   [**Current Mood** | blah]Illyria and Wesley after her, walked away.I could see the frustration in Cordy’s eyes that Wesley followed her. I wished that he hadn’t, but I understood, in sort of a sick way. Wesley is devoted to Illyria now as if she were Fred and while that’s sick, I get it. Illyria can look like her, talk about the past with Wes and give him sex that Fred couldn’t dream of and also protect him from the occasional powerful house intruder.I got all that.I just wished that he hadn’t left Cordelia and I to calm Illyria down or whatever it is that they will do, because like me, he has to feel so amazing that Cordy is alive again. He could also take away some of the abuse that will now be hurled at me.Then again, I want her to treat me like shit right now. It fits my mood to a tee and I deserve it. Yeah, hopefully she cuts into me some more. We had explained to her how Illyria had come to be and I had explained to her my part in it. There wasn’t enough abuse in the world to cova for my part in it. I could have my heart ripped out by some ogre in some basement everyday for the rest of my life and it wouldn’t take away how much of a bastard that I had been to sign that form lettin’ the sarcophagus into the country…into the firm.Yeah, Cordy should and hopefully does give me that hostile treatment right now, even though I love her like a sista, because I deserve it and want to feel her emotions on the topic. I want her to get it off of her chest and I want to feel like I have to atone, because right now, Jada needs me and I need to be primed for anything.Angel and Faith had gone to Wolfram and Hart and as Cordy gave me an evil look and paced in front of me, I wondered why it was that I hadn’t gone with them? Angel said that it could be dangerous, but since when did danger ever get in my way from takin’ care of business, or in this case, savin’ the woman that I am fallin’ in love with more and more by the day, even in her absence? Neva, but yet, I need to stay here with Cordy for a little longa. If she berates me, then so be it. If she chooses to forgive me and give me anotha hug…even betta.“Look, Cordy, I know that you probably have a little hate for me right now and I deserve it. I shouldn’t have signed that document. I shouldn’t have cared about the upgrades because like you said earlier, what good are they goin’ to do me now? I should have known that somethin’ bad was gonna happen. I wish, a lot of the time that Wesley had killed me when he stabbed me. And that’s the truth.”[Cordy] |
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