A Whole New Life (original) (raw)

on my friends list who talk to peter (You know who you are) keep in mind that he just FUCKED audra over. ANYONE who talks to him is not worthy of my time any longer. For someone to support a low life piece of shit like him you have to be fucking stupid. For him to get up there and LIE his ass off, and screw audra over, after she's been working her ass off trying to support HER children is fucking insane. What's even MORE insane is the fact that he's getting away with it. Saying he's never had a problem with paying audra child support or seeing his kids and that SHE'S kept them from him...FUCKING BULLSHIT!! She moved up here with ME and HARMONY because she had NO WHERE TO GO the last time. He VERY RARELY SENT HER ANYTHING TO HELP with the kids. He NEVER called to talk to his children, THEY'D have to CALL HIM!! HOW DARE HE! I am soo fucking pissed off and hurting for audra right now. I see how hard she works for her kids. I see she does WHATEVER IT TAKES to support her children. To hear about a judge sidding with peter, I have lost all faith in the system. He continues to fuck her over and gets away with it. It disgusts me to know that he continues to live. He is someone who deserves nothing but the worst, yet he continues to have everything handed to him. Maybe we should all be sociopaths. I have seen first hand the shit he pulls, i can tell you story after story about the lies he's told. He's a disgrace to all of us. Using the excuse that his mom just died to get out of things, HIS MOTHER HAS BEEN DEAD FOR YEARS NOW! Telling people he just got back from iraq, the fucking pussy couldnt even make it out of inprocessing when he went to basic,(ooh but he had health problems, you know cause they wont just make shit up, they wont keep someone who doesnt want to be there anyway) yup, he's a class act guy...everyone should be just like peter. (better known to his friends as platnium) give me a fucking break. It breaks my heart to see Audra struggle and me not being able to do anything for her.

Just incase someone sends peter to this entry (which i'm hoping he'll read, i'm making it PUBLIC)
Peter, I hope you rot in hell you low life son of a bitch. You dont deserve your kids, you dont deserve ANYTHING. I hope you fucking burn in the flames of hell. You give good men a bad name.

So if you've been removed from my journal, think about WHY. You pretend to be a friend but then turn around and kiss his ass, I've seen it myself. If you want to "be friends with peter" you can rot in hell as well. Sit there and watch what he does to Audra, you sit there and watch as she works her ass off, and still not able to make ends meet, you sit there and watch HER kids grow up hearing the lies he'll no doubt tell them. You watch him manipulate everyone just to get what he wants. ROT IN HELL WITH HIM.

Edit, this is from his myspace
We Won

So went to court today and i won everything basically. Won my visitation to my kids... didnt get reemed on support and basically everything she put in papers got thrown out like i thought it would...i told her ahead of time they would but they didnt believe me.. the system is the system.. I felt bad for her though... i respect her as a mother and wish her the best... but all her and her family tried to do was badger me... it sucks her family really dont knwo whats up with her... mayeb someday they will come around and stop blaming everyone else.. ... so im kind of glad it went my way for a change... If she grows up and wants to work with our kids on good terms and everything else it would have been easier and different...

I do wish her the best.. BUT I GET TO SEE MY KIDS YAYYYYYYYY... they are the real winners here.. no more BS... its over basically..final papers hope we agree and get it over with...
K my roomie is here with big hugs and taking me to dinner... So to all the good dads out there keep the faith dudes ;)

~he is so full of shit. I can't even go into it right now, I may break something. I hope he gets what's coming to him....Her and her family badgering him, HE'S the one who called her multiple times a day, AFTER she told him to stop, isnt that called HARRASSMENT???

Current Mood: irate

22 February 2006 @ 11:11 am

the RomanticTest finished!
you chose BY - your Enneagram type is FOUR. "I am unique"Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive. How to Get Along with Me Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me. Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself. Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision. Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little. Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting! What I Like About Being a Four my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level my ability to establish warm connections with people admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor being unique and being seen as unique by others having aesthetic sensibilities being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me What's Hard About Being a Four experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved feeling guilty when I disappoint people feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me expecting too much from myself and life fearing being abandoned obsessing over resentments longing for what I don't have Fours as Children Often have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original game s are very sensitive feel that they don't fit in believe they are missing something that other people have attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc. become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce) Fours as Parents help their children become who they really are support their children's creativity and originality are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings are sometimes overly critical or overly protective are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages You are not completely happy with the result?!You chose BYWould you rather have chosen: AY (EIGHT) CY (SIX) BX (NINE) BZ (FIVE)

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

| | You scored higher than 25% on ABC | | -------------------------------------------- | | | You scored higher than 57% on XYZ |

01 February 2006 @ 11:50 pm

Long time no real post! I've been a BAD ljer I know! Things have been goin pretty good. Harmony and I went down to Oregon last sunday to pick up his friend Tabatha. She's goin to be stayin with us for a while. She's really sweet. I think we'll get along just fine. Her and I are goin to be job hunting for the next few days. Hopefully we'll find something. Seems like a lot of places are hiring right now. Next weekend is our party. I'm really excited but nervous at the same time. Harmony already told me he doesnt want any problems from me. I'm hoping my friends will keep me occupied enough to not worry about what he's doing. I KNOW he wont do anything he shouldnt, but me and my paranoid mind can't accept that fact. I want to go and have a good time tho. He told me if I even THINK i'm going to have any problems that I shouldnt even go. I already talked to my sister and if I start to get paranoid I'll have her come and pick me up. I want harmony to have fun and I dont want to embarrass him by causing a scene. I should be fine tho. I really want to have FUN. Lots of FUN!

Anyways, things between harmony and I have been going okay. I'd love to say they're great, but right now they're just okay. He's stressed and I'm stressed (about what I have no clue). He went to the dr last week, and got more xrays done, nothing showed up there. Today he went in for an MRI and on the 7th he goes back to go over the results. Who knows how that will turn out, but I'm hoping it's nothing BAD.

Anywho, I should probably get to bed. I know I need to be up in 5 hours to make sure harmony's up and make sure he has a lunch and all that jazz. Hope everyone is well!!

Ni nights!

Current Mood: content

23 January 2006 @ 11:15 pm

Things are going really good right now. We had a GREAT weekend, not a SINGLE fight! Saturday we went into Seattle so we could put flyers up in the record stores. Sudnay we just kind of hung around. I was in a pretty bad mood. (lack of booty). Harmony wasnt feeling good so I went and got us subway for dinner. After dinner he asked me to go to the store. I REALLY didnt want to. A few hours later he asked again and I got pissy and left. I came home and found a note on the counter. It was REALLY sweet, he told me he loves me and appreciates everything I do. TOTALLY unexpected. He made my week with just that one little note. All in all it was a great weekend.

I've been trying to stay positive lately, and I REALLY think it's helped. I have my 2nd dr appt on wed. I'm really excited about it. Poor harmony is sick. He came home from work with a REALLY high fever (dont have anything to take his temp with, but I could feel the heat coming off of him), so I gave him some meds and made him go to sleep. I woke him up a while later and told him to take his pills and then right back to sleep he went. I woke him up again a while later for dinner and then I ran to the store and got ice cream for him. I was going to wait until tomorrow but he REALLY wanted ice cream. Tomorrow he has a bone scan so he'll feel like crap tomorrow too. My poor boy!! I wish i could make him feel better.

Okay, sorry this isnt much of an update. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am doing okay. Well, better than okay, i'm doing GOOD for a change. I've tried to keep up on my friends pages, even if I havent commented. Hope everyone is doing well!!

Okies, I'm off to bed now. I tried to take a nap earlier and it didnt happen, so hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight! Ni nights all!

Current Mood: happy

18 January 2006 @ 06:23 am

I had my first dr appt yesterday. I really like her. I felt comfortable with her right away. The office is just accross the street which is even more perfect. She helped me realize some of why I am the way I am now. Some of it has to do with the fact that I let my depression go and didnt get treatment for it. She said my anxiety has manifested it's self FROM my depression. She said therepy and meds will help with that. A lot of what I'm feeling and going thru has to do with things at home, as well as things in my past with my dad. I grew up in a house where my opinions didnt matter. I could say what I wanted and it never made a difference. I was put down a lot, made to feel inferior. And now with Harmony, my opinions dont matter much. She told me that a lot of my anger comes from that. The fact that I want to be heard soo badly but I'm not. Even tho there are problems in my marriage, the only thing i can do right now is work on ME. But, I have to keep in mind, that just because i'm working on me, it may not HELP in my marriage. That was hard to hear, but right now all I can do is hope for the best. I love harmony more than anything in this world. I WANT this to work. I dont want to divorce, and live seperate lives. All I can do right now is fix what I need to fix and hope that it solves some of our problems. Some of the other problems will take work from both of us, and right now, I dont see that happening. Anywho, I have another appt with her next week. I'll be seeing her once a week until we think i'm ready to go longer in between visits. Next week I have to have goals for myself. I'm kind of having problems with that. I keep setting them to high for myself. I always want to accomplish the impossible and then get dissapointed when it doesnt happen.

I dont know. After going yesterday I felt a lot better. I hope it continues.

Today I need to clean the bedrooms. After this weekend both rooms are trashed. I've managed to get the kitchen, bathroom and the livingroom clean for the most part. When harmony comes home today we need to go make the car payment and then all the bills are paid. Wont leave us with much, considering we still need to pay for a flight for one of the dj's for our next party, but we'll make it.

The past few days I've been going thru harmony's records and finding songs I really like. I'm trying to get them all on one cd. I've decided I really like drum and bass. Before i only really liked happy hardcore. The more I listen to his music, the more I like it.

Okay, now that I've worn myself out after waking up to a nice surprise this morning, I think I'm ready to go back to bed for a few hours and then get my day started. I know that if I try and get things done now, I'll be poopped in a few hours. I'd rather sleep now and not take a nap. Harmony's on call right now and at any moment he may have to leave for a week so I've been trying to prepare myself for that. As much as I dont want him to go, it may be nice to be away from him for a while. I think we could both use the break. Okay, if i dont stop now I'll just keep going with whatever finds its self in my head.

ni nights

Current Mood: awake

Current Music: paul van dyk-For an Angel

10 January 2006 @ 08:24 am

Show me some Love?
One little compliment can make you feel amazing. So give me a compliment, anything in the entire world, even that my icons are pretty. Put this in your journal. And once you get some comments, put that entry in a memory or tag and when you are feeling down, just go to that entry and this will remind how great you are.

04 January 2006 @ 05:55 am

Last night I couldnt sleep and couldnt stop coughing so I decided to take some tylonal (wow, i think I spelled that wrong, give me a break, it's 6 in the friggin morning!) severe cold and flu. Jenn, I may not see monkeys, but it gave me horrible dreams! I woke up at 5am crying. In my dream I was in a hotel on base and it somehow went from that to being a cruise ship. The ship hit something and cupcake lost 3 of her legs (just the bottom part of her legs) and part of her tail. In the dream she had to be put to sleep and that's where I woke up crying. Well, not really crying, I was making the crying sounds without the tears. It REALLY disturbed me. I've checked poor cupcakes legs like 5 times in the last hour. Poor kitty probably thinks i'm insane. Well, I probably am, but that's besides the point. Now i'm afraid to go back to sleep =( I'm going to at least try, I'm tired as fuck. Doesnt help when I have a lot on my mind and it wont quit racing long enough for me to get some sleep.

Ni nights!

Current Mood: tired

01 January 2006 @ 10:52 pm

I had a lot more fun than I thought I'd have. Harmony and I headed over to Jesse and Amy's and hung out for a few hours before heading to the Loveland for the new years rave. After a little spat with Harmony, and calling Lana to come and get me, a few friends got me to change my mind about going home. I ended up having more fun than I though possible. I wasnt as anti social after a while. I met some really cool people, can't remember half of their names. Around 4am we headed over to the Paris Theater for the after hours party. I didnt last long there. A few of us girls sat in the VIP room for a bit, and then once Jesse did his set we headed out. A few mins later I headed out to the car to sleep. I listened to Harmony's set from out in the car :)

We came home today. I miss being home! We've been gone for almost a month. The ride home was well, enlightening, I think I have a lot of thinking to do.

Got home, and there was a message from pet co, I have no idea WHEN they called, the answering machine just said thursday...hmm. I'll call them back tomorrow, maybe I'll get a job by the end of the week?? Wouldnt that be nice. Maybe then I'll "have more say" because i'm working too. I dunno. I have a lot bugging me tonight that I dont know how to put in words, and i'm not even sure If i want to share. Ugh. I think I need a bath and then get in bed. Actually, I REALLY want to get things put away, but yeah, it's 11 and i'm exhausted!!

I'll update more tomorrow. Ni nights

Current Mood: blah

28 December 2005 @ 10:17 pm

I'm sick, this is lovely. My neck has been killing me for a few days, thought I slept weird or something but I guess not. Mom felt it tonight and said it feels like my glands are swollen. Today I got dizzy and hot like I do before I throw up. Didnt throw up but I feel like shit. I took a nap earlier, and then after Harmony left to go to Jesse's I took another nap. Now I'm dinkin around online and then I'll go take a hot shower and blow dry my hair before I head out to the trailer.

Yesterday Harmony and I went to Micheals where he got beads to make "candy" for his rave. Tonight he's over at Jesse's making cd's to give out at the new years eve party. I'm still debating if i want to go to the party or not. THAT party goes until 5 and then he'll be spinning at the after hours party which doesnt start until 6am. I have a feeling it will be a VERY long night. I'll probably go tho, I WANT to spend new years eve with Harmony. I'm sure I'll be okay if I just take a nap before we leave. Otherwise I dont know what else there is to do. Lana will probably be hanging out with Amanda, and right now, I want nothing to do with the stuck up bitch. So yeah, looks like I can deal with ONE very late night. I miss hanging out with Harmony anyways (which is my own fault) so I"ll probably just go with him. he wants to head home new years day, so we'll probably leave early evening after we've had time to catch up on sleep. I'm anxious to get home. I miss my quiet little apartment and I want to set up the stuff I got for Christmas. Not sure how well princess will do at home now that she's allowed to go outside here at mom's. She'll probably hate being home.

Wiskers has taken to drinking out of a cup. It started at home, where she'd share a glass of water with harmony before bed. Mom uses a big pot for water since there are 4 dogs and 5 cats here at the moment. I think the pot is too big for her. Anytime I have water I have to share with her. Or if she's thirsty she'll follow me into the kitchen and cry until I get a glass for her. She's strange. It sucks tho because no one can leave water anywhere or she gets into it when no one is paying attention or is asleep.

Anyways, I guess that's about it. Time to go take my temp, I feel like I have a fever now, and then take a shower and get ready for bed. Even with the naps I took I'm still tired. Yeay for being sick. UGH!!

Current Mood: sick