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Literature

We are the guardians of pain, destruction fear

Insight to My Fibromyalgia Fibromyalgia is a variable overlapping disorder. It is not visible as a wheelchair, walker or a cane. It is invisible to even your own eye. You shake it off as the part of getting old but you're not really old you are young in age. Everyone thinks you're crazy when you try to describe what you're feeling in a very challenged world. Imagine walking in my feet. Why the feet? Feet feels everything around them including what maybe the universe to connect with your other senses in your body and mind. You can feel pain in a way you have never felt before like someone dropped an icicle except your body is the icicle smashing into the ground fracturing into a million pieces and you don't know why. It happens again and again until you feel a different kind of pain one where you think you're on fire in places you don't want to feel. The fire spreads from fracturing to trails melting in pathways from the ground to another point where the gravity is shifting in directions you don't want it to go to. As the fire spreads you feel something else that mother nature has conjured together you can feel electricity and not just feel it see it. You can see every single strain spreading in ways where you are trying to understand why am I feeling this. This type of power from mother nature but the universe is fighting with mother nature until you give up and lay on the ground trying to hear the other sounds, sights, air, anything that you can taste to control that battle that has turned into a war. A losing war within yourself to even when you question am I just crazy? Going to doctors who have no clue what to do with you and shoo you away for wasting their time, or finding one doctor from a needle in a hay stack saying hey let me find you some help from someone who may know what you are going through. Going to appointment after appointment withdrawing blood from your body as you can feel it pulled out of you and the universe disagrees what is going on so you are punished for trying to end an internal war within yourself the invisible enemy. There are days you win and days you loose and when you loose. Your mind is forced to push things you have learned in your early years into a corner that is very dark, shallow and cold to where you are too afraid to come out and face the enemy and want to take the final step of an escape. The escape that is a final resort after being imprisoned for so long you don't even know the existence of time and reality. But after escaping the imprisonment your mind is altered where it no longer perceives reality. The reality which seems so long ago where even you have forgotten who you once was. Now you have to rebuild a new existence to coexist with your enemy the enemy that continues to wage war and wants to reclaim you the you that you have fought so hard that feels like centuries and you feel you don't belong. The world where everything continues to grow, thrive and have the existence of time to balance with reality. You turn into a being, a being like the tin man relearning how to walk, speak, have feelings of your own instead of fear speaking for you. And you want to explore every opportunity to forget the war that rages inside of you to feel at peace only for a short while to feel included in the new existence that you wish to belong as others do not know or see what is that invisible enemy has done to put you in that dark shallow corner. Time and time that invisible enemy will come with a new strategy to over take your worth that you have worked so hard and come so far to become who you wish to become. As you try to pin that enemy to the wall and hopes it never comes out unless the universe decides other wise. You have to hide in a mask to hide your war cries and battle scars so no one can see, hear or sense that enemy that is chained to you for life. Our masks protects us to hide the real enemy so you can live yours as we wish to live in one like yours. We don't want our chained enemy to invade your peace that you have made within yourself. We are the guardians of pain, destruction, & fear. Our chains are a heavy burden to protect you from knowing our truth behind our masks. ************************************************* Image Edited using Fotogenic to display the accuracy of Fibromyalgia. The original image creator unknown.