| 12:37 pm |
| Today I took my family back to the airport so they could fly home to England. It was happy and sad too. I was happy because they came to my wedding, and had a really good time. In my judgement they did anyway. The shortcomings of British reservedness are very clear at times like this. They are certainly glad they came. Sad too, mostly because of saying bye to Anthony. I realise that in the time I've been out here I've not been able to spend huge amounts of time with him, and I miss him.I really have to do backdated entries for the whole of the last few days. So much stress, and so much happiness all at once. If I don't record this, what the hell is a journal for? But I'm not going to do that now. We have to pack for the honeymoon, and do the visa application. So there's no time.current mood: busy [...erupt...] |
| Thursday, August 5th, 2004 |
| 11:17 pm - House-hunting |
Spent another tiring day looking at houses. This time, things look good. I saw the following:Frobisher Road: First floor flat in converted house. Nice attractive front, nicely decorated. Layout a bit weird, because it was converted. The kitchen and bathroom are both quite small, but the bedrooms and the living room especially are spacious. Its painted nice tones of blue and purple. And its in a really good place, near a park and lots of shops and stuff. I like it.St Annes Road: Another first floor flat. Looks bad from the outside, and its on a noisy street. Inside its more modern than the previous one, but some of the furnishing sucks a lot. The living room/kitchen is kind of stylish, but you can hear traffic noise. The bedrooms are too small.Alexandra Park Road: Yet another first floor apartment, this time in an old Victorian house. This one is right by Alexandra Palace, and there is a huge park right on our doorstep, with the most spectacular views right across London. The house is quite badly looked after, but when the tenants are out they will redecorate. I hope that includes the kitchen units: these are old and doubtful. On the other hand it has lots of gorgeous period details, like stained glass windows in the stairs up. The rooms are cosy, rather than big. Only the kitchen seems big: you can get a table in there to eat round. The living room has a weird mirror tiled wall. Ummm???? The back bedroom has a balcony. Its not great... but in some ways its just FANTASTIC. I think this is where we need to live. Emilie likes to know if I made friends with it... I did.:)Nightingale Lane: Looks nice on the outside, but the agent can't open the door! Sad.Embassy Court, Bounds Green Road.I saw two apartments. One was a ground floor apartment, badly decorated, badly furnished and more expensive than the other one, so lets just ignore it.The block is modern, and well managed and neat. The apartment is unfurnished more or less, but it does have lots of built-in wardrobes and dressers and the like in the main bedroom. Thats useful. Overall, its decorated plainly, but its quite well done. Oh except for some horrendous light fittings. I won't try to describe them. The rooms are a good size. Almost everything about this place is just fine. We could live here. I just can't get excited about the idea of it. It is really close to a tube station though so thats good.Lausanne Road.Lausanne Road is right next to Frobisher Road, and so again good location, and its also the same sort of house: a nice style. But on the other hand, it has a bad front door, and has an unkempt entry hall. This one is a ground floor flat. Inside, it again has a nice big living room at the front. I'm having difficulty picturing it now, and my notes were very sparse. I'm thinking it just didn't compare with Frobisher Road. Plus I also wrote it off because the kitchen couldn't take a full size fridge-freezer. The tiny thing there is no good. Later, the pushy guy in the estate agent tries to tell me I could put a freezer under the stairs. I am underwhelmed.Nightingale Road (again).This is built like a victorian terrace, but the brickwork looks only about 20 years old. Now I think about it, that's curious. The landlady is a lovely Turkish woman who thinks Emilie and I should have babies. NOW. Eek! Its a nice house but the living room is very small. The bedrooms are ok I guess. I like the kitchen. It looks good for cooking in. There is nice little courtyard garden too. Its nicely decorated too. It looks like a happy little house, with good vibes. Not everywhere has that. But its the most expensive of all.So that's all the houses I saw. I am thoroughly sick of spivvy wide-boy estate agents and their insincere sales patter. But at least I've seen some good places. I'll be trying to get one tomorrow.I wish Haringey Council could sort out the bloody letter for the Visa application. That's going to the wire.Drove back through non-stop thunderstorms for two hours. Amazing fork-lightning arcing over the hills.Went round to Amy's later. Long chat. Sarah did well in her interview. Yay! I hope she gets the place. She totally deserves it.I'm tired. Its been a long day.current mood:  tired [...the world's seen 1 explosion today / erupt...] |
| Wednesday, August 4th, 2004 |
| 6:24 pm |
| I'm smoking again. Today I have to admit it. No more "I bought them cos I was drunk, and I'm just finishing the pack." I was quite sober, and I bought cigarettes. And I've smoked several... and it must be dumbfuckest thing I've done for a long time. And I say that as someone who is not shy of a dumbfuckness.However, I learnt a lot today. I have many shortcomings, and now they are exposed to the cold light of day. Amongst which I am lazy, procrastinating, unfeeling, unsupportive and self-centred. This isn't intended to be a balanced verdict, more of an indictment. Even as I write my self-pitying excoriations, I can but sneer at how it proves my self-centredness. Is it a step forward to be able to laugh at ones own self-hatred? It feels like a sick joke.Today I lost my passport.I also did a number of positive things which, for the sake of an accurate record, I will not mention here.I note, for the record, that I can make all manner of people happy by telling them a few scant details of my forthcoming marriage. They enjoy being vicariously romantic. I cynically exploit this to get better customer service. It works. And then I feel like crap.current mood: Destructive [...erupt...] |
| Sunday, August 1st, 2004 |
| 1:39 am - Drunk |
OK its a stupidly late time to update my journal but I'm doing it anyway.I'm really drunk like a staggering around thing. I just got back from a night out at the 4Ps. Rubbish band that seemed to get better with more alcohol, murdering a load of all time classics. They played Babylon and I got all misty-eyed because that's one of Emilie and my songs.But mostly tonight was good because it was more time hanging with Dave and Memoona. They are really good friends and its good to have made the time to catch up with them. They both really want to meet up after the wedding, and meet Emily and stay in touch. That's cool. We went through loads together. I'd hate to lose touch with them. Also I met Joe, who seemed like a cool guy too.The rest of today was a nothing. Just resting my aching legs, chilling out, watching cricket.Feel a bit bad cos I think I was trying to guilt Emilie today. She's very busy and stuff, but I was a bit snippy. I think maybe I'm feeling insecure. Don't know why. Pre-match nerves? I wrote a letter for immigration to support her Visa application. I think it might be too full of love, rather than the facts. It was hard to stay focussed... I'm a dork.current mood:  drunk [...erupt...] |
| Friday, July 30th, 2004 |
| 10:53 pm |
Today I made loads of appointment for seeing flats and apartments. I hope one of these is good. There are lots to choose from but I don't know the areas and they all seem way expensive. Like twice what I'm used to paying. London is so expensive. It worries me.Later that afternoon I went walking in the Malvern Hills. A seven mile walk, late afternoon and evening. It was beautiful, very hot and sunny. The first part goes past a reservoir, goes down by a stream and past the remains of an old priory. Then it goes through some fields, including 10 foot high cornfields (and that was a major fight to get through), and then down a country lane to Castlemorton Common. Thats an old Chase, or hunting ground of some old prince or other from way back when. I loved this part... at one point this whole herd of cattle came wandering past chomping, lots of young calves chomping. It was fun, somehow. Then, lots of sheep wandering all over. I was talking to them. After a while the walk climbs back up into the hills. That bit was really steep and tiring. I started to space out with exhaustion, and nearly lost my way. Eventually I sat down, ate my yummy Cotswold Cheese sandwiches, and my peach, chilled for a bit, and then got going again. I found the track I was meant to be on, and got to Clutters Cave (which I like to call the orc cave... ok ignore that). As I reached it, I thought I heard music, and then when I sat down outside the cave and looked out over the countryside laid out for miles in front of me, I saw why. There was some festival going on, and some kind of ambient chill out music playing, that made the whole experience kind of spiritual in an indescribable way. I was feeling so tired, and spaced out and chilled all at the same time. The whole panorama was so perfect, beautiful, immense. I felt like I spent hours just watching, as the sun sank over the green-yellow fields. I tried to call Emilie because I wanted to share it with her but she didnt answer. Eventually I walked the final mile up to the Iron Age fort, on top of the Herefordshire Beacon, and then down the steps to the foot of the hill to where my car was parked. And home.current mood:  exhausted [...erupt...] |
| Friday, July 16th, 2004 |
| 11:36 am - Secret Agent |
[Rant mode]Last night I watch BBC1s documentary about a guy who infiltrated the nazi British National Party. These guys are utterly disgusting. They were bragging about beating up Asians, about putting faeces through the letter boxes of Asian businesses, spreading lies about Islam and generally trying to intimidate and threaten people, while at the same time pretending to be a respectable party. What's worse, is that they manage to get 3/4 million votes in the May elections. Its sick. They need to be stopped.http://www.uaf.org.uk/http://www.lmhr.org.uk/[/Rant mode]current mood:  angry [...erupt...] |
| 10:59 am |
I got my job............... I GOT MY JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!Wow... I'm having the best few days.... Now we can apply for Emilies visa. Everything is falling into place...!!!!!current mood:  ecstatic [...the world's seen 1 explosion today / erupt...] |
| Thursday, July 15th, 2004 |
| 2:47 pm |
| Yesterday was official exam results day.I got a first! Yay!!! Actually I already knew because El let the cat out of the bag, but it now its official. Not only that but my grade was the highest of all. Yay! Not only that but Eve wants to get my independent study paper published in the Internation Journal of Mass Emergencies and Disasters. Proper academic publication....woooooo!So I got rather drunk. Yay!Actually I got drunk once in Whitefriars, then sobered up enough to go for dinner with Amy, Sarah, Jordan, Faye and Michelle. And then got drunk again. Karyn was so all over Foxy it was hilarious!OK, so today I am a little fragile but I do not care. [...the world's seen 1 explosion today / erupt...] |
| Monday, July 5th, 2004 |
| 9:56 pm |
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| Sunday, July 4th, 2004 |
| 10:48 pm |
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| 8:27 am |
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| Saturday, July 3rd, 2004 |
| 11:11 pm |
| Just decided to do something slightly strange. I'm going to go for a walk at 3am. I need to find a star for Emilie (strange promises I make sometimes). And I want to see the dawn happen. This is undoubtedly a silly idea, and thus it commends itself to me."and thus it commends itself to me" - when did I start writing like that??? For fucks sake! I'm such a pretentious wanker at times. But everyone loves a pretentious wanker, so there's no worries there......current mood: neurotic [...erupt...] |
| Friday, July 2nd, 2004 |
| 5:37 pm - Meanwhile on MSN, I catch up with an old buddy.... |
| Eddie T says:HiSnaga says:hi Eddie. How are you?Eddie T says:not bad, wading through asbestos forms and dataSnaga says:Hmm... that's got to be someones idea of fun I guess....Eddie T says:remind me of your name so I can set you up properly, I have too many contacts for work and pleasure can't afford to get mixed up!Snaga says:Ah ok... you forgot? I'm Andy, remember?Eddie T says:and your gaydar profileSnaga says:I'm a bleep far out of rangeEddie T says:?Snaga says:I doubt I'm showing on your gaydarEddie T says:okEddie T says:I'm really confusedEddie T says:oh shit I know I've gone and confused u with someone mate, sorrySnaga says:Umm... this is Andy Meek, ex of Coventry, who stayed in your spare room at Culworth Court etcEddie T says:I know nowSnaga says:lolEddie T says:but my phone doesn't do id on texts and i was expecting a shag invite, how embarrassingEddie T says:soorySnaga says:Hahaahahahaha [...the world's seen 3 explosions today / erupt...] |
| 9:26 am |
| Started reading 'Mirrorshades', an anthology of Cyberpunk SF. Its been knocking around for ages, waiting for me to read. Years in fact. It might have been a present from my dad, which would make it 7 years. Hmmmm.( The Gernsback ContinuumCollapse ) [...erupt...] |
| Thursday, July 1st, 2004 |
| 11:44 pm |
| Its got to be a bad idea to update last thing each day. It works chronologically, but I seem to end up posting when I'm feeling tired, and therefore not at my best.Today I have mostly been chilling out and stuff, plus a little shopping trip. The reason for the ultra-laziness has in part to do with the fact that I have not much better to do, and part to do with the drunken state I got myself into last night. It was Sonia's last day in Coventry, and so a few of us went out trawling various pubs. Unusually for me, I seemed to be the person making most of the running in the conversation, joke telling etc. Weird. That happens about once in 5 years, and I can never account for it.I finished reading Dune today. **( DuneCollapse )**Czech Republic 0 Greece 1. Not pleased by that. Greece are very negative, were the poorer team, and will probably kill the final. Go Portugal! [...the world's seen 3 explosions today / erupt...] |
| Monday, June 28th, 2004 |
| 10:47 pm |
| I'm feeling very turned in on myself, and very destructive at the moment. EDITTED OUT A LOAD OF SELF-INDULGENT CRAP. APOLOGIES TO EVERYONE WHO I INFLICTED THAT ONE.Its got to be time to start writing again.I need to go get that The Clash song ... "White riot, I want to riot... White riot, I'll riot on my own." I would LOVE to do that... There's no feeling better than smashing windows. Trust me. Ahem.current mood: Nihilistic [...erupt...] |
| Sunday, June 27th, 2004 |
| 1:39 pm |
Today is Sunday, and I've just finished lunch (Roast Chicken) with Anthony. Later we're going to get his friend Owen, so they can hang out.Its kind of sunny and nice outside for a change and I feel quite rested.Emilie phoned earlier and was sad. *huggles to Emilie* I felt bad cos I couldn't really talk as much as I wanted because Anthony wanted me to play with him.current mood:  refreshed [...the world's seen 1 explosion today / erupt...] |
| Saturday, June 26th, 2004 |
| 11:31 pm |
| Got up quite early to get Anthony, but I went to the supermarket first. As a result I was all of nine minutes late from the official approximate time I'm meant to get him. At eight minutes late I get a whiny phonecall asking where I am. Better not get started on that...Anthony and I mostly just hung out today. The weather was awful.But Sarah and Amy dropped by, because Sarah is leaving Coventry and going back to her parents in Devon. Very sad. I will miss her. She might come up to get her exam results, so we'll see her then I hope. Anyway, she brought a wedding present for Emilie and me. It looks great in its silver holographic wrapping paper. Our first wedding present. Yay!!After a few photos and hugs and stuff, Anthony and I went to the movies. We went to see Shrek 2. I wasn't expecting to like it, and at times it was annoyingly cutesy. But at other times it was hilarious. Pinnochio wears a thong! I laughed so hard at that. (You'll have to see it to understand.)In the evening, we watched football together. Anthony fell asleep. I had to carry him up to his bed. He woke up briefly, to deny being asleep at all, but then fell straight back asleep again. Kids are funny.Later, alone, I went to bed early, missing Emilie a lot.current mood: happy [...erupt...] |
| Thursday, June 24th, 2004 |
| 9:23 pm - Grey clouds |
Today, I did very little. I've been feeling listless, depressed, and lacking in energy. I think I put so much into getting my degree that now I can't get moving on anything. I'm definitely going through a low energy period. Trouble is, although I want to rest, with so much about to change its not really mentally restful at all. I really should pull myself together. This is not good.I also I watched **( Portgual vs England, Euro 2004Collapse )**The wind has been howling a gale most of this week, and its raining like November.current mood:  distressed [...erupt...] |
| Friday, June 18th, 2004 |
| 12:27 pm |
All exams are done.I can finally chill out, without a care in the world. Well... nearly. There are some things that need to happen, like getting a job. But today such things can wait.Results day is July 14. So near, and yet so far. But, I almost don't care how well I've done.( YesterdayCollapse ) current mood:  relaxed [...erupt...] |