Peering into the present (original) (raw)

			Peering into the present Like a leopard into a fat land

			08:24 am December 17th, 2011

		The End of These Worlds I've been 'writing' for 25 years, but it took The Edge of Propinquity - and Jennifer Brozek - to make me see what writing was.In 2005, Jenn invited me to contribute a serial horror story to her new online magazine. It sounded like a challenge and an opportunity, one I wanted to take on. I don't read much horror and don't watch many horror movies, a fact I don't think she realized - but the most horrific thing I could think of was, at the time, the centerpiece of Vorare. As a serial, I wrapped it up at the end of the year with my protagonist's death. That's when Jenn asked what happened next. It hadn't occurred to me this would be a multi-year gig, but I had some ideas. I learned a good deal about editorial requests and taking direction; all in the spirit of getting a better story. We talked back and forth for a couple of days, until I knew how to bring someone back from the dead. Gordon Velander stuck with me another two years, getting grimmer and more bloody as time and tide went on.We dropped our share of deadlines, Gordon and I. We missed cues and I missed tons of opportunities to make the story as good as it could be. We were younger and rawer, lazier and unsure. But we learned as we went, until in 2009, our partnership ended. I was tired of horror, and wanted to turn my hand to a suburban fantasy. Solstice had promise, but was born at an awkward time. I felt the steam slacken around month six and learned some solid lessons about planning and outlining, about characterization, about the difference between a cautious, normal decision and an exciting, dramatic one. By the first quarter of the second year Jenn and I both knew Solstice was ending - and I was afraid my welcome was, too.In August, I pitched Idolwood.I put more work into Idolwood than into any project I'd been on before, because I had come to understand how much the Edge and Jenn deserved. They inspired me to be my best, to work harder, to try something bigger. At first it made me proud to be a part of their work and their legacy; and today, I feel both blessed, humble, and sad to see the end. There are a lot of people to thank for the last six years. Saan Saturday, Erica Lira and Anastasia Storer, the first who made me believe I could make a go of it. Jen Bryant, Kerry Patterson, Jennifer Richards, and Aaron Dellutri; for coming to the party with questions and enthusiasm.To all the authors I've come to know, respect and sometimes love over the past six - Ryan Macklin, Rick Silva, James Sullivan, Nick Bergeron, Seanan McGuire, Kaolin Fire, Alina Pete and Peter Ball. To Lillian Cohen-Moore, for keeping us in new music and on target; and to Amber Clark, for her phenomenal photography and lasting contribution to Idolwood's look and feel.A special thank you to my wife, Leanne, who can't always stomach my stories but who never leaves my heart.And to Jennifer Brozek, for steering the ship through nightmare country - for her silver hand and steel will - for being the one I can't thank enough. I'll see you come the end of the world.

			12:02 pm July 17th, 2010

		In Which You Thank God You Were Not There (X-posted to ivanewert.com, which x-posts to facebook. Look, if you know a better way to tie all these together, let me know, yeah?)So bear with me.It's hot out today, over ninety-five degrees; but the lawn desperately needs mowing, I have no clean laundry, the garden has once again become the red line for feral and diarrhetic cats, and I've got a wedding to attend in the early afternoon.I get the lawn mowed while laundry is in the works. Each pass with the tractor in the heat saps more of my already none-too good sense, especially as I am more interested in being done quickly than things like a hat, sunscreen, or hydration. Once this is done I go to the garage to gas up the mower.The muddy clothes I wore to paintball last time - you know, June 5? About 42 days ago? Yeah, they're still in a plastic sack in the garage. And have been all through this heat wave. Without ever being touched.A common mind might wrinkle his nose and toss the bag, but I am mindful of my proud Scottish ancestors! Waste not, want not! A penny saved is a penny earned! Also, these are a pair of my better skivvies here! I can hose them off, scrape them down, then throw them in as a separate load of laundry!This is where it gets harder to explain, but the following thoughts are important. Bear in mind that I am crazed with sun and heat.1) I'm hot, sweaty, terribly sticky. I'm going to shower immediately. Off with the t-shirt.2) Oh look, I'm wearing my good work belt. Silly me. Off with the belt.So, I'm half-dressed and ready to hose down an entire suit of clothes in the yard. NOW. The following are not thoughts, but things, which are important to know.1) I've been better on my diet lately and have lost several pounds.2) It's laundry day. Certain articles of clothing may have been sacrificed until I am finished working and showering.This is the bit where the laugh track gets uncomfortable, and rightly so; for the audience slowly realizes that a shirtless dude going commando in pants made for his previous size may experience certain issues.What they may NOT realize is that said issues may occur while hosing down a pair of mud-caked underwear in the yard.I have personally done more today to lower property values than any of the local dealers. In its own small way, that's something of an achievement, don't you think?

			10:49 am June 29th, 2010

			01:07 pm June 22nd, 2010

		Two Months Gone Wow ... so, um, hey guys, what's up?Livejournal to me was always the place for longer, more thoughtful commentary. It was a place to put out ideas for discussion and serious matters that required consideration. It was also the place where I met so many great people.And I miss those people! I miss all of you, even the ones I do still see on Twitter, on Facebook, etc. I miss reading the longer entries and giving things more careful attention.The past several months have been absolutely mind-blowing in terms of growth and expansion. I've been re-learning so many of the things that used to bring me joy and re-integrating them into my life, sometimes over the objections of people whose opinion matters a lot to me. I was never good at asserting myself around my loved ones - I could do it with people I didn't care about, but people I love have historically been more important than me to my mind. That's changing. That's changing a lot.You guys, I'm cooking. I've made four new salsas in the past week alone, each of them devoured by neighbors and relatives. I've taught myself how to cut up a whole chicken rather than relying on boneless, skinless breasts. I've made barbecue rubs, mops, and sauces. I've got a new grill the size of a Chevy, just for me.I can't tell you how much I love it. Five hours in the kitchen is a fecking wonderful afternoon, chopping and dicing and moving. I've always loved it, but I always sucked at it, because I never paid enough attention to what I was doing. Now I'm noticing where the fat separates from the tendon, how the addition of one less lime would increase the flavor, why I don't want to sauce things too early.I'm reading again. Right now it's Naomi Novak and Jim Butcher, with Osho and Cameron in the morning self-help section. I've been writing more and more than any time in the past 17 years, and taking it seriously enough to merit constant rewrites and attention.My life's golden. My life's great. I hope you've all been okay and I hope to see more of you over the next several months.Current Location: "Saucy Sailor," Steeleye SpanCurrent Mood: cheerful

			06:33 am April 28th, 2010

		Car Recommendations Hey all,I was in a car accident yesterday morning. I'm fine, but the car is not so much.Ive been lusting after a Prius since they came out, but between the recent Toyota troubles, the fact that most of my driving is highway based (though in stop and go traffic) and the news that you're expected to get them serviced at a ridiculous rate, the missus is suggesting I widen my net.So I ask you, o wise ones of the web: What car are you happy with? I need one that's available under $20,000 and that will stand up to around 60 miles per day in a combination of steady highway and stop and go traffic.

			12:27 pm April 23rd, 2010

		Self-Bribery: Trying something new So okay. I'm desperately unmotivated right now, partly because I know how much crap I have sitting around that really needs to get done. The long-term planning thing is not so much my bag.I'm going to appeal to my basest, most childike nature.By Sunday night, if I have:1) Completed the MCCC work for pro-choice site work,2) Completed the Raue Center work for theatre site work,3) Set up my meeting with Benedict's for restaurant site work,4) Done final edits and submitted the short story, Glorious Hands,5) Completed the drafts for May's Solstice story, _and_6) Finished the poster designs for Triskele Moon Studio's mother's day show ...Then I get this and I don't let myself talk myself out of it the way I always do when I try to buy myself something fun that is not food or alcohol-based.Which means if you see me fucking around on Facebook, for the love of god, slap me.Current Music: "I Ni Sogoma," Dinosaur Feathers

			11:44 am April 16th, 2010

		Books and Reading I mentioned about a month ago that I had started seriously reading again for the first time in about ... oh, eight or nine years. A combination of losing two hours of public transit a day, adding in an hour or two of gym time every day,and a poor psychological decision combined to take my beloved books away from me. Forever, I thought.Oh, the poor decision? Well, I thought since I was writing more, I should read less. You know, to avoid picking up on other peoples' styles.Look, I claim to be awesome, not necessarily bright.At any rate, after listening to too many writing podcasts natter at me about the importance of reading, and after a conscious decision to spend less time starting at little glowing screens or little brown bottles, I've been reading. And I've been reading like a writer, and that fact just hit me last week.The book in question is Iain M Banks' Player of Games, which just felt torturously, terribly slow to me for the first thirty pages or so. Which is to say, this is when I picked up on what he was doing.Gurgeh is bored with his everyday utopian* existence. He's bored with utopia itself. Nothing means anything to him, and as a result, not much seems to mean anything to the reader.I know I'm too old to be geeking out over this, but like I say, I've been away a long time, and even when I *did* read I was very much of the mindset that analyzing things was a dull waste of time when there was surface fun to be had just in the reading of a book.The book *does* pick up, of course; and I was awake until 1 AM on Tuesday polishing off the last 150 pages. I highly recommend it, and am picking up the first Culture novel via Amazon this weekend.* -- Looks like Utopia to me, anyway. No money, no laws, no hunger, no sickness, no death, no pressures**. Based on this book I'd pledge allegiance to The Culture in a heartbeat.** -- doogs19 and I are signed up to play Luke and Jared's new game, Freemarket, at GenCon. It looks to me very very very much like it might have been inspired by the Culture.Current Music: "The Mama Papa," Plants and Animals

			11:51 am April 13th, 2010

		So, a month, eh? All right, let's try to put some longer stuff out there. I miss you guys and the job isn't going to get any easier anytime soon, so I better get my g__d___ priorities straight.Again, if you want really up to the minute nonsense, you can find me on Twitter of Facebook as IvanEwert. I'm thinking of going ahead and renaming this one to match, as my old paranoia has largely faded away thanks to a combination of therapy and advancing years.The biggest news isn't my own, but we finally launched the Triskele Moon Studios Web site at http://www.triskelemoon.com/ for Leanne's jewelry. Two pieces have sold so far, which is not a bad rate in my opinion, given the lack of advertising and the higher-end nature of the pieces. She's planning to work this week on getting some new stuff up as well, but if you'd like to stop by and pass along your opinion, that'd be awesome.Second biggest news is only partly my own: Grants Pass won the Australian Shadows award for the Edited Publications category! So huzzah to jennifer_brozek and amandapillar for that one, but also, hurray for me - my contribution was called out as a standout story, which gave me a nice kick inside.The news that HASN'T been reprinted anywhere so far is gaming news. I was thinking of trying to write it up for claw/claw/peck, but basically, I've learned two big things about the way I run D&D 4E and how best to make it work for my group.First off: Start the evening with the great big conflict, don't end with it. By ten o'clock two of the dudes are practically asleep, and I'm anxious to get on the interstate home. That makes me rush things, which is no damn good at all. On the other hand, when I kick off with the great big conflict, people stay alert and excited until at least the aftermath ... when the roleplay starts, and our resident "buddy" and "combat monkey" players can afford to drift off.Secondly: Let them pick a great big obvious path with a flashing yellow question mark above an NPC's head. Give them big, broad choices; and make the smaller ones on their behalf. Sandbox play is sadly not their style, and frankly, that makes my life simpler.Thirdly: Spent the g__d___ money on minis, set up interesting combat maps, etc. If they're drooling over Penny Arcade's DM style every month, then it's clear they want the geegaws. _Listen to that and use it._I can't recommend MasterPlan enough to anyone running 4E. As doogs19 puts it, you're basically cheating at being a DM now, because it's so much easier.Next post will be less game-oriented. Honest.

			12:36 pm March 2nd, 2010

		The Suicide Tourist - PBS Frontline, March 2, 9 PM Eastern For those who don't follow the main blog or facebook ...Tonight, PBS Frontline will become the first U.S. television network to broadcast The Suicide Tourist. As you probably know, this documentary follows my father's decision to access assisted suicide in Switzerland after contracting an incurable disease.The film will be edited to focus only on my father, and not upon the other couple in the original version of the documentary.This night has been three years in the making. If you decide to watch, please, feel free to contact me with any questions it may bring up for you and yours.Best,IvanTags: dad, the suicide tourist

			11:44 am January 7th, 2010

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