Suggestions? (original) (raw)
I havent had time to do my intro to this community yet so plz forgive me I will do it soon I promise. My name is Cara and as I was writting in my own journal today the words were just kind of spewing out and I discovered some things that I really would like input on, so after reading this plz feel free to comment and let me know if anyone has been through this or knows how to deal with a situation like this bc I feel really bad not that I have discovered this (and plz realize "just suck it up and do it" is not an answer. I can get that from ppl here at home. I really need some practical advice):
"Next, I really need to get off the expectations that Im goin to get any help with this weight loss thing. I have to accept that I may have to cook dinner for everyone else and my dinner will be completly different. I will have to accept that although our work schedule only allows us to have dinner together after midnight, i can NOT eat that late and lose weight. I have to workout whether its by myself or not. I can NOT put all of my self loathing of my weight on my husband. Its like my mind plays tricks on me and tries to discourage me, I see a girl out that is the body type I would like (and i promise its not super skinny swimsuit model...my expectations are not that outta whack) and I automatically think " I bet hes checkin her out wishin it was her in his bed every night!"...then I get mad at him!?! That is aweful! My husband tells me on a daily basis I am beautiful and how much he loves me. When they do karaoke at his work he even finds songs to sing to me and changes the words so they are exactly fitting to who I am and what I look like and all that he loves about me. I am the luckiest girl in the world and I let MY low self-esteem make me mad at him. Its also like I expect him to carry me thru this weight loss journey bc he in the end will be getting something out of it as well (a hotter wife) and then feel like im not being supported when he wants us to order pizza. When REALLY its bc he is not at all shallow and loves me for who I am inside and really doesnt notice parts of me I dont like (my stomach mainly) He loves the fact that Im "thick" in my lower and upper half and thats all he really sees physically. I really need to stop being the way I am and just do this on my own. I just feel so uncomfortable physically, like literally, my middle is so fat that a lot of things hurt me. Not to mention being uncomfortable bc Im ashamed. But that is NOT his fault and if I want to feel better I need to just suck it up and do it and stop looking at his lifestyle as my excuse. Especially when he IS tryin to understand a little better, whether I can tell or not. He did say he would go to the park and walk with me today even tho its taken me weeks of asking, he did finally say he'd go, whether he understands why I need him there or not I dunno?"