Offbeat writing to tickle the mind and inspire the pen. (original) (raw)

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Death Eaters	[Apr. 6th, 2006|12:29 pm]Quirky HP Shorts
Just wanted to share this with the Quirky crew. Originally posted in my journal here. Pay attention. You never know when someone might admit that they aren't really a pure-blood, that they think the masks are quite gauche, or that in the privacy of their manor they like to roll around naked in piles of Toothflossing Stringmints.Be proactive. Death Eater meeting coming up? Make certain your robe is pressed, your mask is polished, and your flask is topped off with Ogden's Old well before the Revels begin. Dungeon full of Dark Magic naughtiness? A few extra steps, and any Auror investigating your home will find themselves in St. Mungo's with a head full of chicken feathers.Just don't get too proactive. The Dark Lord might not be appreciative if you kill Harry Potter and then wander into Headquarters saying, "Well, that was easy."Strategize. Obtaining a case of Ashwinder eggs might be beneficial to you in the short term, but think how much more you'll gain if you share your spoils. Snape might finally give you that Libido Booster potion you've always wanted.Prioritize. Muggle-baiting, herding giants, researching new hexes...a Death Eater's work is never done! But if you take the time to carefully list your goals, you'll figure out which ones need to be done first. Prioritizing will enable you to pick the best target when presented with a group of Order members. The werewolf? The Minister's secretary? You'll know, and be able to act. You don't want to be known as the flaky, indecisive Death Eater, do you?Be an effective team member. Learn how to cooperate with your fellow Death Eaters and turn their strengths to your advantage. After all, one Death Eater can't limbo all by herself. Know the individuals on your team, and keep a mental tally of their likes and dislikes. Bellatrix will assist you in any Muggle-stomping, but should you try to enlist her in your new pyramid scheme, she'll probably turn you into a slug. Need something heavy lifted? Lucius won't give you the time of day, but might let you borrow Goyle.Enrich your mind. Really effective Death Eaters are always working hard on their next objective. Researching Dark Magic, gathering information about new targets, practising new methods of avoiding Bellatrix when she's inebriated...you'll find that the path to learning is also the path to renewal. Spending even a little time reading about obscure defensive spells can pay off in the future when the Dark Lord realizes that you've been spiking the Death Eater punchbowl with Libido Booster.Keep your eye on the goal. If you approach each decision with your mind focused on your mission, you'll be able to see clearly the paths you need to take. Create your future one step at a time. In no time at all, Voldemort will be serving you.ETA: Icons! Here! Thank you, panders14!
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Challenge #13: Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spammity Spam	[Mar. 29th, 2006|06:29 pm]Quirky HP Shorts
Inspired by agatha_s...the Spam challenge!You can't avoid them...they're in your email box...spam emails! Everywhere! Promising genuine Rolex watches, prescription drugs, and...ahem.Let's come up with some Wizarding Spam! What do you think spam delivered by owl looks like? Tell us!Have fun!---The challenges never expire at Quirky! Have at them.( Previous challengesCollapse )
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Challenge #12: I'm Surrounded by Muggles!	[Nov. 11th, 2005|03:35 pm]Quirky HP Shorts
HBP was a big bummer for many Snape fans. So I thought a fun, quirky challenge would be right up our sleeves! Let's make Snape a good guy, just for a little while, until Book 7 comes out and we find out the truth.I had a lot of fun putting together the lists...hope you enjoy reading it, and if you feel inspired, bonus!Challenge #12: The ‘I’m Surrounded by Muggles!’ ChallengeTo help thwart a devious plot of Voldemort, Severus must spend a day in a Muggle environment. Office temp, car washer, lion tamer---whatever role he takes on will somehow stop Voldemort. Snape goes undercover into the Muggle world for a day to infiltrate a Muggle occupation and, in doing so, stop a lethal plan of Voldemort’s and protect the Muggles involved. Whatever occupation he takes on is up to you, and it is your job to make him as sexy---er, as realistic as possible in it. In the course of the day he will win friends, influence people, and put a monkey wrench in Voldemort’s machinations.Specs:-It must be at least 100 words and no more than 10,000-The central theme must be Snape working incognito in a Muggle occupation to head off a threat from Voldemort. Let's just assume that Snape has talked his way into a day off from the Death Eaters, shall we, and that he has time to accomplish this, incognito.-The occupation can be anything from dishwasher to Chiropractor, as long as it’s described.-Voldemort’s threat can be anything, but it must be clearly explained.-You must dress Snape in Muggle clothes, and describe them.You must include at least four of the following:( ListCollapse )You must include at least four of the following:( ListCollapse )Any rating is fine, and any genre is fineThis idea was inspired by the lovely lfire1, who shared an idea for an upcoming Snapefic with me and started the Challenge plot bunnies hopping.---The challenges never expire at Quirky! Have at them.( Previous challengesCollapse )
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Response to Quirky Challenge #9: A Limerick for Your Thoughts	[Nov. 8th, 2005|01:52 am]Quirky HP Shorts
[mood** |excited]Character:** an unknown wizard, Trevor, mugglesRating: PG - correct me, if I'm wrongWarnings: spoiler for PoAHet, Slash or Gen: gen most of it, although one line implies slashDescription: insights into 4 different lives - of a wizard, a toad, magical muggles, and the author tonight**( Read more...Collapse )**
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Stress Relief - Gen, R	[Oct. 2nd, 2005|12:37 am]Quirky HP Shorts
[mood** |innocent] [music**	They Might Be Giants - Birdhouse in your soul]Title: Stress ReliefWordcount: 1131Genre: GenRating: R for language and drug abuseSummary: Snape "borrows" Trevor for the sole purpose of obtaining the hallucinogenic secretions from his warts, then smoking them for a safe, legal high. Written for mctabby's 'Blame each other' challenge. Blame ellid for the prompt. I’m completely innocent.My sincere apologies to J.K. Rowling. I’m not making any money out of torturing her characters.( Read more...Collapse )
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Challenge #3: Useless Italian Phrases	[Sep. 21st, 2005|07:09 pm]Quirky HP Shorts
Crossposted to bellatwisted and the original thread.To Eat DeathMy cousins are always with me. But what do I care? There is a certain solace to death. A comfort in knowing that you continue, even when they won’t. There were no bodies, unlike the other deaths; the Veil took one and the other was obliterated in the fire of our master’s wrath. One too scared, one forever wrongheaded, what matter is it if their spirits look over my shoulder at every turn? I saw them die. I made them die. So, look on with me if you will, Regulus and Sirius. You will see what a real member of House Black in its glory can do.
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Spinner's End library!	[Sep. 21st, 2005|12:59 pm]Quirky HP Shorts
[mood** |good]Challenge #10: Come up with funny titles for the Spinner's End library!Rating: PG-13Warning:** None...except for a few terrible manglings of classic titles. ( Severus's BookshelfCollapse )
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