How to Address a Man or Woman, Socially (original) (raw)


How to Address a Man or Woman: Social Forms Use of *Ms., Mrs.,* or Miss is at the preference of the bearer. Check with the individual for her preferred honorific. In the United States Ms. is the accepted/default form for women in business, but an individual may be concurrently using both Ms. and Mrs.: Ms. professionally and Mrs. socially. Frequently women who use the traditional form for a married woman, Mrs. (Husband's first name + Surname), are offended to be addressed as Mrs. (Woman's first name + Surname) the traditional form for a divorced woman. Others say that Mrs. (Woman's first name + Surname) is more useful because it acknowledges their marital status and provides their first name. In every case the only advice can be: Check for the preference of the bearer.Envelope for a Man: _Mr. (full name) (Address)_Envelope for a Woman: Woman, undefined marital status Ms. (full name) (Address) Woman, married or widow, traditional Mrs. (husband's full name) (Address) Woman, divorced, traditional Mrs. (woman's first name) (surname) (Address) Woman, unmarried, traditional Miss (full name) (Address)Letter salutation: Dear Mr./Ms./Mrs./Miss (surname) : FYI, here is what's come in to the Blog that relates to this office/rank. For recent questions sent in, check out Robert Hickey's Blog. For specific offices/ranks, check out Robert Hickey's On-Line Guide. How Do I Address A Widow?How do you address an envelope to a widow? My mother says to put Mrs. John Doe. I think that it should be Mrs. Jane Doe, since her husband is no longer alive, why use his name? Is either way correct? - Blanche Clark Dear Ms. Clark: Mrs. John Doe is the traditional form for a widow. Mrs. Jane Doe is the traditional form for a divorced woman. Ms. Jane Doe is the contemporary form which does not suggest a marital status. However, the real answer is you need to find the preference of the person to whom you are addressing the letter. You don't state the nature of the correspondence. She may prefer different forms of her name in different situations. For a wedding invitation from a bride who knew her husband she might prefer Mrs. John Doe but from someone she knows professionally she might prefer Ms. Jane Doe. My mother was most formally Mrs. Thomas Hickey after my father died. And she would use Margaret Hickey on her checks. But she was never Mrs. Margaret Hickey -- except on those free return-address labels you get in the mail. She didn't like Ms. but I think (in her case) it was a generational thing. Younger women will be very comfortable being Ms. ( given name + surname ) in situations where marital status is not an issue. They never used Miss in the same way they did in the early 20th century. -- Robert HickeyHow to Decide Which Honorific to Use: Mrs. or Ms.? I am a school board representative who received a hand-written note from the school librarian asking me to read to a class. The envelope was addressed to M Robin Buchanan, not Mrs. or Ms. Is using M to address a woman a proper salutation? I understood M is to be used to address men. I thought perhaps the librarian did not know if I was a male or female, although that information would be easy to find. Should I be concerned by her lack of consideration to the person she is writing to or worry that she is using improper salutations? Or do I something new to learn? Thank you for your clarification. Best regards, -- Mrs. Robin BuchananDear Ms. Buchanan: I suspect they wrote M Robin Buchanan ... just because didn't which honorific you preferred ... or didn't know your gender ... and were avoiding the issue. I advise if one is writing someone and are unsure of how he or she prefers to be addressed -- call and ask. I find no one minds being asked how to be addressed respectfully. Today I find married women use various honorifics at various times depending of the situation. Ms. Robin Buchanan ... where their marital status is not an issue. Mrs. (husband's first name) Buchanan .... in very formal situations or when involved just as "a spouse." Mrs. Robin Buchanan .... makes sense for women with kids -- when dealing with school teachers (as you do) who they want to be a "Mrs." because they are in the discussion because they are Mrs. Mom ... and they ALSO want to provide their first name for those with whom they would be on a first-name basis. For formal etiquette geeks like me Mrs. Robin Buchanan is the traditional form for a divorced woman who was formerly married to someone named "Buchanan" .... but had kept using the "Buchanan" perhaps because that's the family name of her kids, or for some other reason. BUT ... one of the basics of forms of address is that your name belongs to you .... and EVERYONE is entitled to be addressed as they prefer! -- Robert Hickey Dear Mr. Hickey Thank you for your prompt and thorough answer to my question. As a school director, I hope that our teachers follow proper etiquette in every way, especially when dealing with the public. I will relay your response to the librarian and show that we all can learn something new every day. I certainly have! I will refer to your site for all protocol questions. I followed the link to review your book. I enjoyed the section on how to address a PhD and how to address a MD. I work with few PhDs but an increasing number of EdDs (Doctorate of Education). I previously worked in health care and therefore worked with many physicians. From my limited experience, the PhDs and EdDs all are more defensive about being called “doctor” than an MD. I agree with your medical friend’s response to the “doctor” question. Thank you again for your time. It was a pleasure. -- Mrs. Robin Buchanan Whose Name is First? His or Hers? In an informal salutation for a married couple using just first names .... whose name is first? His or hers? -- Anne Dear Anne: Should you write it ladies first? Dear Anne and Tom, Should you write it to preserve the Mr. & Mrs. order? Dear Tom and Ann, When there is no surname used ... more etiquette books (if that is any measure) show ladies first: Dear Anne and Tom, -- Robert Hickey Hi Robert, Thanks! I wasn’t expecting a response so quickly. You confirm what I’ve found by searching all over – that there really isn’t a hard and fast rule, so I think we’ll have to define it here so as not to offend the donor’s we address. I’ve found your site to be most helpful as I work on writing a procedure for our Development Office. -- Anne Gentlemen or Ladies First in Joint Address? When listing a couple using first names and last name whose name comes first? Is it Tom and Anne Smyth or Anne and Tom Smyth? *-- Liz*Dear Liz: More etiquette books (if that is any measure) show ladies first: Anne and Tom Smyth I've most often seen this explained as keeping the man's full name together as a unit. -- Robert Hickey Whose Name Is First: The Man or Woman? You write that is is acceptable to write "Dear Ann and Tom." I wish that were true! Ladies and Gentleman .... is the only time in which we women come first according to anyone I know. As women we have to hang on to something so we're not always secondary to men. My sole purpose of keeping my maiden name, Ms. Mary Harrison, is to be equal to my spouse, Mr. Albert Nygard. -- Ms. Mary Harrison Dear Ms. Harrision: In the world of English social address you are right, often it's "ladies second" rather than "ladies first." However in the world of professional and official address ... where gender is not considered ... there are many times the woman's name goes first. Here are some examples of forms of address determined by the rules of precedence: 1) If the woman is the guest to an official event(e.g., the woman is the reason the invitation is being extended) and her spouse is attending as her guest ... her name goes first: Ms. Mary Harrison and Mr. Albert Nygard** 2) If the woman holds a higher office, higher rank, or has a special honorific -- she outranks her husband who has a lower office, lower rank or has no special honorific -- a protocol officer sending out official invitations would always list the woman first in a married couple. E.g.: The Honorable Mary Harrison and Mr. Albert Nygard The Reverend Mary Harrison and Mr. Albert Nygard Her Excellency Mary Harrison and Mr. Albert Nygard General Mary Harrison, USA and Major Albert Nygard, USA Major Mary Harrison and Mr. Albert Nygard Dr. Mary Harrison and Mr. Albert Nygard I cover all this and more in the chapters in my book on Joint Forms of Address and Precedence. -- Robert Hickey All information on www.formsofaddress.info is copyright © 2010 by Robert Hickey.The Protocol School of Washington® is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.Honor & Respect is dedicated to Dorothea Johnson, Founder of The Protocol School of Washington®

How to Address a Man or Woman: Social Forms Use of Ms., Mrs., or Miss is at the preference of the bearer. Check with the individual for her preferred honorific. In the United States Ms. is the accepted/default form for women in business, but an individual may be concurrently using both Ms. and Mrs.: Ms. professionally and Mrs. socially. Frequently women who use the traditional form for a married woman, Mrs. (Husband's first name + Surname), are offended to be addressed as Mrs. (Woman's first name + Surname) the traditional form for a divorced woman. Others say that Mrs. (Woman's first name + Surname) is more useful because it acknowledges their marital status and provides their first name. In every case the only advice can be: Check for the preference of the bearer.Envelope for a Man: _Mr. (full name) (Address)_Envelope for a Woman: Woman, undefined marital status Ms. (full name) (Address) Woman, married or widow, traditional Mrs. (husband's full name) (Address) Woman, divorced, traditional Mrs. (woman's first name) (surname) (Address) Woman, unmarried, traditional Miss (full name) (Address)Letter salutation: Dear Mr./Ms./Mrs./Miss (surname) : FYI, here is what's come in to the Blog that relates to this office/rank. For recent questions sent in, check out Robert Hickey's Blog. For specific offices/ranks, check out Robert Hickey's On-Line Guide. **How Do I Address A Widow?**How do you address an envelope to a widow? My mother says to put Mrs. John Doe. I think that it should be Mrs. Jane Doe, since her husband is no longer alive, why use his name? Is either way correct? - Blanche Clark Dear Ms. Clark: Mrs. John Doe is the traditional form for a widow. Mrs. Jane Doe is the traditional form for a divorced woman. Ms. Jane Doe is the contemporary form which does not suggest a marital status. However, the real answer is you need to find the preference of the person to whom you are addressing the letter. You don't state the nature of the correspondence. She may prefer different forms of her name in different situations. For a wedding invitation from a bride who knew her husband she might prefer Mrs. John Doe but from someone she knows professionally she might prefer Ms. Jane Doe. My mother was most formally Mrs. Thomas Hickey after my father died. And she would use Margaret Hickey on her checks. But she was never Mrs. Margaret Hickey -- except on those free return-address labels you get in the mail. She didn't like Ms. but I think (in her case) it was a generational thing. Younger women will be very comfortable being Ms. ( given name + surname ) in situations where marital status is not an issue. They never used Miss in the same way they did in the early 20th century. -- Robert HickeyHow to Decide Which Honorific to Use: Mrs. or Ms.? I am a school board representative who received a hand-written note from the school librarian asking me to read to a class. The envelope was addressed to M Robin Buchanan, not Mrs. or Ms. Is using M to address a woman a proper salutation? I understood M is to be used to address men. I thought perhaps the librarian did not know if I was a male or female, although that information would be easy to find. Should I be concerned by her lack of consideration to the person she is writing to or worry that she is using improper salutations? Or do I something new to learn? Thank you for your clarification. Best regards, -- Mrs. Robin BuchananDear Ms. Buchanan: I suspect they wrote M Robin Buchanan ... just because didn't which honorific you preferred ... or didn't know your gender ... and were avoiding the issue. I advise if one is writing someone and are unsure of how he or she prefers to be addressed -- call and ask. I find no one minds being asked how to be addressed respectfully. Today I find married women use various honorifics at various times depending of the situation. Ms. Robin Buchanan ... where their marital status is not an issue. Mrs. (husband's first name) Buchanan .... in very formal situations or when involved just as "a spouse." Mrs. Robin Buchanan .... makes sense for women with kids -- when dealing with school teachers (as you do) who they want to be a "Mrs." because they are in the discussion because they are Mrs. Mom ... and they ALSO want to provide their first name for those with whom they would be on a first-name basis. For formal etiquette geeks like me Mrs. Robin Buchanan is the traditional form for a divorced woman who was formerly married to someone named "Buchanan" .... but had kept using the "Buchanan" perhaps because that's the family name of her kids, or for some other reason. BUT ... one of the basics of forms of address is that your name belongs to you .... and EVERYONE is entitled to be addressed as they prefer! -- Robert Hickey Dear Mr. Hickey Thank you for your prompt and thorough answer to my question. As a school director, I hope that our teachers follow proper etiquette in every way, especially when dealing with the public. I will relay your response to the librarian and show that we all can learn something new every day. I certainly have! I will refer to your site for all protocol questions. I followed the link to review your book. I enjoyed the section on how to address a PhD and how to address a MD. I work with few PhDs but an increasing number of EdDs (Doctorate of Education). I previously worked in health care and therefore worked with many physicians. From my limited experience, the PhDs and EdDs all are more defensive about being called “doctor” than an MD. I agree with your medical friend’s response to the “doctor” question. Thank you again for your time. It was a pleasure. -- Mrs. Robin Buchanan Whose Name is First? His or Hers? In an informal salutation for a married couple using just first names .... whose name is first? His or hers? -- Anne Dear Anne: Should you write it ladies first? Dear Anne and Tom, Should you write it to preserve the Mr. & Mrs. order? Dear Tom and Ann, When there is no surname used ... more etiquette books (if that is any measure) show ladies first: Dear Anne and Tom, -- Robert Hickey Hi Robert, Thanks! I wasn’t expecting a response so quickly. You confirm what I’ve found by searching all over – that there really isn’t a hard and fast rule, so I think we’ll have to define it here so as not to offend the donor’s we address. I’ve found your site to be most helpful as I work on writing a procedure for our Development Office. -- Anne Gentlemen or Ladies First in Joint Address? When listing a couple using first names and last name whose name comes first? Is it Tom and Anne Smyth or Anne and Tom Smyth? **-- Liz**Dear Liz: More etiquette books (if that is any measure) show ladies first: Anne and Tom Smyth I've most often seen this explained as keeping the man's full name together as a unit. -- Robert Hickey Whose Name Is First: The Man or Woman? You write that is is acceptable to write "Dear Ann and Tom." I wish that were true! Ladies and Gentleman .... is the only time in which we women come first according to anyone I know. As women we have to hang on to something so we're not always secondary to men. My sole purpose of keeping my maiden name, Ms. Mary Harrison, is to be equal to my spouse, Mr. Albert Nygard. -- Ms. Mary Harrison Dear Ms. Harrision: In the world of English social address you are right, often it's "ladies second" rather than "ladies first." However in the world of professional and official address ... where gender is not considered ... there are many times the woman's name goes first. Here are some examples of forms of address determined by the rules of precedence: 1) If the woman is the guest to an official event(e.g., the woman is the reason the invitation is being extended) and her spouse is attending as her guest ... her name goes first: Ms. Mary Harrison and Mr. Albert Nygard 2) If the woman holds a higher office, higher rank, or has a special honorific -- she outranks her husband who has a lower office, lower rank or has no special honorific -- a protocol officer sending out official invitations would always list the woman first in a married couple. E.g.: The Honorable Mary Harrison and Mr. Albert Nygard The Reverend Mary Harrison and Mr. Albert Nygard Her Excellency Mary Harrison and Mr. Albert Nygard General Mary Harrison, USA and Major Albert Nygard, USA Major Mary Harrison and Mr. Albert Nygard Dr. Mary Harrison and Mr. Albert Nygard I cover all this and more in the chapters in my book on Joint Forms of Address and Precedence. -- Robert Hickey All information on www.formsofaddress.info is copyright © 2010 by Robert Hickey.The Protocol School of Washington® is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.Honor & Respect is dedicated to Dorothea Johnson, Founder of The Protocol School of Washington®