I can see Clearly now... (original) (raw)
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded inclearlyclayr's LiveJournal:
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| Monday, July 31st, 2006 |
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| Jul 31 2006 |
| **What Will Happen After Your Death?**Choose Your Own Adventure from Quiz Galaxy!... "When you bitch slap him, he laughs and all of his body parts separate. You're freaked the hell out, until his mouth yells, 'Hey newbie, you can do anything here. It's like a lucid dream. It's purgatory.' You realize that it's true and imagine yourself on a secluded tropical beach and, suddenly, you're there instead. You spend the rest of eternity creating your own paradise."'What Will Happen After Your Death?'Choose Your Own Adventure at QuizGalaxy.com |
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| Sunday, July 30th, 2006 |
| Jul 30 2006 |
Exercise Guess who got her fat butt in gear to go running...Me!Yes, I know, shock and surprise!I was pretty sure my mother nearly died of shock. She gave me a kind of, "About damn time you started doing something..." sort of look. Also, I win at Life.Quite literally.I beat some people at Life (the board game!) last night. The power went out and it was so dark I couldn't see my super-pale hands in front of me. Current Mood:  bored |
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| Wednesday, July 26th, 2006 |
| Jul 26 2006 |
| Misadventures of Clayr I've been negelectin my poor LJ lately, due to the demands of Myspace and Facebook. Mostly Facebook... because it's pretty cool like that.I bet you're all wondering what's been happening in the life of Clayr. No? Well, I shall write about my misadventures, anyway...On Sunday my father decided we should go out to eat. He then proceeded to name a restaurant that was TWO AND A HALF hours away that we ate at like... TEN YEARS AGO.So we gathered G-Ma and set out on adventure in the van. We got to the little logging restaurant in Park Rapids, MN, ate, and left.Yeah.The drive really wasn't that bad, though. There was stuff to look at. Like TREES. We don't have trees in North Dakota. Seriously. Every time we drove by a large cluster of trees, Dad excitedly said, "Look at all the pine trees growing in the WILD!" Having lived in ND all of his life, and also attempting (and failing!) to plant many trees, the concept of these wooded plants baffle him.And we went gambling on the way back. Yay slot machines.Today I decided it was time to buck up and brave my fear of cooking. I think that fear, for the good of humankind, should stay subdued.I tried to make fudge, but I did a variety of things wrong... including burning the chocolate. I'm that good.When I got some fresh chocolate and stuck it in the fridge, it tasted good! That is all. Current Mood: bored |
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| Tuesday, July 18th, 2006 |
| Jul 18 2006 |
| Writing I wrote most of these a long time ago, but last night I edited them and typed them. I felt like sharing. Here they are:I let the days go by. The power to stop time has not been scientifically discovered, but when I’m with you, I’m absolutely certain that we are the only ones moving. When you’re gone, I simply let life go on, the days playing on fast forward. I could slow down and live, but the days are nothing without you._If you throw something in the air, it’s only a matter of time before gravity pulls it down. Sometimes I get my hopes up, but they always fall back down. It’s only a matter of catching them._Don’t write about love in pencil. Imperfections shouldn’t be erased… they are what makes love perfectly permanent._Love is kind of a funny thing. Sometimes it can be the first page of a brand new notebook, waiting for you to fill its empty pages with your feelings. There is a certain beauty to the empty page, and you’re almost afraid to mar its pristine surface with a blemish from your pen. Yet, the page seems to call out to you. It wants to hear your story, no matter what the outcome may be. Love will listen, and more importantly, it won’t reprimand you. It will be there to console you for hours, or take in your bliss for a mere moment.Everyone has the ability to pen something truly moving on Love’s pages, but we don’t always realize it. Sometimes the only thing we see is written in another language, and we have no one to translate for us. We get impatient. We get discouraged. Eventually, the jumbled phrases begin to make sense. Then, love isn’t just words… it’s poetry._Right now, our images are clear. The vivid colors of our souls emanate from our pictures, No hazy outlines surround our bodies. We are so certain of ourselves that we paint our lives in neon green, not a dull gray. The light shines on our faces, brightening our lives.As the years roll slowly on, our edges begin to smudge. The once bold colors have become faded, dulled and bleached by the light that once illuminated our youth. Certainty fades into a mere memory.Now we are shadows._Hope is an unsheathed blade. Once you remove it, the gleam from the metal inhibits your senses, mesmerizing you with its alluring beauty. The euphoric state of mind that envelops you changes your perceptive. Surely, a knife like that would not cut you…But Hope slices you. It cuts deep into your skin and destroys you. Then you sheath the blade and become afraid to believe in anything._I’ve looked at the face of Ugliness my entire life. Ugliness has teeth that are decaying, jagged, and sharp, to cut me when I make a wrong move. His yellow eyes are dixed deep in the bloody sockets, watching, waiting to scrutinize my actions. Ugliness has had like ropes, to hang me from the rafters when I am wrong.I want to see something pretty._Sometimes it feels like my heart is a gargantuan block of ice. It chills the rest of my body so that my thoughts are cold, my words are frost, and my actions are as visibly cold as my breath on a winter day. It feels like someone is hacking away at my soul with an ice pick, chipping off pieces of me. To make me melt, what you really need is a fire._I want you to know that I’ll miss you. When I leave this place, it will be the hardest thing I have ever done. I’ll be leaving my entire life behind, just like I’m changing my clothes. Sometimes I think that I’ll say goodbye to everyone, but part of me wants to just take off now. It will be hard to see you, because part of me wonders if you will even miss me.I’ll miss you. I want you to know that you’re more than an old sweater to me._As you grow older you feel your innocence slowly drift away, like a boat lost at see. The current of life sweeps you suddenly away from the mainland, and you realize that you can’t even swim. Once you board the S.S. Immoral, you are sailing for life, since you cannot escape.The captain was your Conscience, but you just pitched him overboard._What is love? Love is a feeling—perhaps a state of being—that baffles us all. Having never been in love, I can’t describe to you what it feels like… even if I had loved, the feeling would still probably remain inexplicable. We all spend so much time dwelling on this, searching for it that we lost it somewhere in the process.Love is something that you find when you stop looking.Fear is beginning to creep into my mind. It edges in, frightening Rationality, causing Stability to cower in terror. My thoughts become paralyzed, unable to reflect upon anything but Fear. Every single thing that made sense before has suddenly become a bunch of foreign jargon.Fear did not break in. I gave Fear the key. Time is money, they say. It’s free, yet worth everything in the world to us. No matter how many pennies you pinch, you can’t save your time. The more you try to keep it, the more you lose. There are no banks for time… just your own memory.I know I’ve invested my time wisely… I spent it with you._I want you to know that I will always be your friend. Though the years and miles may separate us, we will almost always be side-by-side in an emotional state. Though my shoulder may not be there for you to cry on I’ll build a dam to stop the tears. When you’re feeling small, I’ll lift you up so you can stare down at Life. If your life gets dark, I will light a candle for you. If that candle goes out, I’ll hold your hand and lead you to the light._This family is a motor vehicle. We’re cruising through life as though it were a bumpy road and we simply pretend there are no potholes. We’re not a BMW or a Cadillac as we like others to believe. What we really are is a Pinto… if someone hits us from behind, we’ll explode. Nothing works properly, so we roll down the windows instead of cranking the AC.We’ve driving in the dark with no headlights. |
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| Friday, July 14th, 2006 |
| Jul 14 2006 |
End of Work! Yessssss!No more children! It makes me so happy!...for the most part.I'm actually going to miss a few of them. Halli, Max, and Skyyla, mostly. Actually, I think those are the only ones evil old me is going to miss seeing. Skyyla showed me all these pictures today that she took with her very own camera. She was so proud of the windows and fingers over lenses that she captured. Max the Cynical Kindergartener will always be special. He's the only kid I know who doesn't like the circus, picnics, and bunnies. And I like to make fun of him. Halli was the one who could kind of manipulate me. Bwah.But now I can sleep in. That's good. And I won't have dishes to do! And food to pass out! Or stray children to chase and yell at!I feel so freeeeee!I'm also writing from my brand-spanking-new LAPTOP. It took me an hour to figure out how to get the internet working, but I did it, dammit! And I'm proud. Current Mood:  chipper |
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| Sunday, July 9th, 2006 |
| Jul 9 2006 |
Life of Clayr Well, I haven't really been updating lately. Life has been kind of boring. I'm getting extremely excited about college. EEEEEE! I leave home for good in less than a month!Okay, life stories time. Gather 'round, kiddies!FridayStreet dance. Kinda boring, but not bad. Anthony was there with Maranda, his girlfriend, and I had to stand by her. She's like the nicest person ever, and she's totally gorgeous, to boot. So I felt really homely and bitchy. Standing by her made me feel like a really ugly girl.But it was all good.SaturdayDemolition Derby! Brandon's cousin Nicole won the Powder Puff, but there were only two cars. I didn't have one to drive. :(Another dance! The band this time was really good. There were more people here, and naturally, more drunk old dudes.Old men love me, for some reason. It's really creepy, too, since I look like I'm fifteen. Pervs. I wasn't fast enough to get away from one of them, but that was okay because I sort of knew him. The second time I spotted one looking at me, I made a sacrifice....My friend Christy. I saw him coming, so I moved back to where he couldn't get to me, and he danced with Christy. Jess felt bad. "We can't just leave her there!" she said. Then I asked her if she wanted to dance with the creep.I'm such a good friend.I ended up sleeping on the loveseat at Christy's house some time after 4 a.m. So I'm sleepy.TodayChurch. Brandon was sleepy, too, so we poked him to keep him awake. Since I was behind him, I gave him a wedgie, since his boxers were showing. We took his wallet,too.I'm such a good girl in church. Current Mood:  tired |
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| Thursday, June 29th, 2006 |
| Jun 29 2006 |
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| Jun 29 2006 |
| An Update I bet you've all been wondering what's been happening in my life, haven't you? No? Aw, I feel so hurt. But I'm going to update despite this fact.Went to the Poison concert. It poured. It was fun. Saw a bunch of people. Walked around the fair. I punished Anthony (he bailed on Styx) by making him give my brother a ride. He had to drop the Vinny off at his girlfriend's house before he met us at the concert. I feel so good about revenge. And that's about it. I'm boring. |
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| Sunday, June 18th, 2006 |
| Jun 18 2006 |
| Wedding Stuff First of all: PRIDE AND PREJUDICE ROCKS. I finished reading it on the way there, and I like the book a lot. I bought the movie (with Kiera) and will watch it soon.Now, for the wedding stuff.Wow. That was the most beautiful wedding I have ever been to. Erica's dress was absolutely gorgeous. I want to have something like it when I get married. That's what weddings do to me... make me want to get married. I take all these mental notes and plan my future wedding.There's only one little problem. I need a man.Le sigh.I handed out programs and was cute. Relatives said, "Awwwww..." quite a few times, and asked me how old I was. A couple aunts told my mom she had the most attractive kids out of the whole gene pool.There were a few good-looking men from the bride's side (yay for non-relations). I got stuck pouring punch, and one guy came up to get more about four times. He said it was okay if I spilled on him, as long as I cleaned it up myself.Ah, polka. Waltz. That would be family dances for you, folks. I even got to o a very bad polka with Brendan, who is very cool and married to my cousin Mary Kay. I actually think he would be a perfect guy if he didn't spend so much of his time playing video games.Well, that was about all that happened. We got my dad Sirius radio for Father's Day. I wonder how long it will take him to figure out how to use it.Oh, and if we get off the subject of weddings (again), my pants blew off today. Literally. Current Mood: lonely |
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| Thursday, June 15th, 2006 |
| Jun 15 2006 |
| Operation: GroA GroA has actually been going as well as I expected it to go. It has now entered Phase Three: Probation.First, I'll make notes about the rest of phase two. The other Aide, Chanel, has become aware of the high levels of disgusting pervertedness. She's a really nice person and never says anything bad about anyone, so when she was pissed about Aaron, I knew she meant business. This meant having a very serious discussion with the teachers about what we would do about it, since the kid is so damn freaking dumb. We figured we'd have a conference with him and lay out the boundaries.Wherein begins Phase Three: Probation.That little shit denied it, and blamed all the boyfriend/girlfriend talk on the KIDS. He says THEY wanted to talk about it, and it's not his fault. He never does anything wrong.I wanted to hit him over the head with the mop I had been using to clean the bathrooms. Seriously, this kid pisses me off. Diane used an analogy that involved those perverts who lure kids from the internet, and said some more things to show him the boundaries.I set the facts straight on what I hear him saying to the kids. He is now officially on "Probation," wherein we watch him very closely and scrutinize every stupid movement he makes.I don't EVER want to hear that he did something wrong to these kids. And if I have to bitch him out several times a day to prevent it, then so be it.If we catch him saying or doing anything we deem inappropriate, he will be "Asked to leave." That's about as close as we come to kicking someone out, even though it's never happened before. I have a wedding to go to tomorrow, so I hope they can keep everything in check without me. I have a powerful, warning death glare that usually manages to keep things in check, in addition to a very bitchy shouting voice.Ugh. I hate perverts. Current Mood: content |
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| Tuesday, June 13th, 2006 |
| Jun 13 2006 |
Phase Two Operation: Get Rid of Aaron has entered phase two. In this phase, I yell at Aaron every time he irritates me and everyone around, thus making his experience very miserable. This, hopefully, will make him want to leave.If he's going to stick around, the teachers decided he has to do something useful... like making breakfast. Instead of doing this, though, he decided to fight with his little sister. He accused her of telling secrets about him to one of the other little girls. I could feel a blow-up coming on, and then he said:"YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ME, AREN'T YOU, TRISHA?! I SHOULD TELL EVERYONE ABOUT WHEN YOU GOT YOUR PERIOD FOR THE FIRST TIME AND YOU WENT TO TELL..."I screamed.Oh, damn, did I scream. I hope that stupid fucker felt as god damn belitted as he possibly could. I told him to act like a teenager, and that all the kids around him were more mature than he was. I even said I'd get him kicked out (even though that's kind of an empty threat... it's hard to get people kicked out of this stupid program). But I will try.No one said anything for about five minutes. I've been talking to Diane now, too. She said she had a good, long talk with him. I just want him gone. So I'm going to make his time as miserable as possible, the creep. Current Mood:  cranky |
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| Monday, June 12th, 2006 |
| Jun 12 2006 |
| Operation: Get Rid of Aaron Operation: Get Rid of Aaron has officially been launched. It's like a movie starring me, only it's a lot less cooler. And, you know, there are no actual movies.Anyway, this kid is 16 or so. He does NOT need to come to After-School Club, which is for ELEMENTARY kids. He does NOT need to attempt to flirt with the little girls who are HALF his age. He does NOT need to make noise when the teachers are trying to talk.asdfjasfd;sdfd I just want to punch him in his ugly face, but I'm going about this in the sneaky way.I talked to Susan while we were making dinner (yay for ham). I started off with the, "I can't stand that stupid Aaron..." and she agreed with me, also pointing out that he's starting to buddy up to her niece, who is TWELVE... maybe still ELEVEN.We don't need an irritating creep like him around. He's always talking to these little girls about boyfriends, and God only knows what else when I'm not around to scream at him.Hopefully he will be gone soon. Current Mood: cranky |
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| Saturday, June 10th, 2006 |
| Jun 10 2006 |
Styx Last night was the Styx concert. They're unbelievably good live. I was impressed.I ended up going with Christy and Jess. Anthony, Shawn, Nick, and Darci were supposed to come, but they bailed on me. I was pissed. They bailed on me when we were supposed to go to Kansas on Thursday, too. Anthony and Shawn were in Fargo that day. I was all happy that I had a few people coming, and then the pansies decided they didn't want to get rained on. Shawn wanted to see his girlfriend, and Anthony I'm sure just didn't want to go.So I chewed his ass out. Yelled at him and said I didn't want him there, anyway, because he ruined Van Halen for me.Now we're mad at each other and not speaking.Why is it that EVERY SINGLE JUNE we have a relatively large fight? Last year it was the Italian Incident. The year before it was, "You're not my boyfriend!" This year it's, "You ruin concerts!"Gah. Current Mood:  bitchy |
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| Tuesday, June 6th, 2006 |
| Jun 6 2006 |
| Sister: Part 2 Mom had her examined again today, and I guess the new doctor said she just has to cut back on the excessive use of the treadmill. I guess I just probably overreacted a bit, because Mom says she does eat, but since I'm usually not around at lunchtime, I don't really notice. I've seen her snacking on foods the last few days, and she's only done a little walking in the treadmill.Thank the Lord.Now there's issues with my little brother. Not with an eating or exercise disorder, but with girls and other issues. He's had a really nice girlfriend since February or so, and he spends HOURS (like, 2 or 3 a day) on the phone with her. Every single night. One weekend they chatted for a whopping 14 hours. Yeah.Recently, his girlfriend's classmate died in a car accident. This brings back a lot of painful issues for Vinny, since a girl died in his class about a year and a half ago. He had the hugest crush on the girl that died, and it was really, really hard on him.Now this happened and it brought back a lot of memories, and the girlfriend is having a really hard time. Today, sitting by the computer, I saw a letter that Vinny wrote to her, and my little heart kind of breaks for him. Apparently (well, what I gathered from his letter), she broke up with him because she wants time to herself to deal with the situation. He said that he respected her decision, but pretty much begged her to take him back, saying how much he loved her.Poor kid. To top it off, Mom's been on his ass for months, pushing and shoving him in what she thinks is the right direction. He gets yelled at all the time for lying about things like going to a game, when he really goes to his (well, now ex)-girlfriend's house. It's not like he's doing drugs or getting totally wasted and driving home, or anything bad.Then there's me. I don't even know what to say about myself. Deep down, there's someone really messed up. But I never tell people this.That's the thing about this family... on the surface, we're all fine. Everything is good. We have a nice life, a smart kid, an athletic kid, and a pretty kid. We live comfortably, travel, do normal uppity things like that. But beneath the surface, we're all messed up inside. Current Mood: discontent |
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| Monday, June 5th, 2006 |
| Jun 5 2006 |
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| Sunday, June 4th, 2006 |
| Jun 4 2006 |
| Sister I'm sort of worried about my sister. She's been getting really, really skinny. She's dropped about five sizes over the school year, and is way skinny. I don't ever see her eat a lot. She exercises for an hour or two a day. I figured the exercising had a lot to do with her weight loss. I recently noticed that she eats less and less. Today she passed out when she was walking from her room to the kitchen. Mom freaked out. They set her on the kitchen chair, and she passed out again. Then she started gasping and they thought she was having a seizure or something. Mom called 911 and the ambulance came and got her.Apparently, the doctor didn't find anything wrong. Mom didn't understand what the doctor (who my mom dislikes) was trying to say, and neither did anyone else. I think Mom might take her to get checked out by someone else.It was hot today. But not in the house. I think they're trying to blame the heat for her fainting. I'm not sure, though.It sort of worries me. Current Mood: worried |
| comments (3) |
| Saturday, June 3rd, 2006 |
| Jun 3 2006 |
New Layout Thank you to deth for the link.Anyway, I've never done the custom layout thing before. I feel sort of proud of myself....WTF?Why isn't my Friends page edited? It's just plain white. Shouldn't it be the same as my journal?AHHHHH!*Dies*I hate trying to edit LJ stuff. I think I managed to get the words back. Right.Why do they make it so hard? Current Mood:  accomplished |
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| Friday, June 2nd, 2006 |
| Jun 2 2006 |
| Kids WTF.Why do all these third, fourth, fifth, and sixth graders have boyfriends and girlfriends while I'm still single?Elementary romances are soooo stupid. I actually saw one little couple holding hands. I laughed at them and made them sit in different places.Bwahahaha.Well, we have to separate our little couples. Last year we had a few unfortunate things happen (whether or not it was during the time we were in session, I do not know). But it wasn't very good. So we have to keep a close eye on them.Isn't that sad? |
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| Jun 2 2006 |
| Question How does one go about getting a new layout?*Bad at LJ stuff* |
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| Thursday, June 1st, 2006 |
| Jun 1 2006 |
| Book Meme Bold the ones you have read. Italicize the ones you might read.1. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown2. The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger_3. The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams_4. The Great Gatsby - F.Scott Fitzgerald5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee6. The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger7. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman8. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter 6) - J.K. Rowling9. Life of Pi - Yann Martel10. Animal Farm: A Fairy Story - George Orwell11. Catch-22 - Joseph Heller_12. The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien_13. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon14. Lord of the Flies - William Golding15. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen16. 1984 - George Orwell17. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Book 3) - J.K. Rowling18. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez_19. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden_20. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini21. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold 22. Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut23. Angels and Demons - Dan Brown24. Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk25. Neuromancer - William Gibson26. Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson27. The Secret History - Donna Tartt28. A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess29. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte30. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley_31. American Gods - Neil Gaiman_32. Ender's Game (The Ender Saga) - Orson Scott Card33. Snow Crash - Neal Stephenson34. A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving35. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis36. Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides37. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell38. The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien39. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte_40. Good Omens - Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman_41. Atonement - Ian McEwan42. The Shadow Of The Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon43. The Old Man and the Sea - Ernest Hemingway44. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood45. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath46. Dune - Frank HerbertI've only started Pride and Prejudice, but I bolded it, anyway. |
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