The Liberal Judaism Mailing List on Livejournal (original) (raw)

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OK, Folks, you know the drill. Let's gather in front of our large, 13", Black and White TV set, and and watch as a tall, lanky man in a khaki uniform strides out, introduces himself as Sheriff John. He pulls out his guitar, strums an "A" note, and sings:

Yom Huledet Sameach
Yom Huledet Sameach
Yom Huledet Sameach
Yom Huledet Sameach

Yes, today is a birthday. But it's a bittersweet one, for it is the 20th birthday of the Liberal Judaism Mailing List. It was 20 years ago today that Volume 1, Number 1 was published. It was 20 years ago that I started the discussion with a post about why the organized Reform Jewish community had so much trouble accepting families with disabled children.

You may be wondering what the Liberal Judaism Mailing List was? Here's how I've always described it: MLJ is a place where Jews from all Jewish movements can discuss issues without fear of attacks about the legitimacy of their movements. The primary goal of the list is to provide a forum for discussions concerning issues of relevance to the more liberal movements (Reform, Reconstructionist, Conservative). This group welcomes perspectives on these topics from the broad spectrum of Jewish theologies, philosophies and affiliations, including but not restricted to Orthodox, Conservative/Traditional, Reform, Humanistic, and Reconstructionist movements as well as "cultural Judaism."

Why is it a bittersweet anniversary? Because for the last four years, MLJ has been moribund, with only a few contributions, never enough to make a full issue. I've tried to restart the group on both LiveJournal and Facebook, to no avail (in fact, if the Facebook group doesn't see some activity soon, it may be archived). I've never been able to figure out why the group stagnated. Did everyone move to other social networking and communication forums, leaving old-fashioned email discussion lists in the dust? Did the content of the group change? Did particular personalities on the list drive people away? Did the growth of splinter sister lists, such as those for specific movements and topics, lead to the abandonment of the general list?

I have no idea. I just know that the list went from a height of 211 issues in Volume 6 to no issues since Volume 18.

What's funny, of course, is that if the list was active, I'd have a topic to discuss. It deals with my daughter's Confirmation class.

Three years ago, my daughter was an enthusiastic Bat Mitzvah. She enjoyed learning Hebrew; she enjoyed Jewish philosophy and history. Today, it is an effort to get her to go to a Reform synagogue. There's a simple reason. The behavior of the children of many Reform Jews today.

You see, we're different. We haven't been at the same congregation since she was born—in fact, we're on our 3rd congregation, moving from a lovely small congregation that lost its school when a rabbi left through two progressively larger ones. Our daughter doesn't go to the same school as most kids: most of the kids in her confirmation class go to Granada Hills Charter or the Clevelands Humanities magnet—she's the only one going to Van Nuys. As a result, she's never been in the same cliques as the rest of the school. If you aren't in the cliques or in with the kids from birth, you're at the bottom of the pile. This, combined with the attitude quite common in larger Reform congregations that you're nobody unless you can make major contributions has led her to be completely alienated from institutional Reform Judaism.

I understand her disgust. I've been at a number of large congregations—Wilshire Blvd Temple, Temple Beth Hillel, Temple Ahavat Shalom. These have all been distinctly upper-class congregations. However, the congregations I have the fondest memories of are the middle-class, smaller congregations: Temple Jeremiah/Temple Israel of Westchester with Rabbi Soloff (which no longer exists—it merged into Temple Akiba); Temple Emet of Woodland Hills with Rabbi Sherwood (which no longer exists—it merged to become Kol Tikvah); and Temple Beth Torah of the San Fernando Valley with Rabbi Sheryl Nosan (it's still there, with no school, but Rabbi Nosan-Blank is in Australia). The larger congregations are very clique_ish_, very class conscious, very focused on the long term members and those that can give, and very unwelcoming to middle-class members, despite what their published words may be.

But I still have a love of Judaism, created not through congregational life but through years and years at camp. She does not (she only went to camp for two years), and at this point wants nothing to do with the Reform mess. I'd like her to finish confirmation without alienating her completly from Judaism, so I'm doing my own program: one adult-education class in the community a month, and attempting to see a variety of Reform and non-Reform services. But there's still a fight over this (although perhaps finding some activities with cute teen boys will help more than anything I think up).

So here's the larger question: We're seeing synagogue membership dropping. We're seeing a lack of participation in organized denominational Jewry. How much of this is due not to what the movement is saying, but what the people in the congregations have become? How do we overcome that?

So there. You have my topic. Today is bittersweet because the list no longer really exists to talk about it. So let's raise a glass of schnapps in tribute to the Liberal Judaism Mailing List. It's a shame you went into a coma before you were old enough to drink.

If you are a parent and at all religious, one of your challenges is religious education for your child. In Reform Judaism, the model is pretty simple: you send them to Religious School, and they have their Bar/Bat Mitzvah and are confirmed. if you can afford it, you send them to Jewish summer camp. But sometimes, and for some kids, that model breaks down.

When we started our daughter's religious education, we were at a small congregation (under 100 families)—Temple Beth Torah in Granada Hills. This meant that religious school classes were small, and the "tot shabbat" program was parent-run (I know... I was one of the parents running it). As time went on, this congregation hired a dynamic young female rabbi (since relocated to Australia) who imbued everything with spirituality. It was the ideal learning place for our daughter, who enjoys being the individual and being intellectually challenged. It was a good place for us as well: we were active in the congregation, and there wasn't the emphasis on money and donations (it was a squarely middle-class congregation). But, as happens in small congregations, finances and the board led to the Rabbi departing for somewhere else and the closing of the school. This is where our problems started.

We relocated to Temple Beth Hillel, a larger 800+ family congregation in Valley Village. We enrolled our daughter in Religious School, where she made nary a friend. She found that the kids were all "stuck up"—they had parents in the entertainment industry or equivalent professions, they all went to the same snooty schools, and they didn't accept outsiders. We had numerous problems with the clergy regarding the Bat Mitzvah, and left shortly thereafter.

From there we went to Temple Ahavat Shalom, a 400+ family congregation in Northridge, where my daughter knew a lot of kids from middle school. We thought it would be better, but... the kids all scattered to different high schools, and my daughter was the only one going to Van Nuys. They formed tight cliques of the kids who had been with the congregation since birth, and my daughter was never able to fit in. Again: the kids were more concerned with status than substance, and it grated. She's never fit in, and this Confirmation Class year has been a particular challenge.

The normal saving grace (at least it was when I was young) is Jewish Summer Camp. My relationship to Judaism was defined not by my congregations, but by the Wilshire Blvd Temple Camps. Alas, events conspired against us there. My daughter when to Hess Kramer for a year, and then to Hilltop. These were a success. But by the time of the 2nd year at Hilltop, she had gone gluten-free. The temporary dining hall at Hilltop couldn't accommodate that, and she didn't want to go back to CHK, so camp stopped. By the time the new dining hall was up and running, she was too busy to get back to camp. So we didn't have that to fall back on.

As I said, this year has been particularly bad. A combination of a heavy class load (especially being in the fall drama production, meaning she often couldn't make it to religious school due to rehearsal) and the cliques at Temple made it difficult to get her to go. The planning for the year came across as very last minute, and often the academic workload of the students was never given consideration. We had hoped the Confirmation Class trip might help mend things—she loved DC and the politics, but didn't make any lasting friends and the net effect was short-lived. The coup-de-grace was yesterday, when I received an email regarding the upcoming Confirmation Class dinner, scheduled for 5/31. I responded back, noting that this was a particularly bad night for such a dinner, being the night before finals for almost everyone in the Confirmation Class. In talking about this with my daughter, it brought up the whole issue of how problematic Confirmation Class has been this year—in fact, how problematic her Jewish education has been since we left Temple Beth Torah. It got us to musing about large congregations and small congregations, and how large congregations have turned her off of Judaism. Personally, I can't blame her. I find it very difficult to find spirituality in a large congregation. My spirituality has either been found at camp or in small congregations.

The question is: what do we do for the rest of the Confirmation Class year. The current approach isn't working—even if I made her attend the classes, the Confirmation Class service would have absolutely no meaning, and would leave her with negative, not positive impressions. The funds paid for this year are already sunk (except for the Confirmation Class gift). I've dropped a mail to the Rabbi and Educator asking for a meeting to work out some independent study approach.

What I'm thinking of is the following: First, we stop participating in the current Confirmation Class. It has no meaning to my daughter and is turning her off of Judaism. We require our daughter to attend some Jewish educational activity every month (an adult education seminar at AJU or a synagogue, a talk, a Jewish-themed play) and write it up. We also require attendance at one service, preferably across a mix of movements (Reform, Orthodoxy, Conservative, Reconstructionist, Chabad, Hillel) and congregational types (large, small, collegiate)... again, writing this up. These writeups get submitted to either the congregational rabbis or an equivalent (ideally, I'd love to get Sheryl's email in Australia). Sometime during her Senior year, we request the congregation to recognize this work at a service. I think this could be the right approach: it would allow her to indulge her interest in history; it would also permit her to see the range of Judaism and determine what would be a reasonable fit.

Thoughts?

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[The following was submitted by Lawrence Epstein by Email]

The Reform Movement should adopt a binding system of moral mitzvot.
Currently, individual members of the Reform Movement decide for themselves
which mitzvot to follow. An obligatory moral system separates rituals, which
are seen as customs or folkways of particular times rather than divine
obligations, from the moral teachings derived from Jewish tradition that
cohere with contemporary values. Of course, ritual and moral mitzvot cannot
always be rigidly separated. They overlap in some cases such as in the
obligations of prayer, study, and family holiday gatherings.

A system of moral mitzvot is different from traditional halakhah, the codified
rules drawn from the Bible and Talmud, from progressive halakhah, the idea
that the halakhah is evolving so that it can still be the basis for rules
governing contemporary life, and from the absence of any mandated moral
behavior.

Adopting such a system strengthens bonds to Jewish tradition without accepting
traditional halakhah. Seeing the moral mitzvot as obligatory gives the
spiritual and ethical a more tangible and prominent place in the lives of the
Movement's members.

One disadvantage is that adopting a system of mandatory mitzvot means the
voluntary surrender of some personal autonomy or freedom for Reform Jews. But
by choosing to join a faith community, Reform Jews already surrender some
individual autonomy. They can't, for example, accept Jesus as the messiah
and authentically be termed Reform Jews.

Will a required system cause current members to leave? Most Reform Jews
already believe in Jewish moral ideas or they wouldn't identify as Reform
Jews. Having a required system may also make it easier for traditional but
unaffiliated Jews who are currently reluctant to join the Reform Movement to
do so because a system of mitzvot is analogous to the halakhah they are used
to following, thus increasing membership.

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I just created a group for mail.liberal-judaism on Facebook. Click here to see it.

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[I posted this on cahwyguy yesterday, but it should also be posted here. Do let me know if you are interested in the Facebook group -- if there's interest, I'll create it this evening when I get home.]

Back on July 9, 1991, I started the Liberal-judaism Mailing List. That list was intended as a place “where liberal jews (Reform, Reconstructionist, Secular Humanist) can discuss issues without fear of attacks about the legitimacy of their movements with respect to the Orthopractic point of view.” The list was moderated, and (quoting again from v1n1) the “only filtering of submissions that I plan to do is (a) removal of Orthodox attacks, (b) removal of prostletyzing (Messianic)s, and requests for possible rewording for clearly inflamatory or offensive material.”

It is now almost 18 years later. There really hasn’t been any discussion on the list since April 2008 (v17n9). I didn’t even bother to start Volume 18 because submissions were so low; I haven’t had any, except for the occasionally mass-cross-posted notice, since then. I must reluctantly conclude that MLJ is dormant, if not dead. I did try to start a parallel community on Livejournal (mlj_on_lj), but it never took off.

I’m writing this not to mourn MLJ. Seventeen years is a long time in Internet years. What I’m wondering if whether the general mailing list model is dying. I know mail.jewish is still going on; I have no idea if SF-LOVERS still exists. My guess is that mailing lists of this form, especially digested moderated lists, have been overtaken by PHP bulletin boards, groups on Facebook, communities on LJ, and all sorts of social networking sites.

I know I’ve moved away from mailing lists. My writing now is here on Livejournal, or short status posts on Facebook. I have a few readers on both from MLJ days. Today I received a subscription request for MLJ (which is what prompted this post), and in that discussion I suggested possibly creating a Facebook group for mail.liberal-judaism, to at least preserve the community. Opinions? Certainly, it wouldn’t be moderated, although I guess membership could require approval.

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On the emailed version of MLJ, Julian Y asked:

I have recently become aware of CUFI (Christians United for Israel) and have been astounded by the polarization of the response. I would like to better understand how members of MLJ feel about these supporters of Israel and why they feel that way. I am aware of supporters and opponents to Christian Zionists from both ends of the religious and political spectrum and would like to see it discussed on this forum.

Jerry B responded:

CUFI was founded and is headed by the Rev. James Hagee, a known bigot who realized that getting the Jews to Israel are essential for setting up the conditions for Armeggedon, the Tribulations, and the so-called "second coming." In other words, he views Jews and Zionism as instruments in his bigoted views of Salvation, which will be available only to those who take the Christ, Jesus as their path to Salvation. In other words, he views the Jews as cannon fodder for a war, the "ultimate war" in his world.

(He also is a bigot, believing his view of Salvation is the only valid one, and condemns Catholics, Muslims, though he is judiciously silent about his true feelings about Jewish salvation. I won't get into that now, though.)

No thanks, I don't think this Jew and Zionist needs to hitch a ride with him.

Michael L responded:

My perspective: These people support Israel only insofar as it has a part to play in their eschatology. Since that involves a global war that starts in Israel and the violent death of every Jew who will not convert to Christianity, I am less than enthusiastic about their organization.

One might feel that their bizarre and bigoted religious beliefs don't matter so long as they support Israel, but they do. Their beliefs lead their "support" to be directed at specific parties and specific political goals which I believe are in fact antithetical to increasing Israel's security.

In short: with friends like these, who needs enemas?

So what have the readers on the LJ side heard?

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Those following the obituaries know well that this weekend brought the death of Tammy Faye Messner, previously Tammy Faye Baker, of PTL fame. But there was another religious death in the news...

The Washington Post is reporting the death of Rabbi Sherwin Wine, founder of the Society for Humanistic Judaism, in an auto accident at the age of 79. SHJ is a very controversial movement in Judaism (almost as controversial as Chabad :-)), for SHJ is a Jewish movement that doesn’t believe in God. At all. Wine saw the religion as a culture instead of a faith -- in this aspect, it was similar to Reconstructionist Judaism, but the latter does hold with God. Wine established SHJ in 1969, and it now numbers over 40,000 members. In 1998, SHJ leaders were invited to participate in the United Jewish Community, a move that SHJ believes validated their movement as Judaism's fifth sect, joining Reconstructionist, Reform, Conservative and Orthodox.

So here’s to Sherwin Wine, founder of SHJ. May God... (oh right).

[Crossposted to cahwyguy and mlj_on_lj]

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As it is lunch time, I figure that (as moderator) I should post a discussion topic to help get mlj_on_lj moving, and to give people an idea of how the anticipated topic differ in tone from other communities. So here goes.

Recently, I received the dues statement from our congregation (around 2,700,whenyouaddindues,brotherhood,sisterhood,ARZA,URJ,securityfees,andfacilitiesfees).Thesedues,ofcourse,willbeontopofschoolfees(around2,700, when you add in dues, brotherhood, sisterhood, ARZA, URJ, security fees, and facilities fees). These dues, of course, will be on top of school fees (around 2,700,whenyouaddindues,brotherhood,sisterhood,ARZA,URJ,securityfees,andfacilitiesfees).Thesedues,ofcourse,willbeontopofschoolfees(around900 for 8th grade for my daughter) and Bat Mitzvah fees (totalling around $3000 when you add in the mandatory donation (20% of food), security, facility, sisterhood flowers, etc). Of course, on top of this, are all the appeals for donations during the year, from the High Holy Days to ad books. Looking at this, I wonder if the way we fund our congregations today is broken.

I was discussing this with a Christian friend, who is amazed at how congregations do it. After all, their congregations run (so she claims) on the 10% tithing, perhaps with some support from the central organization. They don't seem to have the intense budgeting process. I remember this from my days on a congregation board: budgeting was a pain, and dues calculation and fee setting was even more of a pain. Unless you had large endowments to live off of, the process of paying the daily bills and cash flow issues was hard.

So what is the right way to do this? How do we fund our congregations so that they remain alive and vibrant, something useful to the community... but also something that doesn't price out the lower and middle class (and potentially even the upper-middle class) members?

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To those just coming by to visit, welcome to Volume 17 of the Liberal Judaism Mailing List, the start of our 17th year of publication, and the year we are attempting to move over to a LiveJournal community.

To those unfamiliar with MLJ, I encourage you to visit our profile or the list’s homepage. Here is some relevant information:

( What Is MLJ?Collapse )

I welcome you to mlj_on_lj

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nsshere’s Bat Mitzvah is this coming December (last parasha in Genesis). As such, we’re starting to think about the specifics (we had the date and the social hall reserved last June). We’re also starting to look to other B’nei Mitzvot for inspiration... and horror stories. Most of these are being reported to me by nsshere herself, as her friends are also at that age, and she’s getting a lot of invitations.

First, a comment on this. It seems the trend now is to invite just the kids (just like birthday parties), with a note to the parents to pick them up at a particular time. Economically, I can see why this is being done. Meals are typically the most expensive part of the reception. You don’t want to add the whole family. But looking at it, it also seem telling. When I grew up, not only did kids know kids, but parents knew the parents. The kids socialized; the parents socialized. This seems much less so now, and I think it reflects how society has changed. But I digress.

nsshere has gone to a number of services and receptions; after each one I talk to her about what she liked and didn’t like. I’m pleased that this is reflecting the quality of the head on her shoulders; she has already written in her blog “I want a normal person party. My daddy isn't a fountain of cash, is he?” Smart girl, that one!

One thing that she always comments on first is the service, not the reception. She’s realized it is poor form when the celebrant is not well prepared, doesn’t know the trop, cannot lead the service. She also doesn’t like it when the celebrant has minimal involvement in the service. These observations are good things, for when her training begins in earnest (5/22, according to the letter we just received), they will push her into doing a good job. I think we’re also at a good congregation for involvement, for the clergy believes in (a) having the kid almost all of the service, and (b) making sure the kid does a good job and has a positive experience. I still wish Rabbi Sheryl was down here, for I loved her approach, but you can’t have everything (those of you in Sacramento: appreciate your gift).

One decision she’s growing to appreciate is our decision to hold the reception in the social hall. She’s been to receptions in hotels, at the LA Equestrian Center, at the LA Zoo. She’s been to some very ritzy ones, and I think she’s beginning to realize that the glitz isn’t everything. You also don’t need a crazy bus driver to take you from the sanctuary to the social hall!

So what does she want for the reception? A theatre theme. A lot of her friends (right now, our guest list is at around 115). She wants everyone to be served the same dinner (no kids meals), ideally from a temple member who has a catering business. She’s thinking middle-eastern: chicken, israeli salads, hummous, veggies, etc. She doesn’t want a loud DJ with stupid games and even louder suggestive music. She’s into showtunes and the Spice Girls, and is thinking of some form of karaoke or “American Idol” type of competition, with kids singing showtunes or Spice Girls. She also wants lots of Israeli dancing, and has talking about a zmirot session in the past (although I’m not sure this is current thinking). We’re already talking about designing our own “Playbill” style invitation--I don’t think she wants the fancy extra engraved ones. We’re still figuring out the other stuff.

So, why am I telling you this? I’d love to hear your experiences with this type of planning. What has worked for you? What hasn’t? How do you keep things centered in this era of excess?

[This is crossposted to cahwyguy and mlj_on_lj. Please note: Any LJ user can post on mlj_on_lj, subject to moderation. Only members of mlj_on_lj can respond to posts, so join today!]

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