almost perfect (original) (raw)

			almost perfect tomorrow's a new day

			09:00 pm October 12th, 2010

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			09:00 pm April 16th, 2010

			12:21 am April 17th, 2010

	xalmostxperfectwant2besomebody		Re-introduction Hi, i've been here for about 2 and a half years but have opened a new account. So those of you who have also been around awhile won't know me, but anyways I thought it would be good to put the past behind me and start fresh.I developed an ED two and a half years ago but recovered and have had minor relapses about three or four times since recovering. I want to be happy with my body so I am on a mission to reach my target weight. I don't want to fall into my ED again, but I am going to resrict as much as I can while maintaining a regular college life so my grades don't suffer. I am going to exercise, run primarily, aswell as yoga and situps. I walk alot so that helps. I have discovered vitamin water lately which I am going to start drinking more often. I used to be hooked on red bull and it did wonders for my metabolism but I am going to try and avoid it because I know it's bad for me in the excessive amounts I drink it when I get on it. I am going to eat one meal a day, minimum, as I need it being a student. For one I can't bear having a rumbling stomach in lectures all day and I can't concentrate when I don't eat anything. I am lucky in that I live alone so have weekends to myself aswell as evenings. I am off uni wednesdays and fridays but have to go in for additional practical work (I work with horses and we have yard hours to make up). This is good though because I am moving and my empty tummy is much less noticable. Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays I am at uni for lunch so will have to eat some form of lunch. Those days I won't have dinner.On my days off I plan to run, when I build uo my stamina I will run on days I have uni. I always get home tired and have no energy to exercise which isn't good. I really need to regain control of this. I need to stop eating whatever I like, whenever I like. And start eating only for fuel. I need to exercise again and take note of my weight. When I get like this I always stop weighing and avoid it the longer it goes on. I am going to weigh in the morning then go for a run, I am dreading it. But I know I NEED to do this. But I WILL be careful this time.Looking forward to getting to know you allAshxOxmood: sleepy

			02:49 am August 25th, 2009

	xalmostxperfecthanikamimay		New (kinda). I used to be a part of this once upon a time, and I've drifted back because "recovering" is soo not working for me. Just started college again and I get the feeling everyone's staring at me because I look horrible.Anyway..Name (optional): hanikamimayAge: 21Eating Disorder: ED-NOSDiagnosed or Self Diagnosed: SelfTime period of ED: A couple years now.Height: 5'3"Cw: 150lbs.Lw: 110lbs.Hw: 180lbs.STG: 135lbs.LTG: 105lbs.BMI: Too lazy to figure it out atm, but it's prolly bad.Tags: author: hanikamimay, statsmood: tired

			07:22 am April 23rd, 2009

			10:24 pm March 23rd, 2009

			01:17 am February 10th, 2009

	xalmostxperfectmorning_fight		hey kids. well....im not new. but you probably dont know me because i was under another name.even then, i did not speak to most of you. still....Name: eisleyAge: 17Eating Disorder: ednosDiagnosed or Self Diagnosed: the latter then the former. Time period of ED: 2 yearsHeight: 5'8Cw: 150Lw: 130Hw: 170BMI: i need to checkso thats that. i relapsed into fatdom when i was sent to the hospital again. now im about 20 lbs heavier. yay me.(heavy sarcasm)i was also scared to get on, because of the immense amount of trouble i got into when my parents found my account. but im back and ready to start brand new.i would love to have some new friends, and most people may think my journal is pretty darn interesting.so please, talk to me if you feel the need--because we may be best friends. much love,Eisley.

			01:39 pm February 2nd, 2009

			09:02 am November 12th, 2008

			03:06 am September 23rd, 2008

			10:20 am August 13th, 2008

			11:30 pm August 3rd, 2008

	xalmostxperfectswordnsandal		Staying on track while sick? So here's my problem: Usually when I'm physically well I can restrict or fast and still feel okay; I'll have enough energy at work still. But I'm sick again (flu, congestion, headache), and whenever I'm sick I feel completely zapped. Like I can't get through my day at all, much less do my job. (I have to be on my feet, moving, helping people, for eight hours a day.) I don't binge, but I usually loose control over what I eat when I'm feeling like this. I don't stick to my plan and I don't keep track because it feels like I'm just doing what I have to to get by.Any suggestions?Thank you in advance!<3

			08:20 pm June 25th, 2008

			11:39 am May 31st, 2008

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			12:01 am January 29th, 2008

	xalmostxperfectgreywicker		Last Tuesday I had a hoagie. I posted about it. Since then, I've been all fucked up with food. It's a downward spiral.Weird thoughts/feelings happen with ups and downs in my eating patterns. Go too long eating too much and you get either: 1. binge/purge/self-injure urges or 2. paranoia and horrible, horrible nightmares.I don't know if these things are related to my eating habits in any concrete, provable way, but I definitely feel like they wax and wane with my intake. This time around it's been #2. Hello, paranoia. It's been a while.I went to bed last night terrified of mostly everything. (Forgive Durden - Parable of the Sower, anyone?) Falling asleep didn't go well. In my head, someone was yelling in my ear while I was waiting to pass out. There was nothing calm about it. I know I was flinching. It didn't feel like drifting off so much as limping as fast as I could. When my brain does this my dreams are predictable. They cover:1. graphic violence, frequently car wrecks or burn victims2. dying in an elevator3. being trapped underground with a large group of people, failing to coordinate an effective evacuation4. tornados5. a huge natural distaster wherein I fail to save peopleSo I woke up breathless, exhausted, and headachey. Were these things not taking place in my own head, I'd find them interesting to analyze. Especially because if you asked me to list things that really scare the shit out of me the above might not make the list. Interesting. Are they analogies? What?As it stands I just feel stupid actually writing them down. Or caring. Sorry. I realize how self-involved I am. I'm tired, though. It pisses me off not to get rest out of my sleep.At work I fell back into another familiar pattern: my mind trawls through half-remembered events and uses them to illustrate what an embarassing, fat, vulgar douchebag I am. I've been doing this for as long as I can remember. It's like a screen saver. Mind goes idle: remember that time in sophomore year Adam said he liked your pants? You love those pants. But he was making fun of you because they were tight and you're fat. And you, being the naive idiot you are, said 'thanks'. And on it goes. I never run out of memories, my catalogue is endless. The damage each memory does is not necessarily related to how objectively embarassing it should be. The example above is a brick to the chest every time I think of it. Why? I have no idea. But I fully believe the judgement I pass on myself every single time. I think it in my own voice. I cultivate it: I find the perfect word to describe each individual failing. I am fat, I am stupid, I am naive, I am loud, I am overly effusive, I am embarassing, I am pretentious, I am selfish, I am everything everyone hates (most of all me). I spend the next few hours with a hung head and curled-in spine, collapsed on myself. Today, though. I had a novel idea. This is going to sound pretty stupid. But today was the first time it ever really occured to me that maybe those things aren't really true? Maybe I'm not horrible? Maybe my compulsion to condemn everything I've ever thought or said is purely pathological. Not real. There is maybe a chance that other people don't see me like I do.It only takes as long as forming these thoughts to reject them. I know, says my brain_, that I really am all of those things. It's only weakness, an unwillingness to change, that makes me want to deny it._I am going to be pretty embarassed by this post in the morning. Right now, though, I'm pretty sure I'd give my right hand to never feel like the person I believe I am ever again.

			05:37 pm January 8th, 2008

	xalmostxperfectanakate09		Back! I'm back.And I'm offensively fat, once again.Gained like 15 lbs over break because I can't resist my mom's decadent cooking and all the candy she bought.Fast time. Tomorrow (Wednesday) until next Wednesday. Its going to be hard, but its going to be worth it. Anybody else in?Tags: anakate09.mydaylocale: Roommood: determinedmusic: Irreplaceable

			12:02 pm December 27th, 2007

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			11:47 am December 13th, 2007

	xalmostxperfectpalmtree_love		frustrated! so it's been forever since i've posted. i used to be really active in the "other" almost famous but i've been trying to work a lot on my "problems" lately. i've been doing pretty well =]but, i needed a place to vent with people who would understand.i was sitting in the student union with a few friends and with this one girl that i don't like to begin with. i hear her talking about being sick and not having to exercising. i wasn't really paying attention to her but then at this point she caught my attention because i couldn't figure out what she meant. anyway she proceeded on by saying she wanted to lose weight and was to lazy to exercise so if she could just catch the flu or strep she could lose weight easily. and then she continues or maybe i can just be anorexic or something for a few weeks, that would work, etc, etc. errrr, i was soo pissed!!! i had to fucking leave.why are people so stupid?!?Tags: .myday, author:palmtree_love

			11:02 am December 13th, 2007

			07:40 am December 8th, 2007

	xalmostxperfectitswithac		Gone for a LONG time. Last time I updated my journal I was 104, but a LOT has changed (for the better) =)Name (optional): CarolineAge: 16Eating Disorder: I don't call it an e.d. I call it good dieting =)Diagnosed or Self Diagnosed: SelfTime period of ED: 3 yearsHeight: 5'3 5'4Cw: 98Lw: Not sureHw: 113STG: Im not sure what this means. 96?LTG: 96?BMI: 16.8PICTURES (optional, under lj-cut): I don't have any yet, but I'll put some up!And I really need someone to talk to about this guy. I'll explain (PLEASE PLEASEPLEASSSSE!!)So I saw this guy in the hallways at my highschool like every other day last year, I know he saw me too because he would wait outside of his class for me to go by, he told his friend obviuosly about me because then his friend would wait outside, look at me, etc. Then this year I saw him in ANOTHER hallway, he still looks at me and then we kind of just stopped. I started going a different way but mostly because of being self concious(SP?) Well I really really like him. I'm not sure why. Yesterday I was opening the door and I grabbed the handle and the door just flung open. Maybe it was because I was nervous. It was REALLY embarassing hahahha. And I was like "Ouch!" But yeah, I was nervous because when I opened it guess who was right there waiting to go through the door? Yeah himmm!! ahhhh! So then I looked up and he was smiling! And I know this doesn't seem like a big deal and I would be talking to him but I don't know him and I don't know what to say to someone I don't know. But I definteley wish on every 11:11 and I always hope he'll just jump through the door and like have mistle toe in his pocket! hahahahhhhhhhhhh I'm soooo gayyy lmaoooooooooooo. But what do you guys think about this??? I know it's not ED related but I have noone to talk to about that. PLEASE!!!!

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