Autonomy: Chapter 2 (original) (raw)

Title: Autonomy (Chapter 2)
Rating: PG
Date written: 10 Sept – 9 Nov 2008
Request/Suggestion: none, my own invention
Other information: Story remains cannon with the ATWT show until around July/August when I started writing. It’s set in the future, and it’s a series. Huge thanks to Stephanie for beta-ing this for me. You’re a star!
Previous Chapters: 1 |

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When Luke arrived at Java the next day, Casey was hard at work behind the counter. The line for coffee reached almost to do the door, so Luke decided to make himself comfortable at a table and wait for the rush to pass before getting his own dose of sugary caffeine. He would be there for a good few hours anyway, tapping away at the keys on his laptop, trying to complete his latest assignment. Unlike the greater part of his undergrad work, he enjoyed his graduate work, hard though it was. It was easier to endure the long assignments when he took interest in what he was doing.

He wasn’t certain how long he sat there, getting lost in his own words and never ordering his coffee, before he found himself interrupted on the fourth page of his writing. Four pages was quite a feat to write all in one go, and he quickly saved it before his gaze snapped up to identify the intrusion.

“I thought I might find you here!” Louis grinned.

“Why’s that?” Luke laughed.

“Because you’re here, like, half the nights of the week,” Louis pointed out, “and on the other half, you never answer your phone.”

Luke shrugged apologetically.

“How’s the paper coming?” Louis asked, moving to slide into the seat across from Luke. He held a to-go cup of coffee in his hand, and lingered with the air of someone who didn’t mean to stay for long. Luke was glad about that, because he really didn’t have time to socialize tonight. That’s what the previous night had been for.

“It’s going pretty good, actually. I’ve been writing nonstop since I got here.” Luke smiled over his accomplishment.

“Well, don’t let me stop you. I just thought I’d say hello. I have to get back to my own essay. I envy your ability to write in a coffee shop though. I’d get way too distracted, watching everything, listening to everyone…”

“I’m here enough that people know to leave me alone. Besides, this is nothing compared to the farm.”

“I’ll take your word on that. You should let me see that famous Snyder farm of yours, one of these days. The pond is known all over town.”

“You’re kidding,” Luke said, shocked.

Louis grinned and shrugged, sipping at his coffee before moving to stand up and sliding the chair back where it was.

“Anyway, I’ll see you at school. Good luck on the paper!” Louis patted Luke on the shoulder and wove his way between the tables, finally exiting as the bell over head emitted its soft jingle. It was a sound Luke normally blocked out and had forgotten was there. His gaze swept across the room, on its way back to the screen in front of him, but his eyes caught Casey, who was standing behind the cash register, ringing up an order for the last customer from the rush. Luke smiled at him, and Casey nodded his head in acknowledgement.

Luke almost had another page written before he was interrupted again. This time his nose betrayed him, catching a whiff of his favorite hot caramel machiatto mysteriously appearing in the small amount of empty space on his table, next to his laptop.

Luke looked up at Casey, who he knew would be there, accompanying the coffee, and smiled.

“The house thanks you for your persistent presence and its ability to draw in more customers. Please accept this complimentary cup of coffee, free of charge.” Casey grinned and slid into the chair that Louis had previously occupied.

“I think you’re going to cost Java more money than they make!” Luke laughed.

“Nah. We get free drinks when we work here, and since I never drink the stuff, I donate my free drinks to a friend in need.” He was still smiling.

“I’m in need of coffee?” Luke asked over his laptop screen, pushing it down slightly so it wouldn’t seem like such a barrier between them.

“Aren’t you? Writing requires coffee. Everyone knows that. Especially very serious papers that make you stare seriously at the screen for an hour and forget about getting in line for coffee.” He had adopted a very mock-serious voice.

Luke rolled his eyes, but thanked Casey anyway.

“Why don’t you drink the coffee here, if it’s free for you?” Luke asked.

“Are you kidding? I know what goes into it. I don’t want any part of that stuff.” Casey shook his head and held his hands up.

“Don’t tell me what’s in it then. I want to remain ignorant and enjoy it.”

They both smiled, then Casey took a quick glance at the front counter, probably looking for new customers or an impatient coworker. His smile fell and he looked more serious. Luke figured his usual four-minute pause was about to expire.

“I thought you didn’t have a boyfriend,” Casey said, his gaze snapping to meet Luke’s for a moment before looking away.

Luke blinked slowly, and ducked his head back as his eyebrows furrowed. He felt thrown for a loop.

“I don’t.”

“What about that Louie guy?”

“Louis?” Luke laughed. “Please, Case.”

Casey met his eyes, but the look was unreadable. Luke shook his head and reached over, mussing Casey’s hair up. He squirmed and ducked away, protesting about his hair and attempting to straighten it again. Both were laughing and the subject appeared to be dropped.

With his hair finally back in place, Casey headed back to cash register to help the new customers. Luke adjusted his laptop screen and attempted to concentrate on his essay again.

..:..

“Anyone home?” Luke shouted into the apartment.

“Just me,” came the response. Aaron appeared in the hallway of his and Casey’s apartment and approached the living room while Luke shut the door behind himself. When someone was home, the apartment was often unlocked, so it wasn’t unusual for Luke to let himself in.

“Just you? Where’s Casey?” Luke asked.

“Out,” Aaron shrugged. “He said something came up.”

“Came up? Like what? What’s better than Snyder Sports Night?” Luke asked.

“Anything?” Aaron laughed from the kitchen. Luke rolled his eyes. “Maybe he got a date,” Aaron continued.

Luke blinked. “A date? Casey doesn’t date.”

“Precisely why he should skip Snyder Sports Night and go out with some cute blonde and get himself a real social life,” Aaron pressed on, pulling some drinks and food out of the refrigerator.

“Snyder Sports Night is very social,” Luke argued.

“Sure, we stare at a TV and shout at the players. Terribly social, Luke.”

“It’s fun!” Luke insisted.

Aaron shrugged. “Anyway, he just called and said he wouldn’t be in until late and we should tell him the scores later.”

“Do you really think he’s on a date?” Luke inquired, moving into the kitchen to help Aaron with warming up the left over food.

“I hope he is. You should be out dating, too. You can’t tell me there aren’t plenty of guys at Oakdale U., or in that writing program of yours.”

“Who said I want to be dating anyone?” Luke grumbled.

Aaron rolled his eyes and shoved a plate of mostly warm, re-heated meat into Luke’s hands.

“Fine, live like a fratboy and hang out with your buddies all the time. But in the end, you want someone to love – I know you, Luke. And so you got hurt with Noah, but that’s all in the past –”

“Yeah, and I’m over all that,” Luke interrupted.

To him, it was very far in the past, and it annoyed him when people brought it up repeatedly – as if his being single couldn’t be a choice but had to be some kind of emotional after-shock of a failed relationship, still tormenting him a few years later. Maybe he was more cautious, but he thought that was part of growing up, rather than a sign of emotional scarring or withdrawal.

“Sure you’re over it, but why aren’t you moving on, and trying again?” Aaron asked.

“I just don’t want to. I’m happy how things are right now. What’s wrong with me being happy?”

“You’re really happy?” Aaron asked skeptically as they moved into the living room.

“Yes!” Luke replied emphatically.

He wasn’t sure if Aaron believed him, but it didn’t really matter. Luke liked his life, all things considered. So he had loved, and he had lost, and there had always been family problems, and people left town. But he liked his studies, he liked staying at the farm, and he enjoyed his friendships. He didn’t feel any great void any more – not like he had as a teenager. Not like he had right after Noah left.

Aaron clicked the TV on so they could catch the ball games, and that stunted any further development in the conversation. Everyone knew that conversations about anything besides sports just didn’t belong on Snyder Sports Night.

But it didn’t stop Luke from thinking about other things.

Things like Noah leaving. Like Luke and Casey becoming friends – real friends and not just, ‘oh, I know you,’ kind of Oakdale co-citizens. When Luke had been with Noah, Casey hadn’t hung out with them much, aside from his initial release from prison, and his crush on Ameera and pretend boyfriend-status with Luke. It was a shame that Ameera hadn’t explored her feelings for Casey. Luke had felt certain that the two could have been good together. Casey’s interest in Ameera and protection of her had been undeniably cute. Luke couldn’t have picked a better fake boyfriend.

Maybe Luke had been too absorbed in Noah, and that’s why Luke and Casey had never renewed their friendship back then. They had been pals in high school, especially with Maddie in the picture, though they’d never been like Luke and Kevin – best friends. Thinking back, however, Luke wasn’t sure that Casey had liked Kevin much. It was too bad, though, that Luke and Casey had waited so long to start hanging out. They had known each other for most of their lives, because Oakdale was such a small town. Luke supposed he had been distracted and preoccupied during his high school years. And the entrance of Noah into his life had provided new diversions.

Luke had been more than eager to love someone, and finding himself smitten with the new intern at WOAK, he had had little problem letting himself fall straight into the plummeting depths of what was called, ‘being in love.’ But the older he got, the more he began to wonder if maybe love and one’s experience or judgement of it changed. Maybe that had been love for a twenty-year-old, but maybe there was something different, later. Maybe love and being in loved looked different for a twenty-six year old. He wasn’t sure, but he couldn’t help thinking that if there was a next time, he wanted something else.

Noah had been a good boyfriend; Luke knew that. The immediate anger he had felt after their break up had faded into resignation: a dull ache that appreciated what they had had, and the love Noah had shown him. He genuinely hoped that Noah had gone on to be successful with his film making and directing. Since Luke hadn’t heard from him in awhile, he wasn’t sure. They had exchanged a few e-mails in the beginning, but as time went on the messages decreased in both quantity and frequency. Luke hoped that Noah had found someone and had fallen in love, and that they could build a life together – a life that Luke and Noah couldn’t have had.

The odd thing was that there hadn’t been any huge, stormy fight. No back-stabbing affair. No monstrous deceit. They had just grown apart, and wanted different things, went through some hard times and expected their perseverance to carry them through. They had both been trying too hard to will the relationship to endure those last few months, but they each felt the invisible force pushing them apart. Noah received the letters from his aunt, and Luke stayed behind while his boyfriend went on a journey to discover more about his mother and his family. He hadn’t expected Noah to be gone for so long that summer, and the distance had worn on them more than it should have. When Noah came back, they both knew they weren’t on the same page anymore. Noah had a new path to travel that he felt he needed to walk alone, and Luke needed to figure out what he was going to do with the rest of his life, and remind himself who he was on his own.

Sometimes all the perseverance in the world just wasn’t enough – or it wasn’t all there was to sharing a life with someone.

Casey had understood when Luke had told him a little bit about what had happened, but Casey’s situation with Emily had been very different. There had been that huge, horrific, shouting, fiery stalemate fight, and the final slamming doors, and the note in the morning, alongside the empty drawers, empty table, empty closet.

Casey had been very angry after that. Angrier than Luke, and for a longer time as well. Luke supposed the blow of the ending of his own relationship had been softened by a kind of expectation, and of course, that stagnation of ‘happy-enough.’ Casey hadn’t expected Emily’s departure, even if he should have. Luke suspected that Emily had caused the fight just to get Casey angry enough to let her go. Luke had never said this to Casey though, because he secretly thought Casey figured as much.

Sometimes, they just didn’t need to say things to each other to know them, or to know what the other was thinking.

It was a few hours later in the Snyder-Hughes apartment when the last football game ended. Luke hadn’t started to enjoy watching football until a couple of years ago when he had thrown himself back into basketball and playing sports with the guys, which led to going to the campus sports events – like all the football games. He may not have joined the Rowdy Crowd until Casey had forced him, but he had known some of the guys from seeing them at the games he had attended as a less-than-rowdy fan. It had been a natural progression into football, really, and Aaron had been pleased to start up the sports nights so he wasn’t always watching on his own. Sometimes, when there weren’t campus events and midterms or finals going on, they would invite friends over to join them. Often, it was just Luke, Aaron, and honorary-Snyder-for-the-night, Casey.

But Casey was out. Somewhere. With a cute blonde.

Luke sighed and rested his cheek on his fist. Their team had lost the game, and Aaron was ranting in the kitchen about the lousiness of the quarterback.

Luke reached for a stray piece of his hair and twirled the short blond strands in his fingers.

..:..

The next time Luke saw Casey, he didn’t even notice him until Casey nearly boxed him around the ears to get his attention. Luke usually noticed Casey’s often boisterous entrances, but he’d been lost in a deep memory and had forgotten where he was altogether.

It was a memory of another time, another Casey, long before the two of them had really become friends.

They had been friends, sure. But not Friends.

Luke, Noah, Casey, and Ameera had decided to go out for dinner together. It was more fun to be out, rather than stuck inside every night, and it helped ease the sensation that they were hiding or doing something wrong – even if, technically, they were. Luke would take whatever he could get though, and had been pleased to spend an evening at the restaurant, even if it had to be all four of them, rather than just he and his boyfriend.

His boyfriend was married. Things were different.

Luke hated the feelings that always came with memories from that time – the months when Noah had been married to Ameera. Some things seemed to stand out so clearly in his mind, while others seemed deeply repressed. Though, at times he supposed it could be advantageous to forget.

The waiter had led them to their table, and Luke moved by habit to sit next to Noah, until Luke felt Casey’s fingers along his forearm, a subtle touch, but enough to make Luke realize his mistake – and hopefully keep anyone else from noticing. Sometimes Luke thought all the precautions were ridiculous over-reactions. Other times, he was proven wrong. Later that night, they spotted a curious looking man in a dark suit, sitting alone and having a drink. On the way to the ladies’ room, Ameera noticed his badge and promptly reported it to them.

Noah looked grim, and Luke tried not to sigh. He adjusted his chair closer to Casey’s and leaned toward him. He felt like a fool, pretending to be a straight guy’s boyfriend. He hadn’t gone through all the trouble of coming out just to live another lie. The pressure weighed on him, but Casey managed to relieve it. Though he wasn’t a fan of the physical contact, he allowed it when it seemed necessary and played along without a hitch, even managing to throw in jokes to ease any awkwardness.

After their main courses, the man in the dark suit stood and brushed by their table on his way to presumably get a waiter’s attention. Luke had his doubts about the motive, but had quickly forgotten when he felt Casey grab his hand.

Luke, unbeknownst to himself, smiled as the memory played through his mind. He remembered the sweat on Casey’s hand, and chuckled internally, wondering if it really made Casey that nervous to hold a gay guy’s hand, or if he had just been upset by the watching officer and hiding it well.

Noah had squirmed slightly in his seat when Casey leaned over to whisper something of absolutely no meaning into Luke’s ear. Luckily, Noah’s jealous streak was somewhat assuaged, knowing his boyfriend was pretending to be boyfriends with a straight guy.

Had it been a gay guy, Luke knew now that Noah wouldn’t have been able to deal with it. Though he wondered what kind of reactions it might have produced.

Noah had a jealous streak a mile long, which Luke had to admit he had sometimes found amusing. But Noah was gone now, along with his jealousy, and life was different. It was more carefree, spending his time with Casey.

Luke couldn’t ever remember he and Casey discussing those weeks with Ameera in their lives – not until recently when Casey had mentioned her. He had thought Casey had completely forgotten about all of that. Now he wondered what Casey thought of, when he looked back. Luke was comfortable with his own sexuality but realized that not everyone in the world would be, or not immediately so. He knew that Casey was untroubled by it, but he had never really been sure of how Casey felt about things that were less neutral and more…affectionate.

When they had pretended with Ameera, it had often startled Casey when Luke’s undue affection caught him off guard in a place where he wasn’t ready to flaunt their fake gay relationship. Luke also later realized that the ordeal had led to Casey having a newly distorted reputation. He had been propositioned by more than one or two guys, and had had to work hard to convince a few girls that he was, in fact, very much interested in women. But Casey was Casey, and people were easily won over by his charm.

“Snyder, get out of your head already!” Casey bellowed.

So much for charm, Luke thought. He ducked a hand and moved away, looking up at Casey who stood over the couch in the Snyder farmhouse living room.

“What is it?” Luke asked, getting up from the sofa.

“I called your name from the door about ten times before I just came in. Where were you? On Mars?” Casey teased.

“Not a bad place to be.” Luke shrugged.

“Well, get your shoes on, because we’re going out,” Casey said.

“Out?”

“Yes, out. Come on.”

“Where are we going?” Luke asked, slipping on his sneakers.

“You’ll see.” Casey smiled mischievously.

The event turned out to be innocent enough, except that Luke might not have gone had he known he would end up spending the night sleeping on a sidewalk in an old sleeping bag with cars driving by, keeping them awake with their noises and fumes.

“Isn’t it great?” Casey asked, sounding truly thrilled.

“We better be two of the first twenty-five people here,” Luke grumbled, rubbing at his eyes. His watch told him it was near three in the morning.

“I already counted. We’re numbers seventeen and eighteen.” Casey beamed.

Casey had found a brand new Funky Chicken restaurant opening in the town just twenty miles east. It was rumored to be a great fast food restaurant, and to celebrate it’s opening, the first twenty-give people in line the next morning when the doors opened would receive a year’s worth of coupons for free meals.

Of course, when Luke had reminded Casey about having to drive twenty miles every time to redeem the coupons, his enthusiasm had deflated.

It didn’t take long to re-inflate when the others waiting in line insisted that the coupons could be used at any participating location, even the ones in Oakdale. So the two men sat in the sleeping bags Casey had thrown in his car, and passed the time by playing silly games like Movie Trivia, Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, and Would You Rather?

Luke wasn’t sure when he actually fell asleep, but he had dreams of grotesque things contorting his body, as if he had been living in the ‘Would You Rather?’ game. When he opened his eyes, the sun was barely peeking over the horizon, coloring the morning sky, and Casey’s hand was on Luke’s arm, shaking him gently.

“Wake up, Snyder,” Casey said softly.

Luke mumbled and turned in against the warmth next to him, forgetting that they had fallen asleep on the sidewalk next to a fast food restaurant parking lot.

“Come on, man. It’s almost six,” Casey’s voice continued.

“I only acknowledge the existence of six o’clock one time during the day, and this isn’t it,” Luke mumbled, turning onto his side. He realized then that his head was on Casey’s shoulder, and that they were both still sitting up against the side of the building.

Luke groaned, his muscles and back aching immediately.

“They’re unlocking the door! Get up!” Casey urged, shaking Luke again and moving away from him.

Luke opened his eyes and sighed. He barely had a moment to orient himself before Casey’s hand was grabbing hold of his arm and yanking him to his feet. They gathered up their sleeping bags and Casey guided Luke with one hand toward the front doors where everyone was pushing to keep their place in line. Several people were trying to cut into the spots where the others were still sleeping, about to lose their year’s worth of coupons.

“I can’t believe it. We really did it!” Casey grinned like a giddy child. His hand was still on Luke’s arm as they moved inside the Funky Chicken, lining up for the woman who was handing out the coupon books. Casey’s fingers were warm against the coolness of Luke’s skin. It had been a little cold that night, sleeping outside. It had been kind of like camping in the city, which Luke admitted had a certain kind of ridiculous appeal.

Luke yawned and tried to shake himself awake when he noticed they were next in line. As an after thought he attempted to smooth down his hair and Casey rolled his eyes, tugged out a cap from his back pocket and pulled it on over his own messy morning hair.

“Very funny,” Luke grumbled.

They drove away not long after, each coveting their free coupons – whatever they were going to do with a whole year’s-worth, besides get fat on greasy fast food. Still, they had won the prize.

Luke had to admit: things were never dull with Casey around.

Next: Chapter 3