The Inner Thoughts of Cloud8 (original) (raw)

	[10 Feb 2022\|12:36pm]
I just want to scream, or cry or something. I'm fucking up, there is too much happening and it's causing me to fuck up more...I need to stop fucking hiding and just fucking live.
So, what do you think?

	[09 Jun 2020\|02:51pm]
I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm fighting for. Can I even blame the dashed hopes any longer? There are no goals. No expectations. Just the vague traces of things I'd thought I'd wanted, demarcating a path into a future that I no longer recognize nor want.It's pointless. It's all pointless. The lies don't fill me up anymore.
So, what do you think?

	[25 May 2020\|01:27pm]
I can't tell. The difference.Supportive, ppl are, but they speak of authenticity, purity.The real.But it's intentional blindness, if they can acknowledge tresspasses, then how can you possible be confident that you have not walked past any lines yourself.I can't tell.I can't tell, after all these years, what's okay and what's not. In a vacuum of confusing, contradictory stimuli, I can't tell. I don't know what's wrong or what's right. There's no way to tell. There's no fucking way to tell. I can't handle this confusion. I fucking can't. I'm trying to so fucking hard.But it's a joke.Just one big joke.
1 thought\| So, what do you think?

[25 May 2020|01:27pm]

I can't tell. The difference.Supportive, ppl are, but they speak of authenticity, purity.The real.But it's intentional blindness, if they can acknowledge tresspasses, then how can you possible be confident that you have not walked past any lines yourself.I can't tell.I can't tell, after all these years, what's okay and what's not. In a vacuum of confusing, contradictory stimuli, I can't tell. I don't know what's wrong or what's right. There's no way to tell. There's no fucking way to tell. I can't handle this confusion. I fucking can't. I'm trying to so fucking hard.But it's a joke.Just one big joke.

1 thought| So, what do you think?

	[30 Mar 2020\|03:40pm]
Why am I such shit?I thought I was better than all this.I just can't handle any of this.
So, what do you think?

	[26 Mar 2020\|07:25pm]
I was always the problem, ya know?However else you spin it.No matter the perspective.Regardless of the school of though.The leniency irrelevant.It's my fault that I continue...That I continue.
1 thought\| So, what do you think?

	[29 Feb 2020\|08:59pm]
No. No.I can't.How do people do this.I just feel so alone.Edit: it's only been a month since the last post. Is this never going to go away?
So, what do you think?

	[01 Dec 2019\|01:49am]
It's crushing, absolutely crushing, and without numbing myself with calories or liquor, I just feel the weight of the emptiness. The fact that I can slip so easily back and forth these days frustrate me; never in my life have I felt this truly emotionally erratic.I said that I was taking my life back, and here I am, in the loneliness of the night, alone.
So, what do you think?

Of growing pains.	[30 Nov 2019\|12:46pm]
I just want to eat. Just want to drink. Just so angry. So sad. Yet, I am so utterly over (much of) it. The agency in my hands, the power I'm taking back...it's in me. But the pain remains.
So, what do you think?

	[28 Nov 2019\|10:21pm]
I've abandoned consistency and coherence to uncover truth from within the unending flux. I'd never intended my heart to beat freely. But I am thankful for the rhythm.
So, what do you think?

	[19 Nov 2019\|09:39am]
I did let go. I will not have been there for you, always. And if that's the case, what does all this present hesitation mean. What sinilarities can I draw?
So, what do you think?

Outsi..	[18 Nov 2019\|10:36pm]
"They're all going to leave you, you know.""I do.""Then why? Do you believe what youre told? That it's best if you stay this way, true to yourself?""No. Its all better, for everyone else. For anyone, who for a fleeting moment, needed to know that a person like me existed.""So what will you do?""...""What stops you from leaving them first?""I don't know. Fear perhaps. Fear that im giving up too quickly?""Don't you think, that maybe you already have?""Please, stop.""You're fooling no one but yourself.""Please.""Take your life back."
So, what do you think?

Outsi..

[18 Nov 2019|10:36pm]

"They're all going to leave you, you know.""I do.""Then why? Do you believe what youre told? That it's best if you stay this way, true to yourself?""No. Its all better, for everyone else. For anyone, who for a fleeting moment, needed to know that a person like me existed.""So what will you do?""...""What stops you from leaving them first?""I don't know. Fear perhaps. Fear that im giving up too quickly?""Don't you think, that maybe you already have?""Please, stop.""You're fooling no one but yourself.""Please.""Take your life back."

So, what do you think?

Alone	[18 Nov 2019\|09:59pm]
I feel alone, as though I wasn't meant to be born in this place: wavelength misaligned, intention benign, the futility of which simply illustrates a design where we stand tragically, waiting.
So, what do you think?

	[10 Nov 2019\|04:51pm]
Sometimes I like to think that that if I scream loud enough, someone will hear.
So, what do you think?

	[03 Aug 2019\|01:43pm]
19 years later. I still don't feel confident that I know what love is. As time passes, it seems like everyone else does.I'm so exhausted with feeling so broken. Feeling like everyone's making something out of themself. And here I am. I had the cards. I have a good life.But it all seems so pointless. What am I even doing here.
3 thoughts\| So, what do you think?

navigation
[ viewing \| most recent entries ] [ go	earlier ]