A Day in the Life (original) (raw)

I Do Want What I Have Not Got

A couple of years ago I was visiting my brother and he seemed like a changed man. It wasn't just that he was over his latest divorce but rather, there was a genuine and deep change in him. I knew he'd been seeing a shrink since a rather spectacular (and very public) flame-out.

He's since stopped seeing the shrink. "One day he told me a story," Bro told me, "and it all just clicked. And I was fine."

A story?

One day I walked into a Baskin Robbins ice cream shop and ordered a slice of pepperoni pizza.
"We're an ice cream shop, sir, " said the guy at the counter. "We don't serve pizza here." I was angry. I wanted a piece of pizza but this guy wouldn't sell me a piece. "What do you mean you don't have pizza! You're a restaurant! You have food! I want a slice of pepperoni pizza!" I screamed.

"We only have ice cream, sir," the guy replied. I was furious and stormed out of the place screaming.

The next day I went back to the Baskin Robbins. There was the guy again. "Gimme a slice of pepperoni pizza, please," I asked him. "I'm sorry sir, but this is an ice cream parlour. We only have ice cream. We don't have pizza here."

I started screaming at him again. "What the hell are you talking about?! I don't want any ice cream. I just want a damned piece of pizza!" He just stood there shaking his head, saying, "I'm sorry sir, but I can't help you." I was fit to be tied and stormed out of the place, hungry as hell and cursing up a storm.

The next day I went back again. "How can I help you, sir?"

"Hi there," I said with a smile. "I'd like to have a slice of pepperoni pizza, please."

"Sir, I keep telling you, we're an ice cream parlour, not a pizzeria. If you want pizza there's a place around the corner that makes great pizza. But we only have ice cream here. I would love to give you some pizza but we don't have any. We just have ice cream."

I started banging my fists on the counter and screaming at the guy again. How dare he not serve me that stupid slice of pizza! I'm a paying customer! I want some pizza and this is a restaurant! I walked out furious and screaming some more.

Do you get it?

"And that's when I got it," said my brother. Yeah, I get it, too. If only such realisation could provide me the same calm it gave my brother you couldn't hide a basketball in that my-head-shaped-dent in front of my keyboard.

Buddy-boy doesn't get it, either.

We need to disable IE7 compatibility mode on the web server using custom headers

OK, fine. Do X, Y, and Z. Restart to clear all caches and Robert becomes the name of your father's brother.

Thanks for confirming disabling IE7 compatibility using {long, enumerated list of steps just in case}. Another part of my request you didn't answer was as how to confirm the results at the client side i.e. those settings are in effect i.e. how to confirm after making those changes that IE7 compatibility has been turned off. Are there any $YourBigApp logs that we can check?

A question I didn't answer perhaps because you didn't ask? No matter, the answer's simple. This is a Web server matter and as such, nothing we could log even if we wanted to. You'll know you've done it correctly if $OurBigApp works, which you've confirmed it now does. You can look in the Web server logs and contact the vendor if you need further data.

Not necessarily the answer I was looking for, I'll do some digging on my own.

You want that in a cone or a cup? Closed as a Root Cause: 6.5-No Customer Research with a side order of 17.

Labels: ice cream, logs, pizza

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You had your chance

Yes, dude, if you try to push through me to get onto the fucking train as I and a dozen others are still trying to get off the damned thing, you are going to land on your ass. I don't care that you're bigger than me, I'll be damned if I'm staying on past my stop because you're just that stupid. And no, I won't excuse myself; you're the one who owes me an apology.

This can only be an omen of things to come...

HAAALLLP! While installing $YourBigApp client the installation process gets hanged. Coudl you please let us know the reason behind it?

Elves? Fairies? Madonna's plastic surgeon is bored? Really, throw me a bone here. Give me something to start with here. Logs? Screenshot? A description of the system you're working on? A version number? A description of the tea leaves or chicken entrails? Something?!

While you answer the questions in my generic WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM template I'll be busy playing Steambirds.

Hi,

There is no error thrown while installing on our machines. However while installing the software i.e install.exe,the installation process starts.Also the status bar shows the progress in %s but the moment it achieves 100% process gets hang.Ideally we would expect the process to get complete and close by itself but intead we had to explicitly kill the installation process as it gets hanged.

Also we observed that some of the drivers(mainly drivers connecting to db) went missing from the machine hence we had to format our machine again since we were not sure whether $YourBigApp was installed properly.

Lessee now, you somehow deleted a load of drivers from the client machine, then wondered why it didn't work, and out software wouldn't install, so you "refreshed" the machine (with a scented bath and aligned chakra stones, perhaps?). You didn't say whether or not our software wouldn't install after a full OS re-install (including full updates which, for XP, now takes about 45 minutes even with 18Mb downstream). And you didn't send logs. Please do the needful and ess-plain yourself.

Could you please let me know what type of logs are you looking for in your below response?

Also it would be helpful if you could also mention the path where we could find the logs requested by you?

"It would be helpful" if I "mentioned the path" where you might find the logs? Because you're too much of a fucking ninny to look in our directory structure and guess C:\OurBigApp\Logs much less bring up Windows Event Viewer or possibly search for *.log?

Fucking chimps. Real administrators are unemployed while useless dime-an-hour chimps are put in charge of systems which daren't fall over but do. Which somehow becomes our fault.

Fuckwits.

Labels: cool Flash games, logs

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In compliance with $MegaCorp's general policies as well as my desire to
continue living under a roof and not the sky or a bus shelter, I add this:

DISCLAIMER:
The views expressed on this blog are my own and
do not necessarily reflect the views of $MegaCorp, even if every
single one of my cow-orkers who has discovered this blog agrees with me
and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.