AuTalkz II - 058 - Preferred Communication by mdchan on DeviantArt (original) (raw)

A recent incident reminded me of this sort of thing.

My own father does this to me, and others make me read aloud what I've written and printed out to explain something.
Part of the reason I'll write something out of what I want to say is because I have trouble saying it properly on the spot, but the other part is because some of those things I'm not comfortable saying out loud; I'm not sure why, but I find it difficult on certain topics and subjects (usually how I'm feeling, both physically and emotionally) to actually SAY IT out loud.

The words being on paper, or communicating through text, doesn't make that any "less" than communicating verbally.

Recently, I was in a situation where I was told that the situation was one which had be discussed verbally (even though it had been all in written chat before then), which completely freaked me out because someone suggesting a "verbal discussion" to me is pretty much an invitation on their part to steamroll right over me because I'll be stammering and unable to properly articulate what I want to say and how something made me feel.

And not just in that situation, but whenever I tell someone who insists in a verbal discussion over a text-based one that I can much easier express myself and communicate via written word, they disregard it and still insist on talking verbally.

Please, DO NOT DO THIS with someone on the spectrum who has trouble verbally communicating (or any other disorder which causes the same problems for them).

Trust me, we want to be able to communicate our needs and feelings, and contribute to important discussions. We aren't "stupid"; but if we aren't allowed to communicate in a way which we can properly express ourselves, then it's just a one-sided steamroll in favor of the other person.

The argument I often hear is that the issue "cannot be discussed in written word"...no. I don't believe that there is ANY topic which is so severe or so important that writing one's thoughts down about it in order to communicate (instead of saying them out loud on the spot) is not acceptable if the person in question has trouble verbally expressing themselves.

It's painful and anxiety producing to be told: "No, you're going to do it my way; we're talking about this verbally."

I don't want to speak for everyone on the spectrum, but personally, it's insulting when I tell someone (typically in writing) that I can more easily communicate in this method...and then get shot down because they want to have it THEIR WAY.

Again, that says to me that they don't care about what I have to say (since it'll be drowned out and I won't be able to properly express myself, anyway) and just want to stomp all over my thoughts, feelings, and opinions on whatever the topic of discussion is.

It's like taking away a paraplegic's wheelchair and then demanding that they walk in order to match your pace; you wouldn't do that, right?
You wouldn't tie someone's hands together so they can't use sign language if they're deaf or mute and need to communicate, right?
Then, why take this form of communication away from us?

Society is tough, but if more people can understand that talking isn't the only form of communication. I mean, heck, we live in the age of technology! There should be more acceptance towards this form of communication for people who need to use written word to properly express themselves because the words just don't come out right if they try verbally!

This is one situation where everyone has to acknowledge the elephant in the room; we aren't "normal", and we never will be. Sometimes, we need accommodations. Please do not deny someone on the spectrum a possible way for them to communicate.
I get it; we can be frustrating to deal with. But better communication might knock down some of the walls between us, and that will only happen when others accept that there are other ways of "talking" than just verbal speaking.

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AuTalkz has a Facebook page @AuTalkz, here: www.facebook.com/AuTalkz/