smile for the camera, darling (original) (raw)

the new lj	[05 Apr 2005|07:31pm]
[ **mood** | creative and loved ] Well, creating new journals seems to be the new cool hip thing todo. I think I'll join the bandwagon.Not really, I just need a change, and I'm sure you darling peoplecan respect that. <3_5thstmemory In the words of Jaybo, if you dont go there and comment, then I'm notgoing to add you. This is the easy way out for the kids who I'm sureget quite sick of me. xoxo
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Banned	[01 Apr 2005|11:59am]
[ **mood** | accomplished ] P.S. As of now, the user aystrun is banned from commenting in this journal. Have a lovely fucking day. xoxo
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I need	[21 Mar 2005|12:54pm]
[ **mood** | uncertain ] _I'm not okay_you were rightI do need someone to hold my face in their hands and tell me that its all okay.. please find me .

I want to hold up a supermarket	[19 Mar 2005|08:38am]
[ **mood** | touched ] I didnt sleep well last night. I need to put things out of my mind...I wish my tummy didnt hurt like it does. But itsa little better this morning. TodayMaybe a photo session with BrittyGoing to go see KRISTEN! Yay! [and that RING! =)]Concert tonight with American Apathy and ATM.Hopefully a sleepover...if mom will stop being a...??I want some War Heads candy right now.xoxo"Theres nothing that could make me not love you."[That makes everything right in the world]
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shut up	[17 Mar 2005|08:48pm]
[ **mood** | mischievous ] Every girl needs to let their hair down, put on some cut-offpajama pants, put on a tank top, and rock out on their bed.Just because.It will make you smile. xoxo

Pictures	[16 Mar 2005|08:41pm]
[ **mood** | loved ] **( Lovers and the new hairCollapse )**Alright, no more anti-posts, because I feel like a bitch.I may feel the same way still yet, but no more bashingon the lj. Save that drama for another day. And besides, I already lost one guy to some drama foreverand a day ago, and I dont want that to happen with Mr.Thorpe.<3Anyway, today was awesome...tomorrow will be okay. Friday..duringthe day..will rock my socks. And the hubby got his new car. =)I love BJT more than anything in the world. He makes me smileno matter what. <3Over and out Connecticutxoxo
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your a lush...and I hate it (LMAO)	[15 Mar 2005|08:13pm]
[ **mood** | amused ] Alright, fuck the drama. Nick Beckner: You know I adore you, but I think yourmaking a huge mistake. Your girl has a tendency to playguys, and I dont want to see her do to you what she didto Jase. AND you know I'm right. How long do you thinkshe's going to talk to you at her big show friday? Letme make a guess...not for more than 10 minutes once her'scene' friends show up. And you know somewhere deep downthat its going to happen. Yeah, hate me if you want, but when she leaves you in the dirt and tramples on you....dont say I didnt warn you. So I'm a fucking lush am I? Put down the Taking Back SundayCD and go stick your head back up Tasha Farmers ass. SWORE.I wish I could buy you a bottle of Proactive. GoddamnYes, my fellow JamescaXcore sweetheart, we will be attendingthe show friday, because as we agree, Lumiis is worth the riskof getting STD's. DoneAnyway, yesterday was fabulous. Me and the hubby acted like the immature kids we are. It was great. I think I may go kidnap him tomorrow. With his permission of course.I miss Brandi </3 Kris is getting married at the end of July <3x a bajillion I heart britty dawn. Jessica Johnson is my luvvvuuurr! I'm super in love with Brandon Thorpe. Over and Out Connecticut xoxo
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	[14 Mar 2005|05:05pm]
[ mood** | amused ] Seeing the hubby in an hour. thatrockshardcoreI just had the most amusing conversation with a 6th grade girl who thinks I'm gothic, while I wason his msn. (he actually lets me pretend to be him.Go bro)( Pure funCollapse )**Anyway, Mr. WOrley's quiz today....I ATE ITS FACE!My week is going to be boring. Fiday (IF IT ACTAULLY happens because I dont think it will) might go to Sarah's show....hehe...Sarah..pulling off a show. Anyway, and then saturdayNLC fo' sho'.Be there.Or be S QU AR Exoxo
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piece by piece I've built my walls	[13 Mar 2005|06:14pm]
[ **mood** | depressed ] Why does it feel like I'm slowly losing you?Or is this all in my head?If you dont pick up your phone, I feel like you hate me. If you do and you dont talk I feel like you hate me. Even though I know its not true. So why now?*Why now? I dont understand why this is eating away at me.I'm happy. So why does it feel like I'm going to loseeveryone soon? Why do I cry for no reason, and feel likeI annoy everyone I come in contact with?*Why do I bitch and complain like I do?Its not like anyone'slistening, and if they are, they dont care.*Brandon Joshua ThorpeI love you more than anything, and I'm sorry that I'm beinga pain in the ass and I'm sorry that I feel like this whenI know these things arent true. Baby you mean the world to me. I need our log cabin idea right about now. I need you right now. I hate things that I cant controll, and when I cant controllthem, I break down slightly. Thats why I freak out so easily.And I dont mean too. Not at all. I love you, and I wish thatI could controll my emotions better than I do.I wish these tears would stop bluring my vision. I wish I had you right now. I wouldnt be so insecure if you were here right now. When I'm talking to you I feel like the person I've always wantedto be. I feel complete.I feel beautiful.Its when I'm alone and your not home that I feel scared like I'mgoing to lose everyone that I care about. I hate that. *I should just stop. xoxo
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she never looked so good and I never felt so right	[12 Mar 2005|10:48am]
[ **mood** | indescribable ] The explosionLast night was amazing. The show was absolutelyfucking awesome. Scars of Tomorrow was great.Norma Jean....well, enough said. I didnt reallywant to watch Unearth. And what I got to watch of Atreyu...*creams panties* Holy fuck. Let mejust say that it was worth the cold, six being packed into the car, my moms overprotectiveness, and myaunts conservitivism. That should tell you something.I went down in a pit, and boytoy grabbed meand prevented me from being stepped on. =) Good jobhubby. Some guys foot almost took my nose stud out, anda crowd surfer landed on me..so that wasnt to cool. Butthe energy that was in that building was so amazing.It was the best feeling ever. Body to body, sweateverywhere, and being in Brandons arms the whole time.He looked so hot last night. And he was cute when hetried to keep me from getting knocked the fuck out. =)And I went to sleep on his chest on the way home. <3The aftermathI'm so fucking sleepy and sore. My nose is swolen fromalmost getting my stud ripped out. My hair is so knottedup and my neck feels like someone tried to snap it. BUTTHAT SHOW WAS SO WORTH IT. I'm still feeling that hyped up sensation. =)TodayI wish I could see Brandon today. But fate is being a bich. so I'm going to be home all day cleaning and whatnot. 11:11 AM<3 That you could come over tomorrow. <3xoxo"Feels likes you could kiss my imperfectionsMy imperfections awayAnd I would standStand by your side until the sun turns the skyAll the colors I see in your eyes"-Atreyu
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OH YEAH!	[10 Mar 2005|06:50pm]
[ **mood** | anxious ] After some hardcore negotiations, all is well. GOING TO THE SHOW TOMORROW NIGHT! (with someshitty terms, but hey, better than nothing)Anyway, saw Brandon for about 5 seconds today. <3Me Jessica and Leesa went driving around and all that. That was fun. Mapquest time. Over and out Connecticutxoxo
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the world falls apart in just seven days	[09 Mar 2005|04:23pm]
[ **mood** | hopeful ] School was boring, left there, took Anthony home,and then came back to my house to do nothing. Raiseyou hand if you think I need a life. Brandon wont have his car by friday, which meansI have to talk the rents into letting me drive. Oh shit. Wish me luck? I called dad and told himthat me and him and mom needed to talk about it tonight and he seemed quite receptive to the idea.So yeah.My fellow ho Britney seems a bit down right now. I hope things get better darling. I'm here if you need me.<18 divided by 6Well, I'm off to go take a letter by Brandons work, so yeah, later. Over and out Connecticutxoxo
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if I ever lost you.....	[09 Mar 2005|04:32am]
[ **mood** | scared ] I dreamed they sent me away. And they wouldntlet me keep my star necklace. I tried to get awayfrom them, but I almost got hit by a car......The man ripped my necklace off of me, and told meI wouldnt get to see anyone I loved for a long time. They took me away.And I cried. .....I'm not going back to sleep. Sleep is the devil.xoxo

smash apart what you created	[08 Mar 2005|06:56pm]
[ **mood** | sick ] Today was....slow. Babysat the first half of the dayand changed a shitty diaper. Go me. The kids were complete cuties!FRIDAY will kick ass. I'm super psyched!I'm sick on the down side. Lindsey bought me Teddy Grahams. =)I might be buying more fish, if I have enough money left over from buying Brandon something. ;) Or I might buy a fish for Braden. I cant wait for the hubby to call. I miss him terriby.At the end of this month will be 6 months...thats crazy talk kids. But it couldnt have been spent any better. *You sir were very offensive to me yesterday and I would like to say that I dont skip out on things, I was sick, andif you have a boot up your ass, I would kindly ask that youremove it, and not take your anger out on me. I was at home, in my lovely pink and purple polkadot bed, not out with my boyfriend having a grand time.*sofuckyouI like being at this point in my life where I dont givea fuck what people think of me. (minus the above mentionedstatement because that just pissed me off)On to check myspace kids. Over and out Connecticutxoxo. I was yours to begin with .
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I wish she wouldnt cry...because it breaks me	[06 Mar 2005|02:35pm]
[ **mood** | blah ] // Today she cried during the first hymn .. the 3rd hymn.. and after the service...And I know its because she misses him. He was her soulmate. \\</3 The truth is when she cries, we cry too. Because we all have the fear that we might lose what she lost. I cried. I really want to talk to Brandon right now. I had several horrible dreams last night for all of the 2 hours I slept after he left. =( I think I've figured out that my greatest fear is losing him. Thats the one thing I couldn't take. Lindsey dear, I hope your feeling better today. Casey, same goes for you. Jason, 18 isnt that far away. Nicole, I love you dear. Whatever. Over and out Connecticut xoxo
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