Love Trauma by InsanityNikoru on DeviantArt (original) (raw)

"Missed, Betrayal, Unworthy"

I like portraying my trauma onto my OCs it's amazing I will briefly explain lore fhjlsdb

Based on real experiences(tm) pls don't invalidate me *insert biden with a gun* i'm leaving myself very vulnerable here so i would appreciate not receiving criticism or "i relate" comments. i will disable comments if i need to

(Edit: Another disclaimer. These things happened a long while ago and I've healed a lot since! The aftermath lingers a bit but I'm over the stress of it all!)

Missed - Ace has experienced indirect rejection. She's spent a couple of years eyeing a crush that she's been too afraid to approach. Ace and the girl she had a crush on hardly spoke to each other but knew of one another. The crush is a couple years older and Ace would give anything to become at least friends with the crush. Days went by and the deadline kept approaching and Ace began to crumble at her fear. She was always afraid her crush was going to think she was weird or creepy and she began going stir crazy, hating herself for being too afraid to even say "hi." She eventually found out that her crush had a boyfriend--a toxic one at that. The crush's boyfriend gave some courage to Ace to try and stay determined. But the more she tried, the further she got. The deadline came and she watched her crush walk away from where they once were, heartbroken, knowing she could've changed everything.

As time went on, Ace began healing. She accepted what happened for what it was and started to move on. She wished her crush well and the love for her began to fade but she would always have a place for her, waiting. During her last year of high school, there was a day that Ace was walking out of school and beginning to head home. Low and behold, who did she see? Her crush, ofc *eye roll.* Ace stood and watched as her crush was reconnecting with old friends. The two made eye contact and that was enough to resurface old wounds for Ace. Her eyes teared up in defeat and she started making her way home. Ace was angry at herself, for her decisions. She was angry at her crush, for appearing while she was healing. She was angry that she did nothing to change it. A missed opportunity. I also created a song based on this.

Betrayal - Aero had a boyfriend and a best friend during this time. Aero and her boyfriend had been dating for a little over a month but they were childhood friends long before. She loved him deeply even before they were dating but he was with another girl at the time. She still accepted and supported him and would help him the whole way through. One day, the boy and his girlfriend went through a horrible breakup. Aero tried her best to offer support for him when he suddenly confessed to her and asked her out. Taken aback, Aero was deathly afraid to say no. She definitely liked him back, but she didn't want to hurt him. Reluctantly, she agreed and the two started going out. She helped him through and through.

One day, the two got into a small argument. She had told him that she would talk with him about it after school and that she just needed some time to think. Sitting at a table before school, her best friend approached her. They talked a bit about how Aero and her boyfriend got into an argument but didn't go into detail. The friend was keeping in touch with the boyfriend and she came out with a sudden and intruding question.

"Why aren't you responding to him?"

Aero had told her that she told her boyfriend that she needed time to think and that she'd talk with him later. The best friend then said, "he's really worried about you."

Aero responded, "that's fine, I understand. I'll text him later and we'll work things out."

The best friend twisted the story to Aero's boyfriend and said the only thing Aero said was, "that's fine" in response to him being worried.

When Aero came home from school, her boyfriend had made a rant/vent online, directly attacking her about the argument. He called her all kinds of nasty names and refused to speak with her at all. She wasn't able to explain herself and fix what happened. After accepting that her and her boyfriend were done, She found a post on her best friend's social media, dated on the day of the breakup. Her friend wrote a whole passage dedicated for her love to him and that they were dating. This filled Aero with a lot of anger. Her friend was the one that tore them apart. She wanted him to herself and forced Aero out of the picture. Aero felt betrayed by her friend and her boyfriend. She struggles with the incident today and has an extremely hard to build trust.

Unworthy - Anon used to have a best friend of many years. He's always been... toxic. She used to have really strong feelings for him. But he never saw her the same way. He often called her annoying, compared her to their other friends, tell her to off herself, and many other things. Despite it all, she still loved him and cared for him. People often asked if they were dating and his response was always full of repulsion. She was always beneath him. He didn't care about her. After a certain... day, he was more aggressive. He always told her she was bothering him and that she should off herself already. He told her that she's unworthy of finding a partner.

Anon was alone during this time and it took her a very long time to see his toxic tendencies. After she finally let go of him, she found herself having extremely low self-esteem and self-confidence. She began to hate herself by thinking that what he said was right. When Bryon came around to her, she started pushing him away, afraid that she's only going to be disappointing to him. She has a hard time accepting being loved and deems herself unworthy of having anything healthy. The thought of having a healthy relationship with anyone is painful for her (see here). As a result, she can be toxic herself, displaying toxic traits to Bryon such as a lack of communication.