I am so FUCKING SPECIAL! (original) (raw)

Greetings one and all!
i am not going to be so vain as to ask if you missed my pesence, and just automatically assume that you did.
The problem is, i had this blog all thought out in my head...it was written up there, but that i am actually writing, it doesn't seem to work. My thoughts don't translate well from head to keyboard. a pity, cause it was a really good one.

my topic for today is my mutant sperm, let me tell you why: no matter how carefull you are, taking all the protection in the world is not going to help you when you have mutant sperm. For mutant sperm doesn't understand the fact, that when you wear a particular garment, that it should travel no further. it can not past go, nor collect $200 dollars... it can only go directly to the trash can or toilet.
Mutant sperm ignores that little fact, completly by-pass it and goes straight to the egg and impregnates my wife.

yes folks, you have read correctly, and although i still have trouble adjusting to it, my wife is carrying my spawn. i call it douglas.
the end is near folks... when my spawn, the one named douglas, walks the earth all hell will break loose. for i have come to realize one thing... anything that can wiggle its way through the thick latex membrane of a condom can only be evil. evil is an incedible driving force... a good motivator to getting shit done. and douglas is well on its way...

on an intersting side note, i keep day dreaming that douglas is a girl, and not a boy. i just can't seem to imagine douglas as anything else other than a girl.
on another interesting side note, i would appriciate it if darthmollusc and elevatorstars not disclose this little tidbit of info to the good folks of chapters not quite just yet.

and with this i bid you all adieu