South Park Travelers - Longyearbyen by niels827 on DeviantArt (original) (raw)

The world is an interesting place. Traveling is a shitload of fun. Let's go.

With just over 2,000 residents, Longyearbyen is the northernmost town in the world. It’s the largest settlement on Norway’s Svalbard archipelago just a few hundred miles from the North Pole. As such, the sun never sets during the summer and never rises during the winter, so don’t be surprised if you look outside at 11:00 at night in July only to see it looks like 11:00 in the afternoon. This months-long daylight forces Longyearbyen’s brave inhabitants to take extra measures to protect themselves from sunburns.

At its warmest during the summer, temperatures rarely exceed 40°F (4°C). In winter, temperatures have gotten as low as −51.3 °F (-46.3°C). It’s not uncommon for residents to develop problems moving around with their heavy protective clothing. Snowmobiles are a preferred method of transportation, since cars often must be left running or in storage to prevent their liquid-cooled engines from freezing and locking up. Now that’s cold.

Brightly-colored houses surround the town to serve as an attractive contrast to an otherwise bleak-looking landscape that’s cast in constant months-long darkness during the coldest days. No wonder the buildings have so many windows. During these dark months, the aurora borealis puts on a beautiful show in the sky to remind you that not everything here has to suck. Waves of green light dance above you as particles from outer space enter the atmosphere.

Polar bears are not a rare sight, and many guides and residents own guns to protect themselves from them. Nevertheless, the governor must be notified if you do end up shooting one. If it kills you, however, don’t expect your body to stay in the area. Dying in Longyearbyen is forbidden because the extremely cold climate prevents bodies from decomposing. In addition, viruses and bacteria that have killed people here over a hundred years ago have been found to still be alive on bodies in the old cemetery for this reason. If you somehow manage to break the law and end up kicking the bucket here, your corpse must be transported to mainland Norway for a proper service. Sorry, Kenny.