The Open Road (original) (raw)

The Open Road — LiveJournal

(Lastatempaj enskriboj)(Arĥivo)(Geamikoj)(Uzantinformoj)
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feb. 28-a, 2017

08:43 pm - Biology at the Truman Household

"Here, hold this broccoli."

"Okay."

"And this other broccoli."

"Okay."

*puts broccolis on head*

*waits patiently for her to turn around and see*

"What are you doing with the broccoli??"

"They're antlers."

"What? Why antlers??"

"Because they are solid and will soon fall off. If they were hollow and permanent, they would be horns. Science!"

*glare*

feb. 13-a, 2017

07:11 pm - Oatentine's Day at the Truman Household

"Would you liiiiiike... oatmeal for Valentine's Day? Because it is healthy? And I care about your health?"

"Um... no thank you."

"How about oatmeal fudge?"

"Like raw oatmeal stirred into the fudge? That might be interesting to try."

"No, cooked."

"Maybe not then."

feb. 6-a, 2017

07:28 pm - Can't stop the signal

Have you ever wondered why songs and jokes and stories have always been the tools of the resistance?

Flyers can be torn down.
Graffiti can be painted over.
Picket signs can be confiscated.
Books and pamphlets can be burned.
Printing presses can be smashed.
Web servers can be turned off.
Guns can be out-gunned.

But if you compose a catchy song, a funny joke, an inspiring story, and you tell it to enough people, and they tell it to enough people, then you create a message that cannot be shut down.

Why does the resistance use songs and jokes and stories?
Because they are unstoppable.

jan. 22-a, 2017

02:29 pm - Finance at the Truman Household

"Can we count imaginary velociraptors as dependents on our tax forms?"

okt. 7-a, 2016

10:42 pm - Zoology at the Truman Household

"It's basically shaped like a snal."

"What's a snal?"

"A snal is a snek with a shell."

"I thought a snek with a shell would be a turtle."

"A turtle would be more a leezard with a shell. No wait, a tortoise is a leezard with a... with a mobile home. A turtle is a leezard with a houseboat."

okt. 2-a, 2016

02:26 am - Powering Up

With one last smash, the locked door bent open, and Ann Droid and young Apollo "Quasar" Jones burst into the empty bridge.

"They're all gone!' shouted Quasar.

"Hm. The pirates must have subdued our friends and taken them aboard their own ship while I was powered down from the EMP shockwave."

"I wish I hadn't been stuck in the ventilation shaft; I woulda fought 'em off!"

"No. They were many, and heavily armed. Be glad that they did not know you were there."

"Yeah, I guess. But we have to chase after them!"

"Indeed. Let us start the ship right away."

Quasar took a few steps towards the captain's chair, then cried out: "Oh no! They smashed the controls!"

Ann's eyes glowed red as she scanned the dashboard console.

"The damage is superficial. Many parts of the user interface are cracked or burnt and unusable, but the underlying systems are unharmed."

"But by the time we repair the controls, the pirates will be long gone!"

Thanks to the recent facial servo upgrade, Ann managed a slight smile.

"You, and apparently the pirates, are unaware of my full capabilities. As long as I have access to an undestroyed data port…"

She sat down in the captain's chair, folded back a hinged finger to reveal a datajack, and inserted it into the port under the console.

"…and the opportunity to concentrate without interruption…"

Her eyes dimmed and clicked off. The flashing red alert lights around the room went dark for a few seconds, then returned to the usual pale white. An echoing voice boomed from the intercom speakers:

"…then I do not need to control the ship, because I am the ship."

The hyperdrive began to hum awake.

okt. 1-a, 2016

08:04 pm - Wild Hog in the Woods

Have you heard stories about "wild boars"? The Caledonian Boar from Greek mythology, Twrch Trwyth from Arthurian legend, the Wild Hog in the Woods from Appalachian folk song? Do keep in mind as you read these tales that the wild boar is not just a little pig with extra fur.

The wild boar is a primeval beast from the Pleistocene; larger specimens can be four feet high at the shoulder and weigh up to 700 pounds. It can sprint at 25 miles per hour and jump nearly five feet in the air, with enough force to knock down anyone short of Hercules. Snake venom has no effect on a boar; wolves run away from it; tigers that try taking one on will probably have a very bad day. The males have razor-sharp tusks, and during certain times of the year are covered with stiff bristles and an inch-thick extra layer of subcutaneous tissue. Good luck getting a spear through that. And if you do, I hope you're using a specially made hilted "boar spear," because if not, it will just keep charging up the shaft that's impaling it so it can bite you anyway.

Is it any wonder that the boar was spoken of with such fear and marvel in old songs and stories? These are legendary monsters brought to life.

sep. 7-a, 2016

11:36 pm - Overheard at Porto di Truman

"Okay, so galley #5 is sailing to Tripoli, and buying two crates of spices."

"Tripoli is under my control, so six ducats please."

"Six? You mean two!"

"No, we tripolled our prices. Wo ho ho ho."

(The game in question is Serenissima, one of our favorites.)

sep. 4-a, 2016

11:57 am - Overheard at Castle Truman

"Are there any puns about Arthurian legend?"

"Hm... Oh! I've got one: who made all the musical instruments for King Arthur's minstrels?"

"Um..."

"Luthier Pendragon!"

[awkward pause]

"I don't get it.

"Arthur's father was Uther Pendragon. I thought that was common knowledge?"

"Nope."

"Aw, do I have a twisted idea of what 'common knowledge' is because I grew up with Arthurian legends?"

"Yup."

aŭg. 31-a, 2016

02:28 am - Overheard at Castle Truman

"So what kind of Dungeons & Dragons character would I be?"

"I think you're the cheery innkeeper who secretly has connections all over the place and knows everybody and has access to hidden resources that nobody else knows about."

"Neat! And what about you?"

"I'm the semi-retired wizard who rents a room in the attic above your tavern and tutors adventurers in theory of magic."

"The attic?"

"Yeah. Wizards are supposed to live in towers, but I really like this tavern, so I just moved in to the top room, because technically that counts as a tower."

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