| 9:49 pm |
 nursecrazy Hey guys, I was wondering if any of you have read "The Story of O" or "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty"? They are really great books to read. I would love to try get this group a bit more active. Because I know all of us are going through the same thing, B (1 comment | comment on this) |
| Thursday, November 20th, 2008 |
| 5:44 pm - Moderation Help |
 vampyreboy Hi everyone...I've been extremely delinquent in moderating the membership of this group. And for that, I apologize. Live Journal isn't a place that I frequent much anymore, so it becomes quite easy to ignore it.It would be fantastic if someone, or a couple of members, would step forward & agree to take this task on. Currently, bpd_bdsm group is a restricted group to 18+ due to the adult-oriented nature of our members & posts. This group is not really appropriate for minors. What this means is that someone(s) is/are listed as moderators of the membership list. When someone requests to become a member, an email is sent to you. From there it's a pretty simple process to add the new person to our member roster. The important thing that does need to be done before approval; however, is that you look at the user info page of the requester to verify their age. If they don't list their year of birth (so you can make sure they're over 18), send them an email letting them know what our rules are & ask them to update their user info & resubmit their request. The rules of membership are clearly stated on the bpd_bdsm user info page.So that's it... mea culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa.Now... can anyone help out?Thanks,VampyreBoycurrent mood:  embarrassed (2 comments | comment on this) |
| Friday, April 18th, 2008 |
| 8:53 pm - Submissive Looking For Acceptance |
 submissivecunt Hello, I’m new to the community and thought I would write a introduction post. I’m fairly new to Live Journal as well; I have only been here a few months. My Master, commanded me to sign up knowing that I was a very avid blog a holic seeking acceptance and support. I have been a member of other blog sights but never have I got anything I was seeking. Here I have received nothing but great support thus far from people who I have met, and I’m seeking to meet new people per Master’s requests who understand. Live Journal and my blogs are my escape as well as being a bipolar submissive I also live daily in the tight grips of chronic pain. I have been involved in BDSM since I was 18, involved with my current Master from age 20. I knew it was right for me, due to my interest in being controlled, kink, pain, and other various things. I never got “sexual” pleasure until I found BDSM. Master is a very great man, who allows me to seek acceptance and understanding more so into the community online. I am always willing to learn, but I often feel “depressed” when I think of my devotion to him being affected by my pain and bipolar illness. I just want to give Him perfection from a slave, and I have a hard time understanding no one is perfect and I am far from it. I look forward to posting here and if anyone wishes to add me please do the same, I am so tired of walking alone. (comment on this) |
| Monday, September 3rd, 2007 |
| 10:56 am |
 jesscyn I recently wrote an article about What to look for in a Dom (that I responded to an older entry with) that I wanted to share with you.I'm feeling a bit upset with myself right now, because as far as I've come in the last little bit, I look at my life, the fact that I like BDSM, the fact that I like to have sex and go out to swingers clubs, the fact that I'm still impulsive with my money, the fact that my dishes are never done, that I don't cook for myself all the time and I get frustrated with the fact that I'm always going to be BPD and no matter what I do I'm still going to be BPD.Still there have been victories along the way. I recently left my boyfriend and though I went through an emotional time I DIDN'T TRY (OR EVEN THINK) ABOUT TRYING TO KILL MYSELF. If NOTHING else, this shows me how far along I've come along since I was diagnosed almost (exactly) three years ago after my second suicide attempt in two weeks after I broke up with my boyfriend.What's helped me so so so so much was the movie The Secret and the podcasts from Hay House Radio (look for Esther and Jerry Hicks) and their daily emails from Abraham-Hicks . When I'm down in the dumps I try and breathe and remember that this too will pass, that I have to reach for the better feeling thought. I'd also recommend their book Ask and it is Given, which has actually processes that you can try when your emotions are at such and such a level (each emotion is rated on a scale).Anyways I'm going to go and cheer myself up with a bath, with the candles, whole mud mask and cucumbers on the eyes thing. I've found that it makes me feel absolutely spoiled and cherished. (2 comments | comment on this) |
| Friday, June 15th, 2007 |
| 9:22 am |
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| Thursday, May 10th, 2007 |
| 12:35 am |
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| Friday, March 23rd, 2007 |
| 7:16 am - I should add..... |
| dadyslildeviant While I am not sure if I have BPD, but think I might, I have been diagnosed with other psychiatric disorders. After years of telling shrinks I have always been somewhat depressed, nervous, angry, and often empty, one finally refferred to my mentioning the ongoing "depression to some degree" and said I might have dysthymia. I have had more intense depression at some points of my life and have been in therapy during some of these times, but not others. I have also had a shrink note obsessive compulsive tendancies. I think they were disruptive enough at one point in my life to be called a disorder, but by the time I went to see a therapist, these issues were more under control and not the main reason for my attending therapy, so only tendancies were noted, though they were noted enough to warrent the psych wanting to help me with the issue. I have also been diagnosed with certain forms of anxiety. Social and generalized both at some point, I believe, though I know it's not as severe as most people's. I've had panic attacks, but do not think I could be said to have a panic disorder. I self harm, but not severely. However, it is chronic. I have issues with apathy and anger, but don't know if they have been noted. I have had dissacoiative symptoms noted. I had a couple people tell me I have a sexual addiction, but those people are judgemental prudes and I don't trust their judgement calls. (comment on this) |
| 7:01 am |
| dadyslildeviant I was actually trying to decide whether to look up groups for mental health issues or groups for BDSM first, when I looked up one of them and found this community. I joined it because I have had BDSM fantasies for years and have engaged in some BDSM acts with a close partner, whom I'm sorry to say is not my partner anymore. Also, I think I may have BPD.As for the BDSM, in past years I had domination and submission fantasies, so one would have thought I would have turned out a switch, but I am more submissive, and also I don't think I have the confidence to be a domme right now. I would like to try it in the future, so I suppose I am a bit of a switch, but I'm more of a sub. I do not currently have a BDSM play partner.As for the BPD, I have a lot of the symptoms of BPD, but I am not sure if I have them severely enough to actually have BPD. I have had a couple shrinks say some things seeming to suggest that they did wonder if I had BPD, though no one has come out and said that I do. I think this is because they see the symptoms there, but again, perhaps not the severity. I want to ask my current shrink if I have it, but I'm afraid of the answer, and I'm not sure if he knows all of my symptoms well enough to judge either.For instance, he says he can't see me as an angry person, but I really am. Apparently this doesn't show around him, but I know it's not just in my head. Not only am I sure due to my own experiences, feelings, and observations that I do have anger issues, but everyone that really knows me would tell you that I do. I suppose his not knowing is my fault because perhaps I am not sharing enough with him.Anyway, part of me doesn't feel like I have a right to the title since my symptoms are not as severe as other people's. I wonder if I am just stretching this thing to fit me. Yet, at the same time when I read the symptoms, and also when I read the things the families are saying about living with a person who has BPD, it just fits in a way. I may not be as severe as some people, but I have most of the symptoms and it makes sense of what I'm going through and what my family and friends say I put them through. I want something to help me make sense of this. Still, BPD is a hard label to be saddled with. There is a huge stigma attached to it, as I’m sure many of you know too well.For the sake of explaining my symptoms, I first want to post this list of criteria that I took the list from Wikipedia (but it can be found with slight wording changes on various websites)-1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5] 2. A pattern of unstable and interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, promiscuous sex, eating disorders, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). [Again, not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5] 5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days) 7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights). 9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.This is how I measure up (sorry it's so long)-I would say that I have number 1, which is what I guess is the main identifying part of BPD.On number 2, I do have unstable interpersonal relationships, but the extremes of idealization and devaluation I only do somewhat. I don’t completely devalue everyone I’ve ever cared about, but I do connect with the statement somewhat.As for number 3, this is the one I have the least. Sure, some of my values and beliefs have changed throughout my life, but this is natural and healthy to a degree. It's called being open minded, growing, and thinking for yourself. Most of these changes took place as I walked away from what I was taught to believe and figured out what I really believed. I think I have a good sense of my values, beliefs, and interests (they are eclectic, but I really am interested in them and know what I am interested in). I sometimes add new interests on, but do not feel this is symptomatic of anything being wrong with me. It is not instability, but growth and finding out more about yourself. Plus, many of my major childhood interests are still major interests for me today, so I think my sense of self is pretty stable. There might be some ways in which this is true for me, though. One example is how I see myself as a decent human being sometimes, then as a monster at other times.For number 4, I can think things through way too much and be way too cautious at times, but sometimes I can also be spontaneous. I don’t know if it’s really such an intense urge and I can’t say that I truly can’t stop myself most of the time, but I do tend to partake in risky behavior often times without thinking the consequences through or without really caring enough to let it stop me. I do, do this in various areas, especially during times of stress.Number 5, I do. I threaten it, sometimes plan it out or buy supplies, and I have thought about it, fantasized about it, and dreamed about it. I don’t know if I would ever really do it or not. I do self harm sometimes. It’s not severe self harm, but it is chronic and I have been doing this since I was a child. As for number 6, I do have mood swings sometimes, but not as much as many people I’m sure. I’m the worst for doing this when it comes to being angry or snappy.I would say that I have number 7. I think I have had this problem to some degree for my entire life.As for number 8, I do not get impulsively physically violent with people generally speaking, especially if I love them, but I do have inappropriate anger and unreasonably intense (for the situation) anger. I do have difficulty controlling this anger and it has ruined many of my relationships. So has my risk taking and feelings of emptiness. Then there’s number 9. The transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms. Well, I do dissociate sometimes, but I’m not sure if you’d call it severe. I also do some light stress related paranoid ideation.So, I have most of the symptoms, except for the identity crisis, but some worse than others. I’m just not sure if I have these symptoms to a severe / intense enough degree to be said to have BPD. (4 comments | comment on this) |
| Sunday, March 18th, 2007 |
| 9:13 am - Newbie |
 rens_secretary My name is Liz, and I suffer from bipolar disorder, OCD and anorexia nervosa. I'm also a sub in a longterm relationship with my Master, Alan.A huge part of him taking care of me is helping me deal with my disorders. Don't get me wrong - I'm in therapy with both a psychiatrist and a psychologist, but the problems don't just disappear when I'm at home. That's where Master comes in.He helps me by enforcing limits that I set for myself. He makes sure that I eat 2,000 calories a day, minimum, and punishes me if I don't. He calms me down when I'm manic sometimes by immobilizing me and just talking to me quietly for awhile. When I'm depressed, he pampers me a bit and cheers me up. If I weren't on great medication, these techniques probably wouldn't work, but since my symptoms are all currently mild, it helps a lot.It's great to have a Master who understands my problems and helps me deal with them, whether it's just reassuring me that I'm not fat (and punishing me if I have the nerve to doubt him!) or gently stopping me if I get caught doing something over and over.So that's the deal with me. I hope more people post soon, so that we can start getting to know one another and answering questions, etc.Cheers,Lizcurrent mood:  calm (2 comments | comment on this) |
| Friday, December 22nd, 2006 |
| 6:55 pm |
 arielstreasures Hey there everyone.My name is Melissa, and I have BPD - partially. My psychiatrist doesn't think I have a full disorder, but she does think I have symptoms. I've realized that I've had symptoms of BPD for the past maybe seven years. All I can say about BPD is that it is really, really hard. Today one of my friends dropped by my school (she left last year to go to university), and I cried a lot when I hugged her. I felt a lot of emotion. Happiness to see her. Sadness, remembering I have BPD. I have suffered from clinical depression (I don't have that anymore), but I find in many ways, BPD is harder - more painful in some ways - for me, especially when it comes to relationships.I thought I'd leave you with a quote I love:**"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. I believe in the latter."**-Albert EinsteinHappy Holidays everyone. :) (8 comments | comment on this) |
| Monday, July 10th, 2006 |
| 12:55 pm - My mind lately |
 zalika_cutie Hey folks..i joined this group a while back, posted an intro(i think?) and read it, but haven't posted much else.Just as a recap, my name's Melissa, i'm poly, two Masters have me collared(huzzah for chains that don't come off!). Almost 21, and diagnosed BPD a few years ago.This is what's been happening lately.i've recently become involved with someone, one of the above mentioned Masters. Wonderful man, i care about him very much, and have been falling for him. We've played a lot, things have been going great. But in the last week, i just can't get into the sub mindset. i really want to, but i just can't do it. Pain is real pain, not something that i'm enjoying. i've been bratty, difficult, cranky, everything.My mood outside of the 'bedroom' has been all over the place. Lots of the happy-go-lucky, but also a lot of crying. There's no real reason, and i'm really worried. i'm lucky that Sir's very accepting of me, and my BPD, but i'm worried that i may scare him off. Or anger him. Or. Or.i went to the walk-in clinic today. i used to be on Prozac, but it stopped working for me. The doctor prescribed Celexa. i have to wait to get my prescription filled until my provincial drug card arrives in the mail.Does anyone have any info about Celexa? Thoughts? Any alternatives? i have to be on meds that are safe during pregnancy, at least until the fall and i've confirmed whether or not i'm preggo.Also, are there any suggestions that anyone has instead of prescribed medication? Things i can do, think about, perhaps herbal stuff to use?i don't know, my mind's just been everywhere...current mood:  indescribable (1 comment | comment on this) |
| Saturday, June 17th, 2006 |
| 11:52 pm - My New Forum |
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| Thursday, June 1st, 2006 |
| 7:07 am - Need Support |
 thrallos I worship and serve hernot because I must or am forced to,but because she is the one whoexcites me, captivates me,and enthralls me.Hi all, I’ve started a new BDSM education and advice site specifically aimed towards male submissives. While it is set to officially launch this weekend it still needs community support in the way of additional articles, stories, and participation. I’ll be cross posting this post to several communities but I hope that this does not come across as spam. The site is extremely advice oriented and could use help and support. Thanks, Tassna at The Thrallos Foundation http://www.thrallos.orgPS: I absolutely have no articles on those who are disabled and in the lifestyle and could use those if someone could submit them. (comment on this) |
| Thursday, March 2nd, 2006 |
| 9:20 am - SI awareness day |
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| Wednesday, February 8th, 2006 |
| 7:29 am - PSA |
| vampyreboy Just a friendly reminder...This community is for 18+ people, so if you want to join - or tell other people they should join - please let them know that they need to have their date of birth on their profile in order to have their membership approved. I do check these things out before approving membership.If you have any questions about this, see our info page or contact me. Thanks. (comment on this) |
| Thursday, December 29th, 2005 |
| 9:38 pm - An introduction |
 mmm___brains Hello,I am introducing myself to this group as I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and am also interested in the bdsm scene. I have yet to participate in any sort of play, apart from some explorative stuff with a friend. Whom is the one person I have an opportunity to discuss such things with.The question I return to time and again is that is my interest in this scene prompted from my own desires made manifest with such explorations or is it yet another aspect of assuming anothers interests as my own to create a distinct identity while around them? (When a coherent personality while alone is an ephemeral concept). For this reason I am both attracted and wary of any sort of bdsm type interaction. As a neophyte in such matters it seems to me to be both a relationship that has the benefits of perhaps being more clearly defined yet is still prone to the same sort of manipulations that I know I am capable of when borderline exerts its influence. For this reason I am hesitant to enter into such interactions.Any reading of my journal will show mostly expressions of pain, both emotional and their physical manifestations. Mostly because I am reclusive until i reach a certain emotional limit. Despite this I don't feel the need for such pain to be inflicted on me by another, the two things being quite different. What attracts me is the more dominant aspects of such play. I hope that my personal experiences of pain and punishment would help with my understanding and respect of this dynamic in others.Despite all this uncertainty there is a party type thing happening this new years, of which I am most likely, (will DAMMIT) to attend with said good friend. I am curious to see if the participation in or just observations of such play provide any illumination on my ponderings. (1 comment | comment on this) |
| Tuesday, October 25th, 2005 |
| 1:49 pm - FYI |
| vampyreboy Hello everyone - I'm one of your moderators. I've been a bit slow lately - so I wanted to do a quick communicate so all of you know what's going on & why. I have purchased a new system that went tits up (of course) and my roommate who's a techie is working on getting it running again. So I do not have internet access at home currently.Also, I will be moving to Los Angeles in November & will go off line completely for a couple weeks I suspect. Just wanted to let you all know, so you don't think I am purposefully ignoring you or this group.Thanks & I hope you are all well.Bites & Blessings,VampyreBoy (comment on this) |
| 4:38 pm - Advice wanted... |
 ex_swan_son Hi everyone, I am new to this community after recently having split up with my boyfriend, who introduced me to the BDSM side of my character. I have always had fantasies but never understood them until he came along. As a result, we had a fantastic sex life together, exploring and learning a lot together. I enjoy switching between dom and sub, although I am generally sub. I also like S and M. I was diagnosed 5 years ago with bipolar disorder, although I have serious doubts about this. Rather, I believe more in depression. My ex suffers from anxiety and depression. Several years ago, I entered into a seriously self-harming affair with someone who seduced me. I did not want to but did everything and enjoyed it. Afterwards I tried to kill myself. Anyway, this is just background. The real reason I am posting is this. I am sleeping with my ex because I feel as if I will break into pieces if I don't, because I need the close physical contact with another person. Am I doing something seriously wrong and eventually harmful to myself, even if it feels wonderful and right? (comment on this) |
| Thursday, October 6th, 2005 |
| 7:41 pm - Art Therapy |
_evanescence_ I'm taking an Art Therapy class this semester and our project is to make an exercise that an art therapist would use on a pirticular group. I'm thinking about doing BPD of coruse as my topic. But, I wanted to see if anyone had a good idea for something I could do? I will be presenting it to my class and the class will be doing it. We can't do what she's already done in class and that is1. Make something out of play dough2. Draw two people at the dinner table and say what they are saying3. do a collage of pictures that represent you4. find a person or people in a mag and paste what they are actually saying and what they are thinking5. Take a design already on a ditto and make something out of it6. make a forest after listening to a tape that sounds like a forest7. trace a picture onto pastic color it in and then put a pice of tin foil on the back of it8. write your name and then make it into a logo or designthose are a few of what we've done so far this semester I can't think of all of them... any ideas or input would be great thanks! p.s. I just thought of a possible idea for mental disorder adolescents giving them a piece of paper and putting sad music on and having them draw what they feel when they are listening to the sad music and then on another piece of paper playing upbeat happy music and telling them to draw how they feel at that moment as well. I dont know just throwing some things out there! I'm going to do some research as well but I wanted your input as well thankscurrent mood:  exhausted (comment on this) |
| Monday, July 4th, 2005 |
| 5:34 am |
| jesscyn Yeah I found this community again (I had somehow removed it from my friends page)I posted an intro a while back ago... for anyone who doesn't know me voila I've been through my CBT and it's made me more aware of what I think and obsessing and the thoughts that go around and around and around in your head and won't leave you alone. Working at being able to say "that's nice, but you won't feel that way in a little while so you have to distract yourself until you get there." Still working at being zen at the fact that my ex is dating someone else, whom he started seeing right around the time we were breaking up (open relationship).Anyways I just wanted to repost and say hi to everyone.I'm desperatly looking for written documentation about the link between BDSM and BPD. Does anyone have a direction I could go in?Taken from my own journal... Results of my research online Clips of a great article Let me know if anyone else has clues that I could use... (2 comments | comment on this) |