How to Address Married Women (original) (raw)

How to Address Married Women?How to Address a Married Woman: Ms? or Mrs.? In my country, we use the British forms of grammar etc. but I’m sure you can help with regard to the usage of the word “Ms.” I will use it if I’m not sure that the lady is married e.g. “Ms. Jane Jones” When I know she’s married and chooses to hyphenate her maiden and married names e.g. Jane Smith-Jones, I will address her as “Mrs. Jane Smith-Jones”. However, I have been told that in this circumstance, she should be addressed as “Ms. Jane Smith-Jones”. Which is correct? With thanks, _Mary Lister (Miss) in the Trinidad_Dear Miss Lister: I am not sure I can advise you of what to do in Trinidad & Tobago but I can tell you what I know is happening in the USA. In the USA it is acceptable to address any woman you don't know personally as Ms. .... e.g., "Ms. Nancy Jones." "Ms." is an equivalent to "Mr." which defines gender but not marital status. Since it's against the law to discriminate on the basis of sex, age, marital status, etc. in employment .... Ms. removes non-pertinent info from the name. When marital status is pertinent as in family activities (social), "Ms. Nancy Jones" may use "Mrs. Henry Jones" and "Mrs. Jones" too. You may run into a woman who wants to be addressed as "Mrs. Nancy Jones" ... but it's increasingly more rare. I have friends where the wife does not like "Mrs. Henry Jones" ... EVER .... she likes: Mr. Henry Jones and Ms. Nancy Jones Address Re: Hyphenated Names: If you encounter someone with a hyphenated name ... in the US we'd just use it as presented with "Ms." like you note: "Ms. Nancy Smith-Jones." Whether that's her married name ... or birth-family name ... doesn't enter into the use of honorific. In the USA the use of "Miss" has been reduced to addressing girls of under ten or twelve years of age ... and once they have become a teenager ... they want to be "Ms." which they see as adult. I just taught a class of 42 students .. none knew anyone who used "Miss" professionally ... and only two people knew anyone who used "Miss" socially -- and they were elderly women. Full disclosure: I met one woman in her 30's last fall in New York at a speaking engagement who used "Miss" professionally. All this said ... in doing the research on my book I found that women in the UK, Australia and Canada use "Miss" and "Mrs." professionally. But you don't see it in the USA: "Ms." has come ubiquitous. -- Robert Hickey How to Decide Which Honorific to Use: Mrs. or Ms.? I am a school board representative who received a hand-written note from the school librarian asking me to read to a class. The envelope was addressed to M Robin Buchanan, not Mrs. or Ms. Is using M to address a woman a proper salutation? I understood M is to be used to address men. I thought perhaps the librarian did not know if I was a male or female, although that information would be easy to find. Should I be concerned by her lack of consideration to the person she is writing to or worry that she is using improper salutations? Or do I something new to learn? Thank you for your clarification. Best regards, -- Mrs. Robin BuchananDear Ms. Buchanan: I suspect they wrote M Robin Buchanan ... just because didn't which honorific you preferred ... or didn't know your gender ... and were avoiding the issue. I advise if one is writing someone and are unsure of how he or she prefers to be addressed -- call and ask. I find no one minds being asked how to be addressed respectfully. Today I find married women use various honorifics at various times depending of the situation. Ms. Robin Buchanan ... where their marital status is not an issue. Mrs. (husband's first name) Buchanan .... in very formal situations or when involved just as "a spouse." Mrs. Robin Buchanan .... makes sense for women with kids -- when dealing with school teachers (as you do) who they want to be a "Mrs." because they are in the discussion because they are Mrs. Mom ... and they ALSO want to provide their first name for those with whom they would be on a first-name basis. For formal etiquette geeks like me Mrs. Robin Buchanan is the traditional form for a divorced woman who was formerly married to someone named "Buchanan" .... but had kept using the "Buchanan" perhaps because that's the family name of her kids, or for some other reason. BUT ... one of the basics of forms of address is that your name belongs to you .... and EVERYONE is entitled to be addressed as they prefer! -- Robert Hickey Dear Mr. Hickey Thank you for your prompt and thorough answer to my question. As a school director, I hope that our teachers follow proper etiquette in every way, especially when dealing with the public. I will relay your response to the librarian and show that we all can learn something new every day. I certainly have! I will refer to your site for all protocol questions. I followed the link to review your book. I enjoyed the section on how to address a PhD and how to address a MD. I work with few PhDs but an increasing number of EdDs (Doctorate of Education). I previously worked in health care and therefore worked with many physicians. From my limited experience, the PhDs and EdDs all are more defensive about being called “doctor” than an MD. I agree with your medical friend’s response to the “doctor” question. Thank you again for your time. It was a pleasure. -- Mrs. Robin Buchanan **How Do I Address a Married Woman in Conversation?**I was wondering if you could help me with the distinction between use of “Miss,” "Ms.," and “Mrs.” We have a female visitor coming to visit our headquarters and we are told that we can call call her by either “Mrs. (Husband's first name and last name)” or (Her first name and his last name). e.g. Mrs. Paul Smith or Carla Smith ... but not to call her Mrs. Carla Smith as that would imply she is a widow. I can't find any such references and so am calling on your expertise. _-- Wondering about Married Women_Dear Wondering, Here are some things to consider: If she is coming as the "wife of" a visitor, then Mrs. (Husband's complete name) Mrs. (Husband's last name)... are both traditional and O.K. (Woman's first name) (surname) .... no honorific .... is also O.K. That's the way we've addressed our First Ladies ... for instance the wife of "Bush-43" was either Mrs. George W. Bush, Mrs. Bush or Laura Bush. Hillary, who didn't mind Mrs. Clinton, but did not want to be addressed as Mrs. William J. Clinton .... and requested to be addressed as First Lady, Hillary Rodham Clinton. If she chose the form of address many working women use, she would have used Ms. Hillary Clinton, or Ms. Hillary Rodham if when practicing law she wanted to continue use of her maiden name. If your guest is from overseas, consider that in the U.K. and Australia adult women use Mrs. (woman's first name) (surname) regardless of marital status: This is like in German where young women use Fraulein, and older women use Frau .... and the honorifics don't imply marital status. Yes ... Mrs. (woman's first name) (surname) ... is the format traditionally used by divorced women in the U.S. Widow's traditionally continue to be "Mrs. (Deceased husband's full name)" .... as long as they don't remarry. -- Robert HickeyHow to Introduce Married Women from The Podium?Dear Mr. Hickey, How should I introduce members of the book committee (I am the chair) to the full club membership at a meeting? Some of committee members use Mrs. (their husband’s full name), others Mrs. (their full name), and others avoid the issue by using just their (First and last name). What should I do? -- Mrs. Michael Dillon ... aka ... Jane DillonDear Mrs. Dillon, I recently spoke at at meeting of the Centennial Club in Nashville, Tennessee, and noted a speaker using a form that worked. She gave a woman's married name followed by her given name. While it may seem a bit elaborate, it enabled the speaker to avoid offending anyone: Mrs. Michael Dillon .... Jane Mrs. Thomas Franklin ... Cindy Mrs. Robert Elizer ... Harriet Mrs. Richard Montgomery ... Francis -- Robert HickeyHow to Address A Married Women ? I came upon your site when searching for an answer to my question regarding addressing a married woman who kept her maiden name. For example, my name is Hope Miller. My husband’s surname is Clark but I did not change my name when we married. So, which is the correct way to address someone in this situation: Ms. Hope Miller or Mrs. Hope Miller? Is it acceptable to address me as Mrs. Hope Clark even though I am not legally a "Clark"? I would really appreciate your insight. **-- Hope Miller**Dear Ms. Miller: Sorry for the late reply. Your note got directed into the wrong mail box! You need a legal name for your taxes, passports, purchasing real estate, etc., but you can pretty much use whatever name you want to socially as long as you pay the bills you incur! For example, an actress might have legal name, a stage name and a married name ... answer to all of them ... use each in the appropriate situation. Most frequently women who use a different surname than their husband, use in professional situations (when their marital status is not pertinent): Ms. Hope Miller Mrs. Hope Miller is a bit odd to me since Mrs. traditionally means Wife Of .... though certainly many women using their birth name use it to insert their marital status into their name. In Arab countries, I note that since they don't take their husband's family name, professional women use ... Mrs. + Birth Name ... to state their marital status when that information is pertinent. About using your husband's family name: You might indeed use Hope Clark or Mrs. Clark ... for example, with your children's teachers or at a neighborhood party. It's not your legal name ... but it might be who you are at the moment. I list all the traditional forms and several questions on this topic at http://www.formsofaddress.info/Social_M_W.html -- Robert Hickey **How Do I Address A Widow?**How do you address an envelope to a widow? My mother says to put Mrs. John Doe. I think that it should be Mrs. Jane Doe, since her husband is no longer alive, why use his name? Is either way correct? - Blanche Clark Dear Ms. Clark: Mrs. John Doe is the traditional form for a widow. Mrs. Jane Doe is the traditional form for a divorced woman. Ms. Jane Doe is the contemporary form which does not suggest a marital status. However, the real answer is you need to find the preference of the person to whom you are addressing the letter. You don't state the nature of the correspondence. She may prefer different forms of her name in different situations. For a wedding invitation from a bride who knew her husband she might prefer Mrs. John Doe but from someone she knows professionally she might prefer Ms. Jane Doe. My mother was most formally Mrs. Thomas Hickey after my father died. And she would use Margaret Hickey on her checks. But she was never Mrs. Margaret Hickey -- except on those free return-address labels you get in the mail. She didn't like Ms. but I think (in her case) it was a generational thing. Younger women will be very comfortable being Ms. ( given name + surname ) in situations where marital status is not an issue. They never used Miss in the same way they did in the early 20th century. -- Robert Hickey