Renee's Journal (original) (raw)
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded inRenee's LiveJournal:
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| Saturday, January 29th, 2005 | |
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| 12:20 pm | taking a break yes maybe a short break but a needed one anyway. Been cleaning all morning, thats what I get for letting it get so far behind. Mostly kitchen really, cleaned out the frig, rearranged the cupboards a bit, do the stove, mop the floor. lol did I mention I hate my kitchen? No room to put anything away, I've seen walk in closets bigger than my kitchen. blah. ok this post is just average fluff, nothing profound to say really, just needed to do something while the floor is drying. Maybe I'll work up some ambition this afternoon and do some sewing (although really the crap room could use a good cleaning too) I have some scraps and some trim, want to make more of those fingerless ladies gloves for con. Or as Lexie says, where are my glubs? Every project I make the kids always want me to make some for them too, lol. Keeps me busy, frustrated with the hats, they are a royal b**ch and I don't like the way they are going. On the positive side the vambraces and bracers are coming out well, just time consuming. Haven't done any art work lately, and I really should get back to that as well, wanted to have some new banners done. I did get them sewn but haven't done anything else with them yet. Ghah, and con is in two weeks! This con must must absolutely go well for me or I won't be able to continue doing it. Laters (4 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Thursday, January 27th, 2005 | |
| 6:20 pm | on a lighter note Spent alot of time with Lexie the last two days, she seemed to need the contact and exta attention or maybe she thought I did! Today she was learning how to sing the old Mocking bird lullaby (she made me sing it over and over)A little while late cuddled in my lap I heard her singing very softly " And if that monkey bird don't sing,mama's gonna bye you a diamond ring" thought I'd share cause it was so cute. Chuckle, the things I get to hear when they don't realize I'm listening. lol (3 Comments |Comment on this) |
| 5:55 pm | Whine, bitch,comlain, rant Ok I've gotten to the fed up stage with the whole damn rib thing. I seem to be generally ok during the day, some pain but functioning anyway, and then evening hits and the muscle spasms come on like gang busters (Renee busters actually) Mattie suggested maybe the weather was affecting me, as soon as it starts to get cool out I start to hurt, great. Haven't posted before cause I couldn't think of much positive to say and I know how sick everyone gets of reading negative stuff. I feel like I ignored it the first few weeks until I couldn't anymore, and then for the last few weeks I've been babying it, not vacumming, not bending over and picking stuff up after kids. My apartment looks like a wreck, the back rooms particularly (laundry all over the place, scraps all over my crap room floor)Trying my best to help it heal faster, by not doing the things that hurt. Now I've just had it with all that, and I think I'll go back to ignoring it, at least I won't feel guilty about all the things piling up. I'm not gonna talk about it and we are gonna pretend that this injury never happened and never interupted my whole life. Yeah I am pretty pissed at myself for the whole thing, but we are gonna ignore that too. And yes I have reasons for this, we are gonna act positive on this and see the body as whole and healthy, that ought to trigger the bodies natural healing abilities to bring this about faster. No more babying myself, it isn't getting me anywhere except to constantly keep reminding myself of the reason for it, now who needs that constant reminder anyway. That just makes the whole thing worse. I thought I oughta record my thoughts on it, so I can look back and access the lesson from the whole thing at a later date. Given the location bets are that it is all involved with the heart chakra, and in meditation currently I am unable to get any energy through that area at all. Conective tissue to both the spine and the sternum is effected, swelling and pain in both front and back, so that would seem to indicate that it is both an emotional and a will power problem. I've used both green and blue energies on it but have trouble with remaining focused long enough to do any good. I did discover that silver hurts more than I can stand, which probly says something about my emotional state of accepting healing. ok thats the lot I think, enough that I can read it later and see what was going on. This is some kinda record for me I think, longest time I've been down and not able to heal it. (4 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Monday, January 17th, 2005 | |
| 6:29 pm | Royal Rant Geezus, Some of you know some of you don't. Awhile back I had some trauma to my ribs, (koda jumped on me, while I was on the floor landed square on my back) Anyway nough background, been in pain for awhile. This week it seemed like to me the pain was getting sooo much worse instead of better. Tried to get a Doctors appointment at one of the clinics, etc etc etc. So figuring to day would be the best day to take off and not have my usual chargees, I decided to take myself off to the emergency room to see if I could get a little pain relief and just to make sure that there wasn't something else wrong that I was maybe missing (cause really this should have healed a bit not gotten worse)cause the pain remained pretty heavy and kinda moved around my entire rib cage and now both front, back and side is sore. Kinda swollen and red blotches.( So I explained all that just to catch up the people who didn't already bleeding know.) Figured I was being a good girl getting a professional opinion. Geez, they saw me all right, the Doctor said he thought maybe I had a cracked rib, but they really couldn't do anything to check it out (like exrays) unless I wanted to put down a three hundred dollar downpayment. And this was at University! Told me to take Aleve for the inflamation. In other words I'm back to treating my self, hell Aleve has an antioxidant in it, we were already covering that base with the green tea. It also has an analgesic in it, which we were covering with willow bark tea. Guess I'll continue with the help of my friends to treat myself. Stupid health organizations! They make it practically impossible to get help if you have no insurance. Oh yeah there are clinics out there, takes six months to get on the list and see someone. Geez by that time the rib better damn well be healed.Only good thing that happened after all that waiting around, was the stupic MD did listen to my lungs. He pronounced them clear, so no pneumonia or pleurisy complicating things, thats good anyway. Sorry about the negative rant of mine, but this is becoming a pet peeve of mine. WE NEED A NATIONAL HEALTH PLAN!!!! Besides they always look at you as if you are the lowest of the low. For christ sake not everybody who can't afford health insurance is a bum! I'm self employed, and coverage for just me is way too high. Practically the same as my rent. ok done now (15 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Thursday, January 13th, 2005 | |
| 6:20 pm | Working on a set of vambraces now (Pam's tip of the month)as a prelude to doing armor. ok so far the results are: I cut it (easy) I designed the engraving on it (relatively easy if a bit time consuming) I heated it and shaped it (surprisingly simple and fast) Glued a form of stiffener backing to it (not bad) Now we get to the time consuming bit, Did you guys realize when you were reading this that you have to put eight coats on to seal it, drying in between each coat. hmm at that rate its gonna be a few days before I can paint it and then put the final finish on it. Well allrighty then! so be it. So far I like the project the stuff is easy to work with. OH btw I looked for rub and buff at the craft store and couldn't find any. Anyone know who carries it? The Vambraces are gonna need straps and buckles yet, I think I should borrow Kathy's riveter and rivet them in for a more authentic look. Keep your fingers crossed I think we have a good shot at turning up good looking Dracanisen. (18 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Tuesday, January 11th, 2005 | |
| 7:12 pm | Here I am, l.j. lurking and no one is saying much. hmmm... If nothing is really going on in your lives, could you maybe make something up? You know just for entertainment. I'm trying to distract myself here. (10 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Monday, January 10th, 2005 | |
| 5:09 pm | Enjoyed soft rp night, the players were really on their game and the role playing was terrific. They worked on several little puzzles that had been bothering them and we saw some really good team playing. Working together always helps, its true for a larp as it is for a table top. Mike Chaos persononfied some of the npc's and did a great job with it. From threatening to sniveling and whining. and now (insert evil music)they have made a few more enemies. Muhahah (1 Comment |Comment on this) |
| Sunday, January 9th, 2005 | |
| 10:10 am | ok I'm awake and feeling at least some better, back is a tad sore and still some swelling in part but I think its down some. At least not as nauseated and breaking out in sweats, so the worst must be over. Still want that willow bark tea. Gonna try and get some work done today. lol got my kitchen partialy cleaned up anyway. God if that is a preclude to what it is like to get old, I want nothing to do with it, just shoot me! lol ok maybe we ought to have the wake first, I'd kinda like to be there for it. Oh and I want all of you to wear your costumes for it! Hey wait, there's a marketing strategy in that. We are gonna throw a Renee's end bash and costumes are required. Get yours while there is still time! First come, first serve. This is a limited time offer! Soft RP during wake is optional, as we will also be saying bye,bye have a good trip, to all of Ne's charactors. lol (5 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Saturday, January 8th, 2005 | |
| 11:25 am | Bloody hell, I'm stiff, sore and generally feel like someone beat the crap out of me. Forced myself to go out anyway, paid my insurance (had to get it in on time you know)stopped at Hobby Lobby to get needed supplies (they didn't have what I wanted),felt so ill at the store (not to mention disgusted with their selection)had to leave. Was gonna make a couple of other stops, but started feeling so sick that I just came on home. Blah blah blah, you didn't all really want to know all that did you. Upshot is I'm frustrated, have projects I need to work on and now I'm not only physically feeling ick, but I don't have some of the supplies I wanted. Sigh, wanted some matt boards to for art work, but all they had were what I consider ugly colors. Oh well guess I should be mobile next week, maybe I'll take another crack at finding stuff later. In the mean time, I'm gonna ignore my body and try and get somethings done anyway. This lethargy for getting those projects done has got to stop. Wonder what the universe is trying to tell me this time. (7 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Tuesday, January 4th, 2005 | |
| 9:16 pm | sooo... well... hmmm... Kinda just there, been a week. My mood is down, but easily reversed. Staying positive takes an effort really, good friends help quite alot. Activitie helps, but I find I have to work up the strength and stamina. Lots of things going on that of course I can do nothing about, so trying to take care of the things I can do something about. Ok really I haven't been sleeping well, as in about 2hours last night its affecting my mood. I'll go drink an herbal and see if I can correct this problem tonight. So if I've been short with you lately, its just tiredness, pay no attention to the crazy lady. Did I mention I love my teapot? Isn't it silly if you think about it I've had more hours available because I haven't been using them for sleep, you would think I'd get something done with them instead of wasting the time trying to sleep and not achieving it. I should at least invent a new form of solitaire and make a fortune selling it or something. Aw I hear the dulcet sounds of my whistling tea pot, and so ends my lament. (9 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Sunday, January 2nd, 2005 | |
| 1:15 pm | Suddenly I looked at the clock and realized I have just spent the last two hours doing absolutly nothing. I wonder if thats a good thing or a bad thing. Oh sure I was doing something, like breathing, stretching , drank a cup of coffee in there somewhere but was mostly just lost in thought. And whatever made me decide to write this down, shrug? ? Strange urge to communicate?? I spent 2004 tearing up my life and redefining who I am, guess that project isn't finished yet since I can see still more changes coming up before 2005 is over. I wonder if anyone will like me when I'm finished, I wonder if I will like myself.? lol I guess I want to know if I'll respect myself in the morning? (5 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Thursday, December 30th, 2004 | |
| 10:41 am | yeah and there was much rejoicing! I have successfully completed *half* a cavalier's hat! Now for the rest... (7 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Tuesday, December 28th, 2004 | |
| 5:50 pm | Days work done, at least as much as I'm gonna do. Silence sounds soooo good right now, nothing on but the gentle sound of the keyboard and coffee brewing in the background.Whew.... Not a bad day just a noisey one. I wound up with some *new* grandchildren today, and the lot of them made for a lot of noise all day. Cute kids, they were all so good today, not even a single time out, nope not even any warnings, they were all just great. My house could use a vacuming but it will have to wait, I'm pfft. Even good children require alot of energy attention and love, the more so when they are being good! Don't good children deserve more attention and isn't that the proper time to apply it, yeah I think so too. So I spent alot of time playing with them today. The rest of my life, shrug its there. I did do some meditation last night, trying to keep up with that, can't say I got much out of it but then I wasn't trying for anything specific. Spent some time sending love light and healing for all those involved in the disasters in Asia. I thought it was interesting from a metaphysical view point how many thousands of souls opted to be a part of that. A global manifestation on this scale is very rare. Hard to understand the purpose behind it, I suppose they are probably too individualistic to really get any idea why so many people would participate in such a huge disaster. I did get a brief vision of a huge net of light catching thousands of small lights in it. That was a comfort, now I know that others of the other side were prepared for it. Thought I would put my thoughts down anyway in case something more comes to light. Love and light to you all. (Comment on this) |
| Friday, December 24th, 2004 | |
| 7:36 pm | Merry Christmas everyone! Hope your holidays are good, me I'm baking and planning on sleeping in! Good enough! (11 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004 | |
| 10:34 pm | Well .... been at home most of the week and have had the kids here. Feeling tightly cramed, in constant chaos. Did get a few small things done in spite of the mad house, going to be a year of not getting things done. oooo I got my feathers finally, gorgeous gorgeous. I'm all excited about doing hats for con and feather pens!!! (1 Comment |Comment on this) |
| Thursday, December 16th, 2004 | |
| 10:42 pm | Still here! Surviving what has been a bad week. Reminding my self that its all in the eye of the beholder. Perception matters! On the upside nothing really disasterous has occured. Just small irritating stuff that makes me feel out of controll. I've been so tired by the time the evening hours get here I haven't gotten much done. Sigh, yeah that too is partly perception. Well almost through with the week and no use crying about the things I didn't get done, they will either get done later or we will do without. (shakes head) It's too easy to lose site of the important stuff when you are worrying about the small day to day stuff. (11 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Saturday, December 11th, 2004 | |
| 2:39 pm | Making Christmas Has been awhile since I posted, not really much to say. Have been busy, seems like I'm mostly busy spinning my wheels. At least it feels that way, sigh , too many things not under my controll that I'm waiting to see which way they will fall. Also feels like not much money again this year, thats ok. It gives me an excuse to do what I wanted to do anyway, make christmas presents. I don't really think people like that better, I just like doing it. I always hope that the stuff I make will be kept a long time and people will think of me when they see it. I always feel that way about the things people make for me, keep them forever too. Perhaps because of the energy that went into it if not the thought. Sitting under my tree right now carefully wrapped in tissue paper is a tiny (about 1") Tea pot and two cups , a gift from Shanda. She made them out of sculpy clay (I helped her bake them) her first little sculptures. Would I rather she had gone to the store and bought me the most expensive gift she could find? Not on your life! I shall emmediately after Christmas go buy a small nic/nac shelf to display these little treasures! Years from now she will groan over how funny they look, but inside she'll get a rosy glow from knowing how much I treasured them. From such things are my best Christmas memories from. Even the things that fell apart over the years are still forever locked in my heart, all the little treasures given with lopsided grins full of love and pride in the accomplishment. The love given with them last forever. (7 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Sunday, December 5th, 2004 | |
| 9:59 pm | Haha! This page was blank and staring at me, was, ha now its not! Went to this page because I realized that it had been days since I posted anything general. So compelled by some weird inner urge (probly the silence in my apartment) I turned to this page. It just sat there, staring at me, almost daring me to do something about it. Now it sits there helpless in my grasp as I pour words all over it. Muhaha, who says the words have to make sense? The important thing is to cover up the damned blank page. It doesn't matter if I tell you I cleaned house or that I danced naked in the snow as long as I put down some words. It can no longer stare blankly at me. Did I tell you blank vacancy offends me. Aye tis truth, I cann't abide it. Whether it is from a stupid page that should be saying something and isn't or the vapid expression of a mind blown idiot who had little sense when it was born and managed to somehow not acquire any through living. I swear I don't know how that is possible, but its true you see them all the time and you wonder how they have survived so many years. (mostly you see them behind the wheel of a car, with a stupid cell phone) Most blank vacancy in life can be taken care of by writing on it, in the case of stupid drivers it would be a good warning to others to stay away from them. Something like "Avoid when driving!" or "Do not take with alcohol" think of all the dumb dates you would avoid. Would you go to a party with someone who had that tattooed on him? And it would be good for them to, they would get noticed everywhere. Here's yer sign! (2 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Thursday, December 2nd, 2004 | |
| 8:05 pm | Mmmm tired tired tired. Why does this boat have so many people in it? (3 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Monday, November 29th, 2004 | |
| 6:52 pm | Have I mentioned I love my Jeep! Snow good! The kids and I had a blast in it (Rick is big kid too). It was a good day, kinda surprising for a Monday. Even cleaning the car off wasn't too bad, better then chipping two inches of ice off bit by bit, last year sucked for that. Semi tried to run over me last night, so I ended up in a turn lane and ended up turning before I intended, but other than that no other problems. I'm not sure he even saw me but he ended up squashing me into another lane, lucky I had a lane to go into instead of a ditch or something, could have been worse. (3 Comments |Comment on this) |
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