The Agents (original) (raw)

Episode 3 [Aug. 15th, 2004|01:40 am]Cory
~Somewhere between Texas and Arizona at an all night diner~Chimera: Alright… You going in with me, Bob?Bob: Sure…Bean Dip: What about me…?Chimera: Um… I think it’s best if you stay in the Jeep…Bob: Yeah…Walnut: *yelling from inside the glove box* YOU SONS OF BITCHES BETTER TAKE ME IN!!! I HATE IT IN HERE! LET ME OUT!!!Chimera: Let me think about it…Chimera: …Chimera: …Chimera: …Chimera: No…Chimera: Alright Bob, let’s go…Walnut: YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!!! YOU BETTER LET ME OUT!!! YOU’LL NEVER HEAR THE END OF THIS CHIMERA!!!!Chimera: Yeah…*Chimera and Bob walk into the Diner**Chimera walks up to a waitress*Chimera: Um… Excuse me madam… Can you tell me where I am…?Waitress: You’re in Halter county Arizona… In a little town called Pekoville…Bob: Sweet! We made it to Arizona… Bob: Now… Can we get some pancakes now? I’m hungry…Chimera: *takes off shoe and whacks Bob upside the face with it* Get yo ass in the car!Bob: Owww!!! What the hell was that for?Chimera: Well… I had a rock in my shoe… And I decided while I was taking it off to why not hit you in the face with it…Bob: Ahhh… Makes sense………………..I think…………Chimera: *glares at Bob*Bob: *walks off grumbling*Chimera: Sorry about that, madam… So… Can you tell me how far this is from Smithville? We are trying to get there…Waitress: You're about a good hour and a half from Smithville…Chimera: Ahh… Thanks for your help…Waitress: No problem…*Chimera walks out to the Jeep*Bob: So… Find out where we are?Chimera: Yup… It’ll take us about an hour and a half to get to Smithville. Then we gotta find X-212…Bean Dip: Was that waitress you talked to one of them fine little honnies…?Chimera: Um… Not exactly…Bean Dip: So you wouldn’t bang that?Chimera: …Bean Dip: She bagger, or a no bagger?Chimera: …Bean Dip: Huh, well, what is she?Chimera: SHUT THE HELL UP BEAN DIP!!!Bean Dip: Ok, ok… Geez dude…Bob: *stares at Chimera*Chimera: ….What…?Bob: You’ve got anger problems…Chimera: No… Walnut does…Walnut: DAMN RIGHT I DO!!! NOW LET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!Chimera: Alright, fine! But only if you quit yelling.Walnut: SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME OUT!!!*Chimera opens glove box and gets Walnut and stuffs him into his shirt pocket*Walnut: Finally! I’m out of that damn glove box! It smells like ranch dressing in there!!!Chimera: *looks at Bean Dip* What did you put in the glove box?Bean Dip: Um… I’ve got a salad in there I’ve been saving…*Chimera looks in glove box*Chimera: Ewwwwwwww! God! This thing’s rotten!!!Chimera: Damnit Bean Dip! Why do you have to be such an idiot?!?!Bean Dip: Because I’m cool like that, yo…Chimera: …Chimera: Alright… Let’s get on the road and get to going…Bob: Aye aye, Chimmers!Chimera: …Walnut: Yeah! Let’s hurry up and get this over with! I wanna get home! I got a wife and children to see!Chimera: How can you have a wife…? Walnuts can’t love… And How can you have kids…? You don’t have a penis?Walnut: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU! DON’T MAKE FUN OF MY LACK OF LIMBS YOU SON OF A---- *Chimera grabs Walnut and stuffs him in the glove box*Walnut: *from in the glove box* DAMN YOU! NOW I’M IN HERE WITH THIS FREAKING SALAD! IT STINKS! LET ME OUT, DAMNIT!!!!Chimera: Anyway… Ready to go, guys?Bean Dip: Onward…uh…sweet chariot!Bob: Yesssssssuh!Chimera: Alrighty…*Chimera starts up engine and pulls out of Diner*Cory Sly, Chimeradragon, © 2002 sega.com
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Episode 2 [Aug. 12th, 2004|05:04 pm]Cory
~Somewhere between Texas and Arizona~Chimera: So Bob, where are we?Bob: Zzzzzz…zzzzz…zzzzzz Chimera: Uh…Bob…?Bob: Zzzzzz…zzzzzzz…Chimera: Damnit Bob! Wake up!Bob: Huh…? Wha-what?Chimera: Wake up and tell me where we are!Bob: Damnit Chimera! I thought I told you that you were only to wake me up if there was a world apocalypse or if you wanted to sell me cheese logs!!!Chimera: …Bob: And I don’t see no meteors crashing or the earth quaking! So where’s my damn cheese logs?!?!Chimera: Uh… I…uh…Bean Dip ate them…Bob: Damnit Bean Dip!Chimera: They were the kind with the pecans on them… I didn’t think you’d want them anyway…Bob: Ahhh… But… Wouldn’t that be a Pecan Log?Chimera: But there’s more cheese than pecans… Because the pecans are on the cheese, you see…Bob: But why wold they call it a cheese log if it’s covered in Pecans… Because you can’t see the cheese if it’s covered in Pecans…Chimera: But that’s just it, see, when you bite into it you see the che-…WHY THE HELL ARE WE DISCUSSING CHEESE LOGS!!! DAMNIT!!! JUST TELL ME WHERE THE HELL WE ARE!!!Bob: And how would I go about doing that…?Chimera: There’s this little thing… Called a Map… It tells you where you are…Bob: A Map…? Oh… Yeah… That thing… I gave it to some homeless person back in town… He said he needed a blanket… So I gave him that because I didn’t have a blanket…Chimera: ……….. WHY YOU SORRY LITTLE SON OF A BI- *Walnut butts into the conversation*Walnut: DAMNIT! WOULD YOU GUYS KEEP IT DOWN! I’M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!!!Bean Dip: Yeah… And I’m trying to figure out the square root of 597…Chimera: Why do you want to know that, Bean Dip?Bean Dip: ‘Cause I got this piece of paper and it looks like there’s a square thingy, and then there’s this thing that says route… Then there’s a 597 beside it…Chimera: That looks like a map… Where did you get it?Bean Dip: Back in town from this guy, I told him I was homeless and I needed a blanket, genius, eh? It looks cool… But I don’t know what it is… Chimera: Uh… Did that guy happen to look a lot like Bob?Bean Dip: Hmm… Now that you mention it… He did kinda resemble Bob…Chimera: *mumbles to self* (Good Lord… Why did I have to be stuck with these idiots…?)Chimera: *snatches map from Bean Dip*Chimera: Hmmm… I’m not sure where we are… Bob: *snatches map from Chimera*Chimera: …Bob: Looks like we are between that line and that line…Chimera: *snatches map back* Ok… Here… Let’s just stop at this Diner and see if they can tell us where we are…Walnut: Hells yea! Maybe the have doughnuts! I want some doughnuts!Chimera: You’re a freaking walnut… How can you eat? Besides… A doughnut is bigger than you!Walnut: Shut the hell up! I May be small, but I’m damn sure bigger than your penis!Chimera: Shut up…Walnut: Ha! What’s a matter! You afraid of getting you’re ass kicked by a nut? Oh that’s right… Your ass and nuts go good together! Haha!Chimera: I’m sorry… But I just don’t feel threatened by a small talking walnut who has no legs or arms…Walnut: WHY YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH! I’VE TOLD YOU NOT TO MAKE FUN OF MY BIRTH DEFECT! I CAN’T HELP IT I WAS BORN WITHOUT LIMBS!Chimera: I didn’t know walnuts had arms and legs, or that they were even born for that matter...Walnut: LISTEN HERE YOU AS- *Chimera stuffs Walnut in the glove box*Walnut: *from inside the glove box* YOU’LL NEVER HEAR THE END OF THIS!!!Chimera: Anyway… Let’s go see if anyone at this Diner can tell us anything…Bob: Good idea…Bean Dip: Maybe they got whisky… I’ve been sober for almost 5 hours now! I can’t take this!Chimera: *sigh**Chimera pulls into the all night Diner*Cory Sly, Chimeradragon, © 2002 sega.com
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Episode 1 [Aug. 12th, 2004|05:03 pm]Cory
~A little town in North West Texas~Chimera: Alright Bob, you ready to go?Bob: Uh…Sure Chim… Where’s Bean Dip?Chimera: I’m guessing he’s at the bar. Where else would he be?Bob: Ahh… Good idea. Let’s check there.*Chimera, Bob, and Walnut head to the local bar*Chimera: There’s Bean Dip! Hmm… I wonder why he’s petting that turtle and shouting get off my ice cream truck…?Bob: Maybe all these years of drinking have finally taken they’re toile on him and he’s hit and all time low in drunken-ness…Chimera: Uh…sure…Walnut: THE HELL WITH ALL THIS TALK! JUST GET HIM AND LETS GET GOING!Chimera: Geez… Fine, I’ll go get him…*Chimera walks over to Bean Dip who is now chewing on a bar stool*Bar Tender: You know this man?Chimera: Yeah… I’m here to get him before he makes a bigger fool out of himself.Bar Tender: Good deal…Bean Dip: Howdy Chimmy! What ye here fer? Chimera: Well… See… You and I are kind of committed to that little job…Bean Dip: Oh yer! I remember that thingy! When’s it?Chimera: Uh… We are leaving in the morning… So come with us and sober up…Bean Dip: Aye aye, Chimmers!Chimera: Uh…yeah… Just shut up and come with me…Bean Dip: Ok Chim Chim!*Chimera grabs Bean Dip and they all head out the bar and into the alley*Bob: So… Now what?Walnut: I’LL TELL YA WHAT! WE GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS TOWN AND GET THE HELL ON THE ROAD!Chimera: Whadda ya say, Bob? Wanna leave now?Bob: I don’t care… What about Bean Dip Though…?Chimera: Eh… Just throw him in the back of the Jeep…Bob: Sounds like a plan…Walnut: DAMN RIGHT IT IS! NOW LET’S GET GOING YOU PANZIES!Bob: Why are you always angry, Walnut?Walnut: Because I have to stay in this idiot’s shirt pocket all the time!Chimera: Well… You don’t have any legs… Or arms… Where else am I supposed to put you?Walnut: SHUT UP CHIMERA! ALL YOU EVER DO IS PISS AND MOAN AND BITCH AND GRIPE ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!Chimera: Uh…yeah…*There is a long moment of silence among the four*Chimera: Yeah… Uh… How about we get going now?Bob: Good idea, Chims…Walnut: DAMN RIGHT IT IS!!!Bean Dip: Hahahahahahaha… Uh… I want a turkey sandwich… Hahahahahahaha…Chimera: Uh… Sure Bean Dip…*The four of them all get in the Jeep *Chimera: Alright… Time to head to Arizona…Bob: Hells yea! We going to Vegas!Chimera: Las Vegas is in Nevada you idiot…Bob: Shut the hell up… It’s the same difference…Chimera: *rolls eyes* Whatever you say…Bean Dip: Is there any booze in Arizona… Cause I’m getting’ a little on the thirsty side…Chimera: You just consumed a whole keg of Whiskey and now you want more…? I’m surprised you can even remember your own name…Bean Dip: Hey… I never said I could remember my name… Wait… I can’t remember my name… Hmm… What is my name…?Chimera: *slaps forehead* Alright… Leaving time…Walnut: I WANNA DRIVE! I WANNA DRIVE! LET ME DRIVE, DAMNIT!Chimera: No… You’re a freaking Walnut… You can’t drive… You have no arms and legs…Walnut: SHUT THE HELL UP CHIMERA! I’M A BETTER DRIVER THAN YOU!Chimera: Uh…sure…Bob: Both of you shut up! And get to driving, Chimera!Chimera: Geez… Fine… *mumbles to self* (See if I ever take a job with you three again)*Chimera starts engine up and they all drive off into the night*Cory Sly, Chimeradragon, © 2002 sega.com
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Prologue [Aug. 12th, 2004|05:02 pm]Cory
It is the year 2000, A special group of four have been assigned to a job in a remote location in the state of Arizona by the American Government to destroy an illegal weapons dump used by Canadian Armed Forces. Chimera was the leader of the group, and he was assigned to find 3 companions to accompany him and help him with this job. Unfortunately Chimera couldn’t find anyone sense able so he was stuck with a former Astronaut Named Bob O who claims in his former life was a monkey, a drunk sergeant who’s only know name to them is Bean Dip, and a talking Walnut with a short temper. The four companions set off on they’re assignment. And as the story begins we find our four companions in a little town in North West Texas.
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