We only come out at night (original) (raw)

It's just no use. We have to break this off.

I love him more than words can express but the power dynamic is so fucked in this situation that I'm unable to cope. I feel like I have no voice and it makes me lonely and miserable most of the time. We stopped being equals at some point, and as soon as we did, we stopped being cohorts.

I want a cohort. I want a best friend and partner in crime. Always have. I thought he was it.

I deserve someone who loves me truly and without rules, expectations or conditions.

He deserves whatever it is he's looking for: someone more competitive, perhaps. Someone smarter than even I, maybe. Someone who can bear him a child and yet, need very little in the way of emotional or logistical security from him. Someone who can agree to have a baby but also release him from all obligation to herself.

I can't give him what it is he needs. I am not capable. Nor is he able to be what I need and continuing try to extract these things from each other is just inhumane.

I don't want to be without him but really, I already am. We never really had each other in the first place.

I don't think he ever even knew me. He never made the effort. And I'm not sure he's even capable of love in the way I define it. He loves me like a cat. No more. I'm a pet. What he needs from me more than anything else is my silence and my compliance.

It doesn't make him a bad person, he's just not filling my belly. I'm hungry all the time. Hungry for someone to talk to. Someone who listens and who needs me back. Someone with whom exchange is exciting and even.

I want to let him go as peacefully and painlessly as possible. With great love and warmth. I don't want to resent him anymore because it's been great. A blast.

But it's time to move on.