It was not the voice of the song that I was listening to, yet the song carried that same aggression and darkness. His look was unusual; never before had I seen a siderian with kinked ears, a goat-like beard, such dark-edged, ghostly eyes and with such a robust body built.

I knew nearly instantly that this mysterious white siderian had something to do with Satan. Soon after, I saw that he wore a pentagram that was surrounded by a vertebra. For weeks, I tried to figure out who this Satanic siderian was. All he showed me was uttermost hatred and violence towards humans in particular, to defend his land and species. Back then, I even got the impression that he was violent and hated among siderians too. That turned out to have been wrong, later on. Still, I didn’t know who he was but the impression that he left on me was already strong. He took all the focus away from the other siderians whom I felt close to. Somehow, I was attracted by him and he completely invaded my brain. His fighting spirit and Darkness were tremendous. Maybe because deep down, I could relate to his fighting spirit and the hatred. He remained a mystery for weeks, yet he was very prominently present all the time. He was not related to any other siderian that I knew of back then. However, not long after his thunderous arrival, I learned that he came from the siderian-land equivalent of Norway (which siderians call the Fjordlands).

It took me weeks, if not months to lean his name. I knew that something in his name sounded like Satan, yet I didn’t know what he was called. Somehow, I came over the Norwegian name Stian (pronounced as Stee-ahn) and found out that it was the short version of the Old Norse name Stígandr, which means wanderer or pathfinder. That matched, instantly. It just felt right. I little later I heard the word ‘Stygian’ in a song of Sirenia and it was nearly as if the song called for the mysterious White One. I looked it up and it matched like a puzzle piece. Stygian is an adjective that means infernal, Hellish. Somehow, I forgot how, his name just came together: Stygian Stígandr Sætansen.

As I got to know him better in the months after. I learned where his hatred and his deformed vertebra and the other scars came from. He had been shot several times in his conquest for freedom from human invasions. Yet he survived and went on with his endless, raging battle. I these months, he revealed how he had been captured and abused by humans as a cub, which left him a deeply traumatized for the rest of his life. If it wasn’t for his genius grandfather, brave parents and caring cousin and brother…he would have met the same fate is the other cub with whom he was playing when humans caught them. This cub never made it back.

Throughout 2010, I learned more about his background and in a very short time, I got to know quite a few members of his family; the Sætansen dynasty. His brother Goran was the first one, quickly followed by his parents Morten and Mara and then his grandparents Alva and Matthias. Also his cousins Yava and Ravn came, closely followed by Stian’s uncle Axel and ‘spouse’ Malta. Summer 2010 was also the time when I first saw the mysterious black Sætansen guy, whom I later learned was Håkan Sætansen (who is now prominently present in my gallery too)

Only a little more than a year after Stian arrived (also summer 2010), I got to see his sudden, shocking death. Never had I seen my close siderian fellows die, especially not in this brutal way. It took me quite a while to process this and only in November 2011 I managed to sketch what happened. Somehow this felt like the absolute end of all the siderian stories that I had seen so far. I simply couldn’t see beyond Stian’s death. That stayed this way for years. Through this, I got confronted up-close with the destructive behavior of humans.

Meanwhile, I got to know him better and I tried not to focus on his end. He became my all-time guardian and I deeply understood his reasons to fight humans so fanatically. I saw how he had become the General of a big fighting group of siderians (the Fjordland Force) and by showing me this, he also inspired me to take the same attitude in life. Stian had become my biggest inspiration, my ‘idol’ and my absolute most loved siderian. Even more curious was that, 2,5 years after his arrival (February 2012), I moved exactly to the place in Norway (I originally came from the Netherlands), where I thought Stian would come from; the area around Trondheim. In that same year, I learned that Stian established his permanent territory and headquarter of his Fjordland Force further North, in the Lyngen Alps area near Tromsø. Then curious enough, three years later, in spring 2015, I got a PhD position in Tromsø and moved there in June 2015. Again…somehow, I ended up following Stian. That was also the year that I began to return to spirituality and open my senses again. It was as if Stian was waiting for this moment. Instantly he took the chance to directly interact with me. Of course with as little words as possible and of course in his cold, hard and distant way. But now he had truly become my spiritual Guardian.

Still, there was something that kept circulating and returning, even after so many years…and that was the brutal way that his life abruptly ended. The terrible mental images didn’t leave me and I saw only one way to process this myself; to make a storyboard animation of the whole scene, which I finished in summer 2017. It felt like as if he wanted me to experience this up close; to understand that he had gone through... Meanwhile, I saw what became of him afterwards and what his relation with Satan truly was. In fact, I learned that he was turned into a Demon after his death. Puzzle pieces began to fall onto the right place and despite the processing of his death, he began to feel more alive than ever before. Regularly, he assumed the form of a giant white Eagle, merging with the Northern Lights. Despite his Demonic status, I also learned just how young and bright his soul still is. So full of Life and so full of wanderlust and curioustity. Now I understood to and even deeper level, why he fought so fanatically against humans. They had deeply traumatized him and destroyed what he loved the most; Life. They tried to destroy his feline pride by trying to kill him and by brutally killing other siderians. As bright and passionate as his soul is, he could not let that happen and he had dedicated, and even given his own life, to protect his pride, to protect Life, siderian kind and his family; the Sætansen dynasty.

His deep relation with the Sætansen dynasty had also became clearer. Already for several years, I knew about his special relationship with is last-born granddaughter Rose. Her bright young eyes reminded him of what he fought for. Unfortunately, he never saw her grow up. But as his spirit returned, he became a Guardian to all of his Sætansen descendants. His young bright spirit, also deserved a worthy place among his ancestors. His shining passion was deeply appreciated by the mighty Demon Belphegor, also known as Sáveron Sætansen, the ancient Ancestor of all Sætansens and founder of the Dynasty, thousands of years before Stian.

Now, he is at my side, having changed my life for good. Without him, I wouldn’t have been where I’m now and I wouldn’t have been the person that I am now. Maybe I wouldn’t even have found out what and who I really am if it wasn’t for him to show me the way back to my true kind. I owe him a lot. More than any other siderian. Throughout those 10 years with him, I got to know him intimately, despite his cold, distant and hard nature and yet he was supportive and inspiring to no end. Some things remain a mystery, which has always been a fascinating side of Stian. I trust him to remain my close Guardian and continue to show me that the beauty of Life and Freedom is always worth fighting for, no matter how grim the world looks.

Yet the journey into the world beyond has just began for the bright young spirit and wanderer Stygian Stígandr Sætansen.

Art and all by me. Don't copy/use this without my permission