Could you, please, check my essay and say if it.. - text for correction (proofreading) from user aksinja (original) (raw)
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Could you, please, check my essay and say if it is good for toefl, I mean in terms of size, structure, vocabulary, etc.
The topic is "Does television destroy communication among family and friends?
Some people think that television destroys communication among family and friends. In my opinion, they treat television negatively and don’t value all the advantages television gives to people. Now, I’d like to share my opinion and explain why I hold the view that television encourages communication among people.
First of all, television is not only a source of entertainment and relaxation but also an educational tool. A great number of useful programs can help us learn a lot of interesting facts and broaden our outlook. Television makes us familiar with miracle creatures living in the deep ocean, it gives us an opportunity to travel to various foreign countries and to learn their customs and traditions, peoples’ values and ways of life just sitting on the sofa and gazing at the screen. The knowledge we get from viewing TV programs encourages us to communicate with our friends to tell them what we have seen and learnt lately.
Secondly, television gives us many topics for discussion. A great deal of TV news provides up-to-the-minute information about what is happening in the world. Everyone has their own opinions and wants to discuss their viewpoints on the issue with other people. Their desire results in increasing communication.
Finally, many people use television to pursue their interests. For example, people who are fond of sports always watch sports competitions and sports news; those who like cooking spend all their free time watching cooking shows. That’s why if your friends and relatives have the same hobbies and interests as you have, you’ll find more in common and is more likely that you’ll spend more time communicating and sharing your interests.
I do not deny that undoubtedly television can influence people’s character, behavior and mood negatively and can destroy communication among friends and relatives, but its negative effect can be seen only in case when people are too addicted to TV. They spend days and nights staring at the TV screen, turning into “couch potatoes” and wasting their time on trifles instead of devoting it to dear family members and friends. Thus, my advice is as follows: not to become a victim of a TV-set you should limit the time of TV viewing and to be pickier in choosing what to watch and what to avoid watching.
Language: English Language Skills: Native speaker, Proficiency
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