The one on the left is a speedometer for his extreme lifestyle (original) (raw)

In Which I Has a Drunk [Jun. 6th, 2010|03:19 am]Eli
I has a drunk. I doesn't want it no more, you can has. You can has all my drunkings
link innocent
Long Live The Bottle [May. 30th, 2010|02:21 pm]Eli
[**Tags**|poetry]The bottle is deadLong live the bottleThe liberation of liquid libationsWith shots of whiskey and justiceI'll get you drunk through osmosisYou dance like girls and boysBut in truth you are broken wind up toysSome of you are missing gearsSome of you are missing keysThis is a chance to get wound up with meI am destruction, seduction and sinThe shy boy hiding an evil grinIf I'm the Joker you can be my Harley QuinnI am a 4 AM drunk walk homethe morning birds mocking you with songI am the sunriseWhen the nights been too longI am the devil on your shoulderThe halo on your headThe kiss on your lipsThe lover in your bedI'm the answer you find alone At the bottom of the bottleI'm the neck of the villainThe one you want to throttleI am a sinner and a preacherA cop, a robberSax playerAnd teacherI am a heroA loserA boozerA jokerA smokerA midnight tokerI am the handle, the bladeI am the knifeAt my best I am livingAt my worst I am lifeThe secret of life is not how you use itIt's what you do to itHow you abuse itTrust meI have the bite marks to prove itI hope you have heard every word I have saidLong live the bottleThe bottle is dead
link innocent
In Which I Finally Understand the Appeal of Sports. [May. 18th, 2010|03:49 am]Eli
[**mood** |calmzen]This last weekend was fucking amazing!Alexis and Jacob came down from Olympia with plans to go to the roller derby, plans they gladly let me muscle in on.We had time to kill so I showed them Andy & Bax. I forgot how wonderful that store is, it's like the military decided to have a 2 day garage sale and you got there on the second day when all the shit was marked down even more. I am strongly considering going back and dropping 12onimitationcamoConverseor12 on imitation camo Converse or 12onimitationcamoConverseor10 on a machete the size of my arm.Awhile back, I was volunteering at the Hollywood theater when they had the premier for the Runaways. The night was filled with people demanding oddly seasoned popcorn and paying for 2worthofcandywith2 worth of candy with 2worthofcandywith50 dollar bills, but before the madness that was the concession stand started, a wicked cute girl rolled up to me on her skates and handed me a flyer for the next derby event, since I shoved that scrap of paper in my pocket I have been entranced by Roller Derby.When you think about it, what is not to like? A bunch of tattooed girls careening around the track at top speed doesn't sound like the epitome of feminism, but it kinda was. All the feminists I have met have always seemed so determined to prove they are equals, they shouted it at the top of their lungs, but a roller girl doesn't need to say shit, she knows she's tough and the only thing that could possibly hold her back is the opposing team on track. Jake and I talked a bit about it, how, yeah, some of the girls had curves that we found to be pleasing, but the real attraction stemmed from their empowering degrees of toughness.While the Wheels Of Justice made mince meat of The Rat City Rollers, we sat in the stands with the booze we had smuggled past security and screamed our heads off. I finally understood why people bother to watch sports, that wasn't just the Wheels of Justice out there, it wasn't just a team, it was all of Portland, it was me on that track. Every time we made a power jam or took down Anya Heels when she started throwing elbows, I felt a charge, a rush, every time Cadillac beat her way through the pack I stood and screamed her name and threw my fists in the air with triumph. I still don't get basketball though.After my hometown team, Wheels of Justice, got done trouncing the Seattle based Rat City Rollers with whopping 20 point lead we went to Montage and filled our organs with delicious food and got more shit faced.Back at my house we were still way to amped from the game and liquor to sleep, so we trolled through Netflix Instant to find something suitably amusing to watch and settled on Trancers.Trancers is about a cop from the future, Detective Jack Deth, who most go back in time to 1985 L.A. and stop a mad criminal from killing the ancestors of the future government. The movie is more corny than the state of Kansas and has more cheese than Wisconsin, we laughed the entire way through and doubled over with mirth when a super young Helen Hunt was brought in as the love interest.The next day we bounced around from comic book shop to comic book shop. I had forgotten how deep my love of comics runs. Reading the primary colored adventures of Spiderman, Batman, the Punisher or even Aquaman sends me into a zen like state, and when I set my book down, for a little while, the complexities of the world feel simple.It was a good weekend.
link 1 victims|innocent
In Which I May Or May Not Be In A Lifetime Movie [May. 5th, 2010|11:44 pm]Eli
[music |Kiss The Girl]Is hell still hell if you enjoy it?At times today I was tired, in pain, frustrated, cold and I loved it.This is how I know acting is what I want to do. 6 AM call time? 12 hour work day with lunch and no dinner? Scream till your voice is horse? No problem as long as I am being someone else when I do it.Some of you may remember I was an extra on Leverage, well, the same casting company asked me to cheer for a losing team from 6:48 AM to 7:57 PM in some made-for-TV movie called In My Shoes. The plot is something like a couple of angels turn the life of a snooty teacher and a single mother around. We all had the sneaky feeling that we were in a Lifetime movie.When I say "we" I mean me and Mary, the girl who sat next to me on the bus that carted all the extras from the parking lot to the high school basketball game/scene we were supposed to be attending. Most of you who know me know that when it comes to meeting new people I either clam the fuck up or talk freely. I was relaxed, in my element, surrounded by my actor people and a little out of it due to lack of sleep, so as soon as she sat down I said hello and we hung out until the director yelled "That's a wrap." many hours later.She was really nice, and kinda pretty, like Joe in the last season of Scrubs (Joe is a girl.) We both love zombie movies and we both made fun of the guy who wore a v-neck t-shirt, aviator sunglasses inside and had the kind of attitude one needs to have to try and wear a v-neck t-shirt and aviator sunglasses inside (he walked by me at one point and I chuckled as my nose was filled with the scent of Axe Body Spray.)By the end of the day we were both beat and ready to get the hell out of there, she jumped on a bus before I could get her number, give her mine or even exchange facebook info.She wore a spoon ring, which is one of those weird little instances of life repeating on itself.So if you are watching Lifetime or ABC Family some six months from now, during the basketball scene look for a boy holding a red sign that says "Roy RULZ. GO PIONEERS!" (you have no idea how much that missing E bothered me, not so much the Z though)and wearing a fedora, because it is me, and if you see a pretty girl wearing a gray vest and bright blue shirt next to him, that would be Missed Chance Mary.
link innocent
Writer's Block: Object of my affection [May. 2nd, 2010|06:03 pm]Eli
[**Tags**|writer's block] Object of my affection You may have heard about the woman who married the Eiffel Tower. If you had to marry an object, what object would you choose, and why? The Eiffel Tower, but only because I have a thing for polygamous objects
link innocent
In Which I Jive With Xbox Live [Apr. 25th, 2010|05:40 pm]Eli
[music |Psychobitches Out Of hell--- HorrorPops]Awhile back I dropped a fair bit of plunder on an Xbox 360, some games and Xbox Live. I started playing GTA IV online with other gamers.My eyes have been opened to a new level of racism and discrimination. You don't know how ugly hate speech is until some 14 year old kid from Kentucky is calling you every racial slur in the book after you run over his avatar with a dump truck. This is the world of gaming,I understand this, I know that my corpse will be humped and I will be told how I suck testicles when they take a bullet to my face, but even with the line of decency moved so many yards ahead, they surpass that by several football fields.I like to think I am a hard guy to offend, but when I hear someone yelling "I'mma kill you, I'mma send your ass back to the end of the welfare line you dumbass n*****." I can't help but file a complaint with Microsoft and click on the button marked Avoid This Player. If I did the same thing every time the word fag was bandied about I would have no one on Xbox Live to play with except for a handful of moms that thought they were buying a Wii.What bothers me about this trash talking, aside from all the racism and homophobia, is that it is completely unoriginal. Come on people, what happened to insinuating someone liked to sleep with animals or their mother? What happened to making fun of someones good ol fashioned low intelligence? Even if you can't stray away from homosexuality at least have the decency to be unique enough to call me a pole smoker or butt pirate instead of fag this and fag that.I don't have a mic set up, partly because I don't want to get sucked into the hate speech that comes with the trash talking and also because every time I get shot I always end up saying something like "How the hell did that happen? I had full fucking health." My gamertag is Jsun4hees, do you has what it takes to make me wonder how the hell you killed me?
link 1 victims|innocent
In Which I Visit The Girls In Orange [Apr. 24th, 2010|02:57 am]Eli
I had always been curious, intrigued even, but I never had the right moment or partner in crime, but than, as if by magic, the stars aligned, cogs were set into motion, and finally, I was able to go to Hooters.Before you all go giving me nasty looks let me clarify something. In no way was my interest in Hooters lascivious or salacious, I did not want to ogle the wait staff. I wanted to see how an eatery such as Hooters could brag about being family-friendly AND well known for hiring the chestiest of best, the duality of it, like Two Face, is what drew me to it. That being said, I did end up ogling the wait staff.I had told Laura about my interest in Hooters and we made plans to go.Laura and I have a very interesting relationship, she is a pansexual polyamours queer with no specific tie to gender and I am heterosexual monogamous vanilla boy. Needless to say our friendship is fraught with sexual tension, unfortunately there are just too many complications and lines that would have to be crossed.The three of us, her, me and our sexual tension, piled into her car and drove to Hooters.I can now see how the double edged sword of family fun and boobs can exist. Although the shorts maybe short (and REALLY fucking orange) and the shirts may be tight, but no one under the age of 10 is going to get that, they may wonder why dad won't make eye contact with the waitress.Once my original interest was sated, I have to admit, I admired the physical forms of the waitresses in a less than shiny way. The waitresses were stunning, beautiful, knock-outs everyone of them and not in a cheesy and tacky way like you would think, but completely and simply mind bogglingly gorgeous. On top of being triumphantly beautiful they all seemed rather nice and honestly friendly, normally when I go to a restaurant and ask my waiter or waitress what they would pick they roll their eyes and act as if I have asked them to pick out a college and coffin, but the Hooters girls gladly listed their favorite desserts in order of most favorite to least.I have to admit, I still felt like a pig every time I caught myself checking one of them out, but I imagine that the actions of men much worse than I had left them jaded towards any unintentional ass ogling that might happen on the slant. The food was amazing, heart clogging, cheese coated and bacon slathered, like getting your blood exchanged with grease, delicious, delicious grease.Between the delicious food, the great service and decent prices (we had a heaping bowl of tater tots, a burger, onion rings and a slice of peanut butter pie for $20) I highly recommend Hooters.
link innocent
In Which I Feel Better [Mar. 11th, 2010|09:52 pm]Eli
no matter how bad my life my get, at least I am not in love with tourist attractions
link innocent
navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go earlier ]