Gender Identity Terms To Know and Understand (original) (raw)

For some parents, gender identity discussions are natural and comfortable. For others, the topic of gender identity may be new and confusing. This may be especially true if their own child comes to them because they don't align with the gender they were assigned at birth.

Whether or not your child is seeking out support about their gender identity, it's a good idea to educate yourself about terms like transgender, nonbinary, and more. Something as simple as learning the language your child may use to communicate their own or a friend's identity can help you to be a lighthouse for them as they make their way through a world that still discriminates against people who may not align with their assigned gender.

"Trans and nonbinary children and teens who are well-supported by parents and schools flourish exactly as well as any other group of children," says Hershel T. Russell, MA, MEd, a registered psychotherapist, activist, and nonbinary trans man. "Those who are not supported too often struggle to cope. Depression, anxiety, inability to make friends, eating disorders, cutting, and high levels of suicidality are frequent sequelae that could have been avoided."

Consider these definitions as a starting point to expand your understanding, but be open to learning more by asking curious, non-judgmental questions of your child and others. You can also pass knowledge on to other allies who want to protect transgender and gender-expansive youth.

Assigned Gender at Birth

When your baby's birth certificate is created, an "F" or "M" indicates their male or female gender assignment. This assignment is typically based on your child's sex as determined by their genitalia.

However, sex is different from gender, and your child's gender identity may evolve beyond that first label. In other words, sex assigned at birth refers to a baby's biology, while gender involves someone's personal identity,

For many trans and intersex people, a newborn gender assignment marks the first time our body will be scrutinized without our consent and given a gender we did not ask for based on its appearance. For that reason, instead of saying a trans person was "born a boy or girl," we refer to a person as having been assigned male at birth (AMAB) or assigned female at birth (AFAB).

Cisgender

Cisgender (cis) is an adjective to describe someone who identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth. There has been some misinformation spread by transphobic groups and media figureheads that "cis" or "cisgender" is a slur, but this couldn't be further from the truth! So if you hear your kids describe you or folks around you in this way, don't worry. The term is completely neutral and holds no derogatory connotations.

Transgender

Transgender, often shortened to trans, is an adjective used to describe someone whose gender identity does not align with the gender they were assigned at birth. About three-quarters of people who eventually transition genders first experience gender dysphoria, a divide between the gender they were assigned at birth and the gender they feel they are, by age 7.

Nonbinary

A person who is nonbinary is someone whose gender identity is neither male nor female. It falls under the transgender umbrella, while a wide variety of gender identities fall under the nonbinary umbrella. Some nonbinary people may feel more aligned with masculinity or femininity, while others may feel more comfortable with androgyny, or something else entirely. A common set of pronouns used by nonbinary folks is they/them, however, any pronoun can be a nonbinary pronoun, including traditional gendered pronouns like he/him and she/her, or even more than one set of pronouns, such as she/they.

What Are Neopronouns?

Some nonbinary folks may use neoprouns. As trans folks—especially nonbinary ones—become freer than ever to come out and be ourselves, many have taken incredible strides toward embracing a variety of pronouns, called neopronouns, to express the diversity of gender identities.

There are countless neopronouns, but some popular ones include xe/xer, xe/xem, ze/zim, fae/faer, and ney/nem. Some people may also use no pronouns at all, opting to be referred to only by name, instead. Learning a new neopronoun can be especially challenging for many people, so don't feel bad if it takes some practice to get them right!

Transition

Transition for trans children has been the subject of a great deal of fear-mongering and devastating human rights attacks over the past several years, and misinformation about gender-affirming care is rampant. There are several types of transition, including social, legal, and medical.

Social transition

Despite transphobic fear-mongering, most transition in minors is social, not medical. Social transition is often the first step of transition. It involves taking steps toward living as one's true gender in day-to-day life. This can include changes in name, pronouns, clothing, haircuts, and using the bathroom that aligns with their gender identity.

Some transgender folks will use gender-affirming clothing, such as binders (a compressive garment worn by some transmasculine folks on their chests to flatten breasts), packers (prosthetic penises which can alleviate genital dysphoria for some transmasculine people), and gaffes (special undergarments worn by some transfeminine folks to minimize the appearance of the penis and alleviate bottom dysphoria).

Legal transition

Legally, though the rules vary by state, trans folks may choose to change their name and gender marker on passports, birth certificates, and driver's licenses. This is a lengthy and sometimes expensive process and requires a team of support.

Medical transition

Under the age of 16, the only medical intervention typically performed on children is the administration of safe and reversible puberty blockers, given no sooner than the second Tanner stage, when the initial visible changes of puberty begin to emerge. Children are assessed extensively to make sure they are a good candidate for puberty blockers before they are administered.

Gender Fluid

A gender-fluid person is somebody who experiences more than one gender, usually at different points in time. There are many ways to experience gender fluidity and several even more specific identities within the gender-fluid spectrum. Some gender-fluid folks' pronouns and names may even change on a fairly regular basis, which may take some practice to get used to! You can empower them to communicate with you by encouraging regular pronoun check-ins and providing them with tools like removable and moveable pronoun pins to easily communicate changes. A great way to check in would be to ask, "What pronouns are you comfortable with me using today?"

Gender Creative

Also known as gender expansive, someone who is gender creative is someone who expresses themself in a way that breaks traditional gender roles and stereotypes. A gender-creative kid may question their gender or relationship to it but is not necessarily transgender. A boy who loves to wear dresses and makeup may feel very much like a boy but because society has often limited a boy's ability to be "feminine," he may be considered gender creative or gender nonconforming.

The Bottom Line

Raising a trans child—especially in a hostile world—is no easy task, but doesn't need to be any harder than raising a cisgender child. By reading articles like this, you're already taking a huge step in being the source of safety and comfort every trans child needs and deserves.

Remember: Every trans person is unique and so is the language we use to describe ourselves and our experiences. I hope this article and others like it can provide you with the language you need to empower the child in your home so they can use the language that feels best for them.