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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded inStephanie Looong's LiveJournal:
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| Sunday, February 18th, 2007 | |
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| 5:36 pm | Alright- here goes. I'm going to potentially write in here regularly. Either here or in a real journal... I'm not sure if I like the fact people can read this or not... maybe I will get a real journal. Can I post pictures in here without a paid account?Anyway, be prepared, my "friends" this journal may contain a lot of bitching about my IBS. Because that's why I need to write in one in the first place I think. I just need to RANT! I woke up today hopeful that my system would straighten itself out after the crazyness that was yesterday but, not really. I still have zero appetite and feel like I'm carrying around a beach ball in my belly. I cried a lot- howled- about the illness itself (rather than a specific symptom) for maybe the first time since my October diagnosis. I just want to feel well, hungry, happy, ALIVE.On a positive note, I bought myself the shirt that was tempting me in Bungalo. It is so cool- bloody skull and crude poem that ends in a loud "KISS MY ASS"... it cracks me up because, correct me if I'm wrong, folks don't see me as a raging bloody skull kiss my ass kinda gal. It's just a wicked shirt in general- soft, long... On a bad note, I bought a pair of jeans that I proceeded to cut a bit short--- perhaps they'll be capris when summer roles around. I just hate buying pants now when my size always changes... but I need to buy pants or I will be permanently wearing too-tight-waists or leggings... and that just makes me feel chubby which clearly at my 110 lbs I should not... and am not (I realize this, kids, I don't need reminding). God bless leggings, seriously.We baked this morning like mo fos. Flat bread and muffins--- and Andrew made seitan burrito filling- sweeet. My muffins were a bit overly moist but for such an improv recipe GO ME I say...Despite the semi-optimistic tone of this journal, don't believe the hype, I have spent most of the day unmotivated to do shit and feeling angry/sad.Blue- like my new shirt. Current Mood:  depressed (Comment on this) |
| Saturday, September 30th, 2006 | |
| 1:06 pm | I really want to write in this more but I just usually feel so uninspired to do so- especially since a total of about 5 people actually read it- if that. I need more fake cyber friends- anyone want to hook me up? I am tired today in a great mellow way. I'm moving verrry slowly. I was babysitting last night til midnight but because I had tea'ed myself up to stay up later, I was all awake afterwards and couldn't sleep. Yet, reliably, woke up at 7. Thank you inner alarm clock of an 80 year old. Nannying is going well. Alex is just a great kid. Yes, its sometimes boring to play make-believe ALL the time but honestly, I compare it to most jobs I could be working right now while I'm finishing school and it is just fiiiine. I am gradually getting healthier, it seems, although my body just does not seem to want to hold any weight on. I feel better, anyway, and at least I have a diagnosis now- oddly comforting. It seems to really elicit understanding and sympathy in a way that "I just have been feeling sick on and off" never did... damn. okay, I need to give myself 15 minutes to pack up my shit for London because I am moving that slowly. Hooray for London and mom's food and my baby sister! Yeeeah! (Comment on this) |
| Monday, May 22nd, 2006 | |
| 7:44 pm | J`habite dans une petite ville! C`est tres froid tout les jours mais j`aime ma ``famillie``Today, after dinner, my French mom tried to say the Peter Piper tongue twister and it was the funniest thing... then we sang random sentences in French and eventually that turned into `what do you do with a drunken sailor`... I`ve been eating very very well-probably never better. We had a spinach salad with avocados and rasberry sauce and chick peas for dinner with a yummee barley soup. Livin the high life- its like having a health food store in my kitchen. J`adore la cuisine de Francoise! Elle est une bonne cuisineur! She even made vegan tortiere. I live with a couple of girls from BC- really nice and we have a lot of silly fun times chez nous. C`est cool.I miss some Toronto things though, bien sur. This small town life is a new one for me. Beucoup de magazins sont ferme Dimanche... nous avons un cinema, deux ou trois bars, a butcher a baker, and yes, we do have a candlestick maker- sort of- he makes candles, soap etc. Sadly we also have a wall-mart. Anyway, ca c`est mon update de Quebec. (Comment on this) |
| Monday, May 1st, 2006 | |
| 1:50 pm | I DIDN'T GET THE JOB.FUCK.BOOOOOO...So now my year next year is up in the air- and a whole lot poorer probably.Damn you fellowship department!!! (Comment on this) |
| Friday, April 28th, 2006 | |
| 3:12 pm | THE JOB- interview 3 of 3- starring Ms. Long I just had my final interview for a BIG job- BIG!!I'm freaking out.I made it this far in the trials and tribulations of interviewland so I know I should give myself a pat on the back- but... I want the JOOOOB damnit!Anything I think of to console myself in advance is just not really cutting it- it will suck if I don't get it. Suck suck suck.Anyway, I think the interview went pretty well. I didn't stammer too much or get too tongue tied... the downside is maybe I kept all my answers ridiculously brief but I didn't want to ramble on like in interview number 2. Also, it really all depends on how the OTHER candidates did, and, though I wish em the best, I kind of hope they were not so impressive. It was a big deal- those 10 minutes... I felt like I was on stage... BUT I had prepared and I definately didn't totally blow it.I could continue to ramble HERE but... I think I shall go pump some iron to take my mind off the crrrazy anticipation. Tonight I'm going to a ceremony in Scarborough honouring Dave- the old man I serve Breakfasts with on Sunday. YAH DAVE! Volunteer superman! I hope it is a short and sweet ceremony. I am longing for down time at the apartment!!! (1 Comment |Comment on this) |
| Friday, March 3rd, 2006 | |
| 3:52 pm | I have a brutal sore throat and am even more shivery than usual. Blaaah-The more I try to not bug everyone by continuing to talk about my health issues, the more I notice myself doing it. It's just on my brain I guess. I want some more white blood cells, man!Anyway, so that's a major thorne in my rosey weekend but, the rosiness will prevail... especially on Sunday when we sushi it up together- oh yeah. I am so excited. Avocado sushi all the way. Jacqueline is in town tonight and I would love to see her but I would also love to spend the night under my afghan in my pajamas with tea and a movie. I'm a sucker for those kind of nights in the winter.I may be working at Camp UofT this summer- just got offered a sweet sweet job there. It's so hard to not jump right into it- it's an 8 minute walk away, pays well, and sounds like fun. Alas, I had been really wanting to do that Quebec Explore program this summer but won't know about it for so long.Summer in the city- so tempting! Beer on our back porch, cottage weekends...anyone know of any other cheap ways I could learn French?xo (Comment on this) |
| Sunday, February 26th, 2006 | |
| 7:35 pm | Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah-that's the sound of my whining.Andrew is not here YET and I'm sooo hungry and exhausted. I am supposed to be going out with his family for dinner... but in my head, he was going to call me at 5 and we'd be chowin down by 6. Instead, he called about an hour ago and I'm still so far from a dinner table.And hunger makes me crabby.I have a job interview tomorrow and I really want to be well-rested for it which I am so completely not right now. I feel jetlagged only I have not been on a jet. whine whine whine.I hate waiting- especially for dinner.I have a new haircut and if I had technowonders like digital cameras and scanners and a brain that knew how to easily put photos on livejournal, you would be looking at it right now. I want to grow my hair- kind of- only I'm way too restless and just always want "something different" every cut- which usually involves a lot of snip snipping. my hunger turns to crabbiness, my crabbiness to rage- what the fuck is up with this? It does not take one hour to get from Pickering to Toronto!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAAAR! (1 Comment |Comment on this) |
| Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006 | |
| 4:38 pm | procrastination...so, its mine and Andrew's anniversary coming up and I'm trying to brainstorm good anniversary gifts... any (cheapo) ideas? An awesome valentines gift basically fell into my lap but I'm really stuck with this one... (Comment on this) |
| Friday, January 13th, 2006 | |
| 10:12 am | I am desperately waiting to receive to very very important e-mails. What the fuck, man? I wish people would be a tad more efficient on the replying to steph's important inquiries front.Do my e-mails have a "non-urgent-don't bother-keep her hanging" label I'm unaware of? Maaaan- so frustrating. Especially with my pseudo boss. I am working the election- woo hoo. I just remembered I still need to register as a voter. Gotta get on that.Today Robin, who slept over, asked if I'd lost weight and got treated to a 10 minute defensive rant on my part. It's just something I can't explain easily and always feel like people are accusing me of eating disorders when they ask. I am "trying" to gain weight but I don't want to just sit on my ass and eat cake or something. The whole "max out on good fats and protein" thing did nothing. I want to gain muscle so I don't have a flat bum and look all scrawny like. Anyway, at this point I'm more concerned with other medical issues and maybe everything ties together anyway. I just of course hope so much that I'm not sick in any big or scary way. The piano in this room is too loud. I don't enjoy it when people play because it sounds like hammering on my ears- violent.I think I am skipping knitting tonight. I was toying with the idea anyway and then I forgot my knitting at home so...something has to go in all these "things to do" once in a while.GRAD PHOTOS today... in my mom's blouse and my earring attached with sticky tac. Posing- weird... (1 Comment |Comment on this) |
| Thursday, December 22nd, 2005 | |
| 12:20 pm | This morning Andrew and I both randomly woke up at 5:45- wtf?And again at 6 something... not cool!I am sort of dragging today at the ROM. I just had a yummee curry quinoa concoction that brightened up my afternoon, though. Today I am going home to London at last for les holidays. My mom is making eggless egg nog. Her house is always so friggin cold but full of good cooking and my fuzzy dog Sam. Sam is so cute- he always has his hair pulled into halfhazard ponytails because he walks into walls if it hangs in his face. What a guy...We are going to try to make cinnamon buns tomorrow. I really hope they turn out. The last time we made them they turned into sticky doughy something that tasted good but would definately not impress my mom as a substitute for cinnabon.I hear a school group outside in the gallery. GO AWAAAAAAAY!I want the gallery to be empty so I can just peruse my favourite "Eye Witness" books and chill out. No such luck, it sounds like.By the way, supersprouts just up the street from us on Bathurst is wicked. Wicked wicked. Their raw bread is the shit. (Comment on this) |
| Thursday, December 15th, 2005 | |
| 4:39 pm | It's ironic that my name on here is "akidcalledsteph"- I really prefer to be called stephanie. When I am calledsteph, it is usally not by choice. Especially from my dad- who does it just to feel like we're buddies. I am sooooooooooooooooooooo fucking tired- just zoned out. I can't seem to sleep normally, my eyes hurt, I may be getting a cold... yeah, I will whine. Whine whine whine. Suck it down. I miss the guinea pigs. They are at my mom's house- livin the high life and getting spoiled. They rock- and their meeping is music to my kitchen. My sorel boots are so warm- so warm and so ugly. I want a new pair of winter boots. But boots are expensivo and I'll probably need quite the pretty penny to pay for hydro next month. My good news of the day is the Y paid me about twice what I expected. Thank you YMCA. Goals for the evening-finish my scarfwrap gifts.Merry Scottish Christmas, kids. That's right- Christmas with Andrew's dad is tomorrow. I am making red risotto- and a salad with avocado- red and green. Fuck yeah. I hope Dave doesn't think my gifts for him are really lame. We are having a partay soon- I hope everyone who reads this pens it in. I like foodie parties. You know what else I like? Almonds. I love almonds. I went to the Doctor in London- before they started attacking my veins in search of blood- and she gave me the thumbs up on veganism. She was very supportive and happy that I was livin la vegan loca (that so doesn't make sense...) up with my Doctor- hooray for Dr. Bryk. I saw the first floor of the ROM today- it looks sweeeeeeeet. Actually, it really does look pretty cool- nice couches. Museums need more couches- they can be overwhelming. Christopher Walken came to the Discovery Room the other day (Monday)- how cooool is that, man. I wish I'd been there. I wonder if he touched our canopic jar. Then I could tell people "Egyptians in 400 BCE AND Christopher Walken have touched this jar!". Andrew is at a SEGS shindig. I sort of went to it but then felt really unwelcome so I'm campin out in his office chair listening to loud students in the hall. As soon as he is back, we are going to Pickering- let the good times roll. (Comment on this) |
| Tuesday, December 13th, 2005 | |
| 5:35 pm | not home for the holidays I am looking for anything to do that isn't studying physics. It seemed yesterday that if I could only have internet access, I would accomplish so much but now- this is about all I'm accomplishing- updating my sorry neglected livejournal. Hmmm,... I just wrote a history exam which was TWO HOURS for FOUR QUESTIONS- it was a total blur but a relatively successful blur, I think- at least I finished the whole thing. I am excited to write my physics exam because it will be my last physics hurrah- my last math hurrah EVER I hope. And then on the 21st of December- I have to write about Gallileo for 3 hours. Then I will be done. Thank god. Exam time is weird- especially because our computer is down so we pretty much sit around the house studying and knitting (me) and making food. Or come to school and study or workout (me) and eat food. Booooring.I had a terrible traumatic experience yesterday during which various lab people attempted to take my blood and none succeeded. I would not produce. It sucked. Literally- hahaha. I don't know what to do- I guess studying physics is it. Lets get physical... (Comment on this) |
| Tuesday, December 6th, 2005 | |
| 4:12 pm | WOO HOO!Free time in the library... Free because it was unplanned- because my prof made class surpringly short. Man, this girl sitting accross from me has FANTASTIC HAIR. Wow- I have not seen that hair cut before but I think, with a little growing action, I could pull something of the kind off myself.I have a full belly. My belly has been giving me trouble lately- yes, I am announcing it to the cyberworld! I hope I am not sick in any big scary way.Ah, cyberworld. Despite the fact that it is nice right now to zone out in an endlessly stimulating cyberuniverse, I have major issues with internetting lately. All that stuff about the more globalized we get, the less in touch with our local environment we get. Fake friends, fake connection (ok so fake may be a harsh word but- fuck it- I feel harsh about aspects of livejournaling lately), so much time wasted under the illusion of community and connection. Shut in our houses, in our cubicles... afraid to reach out and touch people.OK, rant ends there. I know I'm guilty too.I like working out early in the morning. It makes me think of my mom who I always thought was crazy for enjoying the mornings but, in my old age of 23, I love em.I'm going to New York! But not for a while... I just can't wait. Broadway has been like my utopia since I was 4. Its weird that it actually exists.Last day of class cannot come soon enough! Last day of school probably can't either!I'm really psyched about next year- whatever joe job it may bring- I need a break from theory theory theory. I need to be more active in society instead of just deconstructing it all. My exams end on the 21st. That is a long way away. After New Years, I plan on having a party. SOmetime before the 9th or shortly after, probably. Current Mood:  listless (1 Comment |Comment on this) |
| Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005 | |
| 9:22 pm | Man, I sure am on the computer a whole lot...I really should spend more time on my real journal. I just seem to always be so exhausted at bedtime lately- I just want to crrrash. I went to my women under pressure thing today and realized that I am always quite negative there. Like I use it as a forum for venting or for self-pity or whatever. That is crap. I did have a really shitty time with my mom yesterday and she did make me feel that no matter how I look/ what I accomplish- I will still be doing something- probably numerous things wrong such that anything I complain about I obviously brought on myself so I should just shut the fuck up and eat a steak. BUT, then I came home to my guinea pigs and my lovely WARM apartment where I feel more at home than anywhere I've lived in Toronto and felt SOOO GOOD and so happy and I usually am a good-feeling girl. So I really cannot wallow in this woe stuff. My mom is in London and probably bitter and lonely and freezing her ass off in her frozen utility-conserving home. And I'm here and I'm doing quite well- going to go home and write some Christmas cards and do some knitting and slowly but surely morph into the grandma that I am inside- just for an evening. And maybe Andrew and I will play a board game or watch the L-word because we seem to be completely addicted to our burned cds and fuck man, that is the good life. I will not complain about that. I am amazed that I seem to have the paper-writing in a good, non-stressful swing. I don't love that Robarts 13th floor with its dry air sees so much of me but its a calm and quiet place and I make decent stuff up there.I have to go on a class trip tomorrow- seriously- and I really really don't want to. (1 Comment |Comment on this) |
| Monday, November 14th, 2005 | |
| 4:28 pm | OH the drama today...sooo... I finally told my mom about my bro or sis to be and she handled the news SO WELL! Oh my god, she's a changed woman. Honestly... she admitted to being a jealous, bitter, angry person in the past and says that she didn't like herself that way. Neither did I! Hooray for hope for the future?Still, it was dad's job to tell her and he chickened out and made me do it. Thanks dad- love being the middleman.SNEAKY DEES ON THURSDAY AGAIN! I THINK I can manage to not cave to the stress before then... there is just SO MUCH going on. Still, as usual, the insanity is motivational in a depressing way. Go papers go! I am going to post guinea pig pictures soon. I'm bad with posting so I may not. But I can e-mail them if anyone actually cares. Yeah, probably not... anyway, the pictures rock the world. It is a sunny day today... yah!I get to go to conference on Saturday. I am very excited because I can chill out and eat some free food and get paid and learn about leadership stuff--- cause I've become a leadership nerd. Go team.I have a parent info session to go to on Thursday and I suddenly feel like I am at risk of forgetting about it entirely. Damn, I had forgotten... (1 Comment |Comment on this) |
| Tuesday, November 1st, 2005 | |
| 7:52 pm | I'm hopefully adopting a new guinea pig on Thursday- we're going to go meet him and see what's up. Any name suggestions? (1 Comment |Comment on this) |
| Tuesday, October 4th, 2005 | |
| 2:40 pm | I should not allow myself to nap in the library... I am so zoned out right now. Sleep just feels so sweet sometimes. In our new bed, I am sandwiched between duvet and soft matress and it is a dreamy dreamy place.Adjusting to the school routine is weird. It takes so much self-discipline to DO WORK sometimes... I'm excited about this weekend- so excited. I love family sometimes. My family... Andrew's family... people you know so well are easy to judge and easily drive you crazy but in the end I always look forward to time with them. Wholesome good times at the cottage... and hanging out with the momster here in town on Friday. Yah mom. My poor mom- I can't believe Lucky and Horton bit the dust in the same week. I loved those guys. I cried so much over Horton it was nuts. Staring into the lonely cage and poor confused Mr. Baldwin. Now I have to stay awake through 2 hours of HPS- a challenge! Then 2 hours of history- less of a challenge but I will for sure look forward from emergin from school at 7... and going to... THE LIBRARY! Man, I sure know how to have fun on a Tuesday night... me and the 18thC Penn. Gazette- good times good times. (4 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Saturday, September 24th, 2005 | |
| 4:24 pm | My YLC job is awesome so far... just seriously, hanging out with those kids makes me realize how RIDICULOUSLY priveledged my highschool was! Grossly! BUT, they're generally a really nice bunch and I think it will be a fun year with em...I have developed a fondness for "Red Eye"s from Second Cup... a little weekend indulgence- goes well with my random nicotine indulgences... sigh... I am so frusterated with my tendancy to shrink sweatpants. Honestly, I have probably shrunk every pair of sweat pants I've ever bought to the point where they are too short and I risk exposing the kids I work with to some serious thong action. I don't dry them (Andrew wrecked a couple pairs that way)- but this time I carelessly warm water washed and tragically, this really wonderfully comfy pair of sweatpants are pretty much dead now... fuckin shrinkage...The discovery gallery is fun times- American tourists make me laugh sometimes. My stint in London was good... my mom is definately MUCH easier to handle lately and I actually enjoy talking with her again- I find we have so much in common even if I try to pretend otherwise. I had mixed feelings about ITW- but hanging out in Stratford was fun. (2 Comments |Comment on this) |
| Wednesday, September 21st, 2005 | |
| 2:06 pm | Finally today I feel I may not need an afternoon nap... I had the weirdest sleep patterns for a bit. Prior to Sunday, I was needing only 6 hours sleep- which is NOT like me- Miss 8 hours or bust. Then the past three days I've been like the walking dead... I actually fell right asleep during HPS yesterday- and trust me, I was working SO hard not to as I was in the front row and the prof was doing a great job. Plus I had a constant head ache and a sore throat threatening to rear its ugly head. ANyway, now I feel relatively normal... I'm wearing a short skirt that I some how left at my mom's all summer- it feels gooood- I wish the weather could just keep on being sunny.I'm going to my mom's sixtieth tomorrow- and I am strangely really excited about it. I think this has a lot to do with my mom's cooking- so fucking good! But it will also just be fun, hopefully... even though partying with grey haired women has never really appealed to me before. Then we're going to Stratford on Friday to see Into the Woods and gosh darnit I am so fucking excited for that. I love Mr. Sondheim and his brilliance. YAH INTO THE WOODS! Nerd alert...Ummm... our partay was fun times- I want to have another one someday soon- this time involving all three floors of our house.I start my ROM job tomorrow- I don't think I have to wear the giant "ask me" button til my second shift.Aaand, I start my paid job on Saturday half of which I am really psyched for- oh yeah youth leadership- and the other part- sportability- def. not so much. But it still will be fun, hopefully... beats a lot of other kinds of jobs I can think of. Now, folks, it's laundry time... I hope my new sweat pants don't shrink because I love em- they're so fuzzy on my legs.xxoo (1 Comment |Comment on this) |
| Monday, August 15th, 2005 | |
| 6:18 pm | weird mood- I just feel like wandering endlessly listening to music that I pretend has major relevance to my life...or sitting on our patio smoking cigarettes and staring at the Canada Life towerDinner time. (1 Comment |Comment on this) |
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