Can You See Me? (original) (raw)
« previous entry | next entry »
Sep. 27th, 2005 | 01:30 pm
mood: 
sad
music: "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette
posted by: 
shellie in 
4dougie
I can see you. I can hear my last words to you. I can see you in the car when I drove you home. I can hear what you said to me. I remember telling you that everything would be okay, when I wasn't even sure if it would be. I wanted to save you from yourself. From the thoughts that were destroying you. I wanted to ease your pain. I wanted to take it away for you. I couldn't. I feel like such a failure to you. If I only would have stayed. I should have stayed.
I remember it all like it was yesterday.
Every day that passes I wait for it to stop hurting so much. It hasn't gotten much better yet.
I think of you always, and I keep you alive by talking about you to all my friends, and the people I meet. I tell them how special and wonderful you were and what a waste it is to have lost you. I tell them that you were one of the very best friends a person could have, and that you were so loyal and devoted that you would do anything for anyone that needed you. I tell them how loved you were, and what you meant to me. You really changed my life, Dougie. You really did.
Just in this short time since you have been gone, so much has happened. It's like time is flying by. I can't even keep up with all of it some days.
Still, the biggest thought I have is how very quickly my life or anyone's life can change. In a blink of an eye, it can all be so different. It scares me. I hate losing people. I hate losing you.
I still pretend that you are the brightest star in the sky when I gaze upward. I don't know why, it might be silly, but it makes me feel a little better when I do.