Diary of a unique mind (original) (raw)

[	mood	|	worried	]
[	music	|	Protect Me from What I Want - Placebo	]

OK well I did the Graduation thing last Wednesday and had a fantastic day until about half an hour after I got home. It started with one single phone call and my world started to fall apart.

I got a phone call to warn me that I would be getting a letter telling me I would be refused admission to my PGCE course until September 2005 and pretty much nothing would change anyone's mind about it.

So i think great I wanted to do a postgrad qualification so I applied for a PgD in animal behaviour but I get the feeling that one of my lecturers thinks im jumping into this without thinking about it first and doesn't really approve.

I ended up having the below rant at same lecturer and I think I might have really pissed them off.

Probably my fault I was talking to X and I probably didn't make a whole lot of sense, I don't most of the time. As to the threat of further action changing the course teams mind, well that was one the main topics of conversation in the meeting with Y.

Her feeling was that I should have never been sent that letter, it was more like a business letter, but that's beside the point. She feels that it is a definite no but that is actually a positive thing.

As I have it in writing they have to have everything in place by the start of the course in 2005. Y is also visually impaired so she feels that me being in a modern building (as long as its better than all saints west) will benefit me much more.

There was a general feeling that if I threaten to fight the decision the outcome will be negative and if I don't loose the place altogether there could be some resentment.

Don't get me wrong I'm still upset and angry but i am really starting to see the negative risks far outweigh the possible positive results. At the end of the day I've been in situations where I go and do something where I'm not really wanted and I don't want this to happen with the PGCE.

It isn't the first time something like this has happened and it won't be the last I may not like it but until the understanding and attitudes of society change its just something I'm going to have to learn to live with.

I apologise if I speak out of turn it's just that I had finally stopped feeling totally useless and quite such a burden to people and now I have to question if I wasn't right in the first place.

I apologise for this rant

This was the last person I wanted to upset and i feel awful, I really do.

Everyone thinks I should fight but Idon't want to. I really really want to do this other course but im just getting really confused and really stressed