mablegrl3 (original) (raw)
This is what happens when you go to bed mad:
I was at my house trying to get a bit of reading done. Ron came up with a phone call from his mother and 2 inane questions from her. The first was what was the real company name of Channel's 5 and 7. And then she wanted to know what the "real name" of this teacher was so she could call her. Or what else the teacher went by so she knew how to get in touch with her.
Then, there was a knock at the door and 4 people from my old bookclub were at the door. They were there because I had missed last night, and they thought they should come over. One of them tried, a new person, that I hadn't met yet, tried to force her way through the door. She said, that since I hadn't been there last night, she was sure I had wine. So they were just going to come in and drink whatever I had. It took everything to convince them to leave.
Then the dog was running crazy all over and I couldn't get Ron to control her because he was trying to get me to answer those stupid questions. And I was trying to make my bed and get away from the people at the door.
My interpretation:
I've been feeling a little "out of the frying pan and into the fire" lately. There have been some changes in my life that I thought I was prepared for but wasn't. I also was taken advantage of and then insulted by a good friend last night (people trying to force their way into my house). So I went to bed mad about that as well. I probably also feel like Ron should grow up and solve his own problems (stupid questions that he could have figured out), but that's buried and not as important.
November 4th, 2010
I've been very stressed out at work, and just in general. This leads me to have very vivid dreams, or extreme nightmares. I haven't been so good at writing down those that I remembered, and I haven't remembered very many, just the feeling of the dream when I woke up. However, I had the worst last night.
I was at my parents house but both my parents had passed away. I was living with a cruel older brother/stepbrother/stepfather or something (played by John Malkovich, but I think that he had the voice of my boss). Ron was there, but I think that he was my brother. I knew he was scary before all this began. He was making soup and I asked to go around him. He held up the ladle full of hot soup and refused. When I refused to back down he threatened me with the ladle and when I still wouldn't give up he dumped the hot soup on me and hit me with the hot ladle.
I ran down the block to my friend Lauren's house, and she had a houseful of friends over. They were willing to hide me, and Lauren had a secret compartment under the floor in her bed. It was a little tight, and I was afraid it was going to be too dark but I squirmed in and it was like a big storage space. Lauren told me to just come up if she forgot I was under there when he left. I got in but Ron didn't. However, when the scary guy came to get me (or so I thought) he walked in her room, and I was just under the bed, but the bed was super-sized so he could hit his head on it and see me. He just dropped off my stuff and said that I was on my own.
He left and I went to get Ron, but he was getting his coat on and getting ready to go back to our house. I started crying, and telling him that I loved him and that he couldn't go back because I'd never see him again and that guy would kill him.
That's about all I can remember, but I don't think there was much more. I know I woke up then, and I had to turn on the TV for some sound to fall back asleep for another 20 minutes before my alarm went off.
October 27th, 2010
Dear XOXOX,
I'm beginning to think that writing my feelings out here and not telling you is getting me nowhere, but I always knew that was going to be the case.
It was nice knowing that I'd see you last night, and that I'll see you tonight, possibly. The strange part is that I thought I had left our past behind us. It still haunts me. I still don't count on the fact that you will call, and want to see me. It's always a pleasant surprise when you do. Then I mistrust your motives.
I wish you had made some move last night. Said you wanted me. Kissed me. Something to let me know where you stand. That would be so much easier than me having to ask you. I know the time is coming when that will be my only option left. I like to pretend that it doesn't matter to me. That I can just let things be and see where the universe takes me. I'm not sure I have this in me.
What gets confusing is that there are times now when I don't know what I feel for you. I'm not sure that I want the you now, because I don't know who the you now is. Or do I just want what we had back? If that's the case, does it have to be you?
I always wished it would be, but now I'm not so sure.
Love Always,
Me
July 14th, 2010
Dear XOXOX,
I had hoped that if something brought us closer together then things would improve, and that feelings would become more clear. I think I may have made a mistake about that. I can guess what you're up to, but contact is still sporadic. What you're thinking is still a mystery to me.
You call and leave hilarious messages on my voicemail. You tell me that I should come boarding this winter, you tell me I have to visit in the summer sometime.
What does it all mean? You have the flirt down. But I'm not so sure that we should talk that way, especially since you once told me you loved me. It's confusing my own feelings for you.
I have been so excited to see you in a few weeks. Now I'm not so sure that's a good idea.
I wanted to see where this took me, but it's just making me chase my own tail again. I'm sure you have plenty of options out there (I can see that, on your page), I just wish I knew where I stood. Make this clear to me, without me having to ask you.
Love,
Me
May 18th, 2010
Dear XOXOX,
Was that progress, or just me deluding myself into thinking that you care? (again). Things seem different after spring break... Spring break seemed different. It was a breath of warm air after a very cold winter.
I also wonder if you're doing this because you want to be friends. Or if you're still interested. Or if you still believe that we were meant to be together. I'm trying not to think about it. Maybe that's why we've finally relaxed around each other. I'm not acting like a giggling 16 year old girl around you anymore. Is this starting over?
It was a small effort, but it still meant a lot to me that you took time to hang out with me. I know you're working, I know you're busy. I also know that you're going to be gone for the better part of the year. So anything is pretty much impossible.
I'm listening to the music you left me, and coming up with a playlist of my own.
Love,
Me
May 18th, 2010
I wanted to get this in before it completely disappeared, but it's already fading.
It was a massively bad dream last night, all centered around my mother. I was staying at home and she kept calling the police on me, for no apparent reason. I vaguely remember them coming the first time, and the second time she was telling them that I stole something or I ran away. My dad and I walked into my childhood room (where I had been staying) and the police started questioning me, when I pointed out what I had supposedly stole. My dad backed me up, and the police kind of rolled their eyes and moved on gently with my mom.
Another part I was in a restaurant with Kayla at some family function, and my mom just started screaming at me. I don't even know why. We just walked away while she was making some scene. I remember someone telling me to just ignore it but I was so embarrassed by the way she was treating me.
The last part may have come first and I think it's very nearly unrelated. I was married, and living with my husband's family in some rural location. They owned a general store, or some kind of shop, on their property. I was helping out there, when my mother in law came in, and seemed completely unrelated to the setting. She was driving a big fancy car, was ice blond and I think she had a fur on. She terrorized us for a while. The only really clear thing I remember looking at was cracks and holes in the front glass of the store. And then I looked at the wall and there were bullet holes. When I looked again, there were notes all over the walls about the bullet holes. There's was one that said, "Bartender's bullet."
I really need to get into recording these dreams every time I have them so that I can remember them more easily when the time comes.
March 30th, 2010
Dear XOXOX
I get to see you in a little less than a week, can you believe that? It's been almost 6 months... again. It's also been over a month since I've heard anything from you. I think I'm finally recovering from the last time I SAW you.
I can't stand this inconsistent manner of commenting, then disappearing, then commenting. What do you hope to accomplish by that? It leaves me in a constant state of confusion about what you want from me, what you feel about me, and what's going on in your life.
Do you have some twisted view of how I'll react to things? Is that why you'll tell me nothing? I think that you're afraid of the response. You think I'll scream, or cry, or throw things, or beat you up, or something. I don't think that's the truth, but of course I can't promise anything. I don't know what the story is. I can tell you that, right now, all I want to do is listen.
It's going to be interesting, seeing you again. I can't help wondering how you're feeling about it too.
Love always
Me
March 23rd, 2010
Oh this was a REALLY good one, because it was like 3 rolled into one continuous dream..
It started out in this sort of post-apocalypse world where we were taking refuge, or being held, in a place that was almost like a high school or a YMCA. There had been an alien race, called the "Eels" that had taken over and enslaved or killed most of mankind. My parents were there, along with other assorted people that I knew. Someone had thought to make an "eel" cake, which I though was in bad taste.
Someone was after us, and killing us off gradually. Turned out to be this seemingly harmless old lady, who was actually one of the Eels disguised as a human to gain our trust. I organized a party to kill her, and we were successful.
Then, it switched, so that this whole Eel scenario was a card game, along the lines of Magic, that I was playing with Ron and some of his friends at his birthday party--which seemed more like a 13 year old geek's birthday party. I was either tired, or mad at him, so I decided to go take a nap. He had 2 sets of bunk beds in his house, and I was on top of one. I looked at the other one and there were a bunch of girly magazines on the other. So I got REALLY mad at him for not showing me affection when he had energy for that kind of stuff.
Eventually we were downstairs at Ron's house, and his mom, sister, and friend were there (who, surprisingly, I think was NPH). His mom yells something up the stairs about Kate being pregnant and Ron and I had had no clue about this. Apparently his mom found the pregnancy test results flushed down the toilet because the toilet clogged on them. We saw the printout, and it looked like she went somewhere that printed out a fake medical or school report that meant that she was pregnant, because the test was written below. At first Kate denied it, but then someone asked when she was due and she said that she was due in September, right when school started. Ron's mom was alternating between yelling about it, making fun of her and being weirdly supportive.
We left to go back to our house, which was beautiful with lots of windows and a big yard. We took Kate with us, and I kept talking to her about the baby. We had 2 dogs, Moxie and a golden retriever and they had peed on the floor so I started picking that up.
That's about when I woke up.
February 23rd, 2010
After a long silence I hit you with 2 very vivid ones, or what I remember of them:
First one:
I was back living at my parents house, and I had to get to high school the next day. I got home late from somewhere and all I wanted to do was go to bed. Unfortunately, my parents had allowed my younger sister to have a sleepover, and they were VERY noisy. They were also having a water fight, and the water was beginning to leak from the ceiling. By the time I got my dad's attention, a pipe had burst and it was 5 a.m. and light out. I was very angry because now I would have no sleep at all because I was dealing with this. My parents' response was "Oh, well, she tried to help clean up."
At school I was dealing with being late, and not getting any of my homework done because I was up all night trying to deal with the stupid kids. I was ready to cry and yet here comes my sister and her friends to walk my me and laugh. On the way by one of her snotty little friends breaks something, and I help her fix it, in the interest of getting some peace that day. Not sure if it worked, because that's where that one ended.
Second one:
I don't remember this one as well. I remember that I was coming back from something in the suburbs... Arlington Heights area, I think. I missed my exit and then got stuck in really bad traffic. I was on the phone with Kayla and I almost hit cars a bunch of times. Then all of a sudden I'm on a bus (or some other mass transit) and this guy is there with me. He follows me to my parents house, where I barricade myself in for a while. Then he finds his way in to my apartment with me and I'm frantically trying to pack all my jewelry because I want to make it look like I don't live there and I'm not coming back for a while. He wasn't trying to do anything, but he looked like a greasy door-to-door salesman type and he made me uncomfortable.
The whole 2nd dream has the air of being mashed up with something else. I also remember being stuck in my parents house with Ron, and a pizza delivery guy coming. We were scared of him because we didn't order pizza, but it was for someone's birthday. There were paper notes folded up in the pizza and we kept finding them while we were eating. Strange.
January 19th, 2010
How to know you've been watching too much Lost:
Yesterday, I spent almost the entire day working on a portfolio for potential employers and watching Lost. The dream that resulted was insane.
I got a call for an interview in a town about 2 hours away. While I was working frantically to finish the portfolio and remember to print out my resume, I was talking to one of my friends who was either going to meet me down there, or drive down with me. I ended up forgetting my resume.
Once I get down there, I realize that Jack, Kate, and Sawyer all came with me. Jack and Sawyer were fighting so the people at the school kicked them out. They liked Kate, though, and wanted her to stay. She didn't say much during the interview.
I don't remember many specifics from the interview itself. I know that we didn't talk about much work-related stuff. They were completely too understanding of me not having my resume, and hooked up all sorts of computers and downloaded software so that I could get it off my jump drive.
The school was having a potluck and they insisted that I eat. There were not tables, and everyone just sat on the floor. They had some lasagna filled with spaghetti and meatballs, and like 3 other kinds of pasta. PLUS salad and fruit. I spilled some and the lady next to me told me not to worry and just covered it with a napkin.
I finally got a chance to ask about their methods and a younger guy across from me told me that they met every Tuesday. I gave him a thumbs up and told him that we didn't do anything like that yet, that's why I wanted to get out of my district.
Then the interview was over, and my ride was there. Ron kept texting me that he was here to pick me up, but I couldn't see the car. So I went around the school. It seemed like a pre-k through 2nd grade building. Every kid in every class was singing the same song, apparently for morning duties. Then towards the other side of the school they had cubicles where kids were going in with one adult and playing with these touch-screen tvs to help them read. The school was clean, and beautiful and had so much technology, it was kind of creepy. I went outside and they had a full-size pool with a diving board and some of the teachers were swimming in it, although it looked like fall and there were leaves in the pool. It was certainly chilly outside because I was wearing long pants and long sleeves.
That's when Ron showed up, apparently, and all I wanted to talk about was the pool.