Crawling Backwards Chapter Nine (original) (raw)

Title: Crawling Backwards
Author: xxshilaleighxx
Fandom: Music/VAM
Summery: Ville is in love with Bam, but Bam only loves Ville when he’s drunk. By morning it’s forgotten and Bam goes on to believe that they’re still just friends. Ville puts up with it for his love, but it’s slowly killing him inside.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Pairing: VAM…eventually.
Rating: NC-17 in some parts…but generally it’s R

Previous Chapters Behind the Cut

Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

The night was cold and it took me a second to gain my bearings—I was standing in the alley behind the night club, my arms wrapped tightly around my lithe frame and clutching my jacket closer to my body. A sharp wind whipped past me and ruffled my hair, and with it came a lightning bolt flashback of the last time I was in an alley. Blocking the memory from my mind, I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and lit it.

A short burst of noise broke the silence before silencing itself, the sound of the nearby door opening and closing. I didn’t turn around to face him, I kept my eyes locked on the cigarette between my lips and didn’t even acknowledge his presence. Catching on to my little game, he didn’t say a word as he wrapped his strong arms around my waist and began planting kisses along my neck.

My eyes slipped closed as I moaned and leaned into his touch, the need to feel someone, anyone beside me growing too powerful. Still facing the opposite wall, I crooked an arm back and tangled my fingers in his tousled blonde hair, wrenching his head to the side and spinning him around. With strength I didn’t even know I possessed, I hurtled his body into the adjacent wall and attacked him with a flurry of hungry kisses.

He gasped at the sudden movement, but quickly melted into my touch, clinging to me as if for dear life. His hands swiftly moved to my belt buckle but I swatted them away and wagged a playful finger before his face. In response he merely raised an eyebrow before moving to suck at the skin of my neck.

I forcefully moved his head so I could suck his bottom lip into my mouth before his hands once more slid down to my jeans. This time I didn’t stop him. My eyes slipped shut again as he tenderly wrapped a calloused hand around me, causing me to shutter and lean most of my weight against him. I needed this so badly, the frustration building up in me like a bomb threatening to explode.

I swallowed around the lump in my throat, my eyes locking with his and suddenly my body froze. This wasn’t Bam. This wasn’t the man I said I’d dedicate my life to. This wasn’t him, and this wasn’t right. Whatever sense of need I felt before hastily left my system, leaving me drained and shocked. The man before me noticed the sudden change and gave me a skeptical look.

“I-I can’t do this,” I stuttered without meaning to, once again a night I didn’t want to remember flashing before my eyes. Thankfully he only smiled and pulled back awkwardly, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck in an uncomfortable motion. “I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, I know how these things go,” he smiled, but I knew that he was disappointed. There was a part of me that felt bad—I led this man on only to let him down. “I just thought we’d have a good time.”

“Yeah,” I made quick work of buckling my belt, my hands shaking as I stuffed them in my pockets to hide my embarrassment. “Listen, if you could not talk about this—”

“I said don’t worry,” he cut me off, his smile turning into an apologetic one. He straightened his ruffled clothes and ran a hand through his hair. I moved to apologize once more, but he brushed past me and went back inside; leaving me alone in the cold alley.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Ville?” I asked quietly once I knew I was alone, my thumb and index finger rubbing the bridge of my nose angrily. I sighed and pulled out another cigarette, but I didn’t bother lighting it. It was comforting enough just to have it between my lips.

~*~

There were two missed calls on my cell phone when I got home. They must’ve come in when I was at the club—I didn’t hear it ring. Scrolling through the call log, my heart nearly jumped out of my chest when I found that one of the calls was from Bam. Not bothering to listen to his message, my fingers numbly dialed his number.

“Ville, is that you?” His voice sounded through the static after the fifth ring. I managed to squeak out a meager response and heard him laugh. “I called you earlier, where were you?”

“I was at a release party downtown,” I answered honestly, but I didn’t plan to tell him about the little encounter afterwards.

“Hold on a sec., okay?” there was a pause and then a muffled yell, “HEY GUYS, I NEED TO TAKE THIS CALL. BE RIGHT BACK!”

I heard a door close somewhere over the line and then silence. “Are we good to talk now?” I asked after a moment.

“Yeah, yeah we’re cool. I really miss you, man.” He sighed, his breathing heavy on the receiver. The static on the line only further proved how far away he was from me.

“I miss you too, Bam. How’d that…dinosaur thing go?”

“You’re never going to fucking believe this! Dico had this robot dinosaur bigger than my fucking house spitting fire all over the back yard!” He laughed. “Apparently, that constitutes a weapon, so the cops got called.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I tried to sound sincere, but I couldn’t help the chuckle forming in my throat.

“Nah, it was fucking sweet. They said it was a weapon of mass destruction and we could’ve been locked up for acts of terrorism. But I gave the cop a few hundred bucks and he let us off.”

I rolled my eyes and lit a cigarette. “That doesn’t surprise me for some reason. So are you coming back soon?”

There was another pause on the line, and I got the distinct feeling that he was stalling time. “Actually, I’ve got some bad news about that.” My breath hitched in my throat as I waited for him to continue. “MTV wants to start filming a few specials to make up for the loss of the season, and then they want me to start work on an animated series. So I’m a bit tied up right now.”

“Oh,” I choked out. I thought for sure he would be on the next flight out here; I thought for sure that he wanted to see me. I guess I thought wrong. “Well Seppo says the next tour’s scheduled to start soon…so I might not see you for a few months.”

“That’s a real bummer, man,” If he said ‘man’ one more time I was going to shoot him in the face. He was playing his games again, I knew it—he was going right back to pretending nothing was going on. “I’ll definitely make it out to a few of your shows, so it’s not like we’ll be apart for too long. We’re always around each other, Ville!”

I cringed at his friendly undertone. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Hey, I’ve got some work to do, mind if I…”

“No, go right ahead, I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” I nodded and then realized that he couldn’t see me. Muttering a quick ‘sure,’ I hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment, my eyes locked on the glowing LCD screen.

I hated lying to Bam, but I don’t think I could’ve put up with any more of that conversation. It hurt to lie to him, but it hurt even more to know that he was blowing me off.

~*~

“Get your lazy ass up off the couch and come drinking with me.”

Mige was pacing the living room, his hands clasped firmly behind his back and his strides long and purposeful. He locked eyes with me every third step, glaring at me and telling me to get up, before returning back to his pacing. I just rolled my eyes and went back to staring at the ceiling.

“You’ve been lying on that couch for two days now! Aren’t you getting uncomfortable?” He stopped for a second and looked at me, his eyes peering into the back of my skull. I raised one shoulder in a weak shrug and he sighed, picking up his pacing on the exact step he left off on.

I glanced at the clock above the TV and stared at the blinking green numbers. The digital clock read 7:46 but my interest really wasn’t in the time. I just needed to focus on something before my mind exploded. As Mige’s pacing grew in strides, I turned my attention to him and began counting his steps. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…

“Goddammit, Ville!” He shouted suddenly, causing me to jump slightly and sit up. “I hate seeing you like this. You need to get out, Rakkahomas.”

The use of my old nickname made me smile and I pushed myself further up on the couch. I felt myself shrugging again, this time for amusement, and saying, “There’s nothing much to do out there that I can’t very well do in here.”

“You need to be more social, Ville,” he sighed again. In two large steps he was standing beside me, his form towering over the couch and casting a comforting shadow around me. “When was the last time you saw someone other than us?”

I thought for a moment and replied, “The other night at the release party.”

“You went to that?” He seemed startled and for a moment I thought what ever anger he was harboring had vanished. “I didn’t see you there…”

“There were a lot of people,” I explained smoothly and with yet another shrug. “Plus, I didn’t stay long.”

“Well whatever, the point is you need to come out drinking with us.” As if for a sense of finality, he added, “Tonight.”

“I really don’t feel like it, Mige.” I knew that this argument wouldn’t last for much longer. He would end up physically dragging me out the door if he had to, and I knew for a fact that someone had to cave—and that someone would end up being me.

“I don’t care if you feel like it or not, you’re coming. End of story.”

It was my turn to sigh. “Whatever. I’ll go, but only if you pay—I don’t want to get shit-faced and then find a massive tab the next morning.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal,” he smiled and stuck his hand out, when I latched on to it he swiftly pulled me to my feet and pointed me toward the door.

“We’re leaving now?” I tripped over my feet as I struggled to shove them in my shoes before being pushed out the door.

“Of course!”

~*~

A/N: There you have it, folks. Bam's a dick. I'm thinking about turning "Kiss" into a chaptered story. Don't worry, I'll never abandon "Crawling Backwards". If I decided to go chaptered with "Kiss" it won't be updated as often as this one, this story is my main priority at the moment. Let me know what you think I should do. If you haven't read "Kiss" you can find it at 616hasgotaname.

Comments = Vam Flavoured Lolly Pops.... O_o